by Erica Hobbs
I rode all the way back to my penthouse. Once I got out of the elevator, I slammed the door into my house as well as the door into the kitchen. It didn’t really help, either.
Anger boiled under my skin like poison. I saw white. I clenched my hands into fists and swung at the closest cabinet. The door splintered under my knuckle and pain shot up my arm. When I pulled back a hole a little bigger than my fist gaped in the door, the glasses on the inside peeking through, miraculously unbroken.
I opened my hand and inspected the back of it. Blood oozed out of the graces and scratches on my knuckles where the wood hadn’t wanted to give way for me. It was going to hurt like a bitch, later. Right now there was too much adrenaline to allow for anything other than a dull throb.
I found my cell phone and dialed Alyssa’s number. I had to talk to her. I needed to tell her what happened so that she heard it from me, first, and she didn’t read it in some tabloid where they would twist the details of the story. God, she’d been the other woman in a previous relationship. What would this look like to her now?
The calling tone rang on and on. With every second she didn’t pick up, my throat closed more and more. My chest hurt. The kitchen felt like it was closing in on me, the walls threatening to crush me. I held my injured hand against my chest. It had started to hurt more, now. I’d been stupid to punch the door. I’d been stupid to let Amanda get to me like that. I’d been stupid in a lot of ways.
Alyssa didn’t answer her phone. I tried three times. By the fourth, it was off and took me straight to voicemail. Either she’d switched it off, or the battery had died. I didn’t know which I hoped for. Actually, I’d hoped she would answer in the first place.
What was I going to do?
I stood in frozen panic for just a moment before I turned around and found my car keys. I was going to find her and talk to her face to face. I had to. This couldn’t be the end. My life couldn’t be over now when it was just beginning.
Chapter 27
Alyssa
“You look like you’re in a good mood,” my dad said when I walked into the kitchen before work. He sat in the breakfast booth reading the paper – probably the sports section. My dad was a die-hard football fan, but he only stuck to the facts. The scores and updates in the paper were all he needed.
I smiled. “Yeah, things are going well. I told you about the design thing I am doing tonight?” I walked to the coffee machine. “Do you want a cup?”
He nodded. “I’m glad for you. This is such a big opportunity. Are you sure that’s all that’s going on?” He glanced at me over his paper. I took out two mugs and made it special. Half milk, half coffee, and microwave for a minute. I wasn’t allowed to do it this way, but I did it every now and then. It was my favorite. I got it from my dad.
When I put the milk-coffee in front of him, he grinned. “A very good mood, as it turns out.”
I blew on the top of the hot coffee and took a sip. Creamy, but it burned my tongue.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Dad said after he had tested his coffee, too.
I shrugged. “I know you’ve been talking to mom.” The fact that he’d asked if there was more at all told me mom had said something to him. He smiled at me, nodding slowly. I looked at my pale coffee.
“I’m sure I can talk about it really soon,” I said. I was dating Jake now. I would introduce him to my parents at some point. Of course, I was still nervous it would blow up in my face. We just needed time. I didn’t think he would do something to hurt me, but I still needed some time for him to prove it to me. We were taking it day by day. There was nothing wrong with that. I was relieved my parents never followed the tabloids. My dad believed it was full of made-up nonsense. It was true, except for the fact that I’d been featuring in them lately. Still, the fact that neither of them bothered with the fantasies of the gossip columns meant I could break my secret to them myself when the time was right. And it would be soon, I was sure.
“Well, I wish you would do it soon. We’re getting really curious.”
I grinned to myself. I could imagine they were curious. I didn’t just date someone, and after what had happened with James… it was better this way, though.
We drank our coffee together in silence after that. Dad read his paper, and I was lost in through, dreaming about Jake and the way he touched my heart when he kissed me. When my coffee was finished, I put down the cup and got up.
“I have to get going,” I said.
My dad checked his wristwatch. “I should get going, too.”
My phone rang, and I answered immediately.
“Good news!” Tanya’s voice sounded as cheerful as I felt. “There’s an electrical issue at the shop, and we’re closed for the day. No work!”
“That is good news,” I said and hung up. “Guess I won’t be going to work today,” I said to my dad.
“Lucky you,” he mumbled and nudged me before he left. I cleared the empty cups, rinsing them in the sink before I went to my room. I made the bed and tidied up. I sat on my bed and looked around the room. With the whole day stretching ahead of me and nothing to do, I felt a little lost. I hadn’t had ‘nothing to do’ since before college.
