by Pamela Ann
Instead of calling Aaron back, I thought it was a better idea to email him. That way, I could thoroughly think through what I would say to him without getting my emotions involved like they had when we first broke up. I had written him lengthy text messages, left foul voicemails, and always yelled into his face whenever I saw him in school or at a party.
Recalling my hurtful past made me realize how important it was to build up my walls against Cruz so the past wouldn’t repeat itself. If he was only after sex, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. After all, he was amazing in bed, so as long as we kept our relationship physical, then it wouldn’t be a problem, now would it?
I wasn’t sure where my mind was leading me to, but I couldn’t deny that I was actually looking at this whole thing in a larger scale. Maybe it was time to get the details into perspective and spin it into my favor, one where I had the power to halt and disengage whenever I wanted.
Chapter 83
W
hen Monday rolled around, I had to call work and speak to Denise, explaining my situation in school and apologize for not making it to work. The school had invited a guest speaker that I couldn’t miss. Not to mention, upon attendance, I would also be earning an extra credit for my Economics class, so it was really imperative I went. Though I had to admit, it was a rather convenient excuse to avoid work, too, since I hadn’t made a decision yet, and once I encountered Cruz, he would inevitably press on that subject, so it was best to be prepared for when that time came.
Throughout the afternoon, I kept checking my phone, half-hoping Cruz would eventually call, perhaps just to see if I was fine and see where I was, but that call never happened.
That night, I got home with a sinking feeling that maybe my irrational response to his invitation was a mistake on my part. Like I had said before, I was in limbo. This very line of thought proved just how frustrating the tug of war of emotions was driving me crazy.
Knowing how my mind was already not making any sense, I went to bed, convincing myself I could very well ponder this the next day. Trying to solve my heart’s dilemmas wouldn’t do me any good when I was exhausted. Tomorrow, after all, was another day, another chance.
The next day at work, I found myself high on nerves as I prepared the refreshments I normally wheeled into his office. I knew it had only been a day since he had left me in the sunroom, so I wasn’t sure how he would likely greet me: with a cold aloofness or with a warm smile. Somehow, I found myself hoping it was the latter.
Before taking the snacks to him, I made a quick stop at my desk to pull out a mirror from my purse just to make sure my hair was in place and my teeth were sparkling white. Satisfied with my appearance and armed with a smile and enthusiasm, I made my way towards his office. I took a shaky breath as I stopped right outside his door before finally deciding to knock a few times and let myself in.
Cruz looked up to watch me come through, and our eyes met.
Nervously, I caught my breath as I softly nodded in his direction. “Hello, Mr. Elliot.”
“Serena,” he immediately threw back, waiting for me to do or say something.
Since I wasn’t sure how to approach him, I resorted to doing what I was there for—serving him his nibbles. Once everything was set, I quietly spun to face him and was startled to find him with his eyes trained on me, as if he was still waiting for something.
Fidgeting with my fingers, I cleared my throat. “About yesterday—”
“I was already told,” he fluidly provided, unblinking as he watched me like a man would admire something from afar. His face was stern with no smiles, but his eyes … his beautifully expressive eyes were aglow with warmth and something else. “Care to share some tea with me? Coffee perhaps?”
Um … yes? Should I say yes? Maybe I should. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, but people would talk if I did. Office gossip would ruin this entire internship for me.
“No, thank you. I really should get back to work.” I was a coward, and I wasn’t proud of it.
Cruz threw me a challenging look. “Come here,” he commanded smoothly.
“Why?” I questioned timidly.
“Because I want to look at you.”
“You can see me fine from here.” It was one of those mind games he liked to play, but I wasn’t going to let him have his way.
My rebuff wasn’t taken lightly. In fact, he seemed about to lose his cool composure. Even still, I remained where I was, not willing to go to him just because he had barked out an order.
“If you keep fighting me off, I might be tempted to spread you on my desk and fuck you until you’re out of excuses to keep me at bay. It’s purely up to you.”
His straight-faced expression made me think of imminent danger, even though I knew Cruz would never hurt a hair on my head. He still had that kind of pull, that kind of power to make me feel debased and defenseless.
“Fine,” I said, conceding to his demand. It was silly, yet this wasn’t about the simplicity of his request, or command, rather. This was about control and who had the upper hand in this non-relationship.
My heart pitter-pattered inside my ribcage as I took the steps towards him, closing the gap between us. The second we were within arm’s reach, I could instantaneously feel the magnetic charge between our bodies. It was disconcerting and mind-blowing, and for the life of me, no matter how I tried to squash and kill how my body responded to him, I was unsuccessful. My nipples hurt as if they knew he was close and they sorely missed his touch. If I had any sense left, I would leave his office S.T.A.T. I could smell disaster waiting to happen.
“Are you done checking me out?” I snapped at him since he was taking his sweet time looking at me and thinking God knew what.
“Not in the slightest.”
Seriously? I needed to get out of there.
Just as I was thinking of him, I saw him from the corner of my eye pulling something out of his pocket before handing it to me. It was a black credit card with my name on it.
