by Jill Cooper
4: Present: Lara
Waves of nausea roll over me as my eyes flutter open.
I don’t know where I am. Or when I am, but I am definitely lying in a hospital bed. Around me, machines beep. The walls are padded and I recognize the emblem on the door.
I’m back at Rewind.
Sitting up fast, my neck stiffens and surges with a shock of pain. I gasp and fall back down on the pillows. When I try to rub my forehead, my arm jerks back due to the restraints around my wrists, tethered to the bed.
I’m a prisoner.
“Let me out!” I rear my head back and scream. My body bucks in the bed. I know someone is watching, so I thrash around until they come to my aid.
The door buzzes as it unlocks and my chest heaves from panic as someone I’ve never met strolls into the room. He’s in a fine black suit underneath a white overcoat. The lapel of his jacket holds an ID badge.
It says his name is Xavier Daniels.
With blond hair and blue dim eyes that make me distrust him immediately, he can’t be a day over the age of thirty. He touches the top of my head like I’m someone special to him. I jerk my head away.
“Don’t you touch me.”
“We’ve done what we can to help you, Lara. I thought we should meet before we return you home.”
Return me home? It feels like the carrot on the stick, designed to lure me into something I desperately don’t want to do. I glower at him. “Then why the restraints? Why the drugs?”
“We didn’t want you to run. We thought you might hurt yourself if you woke up here and were able to move around freely. The last thing we want is for you to hurt yourself.” He pulls a key ring from his pocket.
If he’s trying to lull me into trusting him, it’s not going to work. I stare at the key even as he slides it into the restraints and unsnaps them.
I rub my wrists and realize they don’t hurt, but the phantom pain is still there from my captivity of last year, even though because I changed the past, it never happened. To me, it’s real.
It happened.
My eyes spy him as if he’s a criminal. A danger. If he’s in Rewind, I can’t trust him.
Never will.
“I’ve been put in charge of Rewind.” Xavier extends his hand to me and I don’t shake it. Instead, I consider spitting on it, but I keep my venom to myself. “I’ve been following the trials closely; I know how you feel about this place. If everything you say is true, I don’t blame you.”
My eyes narrow. “Of course it’s true.” Asshole.
Xavier gives an ‘hmmf’. “If you’ll feel the back of your skull, you’ll see we’ve fit your port with, well it’s a lot of techno mumble, but it’s a restraint device. It will keep your little spells of freezing time, slowing time, from happening.”
Quickly I fish behind my head and I feel a small bump where my finger used to slide into the port. Almost like a protective little covering or nub. I draw a quick breath, not sure if I’m upset to be modified against my will or happy that the time spells will come to an end.
“It will also monitor any time travel attempts you try to make. The data will be sent here, wirelessly of course. So, there’s no need for you to come in or be hooked up to a computer. I know how traumatic that would be for you, considering your circumstances.”
So they’ve neutered me. “And you expect me to thank you?”
Xavier shakes his head. “I wouldn’t expect that. You need to learn to trust me. Respect me. I understand that better than I can tell you. One day, it’ll happen.”
I glare at him. “It’ll be a cold day in hell first.”
He laughs. “I was hoping we could keep this cordial. The U.S. government has a vested interest in you and you have a vested interest in keeping your mother, step-father out of prison, so if you would please like to adjust your attitude…”
My face falls and I think I would like to punch the little weasel in the face, but instead I nod. I comply even though I hate it. “Adjusted.”
Smug little good for nothing weasel leers straight at me. “Good. Good. We’ll run a few tests to make sure it’s stable and reporting everything it should. Then we’ll return you home. As I understand it, your parents are very anxious to get you back safe and sound. I’d hate to disappoint them, Lara.”
Mom and Dad must be so worried. Jax too. I nod and agree to go along with what he has planned. Live to fight another day, right? So why do I feel like I’ve given myself over to the enemy? I lay back and Xavier checks a few things on some overhead monitors.
I study him and his eyes flicker down to me. For a brief moment, he strokes my cheek. “It’s a hardship for such a young girl, and I am sorry for the position this puts you in, but I do hope we can be friends, or at least friendly.”
“If you don’t keep me against my will, I guess we can at least be cordial.”
“Good.” Xavier helps me sit up. “Blood pressure, brain activity, oxygen rate, and location are all reporting in fine. I’ll get your escort--.”
“Location?” I whisper and touch the nub on the back of my skull. They put a stinking GPS on me?
“For your own protection.” Xavier shrugs. “Just in case anyone were to want to kidnap you or harm you—I know how it must feel but, the government wants to ensure you’re safety.”
“They think I’m their property.” As I say it, Xavier’s face goes ghostly pale. You think the man in charge of the Rewind Agency would have a better poker face. “Think I didn’t know?”
He stutters and I snort.
“Next they’ll try to patent me.”
“No one has ever patented a human being that I know of.” Xavier’s mumble doesn’t make me feel any better.
“Not for lack of trying, I bet. They think my brain is their tech. I know it’s true, so don’t even.”
He puts his hand on my shoulder and I don’t have the internal strength to shrug it off. “It’s not as bad as it sounds.”
“No, it’s worse.”
I’m no longer a person. Not in the eyes of anyone with any power.
