by Pamela Ann
Her lengthy explosive confession tilted my axis. Not only was I speechless, but I was rather dumbfounded that she had bloody convinced herself I was having a child with Rose. Her imagination sure worked overtime. And as for the rest, I loved her, but she terrified me, too. But as she pointed out, maybe it was the wrong decision to walk out on her when she was obviously in pain that night. I was reeling from her divorce announcement, so consumed by pain and anger it was impossible to see past all the agonizing haze our confrontation evoked.
“Gisele, I don’t know what else to say…This is all too much…”
Fresh tears renewed, and she shuddered as she wiped the tears away. “It’s okay,” she hiccupped. “It’s okay. You’re busy and all, so I should get going.” Her eyes flickered towards the folder before she gripped her purse and sprinted towards the door.
“That’s it?” I yelled after her, stopping her from taking another step.
Ever so slowly, she turned to face me. “What do you mean by ‘that’s it’?”
“After all you’ve just said, you then decide to leave?”
Gisele grimaced. Although the heavy stream of tears had halted, moisture remained in her sullen gray depths. “I’m giving you space. You look so affronted. I don’t know if you hate me or if you still love me or are just indifferent, or maybe I’m just saving us from another awkward goodbye.”
My eyes trained on her as I progressively meandered over to her frozen form, contemplative. Stopping my tracks upon reaching her, my eyes ablaze as I gazed down on the woman who had wrung me dry. “Do you mean that, Gisele? About loving my child as your own?”
She meekly nodded. “With all my heart.”
“And what of Dexter?” I warily asked, eyes holding her firmly, never letting her off. “Where does he fit in this?”
“You totally misconstrued what happened this morning. I left him a voicemail the other day, asking if I could interview him. It’s for school. He’s a lawyer, in case you’d forgotten…There’s nothing going on, Jared.” She paused, closing the gap between us. Placing her palm on my chest, she then gazed up at me, beseeching. “I’m not a soulless person. I care about the people I love. I want to keep them, to protect them. As for being vindictive…I never considered myself that way until you came along. I’m appalled I’ve stooped so low, but loving you isn’t an excuse to turn into a despicable person. I’m sorry for that. Like I said earlier, I’m learning. Take a chance on me. I won’t disappoint you.”
I’d given her an opportunity to take it all back yesterday, but it seemed she hadn’t come to her senses until this morning. I was glad she had before everything was set in motion. Was I relieved? Beyond words. Was I wary? Quite. But we both were at fault here. We had begun this relationship without intending for it to be real. But here we were, falling in love with each other.
“I wish I could take it all back, erase it all away, but wishing for the impossible wouldn’t solve anything. There is no baby, no Rose. I’m fucking in love with you, Gisele. I do…with all of me…with everything in me. I passionately love you. I’m ready to be the man you deserve to have. I’m ready to be your lover, your best friend, your champion, but above all, I’m ready to be your husband. We’ll give us a chance. We’ll give our marriage one last try—just you and me like it was supposed to be from the start. No more other people. No exes…just us working it out, fighting, making love, compromising, and hashing things out. If loving you means dealing with all of this, then I want all of your crazy. I’m ready, kitten.”
She brought our foreheads together, her hand cupping my cheek. “Are you sure? I’m sorry for putting us here when we were in such a good place. I’m so young, and I have so much to learn. I’m going to make a crazy load of mistakes, and when that happens, promise me not to walk out on me. I love you. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember…and I doubt I’ll stop loving you. I’m yours—all yours—and if you’ll have me, I’m going to love and worship you until the very end.”
“Of course, I’m going to have you. You’re my wife,” I passionately stated with my all.
“Say that again.” She grinned with her eyes closed.
“You’re my wife,” I teased as my lips softly brushed hers, overwhelmed by the profound, intrinsic love radiating out of my system, out of my pores. I was intoxicated by it all.
“God, you have no idea how hearing you say that turns me on.” She wrapped her arms around my neck before the minx launched herself at me, jumping as she hooked her legs around my hips, clinging onto me as she laughed with a childlike, gleeful enthusiasm. “I suppose Papa knew what he was doing. I can’t thank him enough for giving me you.”
Pressing her body against the wall, I devoured her lips. “I thank him every day.”
“You do? Since when?” She let out a whimsical sigh, gazing at me with her hallmark aroused look—half-closed lids, parted lips, and her tongue toying with her bottom lip.
Bloody hell. “The moment you started driving me crazy!” I growled as I led us back into my bedroom before throwing her onto the mattress. She looked wild, wanton, and free. “My little sexy freak,” I gritted out, yanking the towel away from my hips, quite ready to consume the nymph. “Hope you’re ready to be ravished, Mrs. St. James. After this morning, you know I won’t be gentle.”
“Then where’s your belt to tie this bad girl up?” She arched her brow, challenging me.
I let out a guttural groan, beyond enchanted that she was indulging in my sexual depravity.
