“So maybe there’s some weird transitional thing,” Sabrina suggested. “Like, if he was dead he could still lean on stuff as a holdover from being alive. Whereas maybe we can touch Madame Zorina as a holdover from her nearly being dead. But she’s actually still alive.”
“That’s my preference,” Madame Zorina said, pointing to Sabrina.
I nodded. “Yeah. Or she’s dead. But then Jeremy moved through fixtures that were solid to me so—”
“I thought you two had a GA meeting now,” Edith said as she walked along the corridor toward us.
Sabrina nodded. “We do but Madame Zorina summoned us.”
“No, she summoned me. She always summons me,” I clarified.
“Okay, are you annoyed at me because of your shoes or at her because of her not noticing the eyeliner?” Sabrina asked.
“Both of you. For both things!” I snapped.
“I can’t comment on your shoes since—” Edith nodded to my dirty and bare feet. “But I do like your eyeliner, dear.”
I gestured to Edith but spoke to Madame Zorina. “See how easy that was?”
“Well, gee, Bridget, I’m sorry I didn’t notice your makeup but I was busy being strangled to death!” Madame Zorina hissed in my face.
“Okay, there’s that tone again. And I saved you,” I reminded her.
“Well, you didn’t do a good job if I’m dead!” Madame Zorina retorted.
“Why does she think she’s dead, dear?” Edith asked Sabrina.
“Because someone strangled her to death,” Sabrina replied. “So she might actually be dead.”
“Someone tried to kill me!” Madame Zorina hissed and pointed to her neck.
“Who?” Edith looked around us. “Where are they? You didn’t let them go, did you?”
“It was a ghost. He disappeared when I stepped out into the corridor,” I explained.
“It was the Grim Reaper,” Madame Zorina shrieked.
Edith looked between Sabrina and me for an explanation.
“It was someone dressed in black,” I explained.
“In black, as in a jumper and some trousers or in black as in a jumpsuit?” Edith asked.
“Black as in black,” I said.
“You don’t remember?” Madame Zorina asked.
“He was strangling you. Don’t you remember?” I said.
“No! I was too busy trying not to die!”
“Well, you sucked at that!” I shouted back.
Madame Zorina’s bottom lip trembled and then she covered her face with her hands and sobbed.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I said, hugging her.
“What’s wrong with her?” Edith asked Sabrina.
“First, she hates people. Then her heart stops and it makes her weirdly nice. Then she gets eyeliner and a pair of heels and it makes her weirdly superficial and mean. But, right now, I think she’s nice Bridget again.” Sabrina shook her head. “I can’t keep up. I think dying has made her bipolar.”
“I meant with Madame Zorina,” Edith said.
Sabrina shrugged. “Oh, well, as you can see. Nice Bridget’s hugging her, so I’m pretty sure she’s dead. And I thought you had other plans this evening?”
“Ladies?” Edith ignored Sabrina’s question and clapped her hands to get our attention.
I pulled away from Madame Zorina, who was still sobbing, and offered her a pack of tissues. I rode The Bus of Death with Charon every weekend. People cried a lot. I’d learned the easiest way to deal with it was pass them a tissue and move on. Speaking of Charon, he was usually a lot more punctual than this. I checked my wrist for my watch and for the millionth time cursed myself for not putting it on the day I’d died. And then again for not getting one on my shopping spree. Maybe I could get one tonight.
“Bridget?” Edith asked. I turned and realised all three woman were staring at me.
“Yes?”
“I’m telling you, there’s something in that eyeliner,” Sabrina mumbled.
“I said, did the attacker take Madame Zorina’s body with him?” Edith asked with exaggerated patience.
I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“Maybe he wasn’t even dressed in black. Maybe you got some eyeliner in your eye,” Sabrina grumbled.
“Hey! This is expertly applied. So that would never happen.” I folded my arms and scowled back at her scowl. “What’s wrong with you? Are you not happy because I’m pretty now?”
“No, I’m not happy because you’re swinging from mean girl Bridget to nicey-nice Bridget to regular Bridget, who I love. I don’t mind the eyeliner or the heels as long as the regular Bridget is wearing them,” Sabrina explained.
