by Jill Cooper
He gets what he wants; I get what I want.
But at what price?
Chapter Five
Donovan takes my hand and we walk side by side to the café that serves the best mocha espresso I’ve ever had. It probably has something to do with the chocolate covered cookie that comes stuck into the mountain of foam. I munch it and then take a sip of the mocha. It warms my spirit and my toes, cold from our walk in the rain.
He reaches across the table and I study his expression. His eyes are troubled and for someone so rich in confidence, his shoulders are rolled forward more than usual. , I guess we’ve all taken a hit in the last year—Donovan is no different. “I don’t even know what to say, Lara. My mom just keeps trying to kill you.”
It’s almost funny; how absolutely insane it is. I stroke his fingers. “What can I do? To help you?”
Donovan shakes his head. “I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do to help. I think we just need to work through it.”
“And where is she? Your mom?” I pick up my cup and blow on the coffee before taking a slow sip. It’s rich and goes down smoothly.
“Under house arrest, so she’s not going anywhere for a while. Dad and I have moved again. He’s afraid she’ll try something. I guess he didn’t realize how far she had sunk. I’ll text you the new address in case you can’t reach me on the phone.” Donovan pulls out his phone and I grab his hand.
“It’ll be okay, Don. Really. All this will work out in the end.”
Donovan laughs. “How is it you can sound so sure? We don’t know anything for sure. Nothing is certain. Rex is dead, yeah, but she has other people working for her. Those mobsters. Anyone could put a hit on you. Any of us, at any time.”
“I’m just optimistic, I guess.” I smile. “Everything always works out in the end.”
“I wish I could be as sure as you are.” His eyes gaze past me toward the back of the café, but it’s safe to say he doesn’t see anything. Not right now. He’s swallowed up by grief. I know what I’m about to put him through will make it worse, but eventually, Donovan will work through it. We need to be safe and there’s only one way for that to happen.
Patricia James has to die.
We sit and talk. I get Donovan to smile a time or two and then he walks me home. We stand under the awning of the brownstone I share with my parents. I’m in his arms and it’s the most comfortable place to be. We share soft, tender kisses and I rest my head against his cheek. “I live for these quiet moments.”
“Me too.” Donovan sighs, but it’s happy instead of sad. “I can’t wait for the day I can take you away from all this. We can celebrate on the beaches of Morocco.”
“Push our toes through the toasty sand? That sounds great, but anywhere can become Morocco when I’m with you.”
Donovan raises his eyebrows. “You can transport too? Man, you really are a cheap date.”
I bite my lip. “That’s not what I meant.” I grip the lapel of his shirt and pull him in for another kiss. And it’s thunderous in its passion. After a few minutes I break it off, just in case my parents are watching.
“See you soon, rock star.” Donovan slips away from me, but our fingers remain intertwined for as long as I can extend my arm. I watch him walk away until he’s nothing more than a shadow, and then he disappears from my sight.
I sigh, my back up against the door, and then sneak into the house. I don’t see anyone downstairs, so I stick my head into Mom’s bedroom. She’s up reading while Jax sleeps soundly. “Night, Mom,” I whisper.
She mouths an I-Love-You as I close her door gently and head into my bedroom. I glance down at my watch, which has been running in timer mode. I stop it at exactly forty-two minutes since Donovan first showed up at my door.
I head over to my window and peel it open. I stick my head out in the rain, take a deep breath. All it takes is for me to think about Donovan picking me up at the door for the world to shimmy and my headache returns.
I glance down at my watch. It begins to tick forward from zero.
No time like the present to play in the past.
****
I jump down from my window and land in a squat beside the bushes. Inside I find the duffle bag I left myself and slinging it over my shoulder; I creep out of the alley. By the front door, I catch a glimpse of myself and Donovan, hand in hand strolling away. I make note of how he leans his head against hers and can’t help but notice the love.
I want to save that. I need to save that.
