This is my diary, these are my words and it’s my story. Except it isn’t. Not anymore. My story – my survival – is entirely intertwined with the lives of those I share it with. It isn’t me anymore. It’s us.
That’s the community we’ve built.
They have been a part of my story.
The fact that they are no longer, breaks me.
The fact that I can’t tell their final chapter breaks me nearly as much. There were heroes on this night, fighting for everything they believed in, fighting for a better future for all... and no one will ever know.
*
It was only a minute after we had set ourselves into position that Lana came into view. She was carrying a bag which I recognised as the bug-out medical supplies. I smiled at that – always thinking – Lana.
She cornered around the back of the tennis centre near where Kelly was stationed.
Kelly called out to her in ever louder whispers until she caught her attention. Lana looked back at her and yelled, “Run!”
At that moment, we all knew company wasn’t far behind. Kelly headed back our way under the cover of trees with rifle trained on the corner. Lana
moved in the same direction, but sticking to the side of the buildings on the other side of the road.
We all knew something was up and prepared for the worst. Soon after, three enemies rounded the corner in chase. Lana had managed to reach the next corner and duck out of sight again, but not before one of them had locked onto her move. They sprinted in chase, rifles raised.
The three of us held fire, not knowing what else might be coming.
Lana crossed over Memorial Dr, headed in my general direction. She found cover in the undulating ash on the other side of the road before the three rounded the second corner.
When the enemy realised they’d lost sight of her, they slowed to a stop, whispered plans to each other then split up and started a sweep of the area.
I’d lost sight of Lana below me and assumed she’d headed for the bridge underpass. One of the enemies had the same thought, almost making a beeline for her last known direction, while the other two tracked further east along the riverfront area.
As they did, Kelly headed back to our side of the road.
Given no one else had joined the hunt, we figured we’d only be dealing with three bogeys. That knowledge changed the game. We started signalling to each other – who had eyes on who etc.
I figured if the first guy followed Lana through the underpass, I’d take him out with the crossbow on the other side. With any luck I could do it quietly enough so the others wouldn’t notice, but even if they did hear, we’d have a significant numbers advantage by then. I figured Lana would be armed, which would make it four on two.
I had that confirmed when a pistol fired once, then twice. It was Lana – she’d downed the nearest assailant. The noise came from east of the bridge – she hadn’t gone through the underpass at all, she’d just laid in wait for him to come close enough to fire.
Further east, the other two immediately turned and headed for the commotion. Staying low and seeking cover where they could. I signalled Ye-jun and Kelly to open fire.
It was then that I realised one of the two was Duncan – something about the way he moved for his weapon meant I knew it was him.
Shots seemed to echo out from everywhere at that point. I made sure my cover was good, but no heat seemed to be coming in my direction. One of the benefits of a crossbow I guess – it doesn’t betray your position too easily.
I aimed my crossbow at Duncan, but my shot wasn’t clean enough to be sure so I held back. Then I heard Lana scream in pain below where I was.
I called the others to cover me. When they opened up a volley of cover fire, I jumped over the rails and slid down the ash, letting Lana’s cries of pain guide me. By the time the ground levelled out, I was less than 10m from her. I ran low and slid in next to her.
“You OK?” I said.
I could see the darker patch of colour in her uniform. She was hit in the ribcage. I eased my hands close to investigate, but she seethed in pain. Blood was everywhere. It was all sticky on my hand when I withdrew it.
“Leave me – get to the jail,” she said in between shallow breaths to control the pain.
I knew we had to get her out of there and fast if she was any chance of surviving.
I also knew there was no chance Ye-jun or Kelly would be able to see my signals from where I was. Instead I called out. “One of you get the ride, the rest cover us.”
There was another exchange of fire after that. I just sat next to Lana with my crossbow raised and ready to hit anything that came close.
Then I heard a cry from east. One of the enemy must’ve been hit. As hard as I wished for it to be Duncan, I knew that voice wasn’t his pathetic panicky sell-out tone. With Lana down, me tending to her and someone getting Phoenix, it meant it was down to a one-on-one on the battlefield.
Then I heard another scream – it was Kelly.
I called up to her, asking if she was OK. I only got the sounds of pain in reply.
Then I realised what a shit spot I was in. I had no cover and no idea where Duncan was. But he would’ve heard me call out twice. Not only that, if he’s heard Kelly’s screams, he’d know it was the usual gang together. Meaning Ye-jun was getting Phoenix and there was no other cover protecting me.
Surely he must realise he either had to attack or run in that moment.
I figured stalling him or narrowing down his location was my best play.
“Hey Duncan, I’ve only got one question for you. Why?” I yelled.
By this point there were no gunshots at all in the area – it was eerily silent and my words seemed to travel. But only silence travelled back.
“What? Nothing to say? Again?”
Still silence. Well, rustling and movement, but no words. Next to me, Lana was starting to struggle with her breathing. Whatever pain she was in, she held it inside.