“I haven’t had it in ages, okay? Oz is likely to take it away from me at any moment when he realises that I’ve corrupted my housemates, so I’m trying to make the most of it and no one is appreciating it. Alright?” I adjusted my fringe and wondered if he’d take my conditioner too. Surely, he wouldn’t go that far.
“I hate to interrupt, but can we focus on my problems for a moment, please?” Madame Zorina asked. “I think my loss of life outranks Bridget’s possible loss of eyeliner.”
“Says you,” I mumbled.
“Bridget!” Edith snapped at me. “Did the man take Madame Zorina’s body?”
“It happened pretty fast. And he had his back to me. So he could have and I might not have seen it. And will everyone stop snapping at me, please?”
Edith pursed her lips. “If he’d killed her we’d be standing over her body. Unless he took it with him. So, she might not be dead.”
Sabrina reached out and slapped Madame Zorina’s arm with the back of her hand. “Feels pretty dead to me.”
Edith stared at Sabrina. “Yes. That was very scientific. Well done, dear. You’ve solved that mystery.”
“Why are you giving me attitude?” Sabrina asked.
“Not nice, is it?” I mumbled.
“I don’t feel dead,” Madame Zorina said, her voice still hoarse, as she patted herself.
Sabrina threw a pointed look at Edith. “Not going to comment on the scientific nature of her assumption?”
“That means nothing,” I said to Madame Zorina as I patted my own arm. “I don’t feel dead to me either.”
“What does that mean?” Madame Zorina asked.
“Unless Edith would like to chip in I’m pretty sure it means that, without your dead body, we’re not actually sure if you’re dead or not,” Sabrina said.
“Okay, well, how do we find my body?” Madame Zorina asked.
“Same way we always find dead bodies,” Sabrina said with a shrug. “We wait for Bridget to find it.”
“Where was the need for that?” I asked Sabrina.
“Like it wasn’t a fair comment?” Sabrina countered.
I made to check my watch again. And cursed myself again. I grabbed Sabrina’s wrist and checked hers. We had maybe five minutes before our GA meeting started. “Okay. Edith is yours. I’m going to find out if Madame Zorina’s dead or not.”
I didn’t wait for an answer. I tunnelled onto The Bus of Death. It always took me a little longer to get there because it was moving. I landed in the walkway in the centre of the bus. There were several passengers aboard. None of whom noticed me. I was about to walk along the aisle to speak to Charon when the bus lurched to the side as Charon took a corner on two wheels. Once the bus finally bumped back down onto all of its wheels I monkey barred along the aisle to the front.
“You did that on purpose,” I shouted over the roar of the engine.
Charon threw a grin over his shoulder at me. “Why, my little Bridget. I had no idea you were there.”
“You’re such a bad person,” I said as I yanked the clipboard out of its holder and scanned it.
“What are you looking for?” he asked.
“One of my friends was strangled. We’re not sure if she’s dead or not so I wanted to come and check if she was on your list. She’s not, though. So tha
t means she’s not dead, right?”
“Didn’t her dead body give it away?” Charon asked.
“I’m not sure if the killer took it.”
“If the killer took it how would you even know she was dead? Or is this a preemptive query?”
I looked up from the clipboard. “What? I’d see her ghost.”
“Come, now, my little Bridget. You know how this works. You’d only see her ghost and her dead body if she were a livie. If she were a dead ghost you wouldn’t be able to see her ghost’s ghost only her ghost dead body.”
“She’s a livie.”
“You’re friends with a livie?” Charon asked, focusing wholly on me. “You are so fascinating.”
I gestured to the windscreen. “You know it freaks me out when you don’t look at the road.”
He nodded and didn’t look away from me. “I know.”
“Hey, how many people did you pick up from the department store last night?” I asked, turning my back to the windshield. If I couldn’t see all the traffic laws he was breaking somehow it didn’t seem quite as bad.
He shrugged. “Don’t remember.”
“You don’t remember?”
“Nope. I pick up lots of people all over the place. I don’t remember the specifics.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You remember fine. You don’t want to tell me.”
