Does she love him? Does she long for him?
They're things I shouldn't think, shouldn't care to even consider. But as the liquor warms my veins. I can't control where my mind wonders.
Including wondering what Whitley would look like beneath her dress. Wondering what it would feel like to have her hands against my body. For her to want me back.
She asked if drinking rum up here was a good idea. The answer, I realize now, should have been no. But not because of safety. But for the sake of self-control.
My stomach twists as I finally think the words: I want her.
My arms ache to wrap around her. My fingers long to pull her face to mine. My lips groan to touch hers.
I can't deny it any longer— that there must have been something to the prophecy.
This is the girl I'm supposed to fall in love with.
And it just makes her that much more dangerous, because that's only the start of a very bad, very ugly path for both of us. The prophecy cannot come true.
Whitley turns to me, her eyes blazing. The blue in her eyes dances against the starlight like the waves below. I'm being pulled in.
I turn away, quickly and hide the wince of pain as I do.
I can practically feel her disappointment as her shoulders sag and she turns back to the sea, but I thank the heavens when she doesn't push. She doesn't try to get my attention again.
Because I don’t know if I could resist a second time.
I pull out an old woolen blanket and offer it to her. We sit on the floor of the crow's nest, both of our shoulders wrapped in the blanket, but no words pass between us.
Good, because I don't know what I would say to her. Every ounce of my energy is devoted to resisting the urge to kiss her.
She shivers, so I allow my arm to very carefully wrap itself around her waist. She leans her head into the crook of my neck.
The warm feeling stirring in my chest has nothing to do with the rum, I realize.
As she sits safely in my warm embrace, eyes drifting shut, my mind spins in the silence. I want to rouse her, to pull her closer, to tell her how much I want her. Because I can feel how much she wants me too... but she won't act on it.
So I use that to my advantage. I work to control my body and the rum and my heart all at the same time, and my mind manages to hatch a plan. Whitley's one thing she'd regret not experiencing was the crow's nest. Mine is her.
But that's dangerous, because one moment, one kiss, letting go just once, could lead to so much more. What if she wants more? What if she wants me the way I want her? Could I let her go then? Would she refuse to marry Jeb?
Part of me hopes that she would. The other won't even consider. Because that would be disastrous.
Perhaps, though, there’s a way to do it safely. To feel the kind of desire that leads to love, without allowing myself to actually follow it through.
It's enough to convince that longing, the pull within me, to settle. Just a few more hours and it will be safe to give in to the desire. To kiss her, just once before she leaves the sea, and me, forever.
Whitley
Harsh and discomforting sounds rouse me from an awkward sleep: men barking out orders, sea gulls squawking above, and a distant fog horn.
My neck is stiff as I pull my body out of its weird cocooned position on the hard, wooden floor. My eyes are dry and resist opening to the bright sun beating down on me.
I look around, realizing several things at once. I'm still in the crow's nest. We are in the process of docking, which means we made it to New York. Bluff is not here.
After a moment to collect my thoughts, I begin my climb down the ladder to the main deck to seek out Bluff. I clench my jaw at the thought, because I must say goodbye. It’s time for me to go and I’m not certain I want to.
Back on the main deck there are a few pirates rushing around here or there. I notice a new tailored jacket or a fresh shave on a few of the pirates bustling to get us docked. The most marked men—like the one they call Ink with tattoos over every inch, or Lucky Seven who’s missing several fingers—have made themselves scarce.
Bluff is also nowhere to be seen, however. I’m at a loss as to where I’d find him. Standing here awkwardly doesn’t seem a good plan, so I settle for a trip into the captain’s quarters.
Tapping my knuckles on the solid wooden door, my heart throbs. Palms sweating. This should be the easy part. It’s not. Preparing to leave this ship, where I am realistically unsafe and unsure, feels very much like losing a piece of myself. A piece of my freedom.
“Come in,” a gentle voice calls.
I push the door open and blink back the sight of a very beautiful and put together Rosemera. “Wow,” I say. “You look wonderful.”
