by HELEN HARDT
Purple haze…and then the concrete walls again… Closing in…
I tried to breathe…
Air…needed air…
Then flames…
Morphing into wings of purple and gold.
A phoenix rising…
And then blackness.
Chapter Fifteen
Jade
“Jade, you can’t leave.” Marjorie unfolded my clothes as quickly as I was folding them. “You just got here. Between you working for Ryan at the winery and me working around the ranch, we’ve hardly spent any time together.”
I swallowed. My heart was breaking, and not just because I would be leaving Marj. “I’m so sorry. I’ll find a place in town. We’ll still be able to hang out.”
“But it won’t be the same.” Marj grabbed my pair of black patent leather pumps and threw them back in my closet.
“Look”—I walked to the closet and retrieved the pumps—“I don’t belong here. I just can’t…”
“Can’t what?”
“I can’t stay around your brother. He nearly beat Colin into a pulp this morning.”
“That’s not like Talon,” Marj said. “He’s actually a peaceful kind of guy.”
“An ex-Marine? Doesn’t really reek of peaceful.”
Marj flung a pair of jeans out of my suitcase and onto the floor. “At least Colin wasn’t hurt.”
I picked up the jeans. “Wasn’t hurt? Okay, so there isn’t any lasting damage, but his face is pretty beaten up, his nose is most likely broken, and he’s damned lucky he doesn’t have any broken ribs from all the kicking. If he wasn’t an athlete and didn’t know how to protect himself…” I couldn’t finish.
Marjorie finally stopped going through my suitcase and sat down on the bed, her brows arched. “Why do you suppose it bothered Talon so much to see him kissing you?”
Marj had always slept like a baby. Four years of rooming with her in college had taught me that. As Talon had said, she would sleep through World War III. So it was no surprise that she had no idea what had gone on between Talon and me. Just as well. How exactly was I supposed to bring the subject up? Oh, by the way, I’ve been having a little midnight fuck fest with your brother. Really didn’t think that would go over too well.
“Talon’s been a little off lately,” Marj continued.
Off? The man was way beyond simply off.
“This morning I woke up early. Came to the kitchen and found a broken glass. Water and shattered glass all over the floor. I cleaned it up. Thankfully I’d put my slippers on this morning.”
Shattered glass of water… “Do you know what happened?”
She didn’t need to answer. Talon had been sitting at the table with his glass of water, as usual, and for some reason, he decided to break it. Or maybe it was an accident. But why would he have left it there for anyone to walk into?
“I’m pretty sure Talon threw the glass.” Marj bit her lip. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”
What did Marj know? “So you know that he goes out to the kitchen most nights and sits with a full glass of water?”
Marj nodded. “I rarely get up during the night. I sleep the sleep of death, as you know. But every once in a while I get up and walk around. Talon is usually in the kitchen, sitting with a glass of water. Sometimes I sit down with him and we chat for a few minutes. This morning was the second time I’ve woken up to a broken glass of water in the kitchen. It’s possible that it’s happened other times and either Felicia or Talon himself have cleaned it up.”
I frowned. “Is this something new since he got back from overseas?”
“As far as I know. At least breaking the glasses. He’s always gotten up at night, ever since I can remember. He’s just a really light sleeper. He’s had insomnia most of his life.”
“Has he seen a doctor?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I was just a kid for most of the time, and then I went off to college and then travels. But now that I’m an adult, I’ve noticed more things about my brother.”
I sat down next to her. Time for brutal honesty. “Marj, I think Talon needs help.”
Marj nodded and bit her lip. “Remember when you asked me whether he had post-traumatic stress disorder? I think he does, from being in the military.”
“Yeah, that would make a lot of sense. Have you talked to him about it?”
She shook her head. “No, but Joe and Ryan have. Talon refuses to see anyone.”
