by Mj Fields
“Wait, what?” She laughs. “We use public bathrooms together, stall by stall, and you’re gonna mute me?”
“True.” I shove down my pants and undies, then hover over the toilet.
“So, are you two …?” She waits for me to reply.
“Friends,” I answer.
“Really, ’cause you’ve never stayed two nights in a row anywhere,” she remarks with a little bent-nosed tone.
“I’ll stay tonight with you.” I wipe and flush the toilet.
“You promise?”
“Wait, what day is it?”
She snickers. “It’s Sunday.”
“Right, new job tomorrow.”
“Weekends off.” She seems more excited than me.
“Except for the per diem hours I pick up,” I remind her as I towel off my hands and walk to the door. “If I wanna buy a house, I need a fat down payment.”
“Keanna!” River yells as he runs in from the deck. “We’ve got a fucking problem!”
He throws a sweatshirt at me and grabs one for himself.
“What is it? Tink?”
“Yeah, I’m gonna kill the motherfucker!”
“What’s happening?” Natasha asks, practically screaming in my ear.
“Call you back!” I toss the phone and pull the sweatshirt on.
“I’m gonna kill you, fucker!” I hear River’s voice boom, and I run outside.
I run down the beach toward River, not seeing Tink.
“Get your fucking dog, you stupid fuck!” he yells at a man with a cane.
“River! No!” When I get closer, I can see around River. “Oh, my god!”
“Brando, come!” the older man calls his dog.
I start to run toward them, but River grabs the back of my shirt.
“You don’t wanna get between that.”
“Tink!” I yell as I fight to pull away from him. He wraps an arm around my waist, pulls me tight, and lifts me up as I fight to get loose.
“How many fucking times have I told you that fucking asshole dog needs to be on a leash?”
“How many times have I told you he’s my seeing eye dog?!” the man yells back at River.
“You are really damn lucky she’s here, or I would bust that fucking cane over your damn head. I mean, for fuck’s sake, if your ass was blind enough to depend on a dog to lead you, you’d be balls deep in Tink right now.”
“River!” I yell at him.
“What fucking guy drives a car yet needs a seeing eye dog? The fucking thing shits all over the beach, and his royal blindness leaves those logs everywhere.”
“How dare you talk about my disability like that.”
“Oh, fuck you,” River snaps at him.
I hear hysterical laughter coming down the beach from behind us.
“Fucking Memphis,” River grumbles, turning around and finally letting my feet touch the ground. As soon as he lets go, I run to Tink. “Goddammit, Keanna.”
I grab Tink’s collar and pull her. “Come on, Tinker Bell!”
The white German Shepard snarls and snaps at me.
“Fuck you! Fuck you … you … bastard! You bite me, and I will bite you back.”
River grabs ahold of him and yanks him back. “The fuck?”
Through his hysterical laughter, Memphis says, “No use, man. They’re stuck!”
“They’re what?!” I yell at him.
“Sorry, Keanna, but it’s called tying or knotting or something.” He covers his mouth, trying to contain his laughter. “Until he’s done, they’re stuck. Not a damn thing you can do about it.”
“Oh, my god.” I cover my face.
“You serious?” River snaps at him.
“Serious as shit, man. It can kill a dog to tear them apart, so don’t do it,” Memphis informs, trying to hide his grin. “Happened to our dog growing up, right on the front lawn.”
River steps back and starts to storm toward the old man. He pushes his finger within inches of his face. “That fucking dog hurts Tink, and I will shoot him, then poke your motherfucking eyes out, make sure you can’t see. Then you’ll get a real fucking guide dog and not a rapist, fecalpheliac—”
“River!” I yell as I make my way toward him and grab his elbow. “Don’t. Just don’t.”
“Fucking worthless, motherfucking, lying, cesspool sucking, bottom feeding—”
“River!” I scream in his face. “Enough!”