Well. What. The. Flying. Fuckery?
“What the fuck is this for?” I shrieked, almost throwing the card back at him, offended beyond comprehension.
If he had a clue about what was going through my mind, he had best pay heed. However, it seemed he was dense when it came to women’s feelings because he didn’t seem to understand what my about-to-lose-it face meant.
“I need you to have a new work wardrobe consisting of skirts and dresses. You’re banned from wearing trousers.”
Well, I’ll be damned.
“Excuse me? Banned, you say?” My eyes turned into slits as I tried to contain the combustible emotions threatening to explode out of my chest. “That’s shitty and sexist of you!”
My outcry didn’t seem to surprise him, nor did he look fazed.
“I want to fuck you without having to deal with such trivial matters.”
For the very first time today, there was a spark of amusement lighting his handsome face. I would have been responsive had this conversation not taken place, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, he and I were at each other’s throats once more. Unfortunately.
Dismissing the wry expression on his face, I denied myself the pleasure of slapping him and opted for dramatics by growling like an incensed animal and stomping towards his desk then throwing the damned thing in the trash before giving him a deadly glare.
“In case you missed it, Cruz Elliot, I didn’t sign up to be your personal hooker. Get that into your fucking head, or I’m out of here!”
“I never said you were.” He frowned before approaching me with a concerned look. “My apologies for offending you. That was never my intention, Serena.” There was authenticity in his admission. “All I ever wanted to do was to show you just how greatly you affect me … in more ways than you can imagine. I want you tremendously without question, without logic. I am terrifyingly enamored by you.”
My eyes drifted to his lips before reaching his gaze once more. For the first time in my life, I was scared shitless
of the unknown and what Cruz represented in my life.
“It’s just too soon …” I argued, grasping at straws. “People are going to see me as a home wrecker: your mom, Archer, everyone in the house. I can’t … I won’t be able to live with myself, Cruz.
“I know this might not make any sense to you, but this is very important to me. Whatever this is we have, if we work at it together, we can successfully make it disappear. Maybe we could even become friends. All this tension is just the cause and effect of being teased with the forbidden. And once the novelty wears off, it’ll be just like the rest—normal and pretty boring.”
He drew his face closer, looking into my eyes, our noses almost touching, needing to see through my lies, through the windows of my soul. “Don’t ever feed me lies. Your eyes tell me too much.”
“What we have is sex—amazing sex, but that’s all we share.” I licked my lips, wondering how I would deliver my next words without giving too much away. “If you’re willing, we don’t have to stop that aspect if we could do it as discreetly as possible, but that’s all I want from you.”
He probed my eyes, searching. “Do you genuinely mean that?”
I nodded and whispered, “Yes.” For the most part, I did.
His intensity didn’t waver as his eyes flickered back and forth, as if trying to read me. “Will you be exclusively mine?” He obviously wasn’t assured.
“I guess …” I trailed off, all the while pondering why he had to even ask me that.
His lips pressed together, unimpressed with my answer. “You guess, but you’re not quite sure.”
Why was he interrogating me in a way that was really pushing my buttons? It was pissing me off. Could it be because he was the one who didn’t want to be exclusive? Maybe he wanted to hop into different beds whenever he felt like it. Well, in that case, there wasn’t much to be said, now was there?
“Yes … I’m not.”
“I see,” he uttered, emotionless.
We were just like friends with benefits, but with less on the “friends” part. I could do this. This was better because I knew where we both stood. There were no false declarations of hope and whatnot. This was just a direct transaction of sex for sex: raw, unbidden, no strings attached. I had never had anything like this before, so it would be my first time. Good luck to me.
My tension began to ebb as I let the idea dawn on me before I made a careful smile. “So, can we get together soon? I’m free tonight.”
Cruz shrugged, seeming uninterested quite suddenly. “I’m afraid I won’t be. Will Sunday do?”
“But that’s—” A lifetime. “Yeah, I guess that’s fine.” I was far from fine, but what was I supposed to say? No, because an hour seemed forever already? Apparently, since I was the one who had thrown the suggestion, I had given away my right to set the damn date.
I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
Putting my injured pride aside, I needed to gauge just how invested he was with this newly minted arrangement we had.
“Do you really need me to wear skirts and dresses?”
His eyes shifted towards my body. They came alive, glowing heatedly as they perused. “Serena, I already told you what I want; it’s up to you if you want to fulfill it or not.”
“Okay.” I acquiesced. “All right.” Taking a deep breath, I knew it was time for me to take my leave. Just before I took a step away from him, though, he surprised me by taking hold of my arm and hastily yanking me towards him, clashing my body against his hard chest.
“Don’t ever leave without kissing me,” he grumbled then took charge of the situation and did just that.
The second we touched, I molded against his body, and before I knew it, my hand was rubbing against his pants, loving the feeling of his hard dick. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed him—everything about him—until that moment.
His masculine scent fanned the hunger inside of me. I felt as though I couldn’t control myself as I devoured his lips while my hands busied themselves, exploring, touching him without restraint.
“Do you want my cock inside your cunt, Serena?” he grunted between kisses.