She beams. Her hair is pinned back under a beige bonnet and red satin dress hugs her curves. “Thank you. This port is fairly perilous, so I must play the part. My other option is to dress as a sailor boy, but this is infinitely more fun.”
“Where did you get them? The clothes?”
“Oh, I stockpile lovely clothing. The men would simply throw them out, but I steal and save them.” She winks.
“You look much better than I do,” I tell her with a smile, noting my rat’s nest of hair.
“Oh! Here, I have just the thing.”
She rummages in a bin in the corner and comes out with another bonnet. “Hide it. No one will know.”
“That’s wonderful!”
She helps me wrap my hair up beneath the bonnet and tie it on.
“There. Much better.” She smiles. “Now perhaps fix the lump under that skirt of yours.”
I blink and look down. I laugh as I realize the knot I tied in my chemise pushes the outside layer out in a strange way. Awkwardly, I manage to pull the knot undone and brush the skirt down.
“Very good.” She winks again. “I must go and make nice with the port authorities. We were able to send off a message to your fiancé, by the way. We were caught a bit by surprise as we entered the bay with a patrol ship. Bluff aided in smoothing that situation over, and they sent on a message. It shouldn’t be long after docking that you’ll be taken care of.”
I slept through all that? “Thank you,” I manage through a dry throat. “Where is he now? Bluff?”
“I’m not sure,” she says, her smile fading. “I’ll send him to you if I pass him.”
I nod but say nothing more. She sweeps from the room with a surprising grace, and I’m left there alone, head spinning.
Jeb will be here soon. Sooner than I thought. I peer out the window, unready to face the next chapter of my journey. It’s only a few moments later that the door swings open again.
I spin to meet a familiar boy with large hands, broad shoulders, and dark but well-kept hair.
“Jeb?” I ask. Rosemera just said it wouldn’t be long, but this quickly? How? Was he already at the port on some business?
My mind spins.
I should be happy to see him. It's been over a week now, since I was pulled from my cozy future with this boy. He's the safety I've been working towards. And yet, my whole body goes cold at the sight of him.
I don't have time to consider these feelings, because before I can even get another word out, he approaches. I gasp and step away until my back is pressed against the wall, and his chest is a mere breadth from mine.
He stops, heavy breaths pressing on me. The closeness has air escaping my lungs.
I've never kissed Jeb. He's supposed to be my husband, and I knew that would be part of the deal, and I've even thought about it before. But right now, it's not Jeb's lips I want.
"I've missed you," he says breathlessly. Intense expression I've never heard from him. Jeb is not very emotional. He’s kind but stiff. This is... different.
Passion. Desire. Desperation. It radiates off of him.
My mind spins so fast I feel dizzy. He doesn’t move in to kiss me—yet. There’s a sizzle in the air around him. A spark.
And I realize—this isn't Jeb.
I don't know what it means. Why Bluff would come to me as Jeb? Perhaps to save my reputation now that we’re in a place where that matters? But in that instant, I do not care. He’s here, and I want him. I’m not supposed to, and I’m terrified that even one word would rip the moment from me.
So before that can happen, I close the distance between us, pressing my lips against his fiercely. He groans roughly and opens his mouth to deepen our kiss. His tongue reaches mine, and my hand finds his hair, pulling him in tighter.
I'm so lost in the moment that when he finally pulls away and I open my eyes, I’m shocked that it's Jeb's body in front of me. Not Bluff's.
I don't for a second doubt who it is beneath the lie of the skin and clothing, but it's still a foreign sight.
There is pain in his eyes as he looks into mine before fleeing from the room. "My men will be here to gather your things and take you home," he says, just as he pulls the door closed behind him.
"Wait," I stammer out, rushing after him.
Does he think I don’t know? My chest tightens. Does he think that desire, was for Jeb, not him?
Was it some kind of test?
And did I pass or fail?