“You haven’t run away again have you?”
Silence. He was preparing himself to attack, I knew it.
“It’s what you did at my place. It’s what you did at the oval. It’s what you do.”
The silence was finally broken, not by Duncan, but by the sound of Phoenix firing up in the distance.
Lana pawed for me and I leaned in. She directed my hand to the medical kit and whispered. “Move.”
“No, I’m with you, Ye will be here soon,” I whispered back.
She fumbled at her side until she had a grip on her pistol again. She took the pain of her injury with her other hand, breathed deep then held the pistol out at the ready. “That’s an order. Move!”
I looked at her, still strong and wise, even now. I could only nod in agreement before grabbing the medical bag and making my move. I got to my feet and gently inched along the bridge line in the direction of the oval. I stayed low with crossbow at the ready.
The only sounds were Phoenix and Lana’s breathing.
I’d made it a good 6-8m away when everything hit the fan. I saw movement. Then, several rounds of fire rang out. Duncan was making a run for me – at least where he thought I was. I knew this by the sounds of the commotion. I had my crossbow at the ready. When I finally saw him I breathed in deep – I only had one shot at this.
He neared Lana’s location.
I pulled the trigger.
The arrow fssked through the air and hit him in the stomach. He went down as a burst of fire came from his gun.
I reached for another arrow and reloaded, despite my shaking hands.
He went to stand again and I sent another shot in close proximity to the first.
This time I heard his scream.
I reloaded. I could see him doubled over in pain and I shot again. This shot buried into his chest.
I reloaded again. I was pretty sure he’d been separated from his weapon but I fired again, just in case. I hit him in the side. He collapsed completely.
I reloaded,
then got to my feet. I took the knife from my side, then retrained the crossbow on him with my knife at the ready.
I could hear his pain as I approached. I was watching him down the barrel of my weapon. I could see his gun a couple of metres from him. I swooped in and knelt on his chest, pinning him into place. The move snapped a couple of arrows on the way and he cried in pain.
The fear in his eyes is something I will never forget.
And that was before I put my knife to his throat and asked him one more time. “Why?”
He broke at that moment. Started bawling and said “I’m sorry” over and over through the tears.
I wasn’t buying it. That was his guilt not my apology.
I punched him in the face. “That’s for Lana.”
Then again. “That’s for betraying New Adelaide.”
And again. “That’s for getting people killed.”
Again. “People I love.”
He was barely with it at that point and my fist screamed in pain.
I stood up and backed away from it all. Did I feel ashamed at what I’d become in that moment? I wasn’t sure.
He started making a half sobbing, half wheezing noise. I felt nothing. No remorse. No empathy. Not for him. Not for what he’d done. Yes, I did want to be the bigger man in the world.... I wanted to be the rebels, not the Death Star. But not today. Not to Duncan.
I walked to his fallen weapon and picked it up. I’m not sure he could see through his bloodied eyes, but he must’ve heard what I was doing. He started making this fretful pining, weeping noise.
The gun wasn’t for him, though. It was for our future. I strapped it over my shoulder and went to walk away before facing him one final time.
“And this... this is for Fi.”
I raised my crossbow and hit the trigger. The arrow buried into his throat an instant later. He gargled on his pain but I didn’t stay around to witness it. I just did what he had done all along – I turned my back on the suffering I’d left in my wake. Then I rushed back to Lana.
Ye-jun was just making his way down the side of the bridge’s embankment as I arrived and the two of us carried her up. Every step was a struggle up that incline. We gasped for air and kept talking to Lana in between breaths. She
was fading fast. After what seemed like an eternity, we reached the railing and eased her over.
We picked up our pace on the last flat stretch to Phoenix. Once there, we eased her in as fast as we could. A bloodied Kelly was there with bandages over her leg, pressuring the area, lost in her own pain.
Ye-jun insisted on staying with Lana while I drove. Those two went back almost all the way to rock night. Without a word, I was in the driver’s seat and steering Phoenix to the bug-out location.
I smashed the trip as fast as I could, making sure to take the corners as wide and gently as I could. But I knew the seconds counted.
We pulled up outside the jail in no time. I parked Phoenix where she’d stay out of sight and jumped back to help Ye-jun. But there were already tears in his eyes. I must’ve given him some really dumb look as if I still didn’t know what was going on, because he shook his head. Then I turned my attention to Lana. I moved in to get a good look at her. I knew it all in an instant, but my face must’ve still been conflicted.
“She’s gone,” said Ye-jun.
I hugged her and cried. Ye-jun joined me.
It was Kelly’s short breaths that focused us onto things we could change. We grabbed her and the medical supplies and headed for the safety of the walls of our new home.
We also prepared ourselves for whatever New Adelaide community awaited us.
***
February 20, 2015
New Adelaide is officially lost.