Talon… He’d already shown me so much, and even though I had to leave, part of me wanted to stay. Part of me wanted to help him, be with him, show him that everything would be okay. But I had no training in psychology. Lawyers were trained to analyze and argue, not delve into someone’s emotions and psyche.
“Look, Jade, you don’t have to leave because of Talon. He’s harmless.”
“Harmless? Anyone could have slipped and fallen on that mess you cleaned up this morning. And you didn’t witness his attack on Colin.”
“In Talon’s defense, Jade, Colin is an ass.”
I couldn’t help a slight chuckle. She had the right of it. “Well, I’m afraid I still can’t—”
A fist pounded on the door. “Marjorie, you in there?”
“She’s here,” I said. “Come in.”
The door burst open, and Jonah rushed in. “Marj, thank God I found you. We need to leave. Talon’s in the hospital.”
Marj and I sat in the waiting area while Jonah spoke to the nurse in charge at the emergency room in Grand Junction. I strained to hear but could only make out mumbling. My heart beat rapidly, and fear pounded through my veins. He had to be okay. He just had to be. He’d come to mean so much to me in so little—
But no. We could not be together. That poison inside of him… That unknown…
And he didn’t want me anyway. Said he could never love me.
But, God, please let him be okay. I can’t lose him. I’m falling in—
Stop! Don’t go there, Jade. You’re not in love with this man. You are not.
After what seemed like an hour, Jonah came back to us.
“What happened, Joe?” Marj asked.
“Apparently he fainted at the doctor’s office.”
“Doctor?” I said. “What doctor? Is he sick?”
Jonah raked his fingers through his mop of dark wavy hair. He looked so much like Talon, except his hair was starting to gray at the temples. “Jade, I’m not sure I should—”
“Joe, Jade’s family,” Marj said.
“It’s okay.” I patted Marjorie’s thigh. “I understand. There’s something your brother doesn’t want me to know.”
Joe shook his head. “No, I think it’s all right to tell you. Marj would probably tell you anyway. Today Talon went to see a psychologist.”
My heart thundered. He was getting help. Thank God. But why had he fainted?
“The therapist, Dr. Carmichael, isn’t exactly sure what happened. He had already left her office and was in the waiting room when he fainted.”
“Is he okay?” Marj asked.
Jonah nodded. “Yeah, he’ll be fine. It was nothing serious, and luckily he didn’t hit his head very hard when he fell. No concussion or anything. We’ll be taking him home with us in a little while.”
My heart thundered again a mile a minute. Taking him home with us… I shouldn’t be here. I would only make things worse for Talon, and I couldn’t bear that.
“Marj?”
She looked to me, her eyes sad. “Yeah?”
“I…think I’ll go ahead home now.”
“Just how do you think you’re going to get home? We all came together.”
What a moron. I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I just knew I had to get the hell out of there before Talon came out—
Too late. He walked toward us, two women flanking him. One was clearly a doctor by her white coat. The other was blond and dressed in black slacks and a red satin blouse.
The doctor held out her hand to Jonah. “Mr. Steel, I’m D
r. Morgan, your brother’s neurologist. And this is Dr. Melanie Carmichael.” Dr. Morgan gestured to the other woman.
Dr. Carmichael held out her hand. “Mr. Steel, nice to meet you. I’m so sorry about what happened at my office.”
“Oh, come on, Doc. It’s not your fault. I’m fine,” Talon said.
“Your brother is fine,” Dr. Morgan agreed. “We did some neurological testing. He hasn’t suffered a concussion or any other significant injuries. This was just a simple fainting spell.”
Talon’s cheeks blazed a rosy red when he looked at me. I couldn’t help a small smile. He was embarrassed that I was seeing him like this.
“Jesus, Joe, you didn’t have to bring the cavalry.”
“Tal, the phone call we got said you were in the emergency room. That was all I knew. So of course Marj and Jade came along.” Jonah gestured to the doctors. “I’m sorry. This is my sister, Marjorie, and her friend Jade.”
