by Erica Hobbs
“What’s Matt?”
“Grace’s new beau.”
She blinked at me, looked at Grace, her face slowly lighting up as all the pieces fell together.
“And that’s not all,” I said. “This morning, Jake and James had a full-on fight in front of my house over me, and my dad had to pull them off each other.”
Both Grace and Tanya looked at me with their mouths open. It was the dramatic reaction I’d been waiting for.
“You have to start from the beginning,” Tanya demanded and sat down next to me. She took the coffee cup out of my hands and took a gulp.
“Get your own,” I said and took the cup back. Grace got up and made another cup of coffee. I started telling them what had happened and they were hanging on my lips. I loved that. I loved having friends who would always be there for me, no matter what. I loved having people in my life who supported me and ate up juicy gossip and needed to know everything that was going on because they were good friends.
No matter what happened, the three of us would always be okay. We would always be together and stick up for each other, help each other out.
Who needs a man?
Chapter 39
Jake
The worst thing about losing Alyssa was the fact that it was partly my fault. I hadn’t set up Amanda to be there and kiss me, that part was out of my control, but I could have handled her better. I could have told her off more sternly before. I could have told her to stop being stupid. I could have handled her like someone who was a real problem instead of acting like she was fragile and needed me to stay civil.
The fight had also been my fault completely. I had gotten involved where I shouldn’t have, and I had made a fool of myself fighting with James. When I’d found out that he was the man who had hurt Alyssa, I had lost it completely. I was still so protective over Alyssa – that would probably never change – and my instincts had taken over. I should have controlled myself. It was the same as it had been on the field the day I fought that other player. I should have been able to hold it in, to hold back, to be the bigger man.
I was pretty sure I would never be allowed to go to Alyssa’s place again. Even if she did forgive me, I doubted her dad would think of me as anything other than a Neanderthal after what I’d done. And his comment about my fighting on the field… he’d seen that fight as well. Didn’t that just set the perfect image for me as the man who wanted to court his daughter?
When I got up in the morning, Alyssa was the first thing on my mind. I checked my phone for calls or messages from her. There was never anything, but I would keep checking. I rolled over. She’d slept in the bed next to me. It sucked that the bedding had been washed. Her smell was gone now. I wanted it back. I got up and walked into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and found food prepared for me. I ate because I had to, not because I wanted to.
Alyssa was everywhere in the house. It was impossible to believe she’d been in my life for such a short time. She’d left her footprint everywhere she’d been. I hadn’t brought any other girl to my house, which didn’t make it any easier, but still, Alyssa had left an impression that wasn’t just going to fade. She was different than the other women, the only person I’d wanted to stick around.
I didn’t know how to fix things with Alyssa. I was pretty sure I’d completely messed it up now. Still, I wasn’t going to just roll over and die. I had a life I needed to live, an image I needed to uphold, and I was going to save whatever I could.
My football career wasn’t over. Sure, I hated the fame – I partially blamed it for what had happened with Alyssa – but this was what I’d always wanted. Football was such a big part of who I was that I wasn’t going to give it up and get a desk job, instead.
So I showered and packed my training bag the way I did every day we had sessions. I got in the car and drove to the training center. I was going through the motions right now, but that would eventually train. At some point, I wouldn’t have to force myself to get out of bed and go to training and play the games, it would come naturally again.
***
I was one of the last players to arrive for training. I got dressed and joined the team in the warm up. They were all I had left now.
Damien was on the other side of the group. I had a feeling he was trying to avoid me. Big of him. It was better for his well-being if he stayed away from me for a while. I was starting to realize that he wasn’t a friend – he’d never been. I still wasn’t sure exactly what his agenda was, but he was more than happy to watch me fall and not do a damn thing about it. Hell, he didn’t even care.
I should have never taken the time to help him. He would have never done that for me. Truthfully, though, I wouldn’t be different. If the same thing had happened all over again, I would probably make the same choices. I wasn’t a dick. Sometimes I really acted like one, but deep down I was a sap.
So, I pushed hard. I trained as hard as I had done so when Alyssa and I had broken up. I had a dream to revive, an image to rebuild and the only way I could do that was to commit all over again. That was what everything life came down to – commitment. I was committing to carrying on because giving up was worse.
Training was hard. It felt like my body had somehow lost the fitness and strength I’d built up before. Emotions can wreak havoc on a body. I was dead by the time training had ended. I walked toward the locker rooms when Coach Clay called me back.
I stood with him, and we waited until all the team members had cleared out before he looked at me. I didn’t know what he was going to say. Things hadn’t been going very well for me lately when it came down to my football, and he had no reason to be proud of me.