Glancing at my watch, I see I’ve wasted nearly two minutes. Time to get sprinting. Lucky for me, I know exactly where to catch the subway and which stop will get me closest to the James’ estate. I hope I won’t run into much interference there and will find Patricia home alone, nursing a bottle of brandy while she contemplates why she’s such a messed up bitch.
Unfortunately, when I arrive and hide in the bushes, I see there are guards bordering the gates and others that appear to be on patrol. Crap.
I take the binoculars from my bag and use it to spy on the windows. I can see a silhouette against the sheer curtains, but I can’t be sure who it is. And I don’t want to take the shot without knowing the truth.
I glance down at my watch. There’re twenty-two minutes left to get home before Lara does. If this is going to work, I need to hurry. Packing up, I sling my bag over my shoulder and hurry across the lush grass and hop the fence. The coast seems clear, but as I run onto the brick pavement toward the front door, a guard grabs me by the arm.
“Hold it right there.”
My heart stills and I raise my hands above my head. “Would you believe I am selling Girl Scout cookies?”
His mouth flicks at my humor, but not enough to let me go. He pushes me through the double French doors into the foyer of the James’ home. It’s immaculate and just like a museum. The chandeliers overhead throw shinny sparkles in all directions and the rich mahogany fixtures have been polished to perfection.
The guard uses the butt of his gun to push me left, into the study. I see Patricia James sitting by the fireplace, lounging in pink satin pajamas, her blond hair in a delicate bob, brushed elegantly back. I realize she’s the figure I saw earlier through the curtains. She studies me, crossing her legs and it’s then her police anklet is shown.
I smirk. “Looks heavy.”
“I would think you’d be smart enough not to come here, considering how many times I’ve tried to kill you now.” Patricia stands up and places her glass on the fireplace mante adorned with family photos, mostly of a young Donovan. But she threw that all away for ambition and power.
I take a step back and Patricia glares at me. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Making sure I don’t get in the way of the shot.”
Patricia’s face goes slack, and I enjoy watching her freaked out expression. I gaze out the window and think back to being behind the gate. The pain hits my head all at once this time, not waiting for the time travel to be completed. I gasp in pain and grab my head with a groan.
I can barely steady my breath as I grimace and slowly open my eyes. I’m back at the gate and beside me is, well, me.
Lara blinks her eyes as I do. I reach into my bag and pull out my gun and then its silencer. “You better get started,” I say to the other Lara who will cease to exist in a minute. At least I hope. “Get her in front of the window.”
Lara nods and then she’s off, running toward the gate. I assemble my gun and line up the shot. I don’t expect the searing pain to be back so soon, but my vision splits and I can barely blink my eyes. I think I’m going lose consciousness, but I force myself to stay alert, and aiming the gun. I take wind speed and direction into account, just as dear Uncle Rex has been teaching me in simulations. This is the moment he’s been waiting for and the moment I’ve been dreading.
When Patricia James’ silhouette stands up, I take the shot. It crackles like fire around me and I watch with baited breath as it cracks the glass and her body slams toward the floor.<
br />
I have to be quick. I know that, until I am safe at home, I could still get caught and that’s something I can’t stomach. So I take my gun apart, stow it in the duffle bag. I’m off and running for the subway, slamming my duffle bag against my back and hope—pray that the Lara who’s inside the mansion will disappear.
I can’t know for sure. I swipe my Charlie card to get on the subway. The train is brighter than ever for the middle of the night and I slump into a seat and hold my pounding head. I grimace contorting in my seat. It’s never been this bad, but my vision is more than doubling. It’s tripling. I can feel someone invading my head space and it feels as if my brain is being torn in half.
A slow trickle of blood comes from my nose as, all at once, visions assault me.
Standing in the James’ study, a bullet rips through Patricia’s skull. I scream as blood is splattered and back up. A guard grabs me from behind, and then the vision goes funny in shades of red and orange. Nothing is static or normal. It comes in waves as I fall down to my knees and crawl from the mansion.
