by Eva Brandt
“As for you, everyone assumed that it was your own healing factor that saved your life. I didn’t disabuse them of the notion.”
I narrowly managed not to gape. I didn’t know what shocked me most, the fact that, impossibly, we’d all gotten away unscathed, or Malachai’s willingness to break Alarian law to keep me safe.
It wouldn’t make a difference in the long run, but that didn’t mean I didn’t appreciate it. I appreciated his rescue of my soulmate a thousand times more. “Thank you for intervening before it was too late,” I told him. “I owe you a debt I can never repay.”
It wasn’t for my own sake. My life might have been forfeit had my mate died, but it was still forfeit now. That had never been the problem. No, the real reason for my gratitude was far simpler. It was my soulmate who mattered, my soulmate who deserved to have a fulfilling life.
Prince Darius had mended the rest of my blunder, so between his and Malachai’s efforts, it was still possible. Yes, my soulmate could still be happy and safe, away from me, as things were supposed to be.
“Thank you,” I said again because I couldn’t hold the words back. Such a simple, inadequate sentence couldn’t compare to the level of gratitude I felt, so I tried to elaborate. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”
Malachai laughed lightly. “Oh, I think I do. Don’t worry about it, Declan. I know you would have done the same for me.”
Of course I would have, in a heartbeat. Even beyond the debt I now owed Malachai, I had always considered the vampire my friend. We had been fighting side by side for years as fellow guardians, and we shared a goal and a dream. More than once, I’d almost reached for him, aching to turn that connection into something more. Malachai wouldn’t have refused me if I’d approached him. It was just as well that I’d never gone through with the idea. We wouldn’t have one another for much longer, and had we been lovers, my loss would’ve been even harder for Malachai to handle.
Despite all that, despite my resolve, thanks and the knowledge of how close I’d come to losing everything, a question spilled from my lips. “What’s her name? My soulmate’s name, I mean.”
It was foolish and ungrateful in the extreme. It had very little to do with what we had been talking about. I shouldn’t have asked, and I shouldn’t have been thinking about it. But I could not help myself. I needed to know this, to have at least this small piece of her. I would never have anything else, but her name and the memory of her eyes and her voice would be enough, for what little time I had left at my disposal.
Malachai’s light-hearted smile changed, turning into a sad expression that echoed the helplessness and fatigue I felt. “I should not be telling you this. It’s much too dangerous. But... I suppose I’m just as crazy as you are. It’s Lucienne. Lucienne Hastings.”
Lucienne. It suited her. The name was just as perfect as its owner. The three syllables sounded musical, like a siren’s call, like the parasitic mate bond I could still sense reaching out to me, the cursed connection I’d have to amputate as soon as possible. Lucienne. My very own angel, the light of my life, my purpose and unreachable dream.
A part of me ached at the knowledge that Lucienne would never know about our bond. Prince Darius had blurred the memory of our meeting like he and his people always did when humans inadvertently came into contact with Accursed. It was for the best, though. I would go to my grave carrying the burden of what we could’ve had, like I was meant to, and she would not have to suffer because of the consequences of my actions.
For the moment, Malachai had bought me a little time, just enough to make my final arrangements. Until the unavoidable happened, I needed to stop dwelling on things that would never come to pass. Simply thinking about Lucienne was dangerous. Pures could read minds, and while they never invaded the privacy of humans, they were far less scrupulous with the guardians in their service. I had to act like I usually did, to make sure I didn’t give them a reason to look.
I managed to recover my composure just in time, because the door of the infirmary opened, and my healer walked into the room. She eyed me with icy, dark eyes, curling her lip in an expression that I would’ve interpreted as disdainful had I not known she was not capable of feeling such an emotion. “Guardian Whelan,” she said, “I see you’ve once again decided you’ve recovered before that is actually the case.”
“I am merely looking forward to returning to my duties, Healer Vaughn,” I replied. It was a little true, even if not for the reason Eileen Vaughn would probably assume.
“Perhaps,” Eileen answered, “but I will be the one to decide if you are prepared for this return, not you. As admirable as your resolve might be, an injured guardian is more of a hindrance than a help. Your companions will be too busy dealing with scavengers to make sure you don’t make your condition worse, and if you cannot be relied on to pull your own weight, I will not give you clearance to participate in the new mission.”
The harsh words barely registered on my radar. Maybe I should have been offended or irritated at her comments, but I was used to it by now. After all, guardians were conveniences, and every single person who signed up for this duty was well aware of what it would mean.
“I understand,” I told her. “I would not jeopardize our goal for my own self-gratification. I feel that I would be able to contribute, but I will leave the decision up to you, of course.”
My response was more a formality than anything else. Eileen didn’t need my permission to start checking me over. Still, Pures were nothing if not conservative when it came to manners, and they liked to observe these rules, even in their interactions with those they deemed inferior.
“Your cooperation is appreciated,” Eileen said, as expected. “Now, please lie down. We will go through the tests once again and see if you are as fit for combat as you claim.” She shot a glance toward Malachai. “Guardian Braun, your presence here is no longer needed. You’re dismissed.”