He looks at me, veins bulging out of his neck. He is red, so red. His eyes are cloudy, and his hand shakes. The rage inside him comes from a place deeper than an old man and the pervert dog.
I grab his hand and hold it tightly. “There is nothing we can do.”
His jaw clenches, and its muscles pop out as he scowls at me.
“There is nothing we can do,” I repeat.
I can’t bear to watch him anymore. I can’t handle the fact that there is nothing I can do about Tinker Bell without causing more harm than good, so I turn away from him and walk away.
I don’t get far before Billy reaches out and grabs my hand. “Sorry, Keanna.”
I nod and walk toward the water.
“You pissed at me?” I hear River yell from behind me.
I close my eyes and shake my head as I hear him getting closer and closer.
“I’ll rip him apart.”
“I don’t doubt you would,” I say as he stands in front of me, pulls the hood up over my head, and holds both sides while looking into my eyes.
“If you asked me to, I would. If Tink asked me to, I would.”
I nod.
“I’m fucking this friendship up pretty badly, huh?” he asks as he strokes his thumb over my scrapes.
“No, River, you’re not.”
“I got your dog high.”
“My dog got herself high, and clearly she was fine this morning,” I say, not only to put things in perspective for him, but to remind myself not to put blame on him. Hell, I left her here.
“I was watching over her when she got fucking nailed by the shit-bag.” He stops, and his jaw starts flexing again.
I reach around his hands that are still gripping the hood of the sweatshirt I’m wearing and pull his hood up. I look at him as intensely as he’s looking at me and say, “I let her out. You were worried about me being cold.”
His eyes narrow. “Yeah, I was, wasn’t I?”
I nod. “You’re a good guy, River.”
“Don’t kid yourself, Keanna. I’m just a drummer.”
I smile as he pulls me closer to him.
“Now, today is my fucking birthday, and you’re spending it with me.”
“Is that so?”
“It is.”
I let go of him because my hands are freezing. I shove them in the front pocket of the hoodie, and then he pulls me into a hug.
“I do have a request, though.”
“What’s that?” I ask as I breathe in his scent and take in his warmth.
“Don’t get too close with Billy. He is the only single one here besides me, and he’s a friend, so I wouldn’t want to have to kick his ass.”
“Yeah, okay.”
He is quiet as he rubs his hands up and down my back, keeping me warm as his chin rests on my head.
“And that’s a wrap.” I hear Memphis hoot. “Come on, you little whore. One night with STD and you get all fucked up and laid. I bet your momma won’t want you to hang out with us too much.”
Keanna is in the shower. She wanted to leave and get some clothes and shit, but somehow, I convinced her to stay, giving her a long-sleeved STD T-shirt and a pair of jogging pants. She tried to argue that my friends would think she didn’t own any clothes, and I tried to convince her that she shouldn’t.
When she comes out of the bathroom, it’s obvious she found a pair of scissors because the shirt’s collar is gone, and the shirt is hanging off her shoulder, exposing her black bra strap.
When she asks for a bag to put her dirty clothes in, I grab one and come back in, hold
ing it open and watching as she drops her clothes from last night into it.
“Are you commando right now?” I ask after seeing the lacey, little black bootie shorts drop in.
She rolls her eyes and just shakes her head.
“You know, for the rest of the day, I’m gonna be hard as hell now, right?”
She slaps my chest before taking the bag and dropping it by the bedroom door.
“You coming?” she asks as she opens the door.
“I could be,” I grumble. “I’m gonna take a shower. You should go out and make sure Tink doesn’t tear anyone apart. Although, I’m not gonna lie; she looks a hell of a lot more relaxed than she did yesterday.”
“I bet she is.” Then she walks out.
In the bathroom, I stand in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection and looking for the “I don’t care” in my eyes. I don’t see it. I’m not sure I want to. Being present isn’t so bad. Christ, what is she doing to me?
I have always been intrigued by strong women. I can safely assume it’s because of the lack of knowing any for most of my life. First, my mother, then Jesse and then every groupie who gave it up eagerly to get my attention, which is not at all as appealing as it may seem.
