by Ron Lealos
Copyright © 2016 by Ron Lealos.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.
Cover design by Laura Klynstra
Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-0188-5
Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5107-0189-2
Printed in the United States of America
The number of people out of the more than nine million citizens of Ho Chi Minh City who didn’t want me dead was probably somewhat bigger than the paltry sum of true communists in our Stalinist paradise. The total was limited to other half-breeds like me. We were the sons and daughters of whore mothers and syphilitic fathers who had been foolish enough to believe Chinese and Vietnamese blood could mix. Or too drunk on snake wine to care. The only reason I was allowed to walk the suffocating streets was my position in the city’s security force. But that didn’t protect me from the barrage of insults shouted at my face and whispered behind my back, the least offensive being labeled “gookinese.” Since I couldn’t kill the mothermockers, or even carry a pistol, my defense was to sharpen my tongue and give back even more than I was given. I was a Master of Insults, my only weapon against the bigots. At least today, the lowlander I was viewing was lifeless and couldn’t give me any cuc. Shit.
The missing ears had to be a clue. Three murders in a week and all the victims unable to hear their ancestors in the afterworld. There must be a connection. Solving mysteries was how I had risen to the exalted height of “detective captain” after thirty years with the Ho Chi Minh City police. Normally, it took only ten and a few hundred million dong in bribes. Now, I was surprised to carry the name Captain Chyang Fang, detective, and chief homicide inspector in a people’s utopia where even speaking of murder was politically incorrect, since our happy, healthy citizens wouldn’t think of such atrocities.
Crumbs from the toast the third dead man ate as his last meal hung to his permanently unsmiling lips. On the table above him, a plate held eggs curdling from the morning’s breakfast in humidity thick enough to wear as a robe. He was naked, and his protruding belly showed he hadn’t missed many meals since reunification. This lifeless one had been doing his thinking in the politburo. The newly familiar tin cobra was lying on the murdered man’s chest, along with an old black and white photo. No one at my level of the ruling bureaucracy could fail to recognize this stiffening body.
The name was Danh Nguyen, formerly the Saigon chief of the North Vietnamese Ministry of Public Security, shortened to the An Ninh. He was, in his just-ended cycle of life, a high-ranking government official and one of the secret puppet masters who truly ruled the country. He’d been the lead commissar of the police during much of the American invasion. Since 1976, Comrade Danh had held the lofty title of head of the central military commission office in Ho Chi Minh City. He’d only recently retired to the old French villa on Hoa Da Street where I now watched the flies drink from the side of Nguyen’s head like it was a puddle of Sting cherry pop.
“How do you think he died, Captain?” Lanh Phan, my assistant, murmured, seemingly fascinated by a roach drowning in the small pool of blood stagnating beside Nguyen’s skull.
“No need to whisper, Phan,” I said. “As you can see, someone got away with his ears. He can’t hear you.”
Careful to disturb as little as possible before the forensics team arrived, I pushed Nguyen’s head to the left with my gloved hand. An entry wound gaped in the matted hairs at the back. It was a hole no bigger than a two-hundred-dong coin, the puncture made from up close by a small-caliber pistol, probably a .22 like the other victims.
“I’d guess it was a bullet,” I said, pointing to the hole. “And someone assassinated him, unless he could reach around his head and shoot himself after he cut off his ears. Then dispose of the gun, the ears, and the knife before he fell on the floor and dropped a cobra and picture on his chest.” I stood and sighed. “But I’m just a lowly half-caste Chinese detective, not fortunate enough to have the intelligence of a racially pure Vietnamese.”
Sergeant Phan was used to my stereotyping and rarely commented, even if he understood the sarcasm. He’d risen in rank among more worthy candidates for homicide division positions in the Ho Chi Minh City police department because of my limited influence, not his abilities at detection. In a city with a greater unreported murder rate than that of New York City, he was one of the few I could trust to hear what would be considered “traitorous remarks.” Like refusing to call my birth town after the name of the country’s esteemed father and communist apologist. I preferred to use the more historic name, Sai Gon, roughly translated in Mandarin as “cotton forest,” because of the groves of cottonwoods that previously surrounded the city. Besides, no one other than Phan could work with a yellow bandit. Chinese were the Jews of Vietnam. Even my mixed blood couldn’t keep me from being considered a chink rather than a gook.