Malachai acknowledged the words with a polite, appropriate salute. “Thank you, Healer Vaughn. Praised be the High King. With honor, we move forward.”
After sharing one final look with me, Malachai left the room. Meanwhile, I complied with the healer’s orders and lay back on the bed.
As I closed my eyes and allowed her magic to flow over me once again, my thoughts drifted back to a memory of my beautiful mate. I wished I could have seen Lucienne one more time. I wished we could’ve spoken properly, at least once. But since that wasn’t possible, I would have to content myself with removing the most recent scavenger threat to this city. In the big picture, it would not mean much, since groups of new scavengers popped up in large human settlements all the time. However, I could not afford to wait too long. Once the group Kai had mentioned was dealt with, I would free her from the shackles she didn’t even know she was wearing. No matter the personal cost I would have to pay, I would make sure my soulmate was safe.
Five
Confusion
Lucienne
“Oh, Lucy. This is all so horrible. Are you sure you’re all right, dear? Are you comfortable enough?”
I smiled weakly at Diane’s mother as the woman in question fussed and fretted over me. I hated being ungrateful, but I still wished Clara would stop fluffing the damn pillows already. How many times did she need to do it before she was satisfied with their shape?
“Thank you, Mrs. Garnier, but I’m fine,” I replied. “You shouldn’t have troubled yourself so much on my account.”
“Nonsense, dear. It’s no trouble. You’re practically family at this point.”
I mentally sighed. That made me feel even worse about my uncharitable thoughts, especially since I knew for a fact that Clara meant it. Clara Garnier had welcomed me into her family with open arms ever since Diane and I had become close friends, and I wasn’t sure what I hated more, the sheer scope of the older woman’s concern or the way she would undoubtedly try to take over my life because of it. “I appreciate the help, but the doctor’s already given me a clean bill of
health, so really, you shouldn’t worry about me.”
Clara shot me an unimpressed glance. “Perhaps, but that fire you were in was quite serious. You can never be too careful with such things.”
Diane had been in the fire too, but Clara had yet to freak out over her daughter’s condition. Granted, Diane had gotten out before I had and she hadn’t been injured in any way, whereas I hadn’t been so lucky. Even so, this still seemed a little much.
As if reading my mind, my friend decided to add her own contribution to the conversation. “The doctor actually said that Lucy needs to take it easy for a few days,” she piped up from the other side of the bed. “Just in case.”
I glared at Diane when her mother wasn’t looking. That was a betrayal if I had ever witnessed one. As expected, Clara pounced onto the provided piece of information like a wolf on its prey. “I knew it. Ah, I should have gone with my first instinct and arranged for your transfer into our home. It would have been so much easier. Not that your apartment isn’t perfectly nice, dear, but you deserve to be with the people who love you, especially at such a difficult time.”
“I appreciate the offer, Mrs. Garnier, but I don’t want to intrude.” Also, I had a feeling that if I ever did agree to stay with the Garniers, they would never let me leave. For some reason, Clara had this notion that her son Pierce and I would make a perfect couple. I disagreed. Oh, we liked one another as individuals, and I found Pierce attractive. However, I also suspected that if we ever tried something romantic, our relationship would crash and burn within a day. Our priorities and mentalities were just too different.
As if summoned by my thoughts, Pierce knocked at the door and let himself into my bedroom before I could even invite him in. He was carrying a tray with a steaming mug, so I decided to forgive him for this transgression.
“I brought more tea,” he explained, even if he really didn’t need to. “Careful. It’s hot.”
I took the mug and blew into the liquid, reveling in the herbal scent that assaulted my nostrils. The Garniers always had the best blends, and at some point when they had invited themselves over, they had decided to stock up my pantry as well. I wasn’t stupid enough to complain about that. “Thank you, Pierce,” I replied.
Clara beamed at us like we were cute show dogs that had performed an amazing trick. Pierce and I shared a pained look but remained silent. Neither of us had ever had the heart to shatter Clara’s illusion that we would happily get married and have beautiful babies together one day. She did not seem to understand that a man and a woman could have a perfectly platonic relationship, even if both of them acknowledged the other was attractive.
Of course, Pierce’s courage—or his insanity—also surpassed mine. As I drank my delicious tea, he dared to broach a topic I had not known how to approach. “We should probably go soon, Mother,” he said. “It’s getting late already.”
Clara’s eyes widened and she glowered at her son with such intensity one would’ve thought Pierce had suggested burning down the nearest hospital, not leaving me on my own to recuperate. “How can you say that, Pierce? Lucienne needs us.”
“What Lucienne needs is rest, peace and quiet. The doctor wouldn’t have checked her out so readily had she been in any danger.”
“Well, that may be true, but not every physician is competent,” Clara pointed out. “In fact, come to think of it, it wouldn’t hurt to get a second—”
I could already see where this was going and I decided to put a stop to it before the madness escalated further. I still remembered that one time I had broken my leg, and I did not want to relive the episode. “No!” I said, interrupting Clara before she could finish the sentence. “I mean, I appreciate the concern, Mrs. Garnier, but Pierce is right. I’ll just get some rest and I’ll be fine by morning.”
