“He’s right.”
I lifted my eyes to West’s. He ran his fingers through his hair, glancing at his wristwatch. “I’ll see you in a little while, baby.” His voice softened, and I reached for his kiss. “Don’t antagonize him.”
“I won’t.”
The car ride with Logan to school was excruciatingly uncomfortable. When he hit the brakes in his parking spot, he turned to me. “Violet and I are planning for the inclined plane in Johnstown. December fifteenth. With or without you and West.”
“We’ll be there, Logan,” I promised him. He ignored me, getting out and slamming the car door behind him. I followed him into the school.
In class, West looked my way as little as possible. At one point, I raised my hand in the middle of his lecture.
“Yes, Miss Camden,” he said absently, continuing to write as he caught sight of my hand from the corner of his eye.
“You indicated that weaponry gave western Europeans the advantage, but the first guns and cannons were used more as scare tactics than actual means of destruction, given their inaccuracy.”
He considered my words for a moment, nodding at the floor. Finally, he lifted his face to mine. “Imagine standing on a ship at sea, facing a western European vessel armed with cannons. Even considering their inaccuracy, most found their target. This military advantage would carry over into the twentieth century.” He smiled at me encouragingly. “The cannons were frightening in their own right, but it took an actual hit to send the enemy running. Bravery played a large part in the expansion of our world.”
I smiled back at him, nodding. “Bravery. Got it.”
When the bell rang, he held his finger up. “Roam, I have the letter that you requested.”
“Already?” I widened my eyes, waiting for the room to clear. “When did you write this?”
“Around three this morning, while I watched you sleep.”
I blushed, lowering my eyes. “Thank you.”
“I made a phone call on my way here this morning.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Harvard is yours, if you want it.”
Of all the words he’d ever spoken to me, those nearly bowled me over. I gripped my backpack to keep from dropping it. “You got me in?”
“No. I may be able to bomb a fountain, but you have to have brains to get into Harvard. I just showed them the facts… and cut through the red tape.” He tipped my chin lightly. “I know it’s not your first choice, but Princeton and Yale will have to deal without you.”
“You don’t know what this means to me.” I felt the tears well in my eyes, and I struggled to catch each one before they slid down my cheek.
“Roam,” he said, his jaw tightening. “I do know what this means to you. That’s why we have to keep trying… we have to keep going, baby, it can’t be all for nothing.”
“I love you,” I managed, standing in the front of the empty classroom.
“Ditto,” he whispered softly. I thought of his favorite movie, smiling before hurrying to second period.
In Statistics, I unfolded his letter, and after reading two words of his handwritten note, I knew that the paper was never intended for a college application.
Intelligence is not measured by the mind’s ability to compute, but by the heart’s will to contrive.
Not recognizing the quote, I caught him in his classroom before lunch. He was bent over his desk. Knocking softly, I stood in the doorway.
“Whose quote is this?”
He sat back in his chair, staring at me from across the empty classroom. “You asked me for an original.”
I remembered our conversation on the plane to Rome, my lips curving into a knowing smile. “I may have found a new favorite philosopher.”
He grinned, nodding toward the door. “Eat lunch, baby,” he ordered.
I turned, smiling as I walked to the cafeteria.
Chapter Twenty
That afternoon, Logan pulled into my driveway, surprising me as he turned the ignition off on his car.
“You’re coming in?”
The sky was already growing dim, the rain picking up again. “Can we talk?”
“Sure.”
I followed him to the front door, reading Morgan’s text on my phone as it slid through.
Morgan: Out with Jason. Dad swears he’ll be home tonight. Call if he isn’t. Love you.
“I’m sorry about this morning.” He closed the door behind us, securing the deadbolt.
“You reacted to my behavior,” I conceded, sighing and dropping my backpack to the ground. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“Well, as long as we’re both sorry, let’s watch a movie while we do our homework.”
I laughed, shaking my head defeatedly. “Okay.”
After flipping through the channels, he settled on Titanic. I ignored the television, struggling with my French assignment. His voice interrupted my thoughts. “What are you doing tonight?”
Hesitantly, I continued staring at my paper. “It depends on my dad.”
“What, if he’s home, you can’t sneak off to see West?”
I stiffened, not answering.
He sat at the coffee table, his back against the couch as mine was. “Thanks for telling Morgan, by the way. I think she’s afraid of me.”
Lifting my eyes, I shook my head. “No, Logan… she’s not at all, she’s just coming to terms with this. She wants to help us.”
“Did you tell her what I’ve done to you in Roam and Logan’s Past Life Adventures?”
I cringed at his air quote, rolling my eyes. “Logan.” I dropped my pencil, holding my head. “I’m sick of this. Just… watch the freaking movie.”
“Okay.” He sat back sarcastically, tossing his pen at the table. “I love this part. Oh, no, I can’t marry you, you rich and oppressive ass. I much prefer screwing the homeless in the cargo hold.”
I slammed my French textbook closed, glaring at him. “That’s it. Take your attitude home.”
“Just watching the movie.”
“Keep your comments to yourself.”
“You know, he gives her a giant diamond, but all she really wants is a kinky sketch on the couch.”