Phan bent forward and reached for the toy cobra.
“Don’t touch that,” I said. “If it doesn’t have real fangs, I do. Why do you think I have the name? I’ve told you enough times not to soil a crime scene that your dead parents must have heard the words.” Slowly, Phan stood. “Even if someone stuck chopsticks in their ears.”
Besides his deafness to my heresies, Phan had many uses. Like making sure a cab picked us up when drivers were reluctant to rent themselves out to a lone Chinese if Phan wasn’t chauffeuring me in one of the station’s Toyotas. And getting us seats in the noodle shops. Phan was nearly six feet tall and had the look of a big, surly cop, even if he couldn’t hit the Cao Dai temple at twenty meters with a bullet from his Russian-made Makarov pistol. He would faint if a street urchin threatened him by taking a Cuong Nhu martial arts stance and growling.
Phan quickly straightened, looking as if he’d been caught sucking face in the Samsora Club on Dong Khoi Street, the only lady-boy bar in the city still allowed to stay open by the commissars.
“I’m sorry, Captain,” Phan said. “I wanted to see if the tin piece was the same as the last two.”
“Again,” I said. “I would guess a third man killed with a shot to the back of his head, ears cut off and missing, and a toy cobra and photograph left on his chest would be somehow related to the other two. Of course, my inherently weak Chinese mind struggles with obvious relationships.” I watched as Phan wiped the sweat on his brow, the beads ever-present in a city that will surely drown in its own humid air if global warming isn’t just another Western plot to subvert our glorious proletarian society.
“Have you called Ngo?” I asked.
“No sir,” Phan said. “I was awaiting your orders.”
Outside, the never-ending traffic roar and blue-tongued exhaust mixed with the devil’s breath heat to stir a cocktail only the most fanatical Vietnamese would call “paradise.” Citizens of Sai Gon were treated to the stench of bubbling garbage that seemed to gurgle on every corner, making the rats dance with happiness. I sighed, remembering my ever-evolving Buddhi
st belief that I should “conquer the silly with enlightenment” and not focus on poor Phan’s weakness.
“Was your mother an ox, Phan?” I asked. “Do I have to tell you Buddha is fat? When I say, ‘We’ll check the body and call Ngo,’ who do you think will do that when you are the only one the colonel will honor with a cell? You know my kind are not to be trusted. I might be phoning Beijing. Or selling the information to the American devils.”
Ignoring me, Phan took his iPhone from his pocket and hit a number on the speed dial, but not before he again admired his picture that I had loaded on the screen. It always caused him to smile in wonderment at the magic. He turned and walked to the window overlooking the Sai Gon River, iPhone to his ear.
Dr. Ngo was the physician who passed for a coroner and head of the forensic team that was a millennium away from the standards of the CSI television reruns now being shown on Channel 34. A wide-screen Sony on the living room table and a sister set in the in his office were the major institutions where Dr. Ngo received his training. Of course, he could only dream of the equipment the actors had at their disposal. In the small darkroom that passed for a laboratory, he was limited to a few Bunsen burners and years of experience with corpses, many burned to crispy critters by American napalm manufactured by that global provider of all that is unnaturally fertile: Dow Chemical.
The Communist Party of Vietnam had just recently admitted that murders did take place in our perfect society. Despite the growing hush-hush statistics, they were reluctant to fund modern forensic techniques. Nonetheless, with Dr. Ngo’s help, my closure rate on homicides was so much higher than the rest of the squad’s that I was begrudgingly named captain, even if, behind my back, they called me “Comrade Viet Cong” and chuckled at their hilarious joke. Only the Americans drew on the VC description, since it loosely meant “yellow savage” and was not a category used by Vietnamese. Except when referring to a Chinese-half-breed evil spirit like me.