“I don’t know what’s been going on in your life,” he started, “and I don’t want to know, either. All I need to hear from you is if you’re still committed to this team. To the game.”
I nodded. “I am,” I said. It was all I had left, after all. I wouldn’t be portrayed as a quitter. It wasn’t who I was, anyway. But I wouldn’t let my circumstance, my personal life, get me down so that it took away my career.
“If you show me that you’ll put yourself into this, heart and soul, the way you did before, I’ll forget everything that happened. Everyone makes mistakes. I need to know you’re here to fix them.”
He was giving me a gift – a chance to carry on like nothing had happened.
“I’m here to do what I’d joined this team to do in the first place – to play, to win, and to try harder if I don’t.”
Coach Clay nodded, clapped me on the shoulder. “Good,” he said. “You’re my best player. I would hate to see you flush all that talent and hard work down the drain. Go on, get in the showers. You smell like sweat.”
I walked away from Coach. All my years of hard work and loyalty to my team had saved me for now. If it wasn’t for that, if I had had a bad track record, to begin with, I might not have had this chance. I was relieved at least one thing in my life was going right. My football was still there for me to hold onto, and I would grab onto it the way I did after my parents had died. It would carry me through this pain as well.
I wished it was as easy to start again with Alyssa. I wished we could start from scratch like the issue with Amanda had never happened. Of course, that wasn’t going to happen, and I would have to accept it.
Still, it would have been great.
By the time I’d done showering most of the team had cleared out. There were three guys left in the locker room. Damien was one of them. He didn’t even look at me. He was pretty high on my list of least favorite people right now, but I wasn’t going to look for trouble. I had had enough of that lately, and I didn’t want any more drama. My focus now was to keep myself straight, to move forward, not backward.
So, I ignored him, too. I got dressed, packed my bag and left.
A woman leaned against my car, and my stomach turned to stone. I would recognize her dark hair anywhere, and I was willing to bet her jeans were scratching my paint job.
“What are you doing he
re, Amanda?” I asked. I hadn’t contacted her to tell her off the way I wanted to – I had taken Rebecca’s suggestion and behaved myself.
“I just want to talk to you. It’s like you’re ignoring me.”
“I am,” I said and walked around her, opening my trunk to get rid of my duffel. “I have nothing to say to you.”
I wished she would just walk away. I didn’t feel like a fight. I wouldn’t keep quiet, though, if she didn’t leave me alone. I wasn’t going to run after her and try to tell her off, but if she insisted on being in my way, I would give her a piece of my mind.
She pushed away from my car. I leaned in and checked the paint. She was right next to me.
“Just hear me out, okay? You see me as the enemy. I don’t want us to not be okay.”
“There’s no reason for us to be okay,” I said. “In fact, there’s no reason for me to talk to you at all. It will be great if you leave me alone, now. If you don’t, I’m going to look into getting a restraining order.”
She laughed. “That’s a little dramatic, isn’t it?”
“What’s going on here?” Damien asked, joining us. God, was this party going to get any more dramatic?
“None of your business,” I said to him.
Damien folded his arms over his chest. He wasn’t going anywhere. I ignored him. If he was going to be an asshole, it was all I could do. I opened my car door and got in. When I closed the door, Amanda caught it before it slammed shut.
“Come on, Jake.”
I grabbed onto the door and pulled. I was stronger than she was. If she didn’t let go, I would just slam her fingers in the door. Damien grabbed onto her arm to pull her away. She yanked her arm out of his grip.
“Let me go, Damien.”
I frowned and stopped trying to wrestle the door closed.
“You’re just going to get hurt,” Damien said. “He’s not interested.”
Amanda spun around. “So you got what you wanted, but I have to make do with nothing?”
I got out of the car again.
“What the hell is going on here?” I asked. “You know each other?”
They both looked at me. Amanda was angry – her eyes spewed fire. Damien looked guilty.
“What does she mean, you got what you wanted?” I asked him. He swallowed. Amanda folded her arms over her chest, hunching over, so she seemed smaller, vulnerable. Neither of them answered me. I looked at one and then the other. My mind churned, trying to put all the pieces together. Amanda knowing Alyssa. Damien knowing Amanda. Damien getting ‘what he wanted.' Amanda being unhappy with whatever she didn’t get. My career nearly failing. Me losing Alyssa.
“Tell me you didn’t do this on purpose,” I said to Amanda. “Tell me you didn’t plan this.”
She didn’t answer me. She didn’t deny it, which was big of her, but she wasn’t going to admit to it either.
I looked at Damien. He turned to walk away. I grabbed his arm.
