by Kenya Wright
“How?”
“He told me that if I lived on my own, I would need to find a way to pay for it.”
“You’re smart and educated. You’d have no problem getting a job outside of Ford Enterprises.”
“Of course.” He laughed. “But if someone offers you a million dollar yearly budget and all you have to do is stay on the property with them, it doesn’t take a Harvard degree to know that’s a clear yes.”
“True.”
“Except now it’s no longer a clear yes. He’s added new rules to our arrangement.”
I didn’t like where this was going. “Okay?”
“He wants me to stay away from you.”
I frowned but didn’t have much of an argument against it either. It was Nick’s right. Adrian and I should’ve never started anything. I would’ve hated it if Nick had slept with my daughter. “That might be a good idea.”
“I don’t think so,” Adrian said. “I told him that I could love you for the rest of my life. I’ve never felt that way about anybody before.”
Shocked, I leaned back in my chair.
Adrian continued, “I told him that I would move out right now and work at a bloody gas station in the roughest area of town if it meant being with you.”
“Is that true?”
“I meant it.”
“I’m sure you did, but—”
“It doesn’t matter. Dad came up with a new rule.”
I rubbed my eyes, preparing for more of Nick’s craziness. “What’s the other threat?”
“He said that he would expose you to the world and figure out a way to cancel the Concrete Rose deal.”
That got my attention. “He knows about my background, that my mother is really an influential psychologist? He knows it all?”
“Yes,” Adrian said. “He was the one who told me. Before the business deal, you’d been investigated.”
Darkness filled my gut. “So he would hurt the book deal if it meant keeping you away?”
“Yes. That’s why I didn’t contact you sooner.”
Quiet came again. My mind twisted and turned over various solutions. I could just reveal my deception to the world and suck it all up when people began criticizing me. So much would change. My fan’s trust would dissipate. Why be loyal to an author who lied to them? Why care about her words?
“He can’t do that,” I said.
“I know. I’m working on it.”
“No, just leave it all alone. Seriously, I don’t know if it’s a good idea for both of us to start this all back up, anyway.” I considered something that my mother always used to say. “Relationships that arise from wickedness and other people’s heartbreak are ones that will never move beyond the pain. We should’ve never messed around.”
“I disagree.”
I closed my eyes.
I disagree too. I’m just trying to be the adult here. “You know in your heart that we should be together,” Adrian said. “Fuck how we got together. What we have is something more. Do you believe me?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Then don’t fight me.”
“I’m not.”
“Give me time to fix this. While I’m doing that, I need you to take care of yourself.”
“What?” I asked. “I do.”
“You’ve barely left your apartment. You’ve stopped your morning runs. You eat ice cream every night. Every afternoon, you chase down the ice cream truck.”
“Hey, I buy stuff for the neighborhood kids.”
“You also grab an armful for yourself.” He laughed. “I don’t mind that you’re stuffing yourself. You’re getting even curvier.”
“Hey. I haven’t gained any weight.”
“You look amazing. Every time I see you, I want to tackle you, push you against my car, and ram my cock into you.”
My skin flushed with heat. My nipples hardened under my shirt. I raised my eyebrows. “When do you stalk me?”
He avoided my question. “Have you been writing?”
Nervous, I looked behind me as if he was hiding in the room somewhere. “Answer me please.”
“I check on you.”
“That’s creepy.”
“I’ll do my best to stop.”
“Are you still going to your therapist?”
“I still see Dr. Engles. Don’t worry. The stalking is the number one thing we talk about.”
His feelings for me scared and confused me. Normal people don’t fuck their fiancé’s children or, in Adrian’s case, stalk their alleged lover. This was a train wreck. I could see the large machine rumbling down the tracks at full speed with him and I tied up to the ground, close to being smashed into pieces.
Maybe, I won’t mind the train running us over, as long as I get to touch him one more time. Fuck. I’m crazier than him.
“Have you been writing?” Adrian’s voice knocked me back into our conversation.
“Yes. I’ve been writing.”
“More on the masturbating god?”
I covered my face in embarrassment. “Yes. I added more to the supernatural stroking.”
“Amazing.” He chuckled. “What happens next?”
“There’s no way you really want to know. We have so many other things to discuss.”
“Trust me,” he said. “We have all the time in the world to go over that stuff. Right now, I want to know about the story that my cock inspired.”
“Oh God.”
“So what happens after this powerful god jacks off all over the magical forest?”
I grinned. “His sperm brings life to the forest, and a new race is created, one that may or may not help many people find love.”
“Interesting. That’s beautiful. I love how all of that happens just from some guy jacking off at one moment in time.”
“Yeah, my editor is going to kill me.” Sighing, I lay my head on my desk and considered deleting the whole thing. “Yes, sadly. This all arises from a pervert who stroked himself in my bedroom. This is what you did to me.”
“I love it. Tell me more.”