Returning to my side, Phan snapped the iPhone case closed with a flick of the wrist like he was Edward G. Robinson closing his lighter. I could almost imagine Phan groaning in pleasure as the nicotine from his cell hit lungs already made into a tar pit by the deadly fumes he breathed everyday just walking down Hoa Da Street. The move was one of the many small gestures that made Phan a serious detective in his own mind. Like squinting at a suspect and asking solemnly, “Where were you at the time of the crime?”
“He’s on his way, sir,” Phan said.
“And you remembered to give him the address?”
“Of course.”
“Good. That’s better than the last time when he had to call back.”
To say I had a chip on my shoulder and took it out on Phan was like saying the traffic in Saigon was dominated by motorcycles that caused the city to suffocate on its own black-dragon emissions. Much too simple. Not even my Vietnamese sometimes-girlfriend, Thien, could stand my tirades and sent me out to Ma Jing’s for a ball of tar opium to calm the devils when I started to rant.
“Sir, shouldn’t we cover the body?” Phan asked, staring down at the corpse. “Or, at least make his lips into a smile?” The communist regime had failed to eliminate much of the popular Buddhist folklore. It was believed the dead should have a grin curling their mouths after passing so they could arrive in heaven with their happy face on, joyously prepared for the next circle in their journey of incarnation. Phan began to look around, as if he were searching for a tablecloth or sheet to put over Nguyen.
“Don’t you dare, Phan,” I said. “If you so much as touch the body, I’ll have you transferred to schoolgirl patrol.” The city had recently seen an outbreak of second-level girls fighting in the streets as their classmates cheered them on. The shrieking battles were videotaped and posted on YouTube. Hair was pulled and kicks to the groin were favored in the adolescent matches that often ended in minor injury. Much publicity had been given to the fights, and a national debate was occurring in the press and on television concerning the collapse of the culture and deteriorating values. If only Uncle Ho was alive and not turning in his vault, he could guide his children to enlightenment on this and all issues including eating, walking, and screwing.
On the other hand, I sometimes wondered if Phan was a child of Agent Orange. Over twenty million gallons of the dioxin-laden herbicide had been sprayed on Vietnam by the Americans from 1961–1971, another gift to my ancestors provided by Dow and other multinational death machines. Agent Orange didn’t just kill plants. Humans coming in contact with the defoliant developed an extremely high rate of cancer. Women gave birth to deformed and retarded children at over twenty times the percentage in a normal population. Phan’s mother came from an area of the Mekong where the spraying was the heaviest. From one day to the next, I didn’t know if Phan would remember what we had done even minutes before or anything I had said. In a way, he had given his mind to help overcome the Yankee imperialists. Reaching up, I patted him on his bony back.
“Why don’t you stand right here and make sure no one disturbs the crime scene until Ngo arrives,” I said. “You can play the SpongeBob game I downloaded on your phone. I’ll take a look around the house.” I started to walk away across the hardwood floor, turning back when I reached the door to the next room. “And don’t touch the body or I’ll have to send Mara to visit.” Mara is the Buddhist Devil God. My words seemed to be enough to scare Phan into a SpongeBob orgy, with no further thoughts of violating the corpse on the floor.
What I did understand was that Phan would step in front of a tiger if it threatened me. I had dragged him along and into the police force after rescuing the boy during another murder investigation that included wild dogs and the human meat used to feed them. This was usually reversed, since the Vietnamese liked the high protein and vitamin C value of puppies especially. There were many restaurants in the city that featured doggy stew as their main dish, the most famous “BowWows” on Tran Khac Chan Street. I had tracked the killer to one of the local Triad gang’s puppy mills and discovered Phan bound to a post with a leash that allowed him to feed and water the dogs. He was filthy and starving, his eyes deep black and flashing with insanity. It had taken considerable effort and lies to get Phan as my quasi assistant after years of prodding. Now, my superiors believed he was more loyal to them than to me. That was questionable, but I wanted him close by. I was now responsible for his soul.