Lara is fading. She grabs her head as we become one and her entire life force threatens to implode.
I don’t know how I get home. But suddenly I’m there, limping down my street. At the doorway, I can see Lara and Donovan kissing goodnight. I duck behind the townhouse and my body slams into the brick. I can barely control what I am feeling or doing now that there are three of us in this timeline. I feel like I am everywhere but nowhere, all at once.
I throw my duffle bag into my window and using the tree to scale up. I can’t even take off my shoes before I lie on my bed. Huffing for air, I think I’m going to die. But I don’t call out. I won’t move as Lara enters the room. She keeps the light off when she sees me and sits by my bed.
“Is it done?” she whispers and we take hands.
I nod; I can’t find the strength to speak. Blood trickles down her face as it flows down my nose. I thought I’d be the one, who continued on in this timeline, but it’s not me, it’s her. I’m just the anomaly. She’s going to continue and I’m going to die, disappear on this bed.
“Not disappear,” Lara says as if she can read my mind. “You’re melding with me.” Then I realize maybe she is already in my mind as we join together. “We’ll be the same. Like always. I’m sorry it has to hurt so much though.”
My breathing gets erratic and I can feel myself floating away. Then it is the other Lara who grabs her head and falls to her knees and clings to the mattress, her fingers gripping it as if her life depends on it.
When I look up, I am not on the bed anymore, but I am on my knees beside it. The Lara on the bed is gone. Now she’s inside me. We are becoming one and the memories of being in Patricia’s house and of shooting her are within me all at once. My mind reels as it tries to process the overload of information. I’m frying like an overworked computer processor.
I stand up and my legs wobble. I grab the wall of the room for support as everything goes blurry and I fall over. My body spasms and my head rocks back as my body trembles involuntarily. My muscles go rigid and like an electrical current, the pain travels through my veins to every part of me.
****
“Unplug her! Get her out of there!”
I’m back in the real world and my cage is open. Men in white jackets are running all around me, but I can barely keep my eyes open. My limbs thrash about, knocking a metal tray over and medicine flies from its spot.
Someone caresses my forehead to hold me still. I groan and bite my tongue hard and blood sprays from my mouth. I try to cry in pain, but can’t. Someone injects my arm with something, I guess it’s to stop the seizure, and Delilah unplugs the electrodes from my head and then something from my neck. I reach around to touch it, but my hand is grabbed by another scientist.
“Sleep now, Lara. Sleep.” Her voice is sweet and kind. Almost like family.
I nod and try to say something. Although my lips part, I can’t stay conscious, but as I am fading out I hear Rex step into the cage. He’s talking to someone and I only hear his side of the conversation.
“Then we find a way to fix it. And get her back in there. We’ve come too far with her to stop now. She cannot be allowed to terminate. No one sleeps; no one gets time off until we find a way to fix Lara.”
Chapter Six
I know it’s not possible for Rex to care about me after all he’s subjected me to, but his voice sounds like he does on several occasions. It’s hard to accept the truth that to him I am simply valuable as a possession or a high valued experiment. That in itself buys me some leeway. But I am too weak to do much about it.
In the coming days, I am well fed and cared for. Potted plants are brought into my room and under supervision, they give me a CD player. It’s nice to listen to music again even if they don’t allow me a computer or access to the internet. That would be too dangerous and for now, I’m glad I’m not tempted to find a way out. If I managed to escape in my current condition, I probably wouldn’t make it anywhere.
The calendar on the table shows that over a week has passed since the incident. I haven’t been plugged back into the virtual reality since then and I know we’re getting close to trying again. The new treatments Rex has authorized are helping. My brain feels more whole and I know soon we’ll be forced to test it. Then and only then will we be able to move into phase two.
A real world test.