“Get out.” I stood, pointing at the front door.
He stood to face me. “Is Troy just a permanent fixture in his basement now? You know, work, cook dinner, feed the dog, feed the immortal prisoner-”
“No! We’re trying to end this, and West is convinced we can do it without a baby!”
“Really. Looks like you’re playing house.”
“We’re going to cross over to this other… realm… and end this. Somehow,” I finished lamely, anger tightening every muscle in my body.
The living room was almost completely dark. I reached for the lamp, but he caught my hand.
I scowled at him.
“You need to be away from this,” he said, gripping my wrist. “We can do this without you. I can’t imagine if you were just… gone… from my life.”
I met his eyes in the darkness, shaking off his grip. “I’m going through.”
He sat on the couch, and I sighed deeply, sitting next to him.
“Violet told me about the day her mother disappeared.” He stared blankly ahead. “There was no funeral, no body. No closure. Just paperwork and foster family after foster family. She’s on family number four.”
I turned to him. His silhouetted profile was as familiar as my own in the shadowy living room. Memories rose like smoke from a dying fire… hand in hand at the lake, climbing trees, riding roller coasters, playing Guitar Hero… summers filled with smiles that only Logan could win from me when my mother was gone.
Gentling my voice, I spoke tentatively. “I know that you… care about her.” When he said nothing, I chanced taking his hand in mine. He turned to me in the darkness, resting his head against the back of the couch.
“I care about her… a lot.”
Lowering my head to his shoulder, I curled against him. He said nothing, just grasped me
tighter to him.
“Logan.” My eyes burned with the impending words, but they had to be said. “I will always love you. I will love you like I love wading in the lake, or riding the Ferris wheel, or…” My chest was weighted in sadness. “Or being with my mom. You are the other half of me.”
He said nothing, but only held my hand, lacing his fingers through mine tightly.
“But Logan, I can never be with you the way that you need me to. I can never be your wife.” My voice broke, but he squeezed my hand, encouraging me. “Logan, I’m already… gone.”
He lifted my head so I’d face him, tilting my chin. The relief in his face told me that I’d given him the answer that he wanted to hear.
After a few moments, he sighed.
“Okay, then.”
His lips touched mine, hesitant. I kissed them tearfully, and then his cheek, and then wrapped my arms around him. “Tell Violet how you feel.”
The lights flickered on, and my dad looked at us from the door. “A little dark in here,” he said pointedly. “Hey boot.”
“Mr. Camden.” Logan cleared his throat and stood, gathering his backpack. “I have to get home. Call if you need me, Cam.”
“Bye,” I said softly, knowing that our words still weighed heavily in the air.
“Bye.”
I watched Logan leave, and my dad replaced him on the couch. “You okay?”
Brushing at my tears, I nodded.
He gathered me against him, his body still cold from the chill outside. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I won’t let you down anymore.”
“No, you haven’t, Dad-”
“Yes, I have.” He hugged me tightly. “I can’t disappear like I did after Mom died. I’m not drinking anymore, and I’m going to a meeting tonight.”
“I’ll come with you.” I kissed his cheek, and he smiled lovingly.
“I’d like that.”
I spent the evening at the AA meeting with my father, sitting in a back pew of the church where it was held. West’s text came through silently.
West: Everything okay tonight?
I texted back quickly.
Me: Spending some time with my dad.
His response was instantaneous.
West: Good. I love you.
Seeing his words made me smile.
Morgan brought home Chinese take-out, and the three of us settled at the kitchen table together. I stared at my food, listening to them talk about Morgan’s classes.
“What do you want from Santa this year, sweetie?” My dad interrupted my thoughts, and I smiled at him, stirring my rice with my fork absently.
“Just this. Together time.”
“Oh, come on,” Morgan groaned, tearing into her fortune cookie. “You always do that. I just spent a half an hour talking about those boots I want, and you always show me up with crap like together time.”
I laughed, and my dad grinned at Morgan. “Your sister is just easy to please. She always has been.”
Thinking of Logan, I shrugged. “It just takes me too long to decide what I really want.”
Morgan watched me carefully, and then glanced at the clock. “Are you still sleeping over at Ally-May’s tonight?” she asked, giving me a look.
“On a school night?” My dad raised his eyebrows, and then shook his head. “I guess it doesn’t matter. Your grades are phenomenal.”
Dropping my fork, I gripped my fingers together under the table. “I’ll stay here tonight, but I’m staying with her this weekend,” I said softly, and then lifted my eyes. “I got into Harvard.”
“What the-” Morgan nearly choked, bursting to her feet. “Why didn’t you tell me? When did you send your application? Roam!” Morgan shrieked, and my dad stood up, pulling me into his arms.
“Oh, Roam. I’m so proud of you. I wish Mom was here.” He pressed my head to his shoulder, and I hugged him tightly, tears brimming.
“We need to get moving on scholarship applications and financial aid. The online forms…” She trailed off as she met my anxious eyes, and her face softened. “We’ll take care of that later. Let’s just celebrate tonight.”
We went out for ice cream, our traditional celebration for whenever anything really good happened. The King Cone was deserted, other than one bored sophomore that I recognized from school. After ice cream, Morgan and I made popcorn and settled onto the couch while Dad went to bed.
