“Stranger than normal.” She let out a shaky sigh and rubbed her eyes, which made me realize she wasn’t wearing any makeup today. Not a stitch. For an aspiring model who prized her beauty more than her brains, this was more surprising than anything else. “It’s like...I don’t know, it’s like I’m the only one who can see it. Everyone else goes about their days normally, like they don’t realize there’s something horribly wrong. But I see it. I feel it. And what happened to Julie, it—it just made everything more real. I can’t ignore it anymore. I need to figure out the truth.”
What Seth was rambling about last night, about the girl who fell—I was sure he meant Julie. But then he confused me, as he tended to do, and I’d mostly forgotten it. But still, why would he mention her if there wasn’t something truly wrong about her death?
“I know you’re in pain,” I said evenly. “But you should calm down.”
“I’m not going to calm down. Julie... She wasn’t suicidal. Not at all. I keep going over and over and over it in my head. She was fine. And then something changed.” Her face was etched in confusion and despair as her green eyes tracked to me. “Do you know there’ve been twenty suicides in less than a week? And none of them were clinically depressed.”
My chest clenched at the news. “How do you know this?”
“When I want to find things out, I find things out. Nothing stops me. I talked to the police—I told them about Eva, but they don’t think it’s anything worth investigating.” She let out a strangled cry of frustration. “So annoying! They think Julie was some kid depressed over a guy who decided she was finished living. But it’s not true. I lost her. And I—I lost Stephen. I’m losing everyone I love.”
Hearing her pain so acutely, with no filters, made my own heart start to ache. And she didn’t even know the truth about Stephen. To her, he was just a jerk who’d dumped her with no explanation, not a guy who’d broken up with her to try to save her life. “I’m so sorry. Really. Maybe you should see the guidance counselor again. She might be able to help you.”
She composed herself, rubbing her eyes, and stroking her red hair back from her face to tuck it behind her ears. “I don’t need help. I need answers.”
We had that much in common. The sheer determination I saw on her face worked to nudge mine back into consciousness this morning, like downing three espressos in a row.
But I worried that she was chasing her tail, and all she’d get from her frenzied search for the truth was more disappointment. “You honestly think that modeling scout did something to Julie? Like...she took away her will to live? With, like, a single touch?”
“Yeah.” Jordan fixed me with a bleak, scared look that betrayed her usual calm, cool bitchiness. “That’s exactly what I think she did.”
Then she was gone.
I watched her walk away, part of me wanting to stop her. If I tried, I knew I’d fail. She was bound and determined to play Nancy Drew over this mystery.
If Julie had been kissed by a gray, then I might be able to wrap my head around an outside influence changing her personality. But it wouldn’t have happened that fast.
Jordan had her own path to follow, and nothing I said would have stopped her.
Part of me wanted to worry about her—the other part knew I had enough to deal with without adding this to my list. What I really needed was to find balance in my life again, even if it was only for a few hours of school. Here I was normal. Out there...I wasn’t.
Bishop always talked about balance and how important it was to the universe. Well, the balance of me being a perfect student with me being the daughter of a demon and an angel, as well as a gray with the dark hunger I dealt with daily...
Yeah. I desperately needed to restore my balance. Maybe then I could figure everything else out.
Over the next two hours, the halls slowly began to fill with kids, moving to their lockers, heading for first period. Outside my English class, Kelly caught up with me, grabbing my arm before I went into the room.
“You going to Noah’s party tomorrow night?” she asked, her face flushed. She was rarely early for any class, and I knew she always peeled into the parking lot with literally minutes to spare.
“Oh, right. The Halloween thing at his house?” I asked.
She nodded excitedly. “But it’s not at his house anymore. He’s found an even better place for it. It’s going to be amazing.”
“Sounds...amazing,” I forced out.
“I’ll email you the deets when I get them. There’s literally going to be, like, two hundred people there. I’m going as Aphrodite. Sabrina’s going as a witch, which is so expected, really.” She rolled her eyes, but her smile didn’t fade. “You should be a cat. Like, a sexy cat.”
A sexy cat. Right. Kelly knew me so well. “Great. I’ll, um, think about it. Okay?”
Halloween costumes and parties...not on my priority list this week.
Kelly sped away down the hall toward her Trig class, and I entered my English class. My eyes were drawn immediately to Colin, slouched in his seat behind my desk. I approached cautiously, trying as hard as I could to ignore the hunger that grew with each step. I clutched my books and binder tight to my chest.
He looked upset, pale. I hoped he wasn’t still blaming himself for Julie’s suicide. He’d made some dumb choices, but he hadn’t been the one to push her. She’d jumped of her own free will.
At least, I thought she had. Jordan had other ideas about that.
Jordan was right about one very important thing—there were weird things going on in Trinity right now. That was the reason Bishop and the others had been sent here in the first place. And it only made me more certain that getting him to focus on that instead of me had been the right decision. They didn’t need or want my help—unless I spotted another searchlight. If that happened, I’d let them know immediately. Beyond that? I needed to stay out of their hair.
And that was exactly what I would do. Here in class.