We all shook hands while Talon stood, his hands in the pockets of his jeans, looking as handsome and yummy as ever except for the pure exhaustion weighing down his features.
Talon was tired.
Of course he was. He never slept. His beautiful eyes were always just a little bit sunken, and dark circles shadowed them. He was so damned good-looking I hadn’t noticed before, but they were there.
They always had been.
Dr. Morgan turned to Talon. “Mr. Steel, get some sleep.” She handed him a slip of paper. “I’ve written you a prescription for Ambien. It’s a common sleeping pill, and it’s not habit-forming. Use it. Life is a lot easier when you’re well rested.”
Talon took the prescription and shoved it in his pocket.
“Here’s my card also.” She handed it to him. “I want to see you again in a week.”
“That’s ridiculous. I don’t need to see a neurologist.”
“Have you fainted before, Mr. Steel?”
Talon shook his head. “Of course not.”
“All right. But if this happens again, I want to see you. In the meantime, I suggest you continue seeing Dr. Carmichael.”
If possible, Talon’s cheeks reddened even further. “I don’t need therapy.”
Dr. Morgan sighed. “Well, you can lead a horse to water… It’s been very nice meeting you, Mr. Steel. Please, take the Ambien. Get some rest. Physically, you’re fine. All of your test results were great. Your blood counts are normal. Everything looks good. It was nice meeting all of you.” Dr. Morgan turned and headed back down the corridor.
“Talon,” Dr. Carmichael said, “I’m so glad you’re feeling better. You have my number if you need anything. It was nice meeting all of you.” She left as well.
“I don’t see what all the fuss is about,” Talon said.
“You fainted,” Jonah said. “That’s what all the fuss is about.”
“I’m not sure I even fainted. Probably just stumbled.”
“Talon—”
“Do we have to discuss this right now, Joe?” Talon darted his gaze toward me.
Jonah let out a heavy sigh. “Let’s just get you home. You need a good meal. And then you need a good night’s sleep. You’ve obviously been working too hard.”
“That’s right,” Talon said. “I’ve been working too hard. That’s all.”
Good save. But Talon wasn’t telling us everything. As much as I wanted to know what it was, and as much as I longed to help him get through whatever was torturing him, I could not.
I would be leaving—this evening if possible.
Chapter Sixteen
Talon
“The last thing you need to do is leave, Tal. You have to work through this. We all do.”
I shook my head at Jonah. He and Ryan had joined me in the den at the main house the day after I fainted. I didn’t know where the girls were. I was just glad Jade wasn’t anywhere near. She hadn’t left yet, and now she wouldn’t have to.
I was leaving.
“I’ve thought about this a lot. You need to get on with your lives, both of you. So does Marjorie. And so does her friend. All I do is disrupt everything.”
“Where you think you’re going to go?”
“Does it matter? Maybe I’ll reenlist.”
“Please,” Ryan said. “Don’t do that. We need you here. Nothing was the same when you were gone last time.”
“No one needs me. I destroy everything I touch. I can’t stay here and do what I’ve done to the two of you to our little sister. Or to Jade.”
God, no, not to Jade. Jade was sunshine, rainbows, the fresh air of the Colorado Rockies. She was everything that was good in the world, and if I stayed, I would destroy her.
I could not live with that. As much as I wanted her, I had to let her go.
“You haven’t done anything to us,” Jonah said.
I shook my head. “Do you think I can’t see it? What happened to me lives in the two of you. Maybe not in the same way, but you’re just as affected by it as I am.”
“Talon—” Jonah began.
“Don’t start, Joe. You blame yourself for the whole ordeal. I know you do. I’ve heard you say it time and time again. It should’ve been you. You should’ve been there to protect me. Well, you weren’t there. I’ve never blamed you for that, so you need to stop blaming yourself.”
He turned to Ryan. “And Ryan, you got away. That was a good thing.”