I mark another day off the calendar with a big red X as I prepare for bed and put the marker down beside it. The lights in the giant room that house my cage deactivate and I hear footsteps approaching. Getting comfortable in bed, I snuggle my pillow and pull the comforter up high. I might be in a cage, but part of me feels at peace under the fluffy down comforter. Almost like I’ve begun to accept my life here.
Deep inside me, there’s a longing to see Donovan and my family again. I don’t want to face the fact that I am excited to be plugged back into the system tomorrow, but I am. I want to return to the virtual world and it brings tears to my eyes even if they don’t drop down to my cheeks.
The guard finishes his sweep around the room and he pauses at the glass wall that separates us. For a moment he studies me in the dark, only his flashlight illuminates a small part of his face.
“Good night, Lara,” he says with kindness. A strange kindness for a man who knows I’m being held here against my will.
But I smile at him anyway. I crave any human kindness. “Good night.” Then I roll over and go to sleep.
Tomorrow is a new day. A celebration. And I will finally get to see my family again.
****
It’s my birthday.
I lean over and blow out the one candle sticking out of my waffle. I don’t have much in the way of cheer, but I hope that soon I’ll be able to really celebrate. Rex is standing on the other side of the glass and he puts a small wrapped box inside of the plastic container.
Curious as to what it could be, I open the container from my side of the cage and hold the small box in my hands. It’s wrapped in white and pink ‘happy birthday’ paper and a green bow rests delicately on top. I give the box a soft shake and it barely rattles inside. “Well, at least it’s not a bomb.”
Rex’s expression shows anything but amusement. “Just open it, darling Lara.”
I tear the paper and lift the flap of the box. Inside is a photo and as I unfold it my heart lodges in my throat. It’s Molly. Her hair is swept back and her eyes are gazing down at the floor with sadness. She’s not smiling at all but instead, wears a serious frown. No little girl so young should look so sad at seven-years-old.
“What do you want from me?” I hold the photo like a delicate flower and I’m afraid at any moment it might turn to dust and simply blow away.
“You wanted proof she’s all right. Here it is.” Rex says.
“This doesn’t prove anything except how miserable she is. What are you doing to her?” My eyes narrow. “You have me, just let her go.”
“We are headed
toward our first real world test, Lara. I just wanted to remind you what’s at stake. Keep this in mind the next time we see each other. And happy eighteenth birthday. You’re an adult now.” His smile makes me shiver and then he sneers at the technicians. “Strap her back in. Give her a birthday she’ll never forget.”
I sit down on my bed and lay down on my pillow, sliding the photo of Molly underneath. I lay still as the technician in my room readies the equipment. I close my eyes and am ready to fall down the rabbit hole.
****
“Happy birthday!”
I gasp with surprise, my hand on my chest as I walk into the front door. My heart skips a beat as the lights turn on and all of my friends and family toot horns and throw streamers at me. The room is decorated with pink and white balloons. Blushing, I laugh and turn to Donovan. “You knew?”
“Happy birthday,” he whispers against my skin and kisses my open mouth. My eyes flutter open and I fall so deliriously into him, I’m ready never to leave the virtual world again. His embrace is so magical. Why would I ever want to be anywhere else?
I can barely separate myself from him as I go over to greet my family. My dad. He’s having a polite conversation with my mom. Something I never thought I would see again. “Dad.” I grin.
He gives me one of his patent pending bear hugs. “Oh, baby girl. It’s so great to be with you on a birthday finally. So great. And to see you so happy.”
I know I’m beaming. Now, without Senator James around, there’s no reason not to be. Donovan and I are free to begin our lives. The prospect of college has never seemed so mundane—and it excites me. I have had enough heart-pounding adrenaline to last me two lifetimes. Quite literally.
As I hug my family and friends, the subject of Donovan’s mom never comes up and it shouldn’t. My alibi cleared the police weeks ago. I can barely remember being interviewed by them except I know it happened. The fact I can travel time is a secret only a few key people know and I’m glad the police have never found out because, if they did, then all bets would be off.