And so I did, explaining everything from the warlocks to the odd children who would someday rule the world.
When I finished, Adrian said, “There seems to be a lot of us in that story.”
“How?”
“The goddesses are all gone. It reminds me of my dad and me, motherless child and womanless man, stroking our dicks wherever we can just to get some sense of feminine essence. And then you have the warlocks with their inability to love or touch another person. That could point to us too. Men surrounded by money and a hard cold mansion where no one real comes inside.”
“You might be thinking too deeply about this.”
“I’m not.” He laughed. “And you’re the baby girl, birthed from a tree and a god. A tree has always been a widespread symbol for life and enduring strength. They bear fruit too which suggests a nurturing quality.”
“And all this from my story? I should have you write the book’s blurb when I’m done.”
“You should. I love that all this came from a god spilling his seed on a planet.” He chuckled. “I’m pretty proud of myself.”
“Of course you are,” I snorted. “Can we get back to the actual problem at hand?”
“And that is?”
“Us. What are we going to do about us?”
“I’m working on my father. I’ve checked with my own legal team, and they’re researching how I can keep him quiet. I’m also reviewing your contract. My team thinks there are several possible violations if he leaks your secret to the public. However, the biggest problem is that it would be hard to prove that he leaked it.”
“I should’ve never lied.” I shook my head. “I hate when people can use things against me. I hate being blackmailed.”
Adrian’s voice held an edge. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t let my father hurt you.” He paused for a few seconds and then said, “In addition to my father’s mess, I figured I would also give you some time.
”
Still laying my head on the desk, I opened my eyes. “What do you mean?”
“I’m giving both of us time. That’s the other reason I called today. I wanted to tell you that Dr. Engels said we needed some time.”
“That’s what she said?”
“You assume the therapist is a she?”
“Is she?” I asked.
“Yes, I just thought that was interesting.”
“Women are healers.”
“Yes, they are. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so broken and spent most of my life trying to stay away from them. Not anymore. Not with you.”
The way he said those words tugged at something inside of me. Or maybe that would always be Adrian’s power over my mind. He knew me so well. He’d learned my likes and dislikes, beliefs and even some of my fears. He courted me the whole time, and whether I chose to admit it or not, I passively let him. We had amazing sex later, confirming that when we entered each other’s space, magic happened.
But was that enough?
“I’m giving you time,” he said again. “My therapist thinks that if we start a relationship after all that happened, it would be a bumpy ride.”
“Relationship?”
“Relationship. That’s what I want with you, so I went to Dr. Engles to practically demand she help me out as much as possible.”
“Adrian—”
“I have an idea of what you’re going to say, so let me just interrupt you right here to save us both the time. I want you to be mine in every sense of the word. This is not a dream or wish, hopeful declaration or even prayer. We will be together one day. My therapist says to wait, give you time to be grounded. She thinks I need to continue therapy with her. I told her I would do it for you.”
“But Adrian—”
“No, Carmen. Neither you nor my father will stop this.”
“Well, I could definitely stop this, being that I’m supposed to be the other half of this future relationship. I have the power to stop anything from happening.”
“No, I want you.”
“Adrian—”
“No.”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It actually does.” I laughed.
The sound stopped Adrian’s talking for a few seconds as if I’d stunned him.
“Fine, Carmen. What are you going to say?”
I sat up in my seat and let out a long breath. “I don’t know if we should date or not. I’m not even considering a relationship with you right now. Too much has happened. I agree with your therapist. We need time. This is all assuming that your father doesn’t decide to ruin my life.”
Silence greeted my ears.
“Adrian?”
“I’m listening,” he replied.
“So let’s say we solve the situation with your dad.”
“We will.”
“Fine,” I said. “Maybe during this time, we figure out if we’re on the same path.”
“Whatever path you’re on, I’m right behind you, stalking and walking in the shadows.”
“Wow. I don’t know if I should be flattered or scared.”
“Both, if you’re smart.”
“You’re young. We may be in different stages of our lives. I want kids and marriage. You probably want to get drunk and dive off of a cliff in Hawaii—”
“I want kids, marriage, and to dive off of any cliff with you. I want it all and more.”
I swallowed and took the courageous step I’d been scared to take every sense that day I walked in on Adrian masturbating. “I like you. I’m attracted to you, and not just your body or cock. I’m into your mind.”
“Yes.” Adrian’s voice sounded like he was grinning. I bet money that he was. “Please, proceed. I’m enjoying this path.”
I rolled my eyes. “And even though I know that you have things within you that may be broken...I think I love you more for it all.”
I breathed in and out to calm my nerves. Saying this to him was probably even worse than getting drunk and jumping off of a cliff. He was my ex-fiancé’s son for God’s sake. Dating him would be unethical, to say the least. Dating him could ruin my freaking career. Plus, he wore red flags like they were in style.
But I didn’t care.