“You okay?” I couldn’t help but ask, glancing over my shoulder at Colin when I sat down.
“Never better,” he replied through clenched teeth.
“Somehow I just don’t believe you.”
His eyes were narrowed, mean. “Oh, Sam. You always could read me like a book. You’re so awesome.”
“Whatever.” I turned back around, my heart sinking. So I guess he’d decided to start hating me again.
It should make me happy that he’d finally learned his lesson. Stay away from Samantha Day. Still, his unexpected sarcasm felt like a slap.
He groaned a few moments later. “I’m sorry. I’m having a lousy day, okay?”
“Yeah, okay. Like I said, whatever.”
I didn’t want him to change his mind. I wanted him to hate me. That would make everything much easier.
Mr. Saunders walked into class right on time and glanced at the thirty students. He pushed his glasses up on his nose. “I finished grading your tests from yesterday. Congrats to those with the highest scores. For the rest of you...well, better luck next time.”
Right. Our test on Catcher in the Rye. Part of me relaxed at hearing he’d been grading. Grades. School. And especially English, my favorite subject. They calmed me. I read everything I could get my hands on—novels, new and old, trashy and high literature. I devoured words like I devoured...
Well, not a good comparison, really.
But I loved to read. I loved how authors put words together on the page to invoke images and feelings. While I hadn’t totally decided what I wanted to major in once I got to university—and I still hadn’t given up hope of this possibility, no matter how bleak things got—I felt strongly that I wanted to be a writer of some kind. I’d always journaled. I’d always written short stories and poems to entertain myself.
They say to do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.
For me, English Lit was what I loved. By far, my best subject in school.
“Ms. Day?” Mr. Saunders called my name a
nd I rose from my desk to go to the front to claim my test. He held it out to me. “Have to say, I was disappointed.”
I looked down at it.
A bright red “F” stared back at me.
There wasn’t even a plus sign involved.
There had to be a mistake. “I got a—an F?”
“Maybe next time you should read your assignment. Just a suggestion.” He looked past me. “Mr. Edwards?”
With that, I was dismissed. With the first F I’d ever gotten in my life. For an essay on a book I’d already read. And loved.
This couldn’t be happening. I tried to rationalize it, but failed.
Yeah, failed. I failed. Big time.
I sat down heavily in my seat, still staring at the mark.
“It’s only one stupid test,” Colin offered from behind me. Of course he’d seen the grade. It was impossible to miss. An airplane would be able to spot an F that big and red.
But it wasn’t just a test, it was a sign. The balance I’d hoped to regain by coming to school today, to get back to where I belonged and felt like I fit in...
Fail.
I tried to concentrate, but it wasn’t an easy task. With Colin behind me, almost in the orbit of hunger. With others moving past my desk. With the bitter taste of the bad grade in my mouth...it all fell apart.
At nine forty-five, my hunger ramped up from a low and controllable level to a burst right off the charts.
It closed in all around me, stealing my breath, clenching my stomach.
It was no longer a question of “if” I’d feed, but “when.”
I needed to get out of there as fast as I could.
Scrambling to grab my books and my leather bag, I rushed out of my seat toward the front of class, toward the door, toward escape.
“Ms. Day?” Mr. Saunders looked at me as I zipped past him. “Where are you going? There’s still fifteen minutes left in class.”
“Cramps!” I announced shakily. “Horrible, nasty menstrual cramps! I need to go!”
He grimaced and waved a hand, while some of the kids in the front row snickered. “Then go.”
I escaped to the bliss of the empty hallway, headed toward my locker, no longer tormented by the thirty souls pressing in on me. I needed a few minutes to get my head back together. To think clearly again.
“Samantha!” Colin called after me.
Oh, crap!
I searched the long hallway, looking for the best route to make my escape. My heels clicked against the shiny linoleum. I needed air. I needed to get out of there completely. I needed to finally accept that my life was not what it used to be while I tried to pretend that it was, even for a couple of fleeting hours here today.
I’d been fooling myself.
I didn’t belong here in my so-called “normal” life. And I didn’t belong with Bishop and the others.
I was an outcast.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and kept walking toward the nearest exit.
“Sam!” Colin grabbed my arm to bring me to a halt. “What’s wrong?”
I turned to face him and shoved him hard against his chest to push him away from me. “Stay back.”
He had the nerve to look at me with concern. And here I thought he hated me. I wished that were true. “The look on your face when you left class... I was worried.”
“I have cramps,” I offered weakly.
“Which is really gross, but I don’t think it’s the truth. You’re upset about something.”
I hissed out a breath, studying his face as he, again, was stupid enough to come closer to me. My hunger swirled, a raging tornado inside of me ready to take down trailer parks and wreak havoc with anything that got in its path.
“You hate me,” I reminded him. “I hurt you.”
“What happened to Julie made me realize something—life is too short. I can’t hold a grudge. I know you don’t like me, not like I like you. But we’re friends, still, right? You’re my friend no matter what happens.”
“You followed me from class. You always do that.”
“I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” His breathing had increased. He’d taken hold of my arm again. Despite his words of understanding, there was something in his gaze...something lost.