“Don’t you run away, you piece of shit,” I said. Anger swelled inside of me like dough. My blood rushed in my ears. My world shrunk until it was only Damien and I standing in a void. I balled my hands into fists. I was going to beat him to within an inch of his life, and after that, I would deal with Amanda. They had fucked up my life.
Somewhere at the back of my mind, a little voice screamed at me to stop. I couldn’t fight again. I had just gotten a peace offering from Coach Clay, a chance to do it all over again. I didn’t push it away, and I didn’t ignore the little voice like I had before. This time, I listened.
I stepped back, relaxed my hands, and forced myself to take one deep breath and then another. I turned my back on them, got in my car and threw it into drive. I pointed the car toward the gate and drove off. Amanda and Damien stood side by side, shrinking in the rearview mirror.
Chapter 40
Alyssa
By the middle of the next week, everything was back to normal. My relationship with my friends was stronger than ever. Grace and Matt were cute together – she didn’t hide it from us anymore, and when she spent time with us, we had all her attention because they didn’t have to sneak around. It was good to have my friend back.
Tanya and I worked side by side at the printing shop. We didn’t talk about Jake. I didn’t want to look back. From now on, I was moving forward. Looking back was just going to make me feel bad about myself and bring me down. After what my mom had told me, I’d embraced it. I was good enough, I deserved the best, I was going places, and the right person would come along and see that. He would treat me like gold. Until that happened, I was fine by myself.
“Why don’t you take your lunch?” Tanya asked. “I’ll take mine after yours.”
We took turns going first for lunch, and I nodded. I dug my lunchbox out of my bag and walked to the little staff room. I’d eaten half of the sandwich I’d made myself when my phone rang. The number was unknown. I frowned and answered the call.
“Hello?” The bite I’d taken sat in my cheek.
“Is this Alyssa?” a deep voice asked on the other end of the line.
“Yeah?” I continued chewing.
“I’m Douglas Rosenblatt. We met at Amanda’s afternoon get together.”
Oh, God. One of the most important guys who had attended the presentation was on the line, and I sounded muffled and unprofessional with the food in my mouth. I swallowed the whole bite down. It went down rough, and I pulled a face.
“Thank you for calling me, Mr. Rosenblatt. How are you?”
“Fine, fine. I want to arrange a meeting with you for a possible career opportunity. That is if you’re still available?”
“Oh, yes. I’m very available.” I squeezed my eyes shut. I sounded like an idiot.
“When would suit you?” he asked.
“Anytime would suit me,” I said. I would make it happen. I would skip work if I had to.
“I assume you’re working at the moment? Let’s make it after five, tomorrow. I’ll send you an address.”
“I’ll be there,” I said. “Thank you.”
When he hung up, I stared at my phone. Tanya came in, looking for something.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked.
“I just got a job interview.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Ditching me, eh?”
I shook my head. She grinned. “I was joking. Customer.”
She ran out again, and I was left with a half-eaten sandwich and an opportunity to finally start my life in my lap.
***
By the time I had to go to the interview I felt sick to my stomach. I hadn’t done any real interviews yet – the job at the printing shop had been easy to get because Tanya had helped me. This was it, this was where my life was going to start, and I was well aware that I might not get it.
“Just breathe,” mom said, helping me get ready. I hadn’t had an idea of what to wear to the interview. I’d come home early so I could prepare.
“What if I mess it up?” I asked.
“You won’t. You’re great. But if you do, there will be much more. Usually, people aren’t as lucky with getting work as you are, so there’s no shame in going for a few interviews before landing a job.”
I nodded, swallowing hard. I looked at myself in the mirror. I’d pulled my hair back in a half-up-half-down style, and I wore a pencil skirt that made me look older. A white blouse and kitten heels completed the outfit. My eyes were wide, my lips parted, and my face looked too young for the adult image I was trying to portray.
Just breathe, I told myself.
The address took me to a wide, squat building on the outskirts of the business district. It wasn’t tall and gray like the buildings further into the city, but it was intimidating nonetheless. I walked through the glass doors. It smelled like cleaning product and potpourri.
“I’m here to see Mr. Rosenblatt,” I said.
“Alyssa Ryan?”
I nodded.
“You can take a seat, Mr. Rosenblatt will be with you i
n a second.”
I turned around and walked to a seating area with chairs shaped in a half circle. I was the only one waiting. I sat down, knees and ankles together, clutching my handbag. Last minute I’d grabbed the CD with all the work I’d done before saved on it. I felt the hard plastic of the cover through the material.
It wasn’t very long before Mr. Rosenblatt came through a door to the side and walked towards me. He had a wide, open face and an easy smile. He was gray at the temples, but his eyes were bright and smiling
“Alyssa,” he said. “It’s good to see you again.” He held out his hand.