A sailor in clean blue clothes with golden buttons stands just outside the door as I fling it open. I stop, breathing heavy. I move around him, searching the ship for any sight of him.
Where did you go? I don’t dare ask aloud, but my heart screams for him.
"Come, miss. We have a carriage ready for you," the sailor says, motioning towards the dock and street beyond. I blink, spying a clean carriage with a footman standing at the ready to sweep me away from this dirty ship and toward my ivory tower and clean future in downtown, high society Manhattan.
No. No I’m not ready yet. I have to talk to him. At least let me say a proper goodbye, I silently beg. "Not yet," I say boldly.
His eyebrows pull down.
I pause. "I... must take a moment to thank my rescuers."
"Of course," he says flatly. “They let you stay in the captain’s quarters, did they? That’s quite gracious of them. Though fortunate, I suppose— this lot doesn't seem the most above-board crew. For a lady to sail on this ship..." He shakes his head.
"Beggars can't be choosers, sir,” I say, keeping my head up. "They did save me."
He nods. "We'd heard about the pirate raid. A shame. For a moment, when this ship docked, we'd thought they were pirates themselves, here to ransom you. Of course, that would have been foolish. No ship would escape this harbor once accused of crimes as heinous as pirating or kidnapping.”
I blink, realizing the risk the crew must have taken to get me here. If the New York officers realize they’re pirates, it’s their necks on the line. Literally.
"A disorderly lot as I’ve ever seen, but when they offered you up, safe and uninjured, with no request for money at all... well, we didn't look much further into the matter."
There is still no sign of Bluff anywhere. Did he flee the ship? Change into another form so I wouldn’t find him? The captain and Rosemera stand at the helm, chatting with a set of sailors and an officer. Captain Taj has conveniently lost a few piercings and is dressed in a tailored jacket with golden buttons. He’s still intimidating in appearance, but less so with the lovely Rosemera laughing delightedly beside him.
"You are alright, miss, aren't you?" the sailor leans in to whisper in my ear.
"Yes. Yes, of course. It wasn't the most luxurious trip of my time, but I was treated well enough."
He gives a sharp nod. "Good, good."
Rosemera smiles jovially as I join her at the helm.
"Here comes our welcomed guest now!" she says with a fake British accent. I smile in return.
"Thank you so much, Lady Rose," I say, going along with her ruse. Then I pull her in and whisper in her ear. "Where is Bluff?"
Her face folds into a quick grimace. "Gone. And you should be on your way, miss. We mustn't linger."
There is much beneath her words. Either Bluff doesn't want to see me, or they all realize I shouldn't be seen with him. The gossip would be rampant if I were to be seen with an attractive sailor boy, even just to give him a farewell. I must get on with my new... old... life.
"Will you tell him..."
She raises her eyebrows.
"Goodbye."
Rosemera nods slowly, a sad look crossing her face. "Perhaps we'll see each other again."
My heart throbs, beating faster. "I would be happy to have you at any of my balls. You're welcome any time," I say with a gentle squeeze of her arm. It sounds so vain to say, but it's true.
"Perhaps, one day." She winks at me, a smile spreading across her face that I recognize as sincere.
"Thank you for everything.” I give her one small curtsy and then turn back towards my sailor escort.
I continue my search for Bluff as I exit the ship across the shaky plank and onto the entirely too solid and still dock. If he's here, he's not in his own skin. I search for the feeling, the look in his eyes I recognize as him, but see only dull expressions. Only emptiness.
And I know I must let go.
Bluff
I stand in the middle of the ship as we push off, undecided whether I want to be at the bow—watching the sea greet us, focused on the new adventure before me—or watching the city disappear.
I never said goodbye to her.
I'm such an idiot. The way she kissed him...
It was me, but she didn't know that. Couldn't have known. No, her fiancé comes to greet her, and she doesn't even hesitate. She kissed him the way I wished she would kiss me. I loved it, and I hated it.
It killed me, but I couldn't stop.
So, so stupid.