“That too. I do remember having some fun with those two GB boys, though.”
“Was it the two of them?” I asked.
“Yes, the two GB boys. You know I didn’t touch your sticky-noted parole officer.”
“No. Was it the two mediums you picked up?”
“The GB boys only brought the whiny one out.”
“That’s not what I asked. Why are you being so cagey about this?”
“Because, my little Bridget, I could give you all the information but where’s the fun in that?”
“The fun will be in me not being murdered.”
“I know you know that death isn’t that big of a deal,” Charon said with a shrug. “Small price to pay for an exciting life.”
“Okay. How about this? Is there ever a time when someone dies at midday on a Tuesday but you wouldn’t pick them up until midday on a Wednesday?”
“There are a whole variety of circumstances that allow for the use of my discretion.”
“I’m going to take that as a yes. But if that’s the case then how come Magnificent Malcolm doesn’t remember having time to do stuff?”
“Dying is complicated.”
“So, what? He hung around his body for a whole night and—”
“Are you staying?” Charon grinned at me and jerked his head at the hairpin bend on the road ahead. I was pretty sure if he took it at our current speed it would roll the bus. I tunnelled to the sound of Charon’s tinkling laughter.
Chapter Ten
“What’s the verdict?” Sabrina asked when I met her back at the fort for our GA meeting. Happily, my shoes were exactly where I’d left them. I picked them up but didn’t put them back on as we walked across the grass.
“Madame Zorina wasn’t on the list, so that’s the best I can offer you.”
“I hope that list is accurate,” Sabrina said. “I know we’ve not been massively active in her whole spiritual detective agency recently, but I do like having the option.”
“I hope that list’s accurate.” That list was what we worked from to collect passengers. We might not yank people out of their bodies but I didn’t want to be taking anyone to Arrivals who was having a quick out-of-their-body-look around or was bound to a different afterlife plane. “But something occurred to me after I tunnelled. Remember when I took Madame Zorina to see Edith’s son? I had to touch her then. To tunnel her.”
“Yeah. After you left Edith explained that mediums could touch ghosts. That they weren’t totally subject to the same rules as regular livies. I was going to call you back but then I realised it still didn’t tell us if she was dead or not. And her nearly being murdered is a little bit inconvenient because I really wanted to question her about Jeremy and the other guy.”
“I asked Charon if he’d picked them both up at the same time but he wouldn’t tell me. Said it would make for a more exciting life to work it out myself.”
“Well, he’s right.”
“Don’t side with him. Did you ask Edith about being there with Tommy?”
“I did but she denied it. She said she had no clue what I was talking about and you must’ve been mistaken.”
“Oh, it was definitely her.”
Sabrina nodded. “I agree. If I hadn’t been sure before I was when she flat out denied it. She didn’t ask any question about why we’d thought it was her. I had to leave to get back here but we definitely need to follow up on that. I was thinking maybe Madame Zorina would know something about that, too.”
I made a doubtful noise. “I think Edith is far too cagey to have accidentally said something that might hint at her role with Tommy.”
“You can’t hide things forever. Stuff slips through. I thought I’d nip back after the meeting and see what Madame Zorina knew. About the other mediums too. Use her to snoop for us for a change. You think she’ll help?”
“Someone tried to kill her. I think she’ll be all about helping,” I said.
“Good. And does that seem weird to you? Like there’s no definitive dead test we could do on her.” Sabrina lowered her voice as we approached the front doors of the fort. “If you didn’t do what you do, we’d have had to wait until her body possibly showed up.”
“Everything about this place is weird to me. I’d have been more surprised if there had been a definitive way to test whether she was dead or not,” I said and paused to put my shoes back on my dirty feet. In life I’d have rather walked on glass than put dirty feet in such beautiful shoes but in life I’d never had a reason to have dirty feet.
“Really?” Sabrina asked, eyeing me as I straightened up.
“So where are we with suspects? Did you manage to snoop at all?” I asked as I led the way into the fort and straight to the tea and biscuit area at the back of the room. I couldn’t help smiling at the clip clop noise my heels made on the stone floor.