I knew what it was. A gray’s victim sought the gray who’d kissed him. It was an unavoidable trap. Even my harshest, coldest words wouldn’t be enough to keep him away from me forever.
I looked down at where he clutched my arm. “When will you ever learn, Colin?”
“I know you don’t mean to hurt me. Just like with Julie—I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
His scent was too much to bear. I couldn’t deal with this. I needed to go.
“Colin...”
He took hold of my other arm. “Just give me a chance, Sam. One chance. I think I’ll go crazy if you never kiss me again. Please. Just once. One kiss.”
“Fine,” I whispered.
Then I pushed him up against the lockers and crushed my mouth against his.
Chapter 19
I’d lost the fight a minute ago, but hadn’t realized it till now.
No, that was wrong. What was I saying? I felt it. I knew this was coming from the moment he followed me out of class.
He asked for this. He wanted it. Even now he groaned against my lips as I began to feed on his soul.
As I kissed Colin, all I thought of was Bishop. It was his kiss I craved more than anyone else’s. The only one I dreamed about, fantasized about, wished for, hoped for. Bishop’s mouth against mine—after he whispered that he loved me, despite our problems, despite everything that threatened to keep us apart.
He was an angel of death and had been for a long time. He only looked eighteen, but he’d existed for much longer than that. How could I ever think I could be something more to him than a problem to solve, or an inconvenient addiction?
I didn’t think. I’d hoped.
And I’d lied shamelessly last night. I didn’t want to stay away from him. No matter what—
Snap!
The entire team was gathered in the church.
“It’s a problem,” Connor said. “I’ve been looking into it and I’m sure this is it. All the recent suicides—they’re connected. There’s a demon loose in the city, one who escaped the Hollow. Like the Source of the grays fed on souls, this demon feeds on hope and happiness and the will to live. It drives these kids to kill themselves.”
“You’re sure about this?” Cassie asked, her beautiful face tense as she listened to Connor’s speech.
He shook his head. “Hell, no. I’m not sure about anything anymore.” Connor usually had a quip or a joke for anything, but today he looked pained. Concerned. “But I think I’m right. The suicide rate in Trinity has skyrocketed over the past week. This demon is getting hungrier and it needs more and more to sustain it.”
“Then we need to find it.” Bishop rubbed his forehead. “Damn. My head—it’s killing me.”
“You okay?” Cassandra asked.
“Trying my best.”
“Who cares?” Kraven mumbled. He leaned against a nearby pew next to Roth, his arms crossed over his chest.
“You’re working too hard,” Cassandra said, ignoring the demon. “Did you get any sleep after staying out all night looking for that gray?”
“I got enough.”
“I doubt that. Not if you’re feeling this way. I know you’re having trouble concentrating.” Her expression hardened. “And would you stop doing this?” She pressed her hand against his torso. He flinched.
“It’s none of your business what I do.”
“It is my business. Show me. All the way this time.”
He looked at her for a moment without making any moves. Then he peeled his shirt off completely over his head.
“Where are my five dollar bills when I need them?” Kraven said drily. “Just do me a favor and leave the pants on, okay?”
Roth said nothing, but gave Bishop a dark look. Something in the d
emon’s eyes went beyond regular distaste.
Bishop looked down at himself and the deep cut bisecting his abdomen. “It’s the only way I can keep my mind clear.”
“You could get Samantha to help you,” Cassandra said, her brows drawn together.
Bishop shook his head. “She made it clear. She doesn’t want to see me again. And it’s for the best.”
Snap!
I hadn’t stopped kissing Colin, but the jarring mind meld had managed to give me back a fraction of my normal clarity. I tasted his soul as I devoured it, saw it in my mind—a ghostly shimmering ribbon—little by little, leaving him and entering me. Feeding me. I’d nearly taken all of it when I managed to push back against him and break off the kiss.
He slid to the ground. I hadn’t taken it all. Not all.
But I’d taken most of it.
I stared down at him with horror. Black lines branched around his mouth and he looked dazed and pale. He made a sickly wheezing sound as he gathered his breath. Immediately, I wanted to go back for more and it was by sheer will alone that I stopped myself.
The lines faded and he pushed at the floor, trying but failing to stand. “What happened?” He looked up at me. “Sam, why do you look so upset?”
“Are you okay?” I choked out, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“I think so. A little dizzy, but otherwise...”
“I’m sorry.”
“For kissing me?” A small smile appeared on his lips. “No reason to apologize for that. It was amazing.”
I just shook my head, wiping at my tears. He seemed okay, now after two kisses. Did a soul grow back or could someone survive indefinitely with less than a whole soul inside them? “I need to go.”
“Where are you going?”
“Away. Now.”
“I’ll come with you.” He looked so lost, so alone—like he had nobody. My heart wrenched, but it didn’t change anything. I needed to put distance between us, for his own good.
“No, just...no, Colin.” I ran away from him straight to my locker where I dropped off my books and grabbed my coat. I left right after that, bursting out into the morning air. I was going to miss the rest of my classes. At that moment, I didn’t care.
Wicked Kiss (Nightwatchers) Page 19