“Yes, Captain,” Phan said, reaching for his phone. Once I gave him permission, it would take a tsunami to tear him away from his quest to find the bubble in the Lost City of Atlantis.
First, I went to the door that opened onto a bougainvillea and banana-draped section of Hoa Da Street. I wanted to walk in as if I were a guest. Or the murderer. This was a trick I’d learned from old Colombo reruns. While it might be a violation of strict Buddhist thought, placing myself in another’s mind helped assure I kept receiving my monthly salary that was barely enough to feed me let alone my mistress.
Several uniformed policemen were on the terrace, smoking Black Vidana cigarettes that smelled like burning wet clothes. The cancer sticks were made in Danang and fell apart if the smoker didn’t grip tight. And pray.
One lane of Hoa Da had been blocked. Cyclists beeped their horns, frantically trying to keep from being swarmed by the hive. A man peddling a pushcart filled with oranges couldn’t get up enough speed to enter the chaos. He stood high on the bike, straining his skinny legs, and screamed, “May an long dai cham mui!” You eat pubic hair in salt dip.
Looking through the open teak front door, it was apparent the housekeeper had yet to make an appearance today. Or else the killer had forgotten to dust and made more of a mess than just murder. Nguyen would have at least one cleaning lady, as well as a cook and in-house masseuse for rub-and-tug. I already knew his wife had died a year ago. All police officers were required to attend the funeral ceremony before she was cremated, fortunately only one day of the three. The nauseating drum and cymbal music brought on one of my frequent migraines whi
le I tried to look solemn for a woman I’d never met. The constant clang of the tinny instruments sounded more like screeching cats than a song. Of course, I was culturally and ritualistically ignorant in this land of ghosts and spirits.
Somehow, in a communist fairyland, the dead Nguyen had accumulated enough dong to restore this villa to its original splendor. The mansion was built nearly a hundred years ago. His money and position had assured the ticks and tree worms hadn’t been able to have their way with the wood. Louvered and arched windows opened from all of the outside walls. Overhead fans stirred the porridge air. Light-colored paint contrasted with vases of lush, green indoor plants and freshly cut orchids floated in bowls sitting on the surface of antique mahogany furniture. Buffed floors with a few carpets covered the dark polished shine of the grain. Portraits of old Vietnamese peasants and French aristocrats mixed with the requisite landscapes, water lilies the primary theme. Jasmine in the air. It smelled of newfound fortune not shared with the other workers in this people’s Eden, a country only just discovering the rewards of free enterprise. What that meant was the rulers of our closed society could more easily enjoy their villas in the south of France, while the rest of us tried to squeeze the life out of every dong that crossed our fingers.
Three floors. I made my way slowly through the many rooms, all in perfect order. Rifling the drawers in the master suite, I found a new Sig Sauer P226 pistol and a wad of five hundred thousand dong notes. I put both in my pocket, knowing full well they wouldn’t survive the next search by the police and military, not feeling in the least guilty that a hybrid Chinese charity could benefit rather than a homegrown corruption that would be spent at the brothels in the Thu Duc District. Since I wasn’t officially allowed to carry a weapon, I would keep the gun for what I already sensed was going to be a dangerous investigation and turn over the currency to the AIDS hospice newly opened on Mi Lam Street.
In the roll top desk, a scrapbook. Nguyen in most of the black and white grainy pictures. Smiling in some, he was often dressed as a North Vietnamese soldier. Floppy rubber tire sandals and black pajama pants. A fatigue blouse. An AK-47 in his hands and bottle grenades tied to his waist. It was easy to see he was in command by the way the others looked at him or shrunk in his image. The photos were organized in a time progression. As the war grew old, so did Nguyen. The peasant fighter transformed into an officer. Next, a high-collared bureaucrat and Uncle Ho look-alike, wispy silver beard and all. More recently, in a dark suit, white shirt, and tie. I went back to the beginning.