The gala could wait. Ravishing my wife couldn’t.
Chapter 35
The St. James’ Epilogue
Jared
On one spring evening, right after dinner, Gisele insisted we take a quick stroll towards the garden.
We had intended to do leisure walks when I came home for dinner, which happened twice a week. Soon, I had to start setting things up so I could work from home. Then I wouldn’t have to hear Gisele’s complaints of abandonment issues. It was all done in jest, of course, but I never wanted her to feel as though I was never around.
It had been a month since she had come to me at the Four Seasons. The woman still drove me nuts and bolts mad. We argued then compromised like any other couple. I had to admit our sex life had been intense. The minx matched my zeal in that department. Our hunger had merely heightened after our reconciliation.
“You know, I still owe you a honeymoon,” I murmured into the night as my arm tightened around her shoulder.
Barefoot, Gisele tiptoed to kiss me on the chin. “Maybe we can go somewhere for our one year…if you’re confident to leave the company for a week or two, that is.”
We both knew the company came first, and I was grateful she understood the gravity of my responsibility. And I hoped soon, she’d be joining me, working alongside me for years to come. The thought made me grin before I brought us to a pause.
Ahead, there was a table with torches on both ends. Frowning, I cocked my head towards the animated woman. “What are you up to now?”
“It’s a surprise,” she said, pulling my hand. “Come on, old man!”
Had I not been curious, I’d have spanked her right then and there, security our every waking moment be damned.
“These are memorial lanterns. I painted Paige’s and Penny’s names on it. Abigail mentioned it’s their death anniversary today…I hope I’m not imposing, but I thought you might want to do something meaningful to remember them.”
I’m not one for tears, but holy fuck, this woman just gunned for my emotions. “Thank you. I thought of dropping by church to say a prayer, but I couldn’t bring myself to.” Taking hold of her hand, I brought it to my lips. “So, thank you for this amazing gesture. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
Merely smiling at me, she took hold of a white lantern with Paige’s name in pink before bringing it to me.
Dearest Paige,
May we meet again.
With love,
Jared
&nbs
p; Holding the riotous emotions seizing me, I tried my damnedest to hold myself together.
Gisele then gave me specific instructions as to how to light the lantern. Ensuring I didn’t light myself as I brought it next to the torch, I carefully brought the fuel patch towards the fire. It took a few seconds until flaming up. Grasping the wired end, I took a deep breath before setting it free. “May we meet again,” I murmured as I silently watched it flying in the sky. My heart ached at the thought of my departed wife, but the pain wasn’t as fierce as before. The guilt had ebbed. Falling in love with Gisele had cured most of it.
She then handed me Penny’s.
To my little angel above,
May we meet again, Penny.
With love,
Dad
“I’ll forever miss you, angel,” I chokingly said as I watched it fly above me, hot tears escaping my eyes.
She had no idea how much she’d done for me, and I was forever grateful for her thoughtfulness.
“We’ll do this every year.” Gisele kissed my hand ever so softly. “You’re not alone anymore, babe. I’m here to share your burden, your pain.” She wrapped her arms around my hips, her cheek against my heart. “I’ve got you.”
“You’ve got me, kitten.”
As our eyes observed the diminishing lights in the darkened sky, I held her closer, knowing full well I was here, standing with the woman I was destined to be with. This was my fate. I was where I was meant to be. Right here with her, just as it should be.
— The End –
“In a world full of temporary things, you are a perpetual feeling.”
-Sanober Khan
IMPERFECT BASTARD
A novel
Imperfect Bastard
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.
Copyright © 2016 by Pamela Ann
All rights reserved.
www.PamelaAnnBooks.com
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edited by alizon & kristin
To the uninspired, the unimpassioned, you will soon shine.
Food For Thought
“True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does.” - Torquato Tasso
⚜
Prologue
“The plane will be landing in approximately twenty minutes time.” The pilot’s voice reverberated throughout the airplane’s speakers.
In twenty minutes…my life will change. There will be no going back. For the past year and a half, I had prepared myself for this very moment…but somehow the bravado I had before getting on the plane seemed nonexistent now that I was going to face him. Drew Cavendish hounded my dreams for as long as I could remember. Maybe it was the way he had exited my life…by making me fervently feel like I was on a tailspin and he alone could halt everything it to nothingness and into a beautiful oblivion. Into a paradise that he alone could weave through his melodic spells of words and the euphoria of his touch…but most of all, it was the way he looked at me that night, as if he could devour me whole, as if I was the only woman he saw—the only one he wanted. Those blue eyes saw everything I dared to hide—he took me in—took it all—and I was left by sullied memories that meant to be forgotten.
But forgetting him wasn’t a possibility. Instead, I lived every single day after that fated night trying to figure out myself. I meandered through accepting that it was no one’s fault, that some things happen in life without needing to shred the meaning of every single moment…because it meant to happen just the way it did…a token to be treasured but nothing more. There was no need for me to hate him because he simply didn’t care trying to mend friendships. And so I learned to live with such mentality.