Keanna scares the hell out of me. She’s strong, yet vulnerable and soft. She’s seen shit that no one else has, yet she is still here.
I briefly question her sanity and then chuckle at myself. Who the fuck am I to question anything?
I’m just a drummer.
But before that, I was far worse off than I am now.
I hold my hand up and look at the scars, then make a fist, a tight fist, and swivel my wrist. It’s tight, but after Keanna was messing with it last night, it felt looser, better.
I look at my eyes. They’re clear, and so is my head for the first time in years.
I’m undecided whether I like it or hate it.
When I walk out of the bathroom, Keanna is back in my room, sitting on the floor next to Tink and petting her with one hand while flipping through her phone with the other.
“She okay?” I ask as I pull some clothes out of the dresser.
“She’s fine, I guess. I just hope she didn’t get …” She pauses and shakes her head.
“Get what?” I ask as I step into my jeans.
“Pregnant,” she answers, closing her eyes and resting her head against the wall.
“Oh, shit, I never even thought about that.” I throw my shirt on and sit on the other side of Tink.
“Neither did I, but Natasha did. Now I’m stressing.”
“Don’t they have the morning after pills for dogs?” I ask.
She looks over at me. “She is only a year old. I should have gotten her fixed. I just didn’t think about it. And no, I’m not giving her any more drugs.”
There is a knock on the door, and it opens.
“Timer thing is going off,” Billy informs.
“Thank you.” Keanna pushes up off the floor. “You wanna come out, Tink?”
She pushes up on all fours and follows Keanna.
I stand up and follow them to the kitchen where Keanna bends over to open the oven, taking out something … a fucking cake. She sets it on the counter, then looks up at me.
I can’t help smiling as I point to myself.
“Hope you like chocolate.”
“Fucking love chocolate.” I lick my lips and wag my eyebrows at her.
She smiles and shakes her head, something she only seems to do at me.
“Frosting preference?”
“Your cum,” I answer honestly.
She looks around, then looks relieved that no one heard me.
“What?”
“What?” she mocks, shaking her head once again. “Can I get a real answer?”
“I fucking love chocolate.”
She nods, taking a deep breath. “Why don’t you go and hang out with your friends and let me see what I can find in this big, old kitchen that clearly doesn’t get used enough.”
“Tales is coming over soon,” Memphis shouts over. “If you need anything, she’ll grab it.” He stops and grins widely. “We’re having fucking cake, man!”
“I can run to the store. I want to make you dinner.”
“I wanna make you my dinner,” I tell her, letting her know I’m a starving man.
She points to the cake. “This—” The oven alarm goes off again, and she opens it up before pulling out another cake. This one is a yellow cake. She sets it on a plate, then wipes her hands off. “I need to go to the store.”
I stand up off the stool. “I’ll go with you.”
“No. Go and relax with your friends.”
“I like my newest friend better.” I pout, but she looks determined. I sigh, pouting my lip out even more. “Take my ride, then.”
“The blowjob mobile?” she sneers, walking toward the door.
“My. New. Ride.” I grab the keys off the hook and throw on a pair of shoes. “I’ll start her up for you.”
“I can take mine.”
“It’s my birthday. I want you to drive my—”
“Ride. Yeah, sure.”
*****
After she leaves, I sit on the couch, and Billy and Memphis stop talking and stare at me. I try to ignore it and call to Tink, who sits at my feet and looks up at me.
“Fuck,” I whisper, wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I pull her head on my lap and lean back.
“What’s going on with you, man?” Memphis chuckles. “You’ve got a girl, a kid”—he points to Tink—”and do I hear wedding bells?”
Before I have a chance to answer, the gates of Hell open via the front door, and in blows Finn.
“Am I late?” He stomps his feet off, then walks over, plopping down on the couch opposite me.