Two college boxes were still taped up and unpacked in the corner. I got up and wrestled the first box to the middle of my room, cutting the tape. It was full of photos from college – the friends I’d made there, dorm parties, frat parties, study sessions. I smiled, looking through them. I didn’t miss college, but I missed having direction in my life. Working at a printing shop wasn’t precisely the definition of success. Maybe Amanda’s thing later, where I might be introduced to the design world, would help with that.
I found a journal. I had written in it almost every day. It had helped me reign in my dreams about the future and drool over James. My stomach turned when I touched it. It was a book of horror, now.
Three photos fell from between the pages when I lifted it from the box. I put down the journal and studied the photos. All three were of James and me. I had gotten rid of everything that reminded me of him. Somehow these had slipped through.
He was holding me in one. In another, we looked at each other, laughing. And in a third, he was hugging me. I remembered that day. He’d left on a business trip, and I wouldn’t see him for two weeks. Looking back now, he had probably gone back to her. The one he’d been cheating on with me. The one who had his heart all along.
A sharp pain wedged itself between my ribs, and I tried to breathe around it. I was over everything that had happened between us now. I had someone new in my life. Jake would never do that to me… would he? Doubt crept in like a dark cloud, and I felt it dragging me down. I shook it off immediately. I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt – he deserved that much. I couldn’t start off a relationship being this glum about it.
I put all three photos on top of each other and tore them in half. It was the last of James in my life. I didn’t need it.
My phone rang again, Tanya’s name flashing on the screen.
“One day we’re not working together, and you missed me already,” I joked.
She chuckled unconvincingly. “I just wanted to see what you’ve been up to.”
“It’s hard not working, eh? Even when we do practically nothing at the shop.”
She chuckled again. She was uncharacteristically quiet.
“What’s up?” I asked. “You don’t sound like yourself.”
She breathed in. “I uh…” She breathed out, and in again.
“What’s wrong?” I demanded. This wasn’t just about her having an off day. When Tanya was like this, something was far from ok.
“Have you been online today?” she asked.
I shook my head even though she couldn’t see me. “What happened?” It had to do with Jake. I just knew it. The internet had become this fear since I’d met Jake. Everything in his life I didn’t like – which wasn’t a lot at all – was on there. I had started to avoid it because it wasn’t him I
read about. It was a character the public had created.
“Maybe you just want to check it out,” Tanya said. She ended the conversation before I could get anything else out of her. My stomach turned, and I felt sick. Something was very wrong. I didn’t want to check it out now. I didn’t want to read whatever it was they had to say. I wanted to carry on the blissful state of happiness a new relationship brought with it.
I logged onto my computer. It was easier to read than on my phone. I opened Google. My fingers trembled when I typed Jake’s name into the search bar. My heart beat in my throat as I waited for the pages to load.
The titles of the pages popped up one by one. They were talking about flings. As far as I knew, that was me.
I clicked on the ‘image’ tab and waited. The images loaded one by one, and as they did my heart stopped.
He was in the photos with some brunette. In the lobby of his building. And they were kissing. I couldn’t see who it was, her back was to the camera, but there was no doubt what they were doing.
I couldn’t breathe. My skin shrunk until it was too small for my body and my chest was so tight I was scared I would have a panic attack. I rubbed my sternum with the tips of my fingers. The pain that had lodged itself between my ribs when I’d found the photos of James was back with an intensity I hadn’t felt in a long time. Maybe even more.
Everything had been a lie. All that bullshit about not being able to compete when I was the only one had been lines he’d used to get to me. When he’d asked me out, I had said yes because I had been under the impression he didn’t usually do this kind of thing, that he was genuinely new at being committed and that I was special.
It turned out it had all been an act. Everyone falls for the inexperienced guy, the one who is so sincere it almost hurts.
Well, this was where it got me.
I closed my eyes and leaned back in my chair, trying to pretend none of it had happened. There weren’t photos on the internet of Jake with another woman. There wasn’t evidence for the world to see I didn’t make that cut to keep him interested in me alone. There was nothing wrong, and I could still be happy.
Make-believe never worked. The shock and hurt turned to anger. Rage boiled beneath my skin. The fucking nerve! Just because he had a million fans trailing after him no matter what he did and enough money to buy whatever his heart desired didn’t mean he was above being decent. It didn’t mean he could mess with people because the main point of his life was a game.
I deserved more than that. I deserved to be treated like someone special. I deserved a chance to be happy. After everything, Jake knew about me. He had just hurt the wrong girl. I didn’t bounce back. I didn’t do second chances. I didn’t do apologies and forgiveness. James had pushed me to be hard, and it was a good thing.
Resolve settled in my chest like a rock, and my breathing eased. The pain would be a companion for a while but damned if this would ever happen to me again. I was done.
I snapped my eyes open and leaned down, gripping the computer’s power chord in my fist. With a swift movement, I yanked it out of the wall.