“No. These newbies are everywhere.” Sabrina’s voice brimmed with disgust. “Did Charon happen to mention how Magnificent Malcolm died?”
“Charon told me nothing. Why?”
Sabrina filled her coffee cup. “Jeremy’s murderer used whatever was to hand, which suggests it was a murder of opportunity, but someone brought something with them to specifically strangle Madame Zorina.”
“Are you saying there are two murderers?” I asked.
“No, it could still be the same person. It’s interesting that Jeremy was opportunistic but Madame Zorina was purposeful. Kind of implies that she might know something.”
“Uh-huh. Are you making huge leaps with no basis whatsoever so you can work in your conspiracy theory?” I asked, as I picked up my tea and a saucer full of custard creams. I spied two seats at the back of the hall away from the rest of our group.
“Admit that it does make a sort of sense,” Sabrina said as she followed me.
I sighed. I wasn’t going to encourage her and her conspiracy theories but it did sound like a somewhat logical conclusion. “So, what is our current working theory?”
“Jeremy was meeting his source. Why was Magnificent Malcolm there, though?”
“Maybe it was a joint source,” I suggested.
Sabrina shook her head. “Can’t see Jeremy sharing like that, can you? Maybe Magnificent Malcolm was spying on him? That would make a bit more sense. Trying to see how Jeremy got more messages than him. Maybe Magnificent Malcolm and Jeremy got into a fight and Magnificent Malcolm killed Jeremy.”
“And Jeremy landed a mortal wound on Magnificent Malcolm that didn’t kill him straightaway. Which would make sense as to why Jeremy and Magnificent Malcolm weren’t on the same busload of newly transitioned,” I agreed.
/> “Nope. That doesn’t work for me. They couldn’t have murdered each other because then who attacked Madame Zorina?” Sabrina tapped her digestive biscuit on the rim of her coffee cup and stared into the distance. “I think this is all connected.”
“Okay. What if we’ve got it backward? What if Magnificent Malcolm was meeting Wallace and Jeremy followed him. And then he and Jeremy got into a fight and dealt each other mortal blows. I could see Jeremy doing that more than Magnificent Malcolm stalking Jeremy.”
“Why?”
“I like Magnificent Malcolm and I don’t like Jeremy,” I said simply.
“That’s not a good reason to assume innocence.”
“Okay, whichever way we cut this, Magnificent Malcolm and Jeremy were in the store that night. Can I get some agreement on this?”
Sabrina shook her head. “Except if they were and had died at the same time they’d have been on the same busload of people and they weren’t. Are you sure they weren’t? I know you saw Jeremy because he made a racket but could Magnificent Malcolm been one of the zombified folks?”
“No, he was with a completely different group. So he was picked up at a different time. But Charon said that sometimes people don’t get picked up straightaway.”
“Really? Why?”
I shrugged. “He was about to take a hairpin bend at ninety miles an hour. I didn’t feel like staying to question him.”
“Okay. What about the person who attacked Madame Zorina likely being the same person who killed Jeremy and Magnificent Malcolm? Can I get some agreement on this?”
I made a “not really” type of noise. “You need to link Madame Zorina to them before I’ll buy that.”
Sabrina let out a heavy sigh. “That’s fair, I suppose.”
I gestured to her with my custard cream. “What if an alive person simply killed Jeremy and Magnificent Malcolm for alive people reasons and Madame Zorina is a whole separate other thing?”
“We’re going around in circles.” Sabrina placed her coffee on the chair next to her and counted off the possibilities on her fingers. “Option one: Jeremy and Magnificent Malcolm, both alive, killed each other. In a separate incident, a ghost attacks Madame Zorina for unknown reasons. Option two: Jeremy and Magnificent Malcolm end up at the department store for whatever reason and Wallace, who, by the way I’m not totally convinced is Officer Leonard, kills them. And then Wallace attacks Madame Zorina for unknown reasons. Option two, Part B: As part one, except Madame Zorina’s attack is unrelated. Option three: As option two but swap Wallace out for whoever Jeremy’s source is. With the added options of a related or unrelated attack on Madame Zorina.”
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