Need he ask? Couldn’t he see, feel just how desperate I was?
“Please, yes,” I moaned just as I felt the evidence of my arousal dampening my underwear.
He groaned as he squeezed my bottom, making me press against his body more. “I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until Sunday.”
He was playing hard to get, right? His cock certainly didn’t feel as if it could wait five more days. Hell, I definitely couldn’t.
“No that’s too long. I need you now, even for a quickie. I really don’t care,” I reasoned, pleading as my body melted against his touch. “Touch me…”
“Serena…” he hissed as though he was having a challenging time harnessing his body’s reaction to me.
I took that as a sign to push the issue.
With the use of my hands, I fumbled as I worked to undo his pants then let them fall to the floor. Looking at his flabbergasted expression, I didn’t even think twice before pushing him back against his seat with his dick sticking out, enormously proud. Without hesitation, I took my pants then my underwear off, all the while aware he was watching me, before straddling him.
Our noses touched as I lifted myself off his thighs and began to guide his shaft towards my hole. I let out a moan the second I felt his mushroomed head stretch me wide, hissing at the slight sting as I pushed farther down his rock hard pole. I was beyond wet, but I supposed my body wasn’t used to his size. It was going to take a few more times until I could accommodate him without feeling a sting.
“Christ, Serena!” Cruz hissed as he breathed against my neck, his hands still grappling a copious amount of my behind.
“You have no idea how much I’ve thought of this,” I said before my eyes rolled back just as I felt his cock hit the outer part of my cervix. He felt massive, thick as he pulsated inside of me. “You feel so good. This is the best I’ve ever had.”
Lost in the haze of pleasure, I began to ride him, rocking back and forth without stopping. I rode him fast, hard, and without reservations. I gave it my all, abandoning every one of my inhibitions and restrictions. I simply focused on how good it made me feel. I wanted to savor every stroke. I felt as if I had grown into a sexually mature woman, confident in her own skin, someone who would take charge and take whatever she desired without any excuse or reason.
My release kept building as I rode him, and it wasn’t long until I was about to reach it.
“Come with me, babe,” I invited. Then I moaned out his name while I clenched around him as my body shook.
I was out of breath as I experienced the passionate eruption of my release, and Cruz took charge by holding my hips and continuing to fuck me until he was about to peak, as well.
“I want to feel you come inside me again,” I managed to say with my body slowly weakening.
“No,” Cruz hissed in protest just as he lifted me off him when he was about to come before rapidly stroking his cock to finish off.
Fascinated, I was mesmerized watching his shaft spurt out its white come.
“You didn’t have to do that, you know. I’m on the pill.” Sliding off him, I began to pick up my discarded clothes.
“It doesn’t matter.” He simply shrugged, barely meeting me in the eye.
I watched him clean himself with some napkins as my mind began to race.
“You don’t believe me? I can show it to you.”
“There’s no need. I just didn’t want to; that’s all.”
His immediate shift in mood rattled me. It was only a couple days ago that he couldn’t stop himself from coming inside of me, so what had changed?
“Is there any reason why, then?” I asked, not willing to drop the subject.
“No reason,” he supplied before nodding towards the bathroom. “The washroom is through that door if you need to freshen up.”
The last thing I needed was t
o overextend my welcome. It seemed that had expired the second he had come. He became aloof and distant, far from being the man who had consumed me with a mere kiss alone.
Hastily putting my clothes back on, I skipped using the bathroom. I could use the one outside. Debating if I should get close to him or not before I left, my heart won out in the end by making me kiss his cheek good-bye.
“You’re not mad at me, are you?” It felt as though he was pissed off, and I wasn’t aware of what I had done. Well, apart from grabbing his cock and taking a pause on his workday. He couldn’t be pissed off about that, surely?
Without kissing me back, he raised his brow at me, indifferent. “No. Why do you ask?”
“Nothing. Never mind.” I gave him a tight smile, stung beyond words as to how he kept shifting into this mercurial man whenever it suited him. “In case I don’t see you for the rest of the day, have a goodnight.” I strutted out of there with as much bravado as I could muster.
One day, I would know how to hold myself after sexual encounters without getting myself tangled in emotional upheaval. Until then, I should learn how to practice it. They did say practice made perfect.
Eventually, I would feel nothing towards Cruz after experiencing the most cataclysmic orgasm to date.
Someday couldn’t come soon enough.
Chapter 84
J
ust as I imagined, I didn’t see him for the rest of the afternoon, and even though I had already predicted it, I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I had done something to tick him off. Eventually, I went home, consumed by thoughts of our raunchy stint in his office as I stepped into the foyer.
It took me a bit of time to realize there were voices coming out of the sitting room. Normally I would never eavesdrop, but when I heard Cruz’s name being mentioned, I couldn’t help being drawn to the people having the conversation.
Before I could tiptoe closer, the voices became louder, as if they were talking and walking at the same time.
Frozen in my spot, I saw Margaret emerge from the room with a distraught looking Ivy. All sorts of emotions washed over me with guilt claiming the very top spot.