My parents didn’t give me any options to do anywhere else to study because I was simply ought to follow their rules—and their rules demanded that I go to school of my brother’s choosing, NYU. So this is where I was headed. Bounded by a feeble excuse that they wouldn’t provide for my tuition, rent and all the expenses if I had the audacity to study elsewhere. My down rotten fate wasn’t all that bad because even though I loathed the thought that I would be sharing an apartment with my brother and Drew (who just happened to be my brother’s best friend), I loved being around my big brother. So, I suppose, it was a great compensation. One must always look at the positive aspects of life. I had wallowed long enough.
Drew wouldn’t alter anything for me this time. I wasn’t the besotted girl that would jump at every given opportunity be around thy holy self. That girl had since become a woman—one who was bent not being a fool twice.
Chapter 36
“Jackson!” I gleefully exclaimed the moment I saw my brother coming towards me while I stood next to the revolving luggage carousel.
It didn’t take him long until he reached me and gave me the tightest, warmest of embraces. Upon releasing me, he immediately scrutinized me from head to foot. “You lost hella weight—are you in one of those weird diet girls are into these days, Chloe?” He teasingly said as he grinned down at me.
Well Hell there was no need to point out I was such a fat lard before. There was no escaping my past; my brother will make sure of it. As much as I loved him, he sure knew what subjects to press to embarrass me. I was a fat kid turned chunky during my teenage years. It was during my heartbreak when I began to start shredding pounds and I had successfully maintained the weight by eating proportionally and skipping sodas of any kind…now here I was. The best I had ever looked to date—and no one was going to undermine that newly minted confidence I had gained since achieving my ideal weight. “If you think denouncing donuts and chocolate cakes six times a week a diet—then yes, I’m in one of those freaking weird diets.” Stuffing myself with desserts after I had my heartbroken—no scratch that—I had my heart trampled made me feel a thousand times worse, I knew it was time to shift things even if it led me to sacrifice one of my faved hobbies, which was aptly named binging.
“Nooooo!” he gasped, eyes widened. “You didn’t, did you? But you lived for those junks, Chloe. What happened?” he truly seemed perplexed and beyond concerned that I would take-on such abhorrent behavior.
“Boys happened, Jacks.”
“Well I’ll be damned, Chloe. I’m sorry to hear that—but as long as you’re happy then I’m happy too.” He used to surprise me with a present from the local pasty shop from our hometown in Newport Beach whenever he wanted a favor or after we bickered. It didn’t matter how much I would stand my ground because the second I got a whiff of that sensational and oh so familiar sweet scent, my armor would slowly deteriorate and accepted his apology. It was some sort of tradition of ours so I kind of understand his stunned reaction that I wasn’t the sweetly infused indulgent teen any longer.
Everyone that knew me understood the depth of the kind of love affair I had with desserts. Mind you, it’s desserts not appetizers, not entrees but desserts with an s because anything sweet and delicious should come in plurals because one should be able to truly satisfy and indulge their inner most cravings.
Our conversation easily flowed from the traffic to the people back home as he helped me with my luggage before we exited the area and chose one of the cabs to take us to the city. This wasn’t my first time here so I wasn’t all that interested in the sights so while Jackson busied himself with his ever beeping messages, my thoughts reverted back to him, like always. A part of me was glad that he never brought him up. I wasn’t expecting him to be with Jackson to pick me
up but I had this odd inkling that he and I might not get on well as roommates or as friends. So I wasn’t expecting much on that front—which was totally fine by me.
Drew and I weren’t particularly close, but through the years, we had bonded somehow. It was inevitable when he was not only best friends with my brother, but also our neighbor. Here was to hoping we would find a common ground without disrespecting each other.
Briefly glancing toward my brother, I wondered whom he was talking to since his phone was endlessly shrilling. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was a woman who was borderline obsessed with him. All throughout his high school years, I had seen him engage and fend off more women than I could imagine. The same had gone for Drew. I doubted their habits had changed much.
I remembered them telling me, though jokingly, that they would never commit to anyone before they were past the age of twenty-five. They’d stated they wanted to live to the fullest without any shackles or restraints. It was a wise decision since those two weren’t the monogamous type of guys.
Our parents purchased a three-bedroom condo a year before Jackson was due to leave for the east coast. My parents, particularly my father, wouldn’t allow us to study anywhere else but to the school where his family strictly went to. He wasn’t a totalitarian per say…it only was exclusive to where we chose to go to college but apart from that, he was pretty lax with the rest as parenting went.
“Drew’s still sleeping so I didn’t bother waking him up. We had a party last night so the place isn’t all that squeaky clean—well it’s a little trashed but your room is the cleanest area—I was strict in enforcing a rule that no one uses that bedroom.” Jackson spoke as he typed on his screen, not bothering to glance at me.