I press my eyes together. To think, for even a second, that Whitley cared about me. That's the whole point of the prophecy—I'd fall in love with her, and she'd use me. Control me.
You're letting her go? The wind wisps past my ear. Salty breath in my face.
"Yes," I answer without blinking.
A shimmering female form appears next to me, her webbed hands grasping the ship’s rail. I don't turn to face my mother, but I can still tell she's smiling.
"Why are you here?" I ask, arms folded over my chest. Fists clenched.
"I had to be sure it was true. The girl, your girl..." She lets out an animalistic purr.
"She's not mine," I say through gritted teeth.
My mother's smile grows wider. "Oh no, she is. You're just too stubborn to realize it. And that will be your downfall."
"Whitley is gone. Away from the sea and away from Stede. Protected by her privilege and rich fiancé."
Glistening green-scaled fingers run down my forearm. "So naive," she whispers, her voice like the rush of the waves.
I pull my arm back to shake off her touch and then slam it into the railing. "Stop!" I shout. "Stop trying to make me doubt. Stop messing with me. Just because you lost."
She takes a step back, but doesn't stop smiling, exposing her sharp, inhuman teeth. "What makes you think I've lost?"
"You can't get to her now."
"A siren can no longer reach her, this is true." Her figure begins to fade, until it drifts off into the vapors of the wind and my heart picks up its beat.
"Wait," I say quickly. She gave up too easy. That’s what has me shaking in my boots. She wouldn't admit defeat. She'd tell me she has sentries stationed at the docks, waiting for her. At the edge of every river that cocoons this island city. She'd tell me she'd pay someone to throw her into the sea. She'd come up with some far-fetched way to reach her. Instead, she just left.
My stomach is twisting in knots. Something isn't right.
The fact that she doesn't tell me she'll get to Whitley is what makes me think she will.
Another caress of wind blows over my cheek, enough to tell me she's still here. "What aren't you telling me?"
A chuckle drifts through my hair and then out to sea.
Sirens don't change. They're stubb
orn, not overly clever.
My head whips around, looking for a clue as to what was happening that I haven't yet seen. It would be here, somewhere. I have to figure it out.
"Hey, Bluff!" Rosemera's voice calls down to me from above the sails. She’d already changed back into her pirate clothing and climbed up to the crow’s nest to watch the city disappear from view.
My breathing grows heavy. "What?" I call.
"Any reason you can think Stede would be docking in New York?"
My whole world shifts, head spinning, don't even know where I am anymore, kind of—sunk.
Rosemera skips down the ropes until she's at my side in a matter of moments. "What?" she asks. "What is it?"
"No, no, no."
Rosemera grabs me by the arm with a tight grip. "Spit it out, Bluff. You're scaring me."
I force my eyes to focus on her face. "They're after Whitley."
There's a pause. Her face is blank as she processes. "Why would Stede be after Whitley?" Her voice is soft, but her face slowly morphs into an expression that would shake most men in their boots. "The whole time, we were running from him?"
I knew she'd be angry that I'd lied to her about the risk. "He shouldn't know. He's not supposed to know where she is."
"I thought she was going back to some fiancé? One that was supposed to keep her safe? Why would a pirate crew dock in a city like New York to get some random lass?"
"They wouldn't." I say, turning away, running my hands through my hair. It was less of a risk for The Freedom for several reasons. Captain Taj has several forged documents to aid his ability to pass under the radar. Plus, he has me, who can morph into anyone needed to ensure our story is believable. Lastly, we aren’t planning anything nefarious. We’re actually good guys, at the moment.
Stede has none of those things. How would he plan to get out of the harbor after kidnapping Whitley? I shake my head. This has to be bigger than I thought.
Shit.
Would Stede really risk this? Would this really be worth it? Prophecy or not, it's not enough. So much could go wrong. He could lose his crew, his ship, his life... in a dozen different ways. He would only do this if the bounty was big. Huge. Legendary.
Sea of Treason (Pirate's Bluff Book 1) Page 8