“Are you sure?” Diane asked. “I could stay over, just in case you need anything.”
I was actually not sure. I had been feeling a little off since I’d woken up in the hospital. My tests had come out clean save for a very mild case of smoke inhalation, but for some reason, I didn’t think that was quite accurate. Still, I didn’t want to tell Diane that. My friend already felt bad enough about the whole thing, since she’d been the one who’d suggested going to that club. With Clara there as well, it was an even worse idea.
“Seriously, Di, I’m fine,” I said, setting my mug aside and taking my friend’s hand. “You know me. I always land on my feet. It takes a little more than a small fire to rattle me.”
Diane pursed her lips in dissatisfaction, not entirely convinced. However, no matter how pushy she could be, she knew when to stop and how to respect my boundaries. “All right, Lucy,” she said. “But just so you know, I’m coming to see you in the morning.”
“And you must promise to call, dear, should anything of concern happen,” Clara insisted. “In fact, make sure you call even if nothing happens. Like I said, you’re practically a part of the family now.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Garnier,” I replied. “Of course I’ll keep you posted.”
Despite my promise, it still took at least another half an hour for the Garniers to leave. Even then, they just did it because Diane set her foot down. Pierce had decided to not push his mother about it again—which I could understand—but Diane took it upon herself to do it in his stead. She knew me well and was aware that there was only so much fussing I could take before I clammed up completely.
Diane ended up dragging her mother out the door, while a bemused-looking Pierce followed in their wake. At the last moment, he turned toward me and gave me a quick hug. “Be careful,” he whispered in my ear. “You really scared us. Don’t do it again, all right?”
I hugged Pierce back, allowing myself the luxury of taking comfort in his heat, if only for a moment. I couldn’t exactly promise the incident wouldn’t happen again, but I tried to provide him with some reassurance, regardless. “I’ll do my best. Stop worrying. Your mother and your sister do it enough.”
“That may be true, but you need someone to worry about you.”
Releasing me from his embrace, Pierce flicked my forehead with his finger. “Remember to call, or we’ll never hear the end of it from Mother.”
He waved at me one last time and then soundlessly slid out of the apartment. I closed the door behind him and leaned against the wood, a strange mix of emotions swelling inside me.
I loved the Garniers, really. They were the closest thing I had to a family, and on occasion, I found myself wishing that I could truly start dating Pierce like Clara wanted so that I could be a Garnier as well. I was sure Clara had the whole thing planned out—from the wedding venue to the baby showers of the 2.5 children we would unavoidably have. And possibly their first ten birthdays.
But while I appreciated the Garniers’ help and interest, there had always been a barrier between us, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Maybe it was my fault because I did not know what to do with a family when I’d grown up without one. Maybe it was the fact that they were so overwhelmingly rich, while I came from nothing. Either way, I knew I could never be what the Garniers wanted or needed.
I groaned, exasperated with my own train of thought. What was wrong with me? I wasn’t the type to fall into random bouts of self-pity or muse over my own inadequacies like some kind of emo kid. Maybe this whole thing with the fire had gotten to me after all. I needed a holiday, a change of scenery. Something different to do, beyond the nights of clubbing Diane suggested or the meetings with my surrogate family. Another job? Not that the freelancer thing wasn’t interesting, but it wouldn’t hurt to spruce up my articles with something new. Maybe I could take up photography, go on a trip. I’d always wanted to see the world, find out new perspectives, and look into different cultures and stories of the past. Perhaps not meet new people, since, in my experience, people were pretty much the same the world over, but the places? Yes, absolutely. I would be very interested in seeing the jungles of the Amazon, the scorching sands of the Sahara desert,
the Eiffel tower, the deep waters of the Black Sea, the icy fjords of Norway or the deep forests in the beautiful, reclusive American mountains. Maybe I couldn’t afford a tour of the world right now, but a brief visit to one of our national parks might help calm me down.
I wasn’t much of a hiker, but I always had liked the color green.
It was just an idle thought, but it caused a reaction I didn’t expect. As soon as the simple concept processed, a memory flashed through my mind, that of a handsome man with eyes of the deepest green, the body of a god and a voice like rumbling thunder. A man who could, for some reason, turn into a wolf.
Clutching my suddenly pounding temples, I collapsed on the floor. A kaleidoscope of images assaulted me, most of them nonsensical and out of context. I could see that man again, fighting a group of unidentified individuals whose figures were blurs, impossible to discern. The stranger had been trying to protect me in some way, but I had no idea when this had happened and how.
I remembered the distinctive crimson of someone’s blood, staining the floor, staining my skin, staining the fur of the wolf. I remembered that same color in the eyes of another person, someone who had come to my aid when I had deemed myself... Deemed myself what? God, what was wrong with me?
Silver erupted in my consciousness in sharp, almost brutal bursts. The odd feeling from before returned with a vengeance and a sensation of absolute emptiness invaded my chest. I needed... I needed to go. I had something to do. I had to... I had to help.
With my head still spinning, I pulled on my sneakers and stumbled out of my apartment. I might not have any answers to my current predicament, but if I just followed my instincts, I would find them.