He’d stalked me and shown me he possessed no control over his sexual urges when it came to me, to the point of jacking off all over my bedroom.
Still, I craved him.
“What I’m trying to say, Adrian... is... I want you too.”
Chapter 11
Butterfly
Carmen
Adrian stayed true to his word, in some aspects. He gave me time away from him physically, but he continued to court me.
He started a new habit for us: daily phone conversations. We talked every evening, but never face to face. I had my career and shaky reputation to protect. We worried that Nick had people watching us. Adrian figured that once Nick found a new woman to lust over, he’d ignore us both. I wasn’t so sure. The very thought of Nick revealing my lies to the world scared the shit out of me.
I should’ve never lied in the first place. Now I have Mr. Douchebag holding it over my head.
Adrian and I never Skyped and fought the urge to run to each other and take exactly what we wanted.
We needed time. For what, we weren’t a hundred percent sure, but the more we learned about each other, the more I yearned for him.
He mind fucked me every night, and I enjoyed him drilling his words into my skull as though he were drilling his cock into my center. We debated current world politics. Sometimes he shared his new poetry with me. Other times, I updated him on my fantasy novel, which had been moving along well.
We wrote emails back and forth throughout the day. Virtually every subject read like, “I want you.”
“I don’t know what’s worse, Carmen,” he whispered into the phone one night. I’d been scared to turn in my bed and look at the clock, sure that it was well past midnight.
“What’s worse?” I asked.
“Knowing you’re mine and not being able to touch you like I crave.”
“I’m yours?”
“Always.”
“But Adrian—”
Fear laced his words. “Don’t hurt me... please.”
I sank into that pillow as if drowning in his love. The more we talked, the more intense he became. The man had so much passion inside of him that he’d hidden from the world and himself. It was hard to walk away, impossible to pretend that he hadn’t seeped into my flesh and taken over my whole body, mind, and soul.
I whispered, “I would never hurt you, baby.”
Weeks passed with us secretly communicating. Nick finally found a new woman. Suddenly, he stopped returning home or checking in on his son. Adrian tested the freedom waters, moved into a condo, and stopped working with any of his dad’s corporations. He decided to put his passion into poetry and kiss his inheritance goodbye. For his condo, he’s used the Catharsis royalties.
Nick was pissed. A driver appeared at Adrian’s place with a message: “You can move out. You can turn away from the Ford name, but you better stay away from that black bitch.”
It must’ve taken three hours of phone conversation to keep Adrian in his condo. My baby wanted to ram his foot up Nick’s ass, just for what he’d said about me. But it wasn’t worth. Nick would never deserve either of our attention.
“This is insane,” Adrian groaned. “I’m going crazy. I think about you every night. I touch myself after we get off the phone, but it isn’t enough. These conversations aren’t enough. I can’t believe we’ve made it this long.”
I said nothing. What could I even say? As he talked, my nipples hardened and panties dampened like they always did when we talked. I considered sending Adrian sexy pictures a few times. However, I refrained.
Adrian had been trying too hard to get back to normal, all for me. He went to his therapist three times a week, exploring
the trauma that he’d experienced from his mother’s suicide and even his need to invade my privacy. Those moments when he told me about the things he said in his sessions frightened me. Sometimes I feared he would be too broken to love. I worried that I wasn’t woman enough to heal him.
But in the end, he tried. And that was all I could ever ask for. That was all I could do myself. Try to love him, do my best to heal him.
Adrian started writing, and not just poetry. The poet Catharsis decided to pen a book about his life, believing it was time to reveal the identity of his pen name and even the true Adrian Ford. It had been four months since the last time I’d seen him.
“Are you sure you want to expose so much about yourself?” I asked late one night.
We’d sat on the phone from ten to two in the morning. I was close to falling asleep, but I had to ask him that last thing before ending the call. Adrian had become my addiction. I didn’t think I could go one night without hearing from him.
“I don’t care if I expose too much,” Adrian said.
“You should be. This is your public image.”
“That’s the point. Therapy has healed me so much in these past months. I feel like a new man, like my entire life is just beginning. I want people to see that even Adrian Ford, rich and gorgeous god of our world, can be so hurt that he needs therapy.”
“Rich and gorgeous god of our world?”
“That’s me. Yes.”
“You’re so humble.”
“It’s the best quality I have after my cock.”
In my mind, I pictured his length. “Hmm.”
“Don’t hmmm like that. You know what that does to me.”
“Tell me.” I slipped my hands into my panties. “Tell me what it does.”
“No.”
“No?” I stopped my hands from exploring my body any further.
“If I tell you about my cock, then I’m going to get in my car, drive over there, and give it to you like you’ve been dreaming about for the past months.”
“Oh, I dream about your cock?”
“You better.”
I moved my hand away and turned over on my stomach. “Fine, I’ll admit it. I dream about us.”
He cursed on the other line.
“What?”