***
February 24, 2015
I have been struggling to know how or when or what to write. No words seem right. The evil genius of this world has outdone itself. Here I am in the middle of another moment filled with too much pain to possibly convey, let alone have the willpower to try.
It is too hard to write.
But I know I must before it all fades into a grey mass of shock and disbelief.
There are already so many stories with ends unknown. It was so chaotic and fast and confusing – so many things that happened will pass as unknown. And for what?
I don’t have all the stories yet of those last few minutes. Some will come in time when people are ready to talk further on the events of that day. Some we will never know because nobody remains who can tell us.
From what we do know, chaos was everywhere. Shane’s group faced it as they tried to make a move for Lana at the oval. Of the four who went in, only Asha has returned – Shane, Trent and Trav are all MIA. Asha’s spoken to me briefly about how quickly their mission fell apart, with enemies from two sides around them. They were separated and in the mad scramble for survival, only Asha returned.
She’s not injured but she’s hurting as much as anyone can. She assumed when she returned that they’d be waiting for her. I think that’s going to cut deep for some time.
The thought of losing Shane is too much to even comprehend right now. He and I are connected to the oval in ways no one else can possibly understand. I can’t bear both he and the oval being stripped from me in one foul swoop.
Those who were the last to leave the eastern front faced equal chaos. Alyce was loading gear into the Thunderbird rigged to tow the trebuchet when the wall was breeched by a couple of Norwood soldiers on foot. Laura and Mark were with her at the car, while DC and the Js were grabbing the last of the gear from the Botanic Hotel lookout.
It was Jan who ordered them to go, while she intended to stay with John, Jenny and DC to hold off the invaders and buy them some time. By the time Alyce, Laura and Mark had loaded into the car, two enemies over the top had become a dozen, then more.
They were soon under fire and had just enough time to roll out before the numbers became greater again. While they made it back in the car, with trebuchet in tow, it was the last we heard from Jan, John, Jenny or DC.
This is all I know right now, and may be all I know for some time.
I want to tell those stories further, but I just don’t have any more information to share. Maybe others do, but they’re not talking.
In truth it’s not right to write now either, but I’m putting these words down so the burden of it doesn’t hang over me every day.
This hurts in too many ways to deal with.
While we know some people died, others are just missing in action. MIA.
In all probability, their fate is the same as the others, we just don’t know. We do know that everyone knew to gather here at the jail... and not that many are here.
*
So, to the citizens of New Adelaide lost and the missing, I salute you:
Lana Barker
Marci Brooks*
Danielle ‘DC’ Carol*
Kent Gill*
Jonah Henari
Joyce Hill*
David Holmes
Dianne Holmes
Dan ‘Jonesy’ Jones*
Jan McArdle*
Trav Morris*
Trent Murray*
Jenny Parker*
John Parker*
Ashleigh Taylor
Jacob Taylor
Michael Ward
Shane Young*
*Missing in action
*
MIA - what kind of end is that? No one deserves that. No one who did what they did for New Adelaide on February 19, 2015, anyway.
I will create a memorial for all of them, when the time is right.
*
For now, we have injured to tend to.
We need to regenerate before we take on this world again.
As for what our next move is, I don’t know.
Once again, the bullets are firing and we’re not part of it. It seems Norwood and TTP were not in collusion over the oval. They both wanted the same thing for themselves. And they hav continued to fi
ght for it long after we pulled out.
The thing that we made from nothing, the thing that could have sustained everybody if it was allowed to thrive for long enough, became the thing that got a lot of people killed.
And it still is.
But let them waste their bullets.
I don’t hate this world, but I sure as hell hate some of the people in it, or what it let them become. There is so much that is futile with everything that’s happened over the last few days. I feel shame. Shame at people. Shame at me.
If there is a god, beyond Asha and her rifle, who saved me in no-man’s land, and they’re looking down on all this, what must they think? My god, we faced the big one as a species and we were the survivors – the lucky ones. And what lessons did we learn out of it all?
Nothing, it would seem.
Lessons utterly missed.
Shame.
*
As for the former citizens of New Adelaide, we are few.
Angie Armstrong
Jack Baldwin
Kelly Connell
Laura Dawson
Eliza Gardner
Mark Harper
Alyce Jameson
Ye-jun Kim
Nate Poole
Steph Powell
Jessie Taylor
Asha Wilkinson
*
We are also in no state to reclaim what is ours.
I have no idea what our future holds. Maybe we’ll bunker down in the jail for a while. We are right under their noses, but their attention is elsewhere at the moment. Maybe we’ll head west and build a new life by the sea where the food is plenty and no one will come looking for us for a long, long while.
I just don’t know. Nor do I have the capacity or will to think about it any more. It has taken everything I have to write these words.
*
Now I need to be with those I love.
I need to repair my mind, while they repair their bodies.
We will rebuild. Just not now.
*
Jack Baldwin,
Survivor,
Proud citizen of New Adelaide
Diary of a Survivor (Book 3): Apocalypse Page 26