“I only got away because of you,” Ryan said, casting his gaze downward.
“So what? The fact is, you got away. I wanted you to get away. I would do it again tomorrow if I had to.”
“You were stronger, bigger. You could’ve run, Tal. Why didn’t you run? Why did you sacrifice yourself to save me?”
I shook my head. I was thankful my little brother had been spared. And my older brother as well.
“Why can’t the two of you just be happy? Be happy this didn’t happen to you. I sure as hell am.”
Jonah sighed. “Talon, it’s not that we…”
“It’s not that you what? Why are you afraid to say it? Just say it, goddamnit! ‘I’m glad it didn’t happen to me.’ You should be fucking glad. You should be down on your knees thanking whatever deity you believe in that it didn’t happen to you. It’s okay to say that. It’s okay to be happy that you didn’t go through the horror I went through.”
“Talon,” Ryan said.
“Say it. Both of you. I want you to fucking say it. Say ‘I’m fucking glad none of that shit happened to me.’”
My brothers both remained silent.
Not that I expected anything else. I sure as hell was glad that it hadn’t happened to them. It was understandable why I was having a hard time letting the whole damn thing go. Them? I really couldn’t understand anymore.
Maybe I didn’t want to understand. Maybe I was just waiting for the day when all of this would go away in a puff of smoke. But I knew better. That day would never come. This was my burden to bear.
I would never be free of it.
“I didn’t think you could say it. And that’s okay. But I do need to leave. Try to understand.” I walked toward the door and then through it, leaving my brothers behind.
I headed toward my suite, and then, on a whim, turned around and headed back the other way, to Jade’s bedroom. It was Sunday. She might be sleeping in. I hadn’t seen her or Marjorie yet that morning.
I knocked gently.
No response.
I knocked harder.
A few seconds later, Jade opened the door. Her hair was tangled and sexy in a messy disarray around her shoulders. She wore her signature white tank and boxers, white cotton socks on her feet.
Her nipples poked through the white fabric, red-brown and luscious. My groin tightened.
“Did I wake you?”
She yawned. “Not really. I was kind of in that alpha mode, you know? Hovering between asleep and awake?”
No, I didn’t know what she meant. “Can we talk for a minute?” I asked.
“I suppose so. Although
I don’t think we really have anything to talk about.”
I walk through the door and shut it behind me. “Just a few minutes.”
“Sure, come on in,” she said sarcastically.
Her duffel bag sat at the end of her bed, packed. A suitcase lay open on the floor, filled with clothes and shoes. She really was leaving.
Now she didn’t have to.
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m leaving the ranch,” I said.
“You? Why are you leaving? It’s your ranch.”
How to put this… “My being here… It’s affecting my brothers. And I don’t want it to affect you and Marjorie.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.” She gestured to her duffel bag and suitcase. “As you can see, I’ll be leaving later today.”
“But now you don’t have to. You can stay here with Marjorie. That’s what she wants. I should be the one to leave.”
She shook her head. “What is this about? Why all of a sudden do you want to leave?”
I sat down on the bed. I had told her all that I could. “Like I said, my being here isn’t good for my brothers.”
“So they asked you to leave?”
“No, not exactly.”
“Then why are you leaving?”
“I just have to.”
Jade slowly brought her arm upward and cupped one of my cheeks, her thumb lightly massaging my upper lip. Oh, God—classic “I feel sorry for you” pose. I couldn’t take it. I hated pity. I didn’t want pity from anyone, and especially not from her.
I yanked her hand away. “Don’t do that.”
“Talon, please… I want to help.”
“Help me with what?”
“Just…help.”
“I don’t need any fucking help.”
She cupped my cheek again, and I couldn’t bring myself to tear her arm away this time. Her touch soothed me, warmed me, gave me something—something I couldn’t put into words.
This unquenchable hunger for her—was it because she had something I needed? But how would I have known that when I first laid eyes on her? Had her soul spoken to mine?