“No, man, we haven’t started yet,” Billy says, pulling out his nerd pad, and sits back. “We have a tour schedule.”
I start to stand, but Memphis clamps his paw on my leg. “You need to stay for this. It’s our band, all four of us.”
Finn's eyes lock on mine.
“What?” I bark.
“When are you gonna grow the hell up?” he snaps back.
“I don’t know, oh, bearded wonder, maybe when I get a girl knocked up and have to.”
“You motherfucker!” he snarls.
“Okay. Enough!” Billy yells. “You two need to fix this shit. Leave the past behind for the sake of this band.”
I look at Billy and Memphis. “I say you stick with replacement sticks.”
“Not the same,” Finn grumbles, and I look at him. “He’s good, but for the sake of the band, I’m willing to move forward.”
“Just move forward.” I chuckle darkly.
“Look, someone pointed out to me that—”
“Sonya,” I interject.
“Yes, fucking Sonya,” he snaps.
“So this is all for her? Nothing about the fact that I hid it all, marinated in the hell of knowing, and—”
“Don’t wanna discuss it, River; you hear me? I’m moving forward. If you wanna continue soaking up the poison, feel free. I have a family now, a future, and—”
“I’m not saying I’m ready to come back, but if I have to sit through this, I don’t wanna hear his fucking mouth.”
“Bottom line, man,” Memphis starts, looking at me, “you had enough love and respect for him to keep it all to yourself. It was your choice to do that. This is just a phase, so let’s breeze past it. Everything will work out just fine.”
A fucking phase, I think to myself.
The door opens, and X and Taelyn walk in.
“Sorry we’re late. The roads were atrocious,” Taelyn says as Xavier bends down to help her take off her boots. “Happy birthday, River!”
She steps out of both boots, then comes over and gives me a hug, handing me an envelope. She stands back, smiling from ear to ear.
“Come on; open it!”
I open the envelope and see the tour schedule. I look
up at her and just stare.
“It’s time.”
I look at the guys, who are all looking at me.
“We need you; you need us. Let’s go rock them the only way STD can … with MFRB.”
I look at Memphis, confused.
He explains, “Memphis, Finn, River, and Billy.”
Xavier sits down next to me. “No other way. Your band brothers know it and so do you.”
“You fuckers ambushed me via Taelyn on my birthday.”
“Hell yes, we did.” Memphis smirks. “We need the double peddle, peddler, the high hat humping, tom-tom tapping, fucking maniac with us.”
I can’t help chuckling at Memphis’s asinine way with words. “I’m just a drummer, man. I’m just a drummer.”
“There’s something else in there,” Taelyn redirects me to the envelope.
“More birthday joy?” I reply, rolling my eyes. I pull out a plane ticket to LA.
“We’re going to California, leaving tomorrow, to make our very first STD video.”
“You serious?” I ask.
“Hell yes, she’s serious.” Xavier grins widely. “We should’ve done that from day one, but shit happened so fast.”
“Okay,” I answer, and the whole room falls silent. “Give me a minute.”
I stand up and walk into my room.
“Happy fucking birthday,” I say to myself as I open the nightstand drawer and pull out the can. I pack it up and sit on the end of my bed, then hit the can twice before I feel the calm I crave.
Finn walks in my room and shuts the door behind him.
“Shit needs to stop, River.”
“What?” I hit the can again.
“I’m not gonna pretend to know what the fuck goes on in your head, but Sonya said some shit that made sense, and I know you lost her, too.”
“Easy for you, isn’t it?”
“Nothing was fucking easy about Jesse. Nothing was easy about watching her get fucked up and looking completely empty and then trying to bring her back to reality.”
“Maybe her reality was not something she could face, Finn. Maybe she needed to forget about her fucked up life. Maybe, instead of trying to fix her, you shouldn’t have promised her she would be fucking fine. You should have tried to understand why the fuck she wasn’t. Maybe, just maybe, her past, her pain needed to be totally forgotten in order for her to be happy.”