“It was him, wasn’t it,” Morgan said, under her breath, as Dad walked up the stairs.
I nodded. “He made some calls and sent my transcripts. I don’t even know how he got them, but I don’t care.”
She played with a piece of popcorn between her fingertips. “I told Jason.”
I looked at her quickly. “And?”
“He believed me. He said he’d do anything to help.” She bit her lip before a wide grin spread. “And he told me that he loved me.”
“Oh, Morgan.” I hugged her tightly, returning her smile. “Do you feel the same way?”
“I really do. Just nervous about it.”
“Don’t hold back,” I whispered against her ear. “Hearts can be broken more than once… and they can heal more than once.”
She pulled away, her eyes misty. “You already taught me that.”
That night, I lay in bed, holding my phone as if it were West’s hand. My dreams were scattered and unclear, snippets of the day, scenes from Titanic, West’s note, written in French…
And Eva.
Logan was his old self again on the way to school. He insisted that I bring my swimming gear, though I had no intention whatsoever of getting back in the pool. In history, West collected all our maps. He asked James to stay back after class, so I hurried into the hallway, not lingering and waiting for him.
Going through the motions.
At the end of the day, a text came through from him.
West: Come see me.
Logan waited at my locker, and I gestured to my phone. “West.”
“Do you need a ride home?” he asked, deeply involved in his own phone.
“I’ll be fine. Thanks.” I hugged him before walking to West’s classroom.
I found him packing up for the weekend, and he smiled when I came in. “I have a meeting. Why don’t you swim for a while, and I can take you home afterward.”
I shifted my weight. “Are you and Logan working together on this?”
“Roam.” He took a step toward me, and even with more than four feet between us, my body reacted. I exhaled sharply, lifting my chin to look up at him. He stopped walking, and I watched his jaw tense. He feels it, too.
“What, West?”
“Get back in the water,” he ordered roughly.
“I just want to go to your bedroom.”
He took a step back, obviously just as shocked at my words as I was.
He raised one eyebrow, tucking his hands into his pockets. “This is going to become more difficult to resist. The longer we control ourselves, the stronger the pull.”
My knees melted beneath me, and I shifted my backpack, swallowing hard. “I can’t even think,” I murmured, turning away from him and staring at the empty desks. Covering my stomach, I fought to still the burgeoning need inside. “Just take me to your bed. Please, West.”
“Jesus Christ,” he hissed, standing perfectly still and closing his eyes for a long moment. “Don’t do that here. I have a meeting,” he repeated, turning away from me as his voice cracked. “I’ll come down to the gym at four.”
I pouted, rolling my eyes. “I’ll be waiting. Fully clothed, in the bleachers.”
“Get in the water,” he repeated, closing his laptop.
“No.” I turned for the door, but his voice stopped me.
“Roam,” he called, and I didn’t turn around. “Get back in the pool, and I’ll give you anything you want.”
I stopped then, turned to him quickly. “Anything?”
“Anything. I give you my word.”
Considering his promise, I nodded slowly. “O
kay, see you at four.”
The pool held a few swimmers from the team. I put my swimsuit on in the locker room while exchanging hellos, grateful that I never became close friends with any of them.
At the ladder, I froze. The memories of Troy’s attack in the pool nearly had me forgetting to breathe. I turned to run, smacking into Logan directly behind me.
“I’m right in the bleachers. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Logan…”
“There are seven other people in this pool, and there’s a faculty meeting in the office. The school is packed with people. You are not alone.”
“I can’t get back in.” I shook my head, turning toward the locker room.
“Roam.” He pointed to the water, narrowing his eyes. “You’re stronger than this. I know what you’re capable of enduring.”
Ignoring him, I headed for the locker room. At the last moment, a rush of courage surged through my body, and I turned for the diving board. Holding my breath and closing my mind, I stretched my arms out in perfect form.
And I dove.
Once under the water, I opened my eyes, not having to worry about contacts. The mild burn of the chlorine was familiar, and the underwater so recognizable that I remained below for as long as my lungs would have me.
After four laps, I came up at the edge of the pool, and Logan squatted to smile down at me. “Feel good?”
“Thank you,” I said. He nodded once, glancing at his phone.
“West said the meeting is running late, so to give you his key, and take you to his house, unless you want to wait until closer to five.”
“No, I’ll go now. I’m tired.” I climbed out of the pool, reaching for my towel. “Are you sure you don’t mind dropping me off?”
“No,” he replied, smiling down at his phone before looking up at me. “You’re my best friend. That’s what we do.”
Violet must be texting, I realized, smirking at him.
Once at West’s, Logan turned the engine off, but I touched his hand softly. “I’m fine until West gets home. You don’t have to stay.”
“Do not go in the basement.”
“I won’t.” I shook my head adamantly, my wet hair pulled into a loose ponytail. “I’ll be fine.”
Logan walked through the house, checking every room, including the basement. He came up the stairs, paled but calm. “He’s mumbling about something. Don’t go down there,” he repeated. “Call me if you need me.”
Fall (Roam Series, Book Two) Page 19