I picked up my phone. Three missed calls from Jake. Right, with excuses and lies? I dialed Jake’s number, and my stomach turned while I waited for the calling tone.
He answered on the first ring. “Alyssa, thank God, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.”
He sounded frantic.
“I can’t imagine why,” I said, my voice cold and sarcastic. “It seems like you have more than enough women around you to keep you distracted.”
“It’s not what it looks like,” he said. It was the most used line in the world.
“I don’t want to hear it. I’m not doing this again. Get the fuck out of my life and don’t ever come back.
“Allyssa-“
I hung up before he got a chance to say anymore. It was done. I didn’t want him in my life anymore. I wasn’t going to be another piece on the side. I collapsed on my bed, a mixture of rage and pain swirling in my chest. I had done the right thing. I had stood up for myself and broken it off. I wasn’t lying here blubbering like a pathetic loser. I was strong, and I would overcome this and move on with my life.
I turned onto my side and closed my eyes. Tears leaked out of my closed lids, and I didn’t try to stop them. I was being strong and taking control, but it still hurt like a bitch. It had happened again. This was James all over again.
Was I the problem?
My phone rang again. Twice it was Jake. I let the calls go to voicemail. The next moment, a text alerted me that I had a pending message. I deleted them without listening to them. I didn’t want to hear what Jake had to say.
When the phone rang again, it was Tanya. I didn’t answer her call, either. She had apparently seen the photos, it was why she’d let me know in the first place. I didn’t want to talk to her, or Grace. I didn’t want to be that person again. I didn’t want more pity. I didn’t want to hear how sorry they were and how horrible Jake was and how bad my situation was.
I ignored three more calls from Jake and Tanya.
When my phone rang again, an unknown number flashed on the screen. What if Jake was trying to reach me from another phone so that I would pick up? I hesitated. I wasn’t sure if answering would be a good idea.
Just before it rolled over to voicemail, I answered.
“Alyssa, hey. It’s Amanda.”
I relaxed. I was wound up so tight it was hard just to breathe easy now.
“Oh, hey,” I said. “I wasn’t expecting a call from you.”
“I was hoping you would be able to come through a little earlier tonight before everyone else arrives, so we can run over a few ideas I had this morning. They’re probably useless, but you’ll know about it, right?”
God, I’d forgotten about the design thing I was supposed to go to. I didn’t want to go or see anyone. I wanted to hide in my room, cry my eyes out, and wallow in self-pity before I picked myself up again and carried on with my life.
“Sure,” I said. “I’ll be there.”
What else would I do? Maybe it would be a good idea to go somewhere where I had to put on a smile and pretend I was happy. Perhaps, if I pretended long enough, I would fool myself and start believing it. It was something that would help my future. It would be better not to stay home and be a loser.
“Great! I’ll see you, then.”
She hung up. I stared at the phone. It was almost impossible to believe that my whole world could be perfect the one moment and shattered the next.
But there it was.
Hot For Sports – Book 4
Chapter 28
Alyssa
I didn’t want to go out. I didn’t want to spend time with people I didn’t know, plastering a smile on my face pretending everything was fine.
Nothing was fine. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut and no matter how much I gasped for air I just couldn’t breathe. Jake had betrayed me in a way James had never done – Jake knew what I’d been through. James had hurt me because he was an asshole, but it was the first round for me. With Jake, it was round two. A wound had been reopened. It was hard to believe Jake would do something like that after he knew how I felt. After he had felt something for me.
Unless, of course, he hadn’t felt anything for me at all. It had all been a case of getting what he wanted, and now he was ready to move on. What did he gain by making me believe he loved me? Was it some kind of power trip knowing he could mess with my heart? Maybe he was one of those men who collected broken hearts as a messed up hobby.
I shook off the thoughts. Dwelling on it was just going to make it all worse. If I had learned anything about picking yourself up after someone screwed you over, it was that looking back and going over everything again and again didn’t help. It only made things worse.
I opened my closet and chose an outfit for later. I needed something that would make me look young and fresh, but professional at the same time. I chose jeans and kitten heels with a butter yello
w blouse that made my skin glow. I got into the shower to scrub myself clean, wishing I could put my soul through the same treatment.
By the time I was dressed, made up and ready to go, I felt a bit better. I’d put on smoky makeup, and I’d piled my hair into a bun. My whole look said casual enough to be fun, but serious enough to get the job done. It was exactly what I’d been going for.
And I didn’t look heartbroken or hurt at all. Point for me. Bright colors and a bit of makeup could do wonders.
I scribbled a note for my parents, who were both out, and left the house with my laptop bag and my cell phone.