Now I’m nothing more than a thing. A means to an end.
And what that means for me? Scares me.
****
The reality of the situation sets in as I’m put into a car and driven home. I’ve been fitted with a GPS device that stops me from traveling back in time. That means there’s nowhere I can run, nowhere I can hide. All our plans, all our secrets now are for nothing. And the government might protest it’s for my own good, but whom are they kidding?
I’m not the naïve kid I was who went back in time to save Mom. They want the secrets of my mind and don’t want me to interfere. Don’t want me to stop them.
When I try to time travel, nothing happens. Things don’t slow down, nothing pixilates, and I don’t have even a slight itch of a headache.
They’ve neutered me worse than Rex ever did. I guess I know what Rewind was working on for the last year. A way to stop me. A way to study me so they can replicate me.
And when they’re done with me? Then what. What will it mean for me?
Outside the rain slows down to a slow splatter as the car pulls over to the curb. I stare up at my home, the Montgomery brownstone where I’ve lived for the better part of my life. Seeing it should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. Inside is my family, my sister, and brother. I should be happy to be away from Rewind and back home.
But knowing what’s coming? Complicates matters.
I step outside and shield my eyes to protect them from the rain as the front door opens. I expect it to be Mom, maybe Dad. But it’s Donovan.
Donovan. My heart wrenches. All our plans. Our future.
Still, as he races down the steps to see me, I can’t slow the pounding in my heart. I throw myself into his arms and he catches me, swinging me around. At least for a minute, a few seconds I have what every normal teenage girl wants.
Love, acceptance.
It doesn’t matter that we’re in the rain. That his
wavy hair is going flat under the downpour, all that matters is that we’re together. I’m in his arms again.
The car behind me whizzes away and Donovan’s deep eyes search mine. “Are you alright?” He cups my face in his hands. Our lips finding each other are the only answer I need to give. It’s a soul-searching kiss, one we give ourselves over to completely.
Effortlessly.
I grip his jacket tightly as if I were let go, I might free fall into the abyss.
I don’t want to tell him our plan is off. It’ll kill me to disappoint him so I just nod, throw my arms around him, and never want to let him go. “I was pretty scared, but I’m alright. Don,” my voice is soft and I dread what’s coming next, “there’s something I need to—.”
“Lara?” Mom’s voice warbles as she runs down the stairs to greet me and Dad isn’t even two steps behind. We’re crushed like a jelly sandwich in their hug.
“Let’s get you in from the rain,” Dad says, ever my protector now that he’s out of prison. “Let’s get you inside and you call tell us all about it. If you want to, that is.”
“Sure.” I’m hesitant as I scan their faces. They’re all so expectant. Mom strokes my hair as we walk up the stairs. How upset I was, what they did to me, will kill her.
So when I step inside, I downplay it with a shrug. “Wasn’t so bad.” Minus the drugs. “They fit me with something to help stabilize my…headaches and it’ll monitor my vitals.”
Mom sighs and strokes my arms. “I know it’s not what you wanted. What any of us wanted, but maybe it won’t go as bad as you think. Maybe if we cooperate…”
“That’s not what you were saying a few hours ago,” Dad smirks.
Mom throws him a look. The type of look an annoyed wife gives her husband and I wonder what’s been going on. I’ve noticed them getting closer in the recent months, but is it real? Or is it just because of me? “I was worried about Lara. But maybe if we cooperate more, maybe they won’t shut us out so much.”
The government? Mom is delusional, but I can’t break her of that. Maybe right now that’s what she has to believe. So, I nod. “Maybe, Mom.”
“I’ll make some sandwiches before bed. You must be hungry.”
“I am. But tired. Do you mind if Donovan and I go upstairs? No funny business, I promise.”
Dad glances at Mom, ever reluctant about the boyfriend, but Mom nods. “Just don’t close the door.”
With a sigh of relief, I turn and then I see Jax standing in the shadows. His face relaxes, but his eyes are sad. I’m so happy to see him that I immediately hug him. Even though I have Dad back, I need Jax too. He raised me. When he hugs me, I feel as if I’ve gone home.
He kisses the top of my head. “I’m glad you’re back. I’m glad you’re okay.” Jax touches my chin and studies my eyes. “If you’re really okay.”
I blink to disrupt the soul-searching he’s doing. “Sure. Yeah. Just tired. Where are the twins?”
“Asleep. It’s late and we didn’t want to worry them. We just told them you got held up.”
“We’ll be quiet then. Are you…staying for dinner?” I try to keep my voice even and not to plead, but I really want him to stay around. This is his house. I want him to feel welcome in it too.
“I just stayed to make sure you were all right. I should go.” Jax grabs his keys from the end table he’s leaning on.
“I wish you didn’t have to.” I chew on the inside of my lip. “I really wish you could stay.”
“Maybe one day. Things are just…difficult enough.” Jax’s eyes are on the floor and he can’t even bring them up to look at me.
“Will you call me? Maybe we can go to lunch or something. If you’re still into eating and stuff like that.” I grimace at how needy and little I sound.
But it’s how I feel. Now that Jax and Mom are separated, I feel like he’ll just fade away one day. Maybe I’ll never see him again. Maybe he’ll forget…
Jax takes my hands. “Just because things are bad between your mom and me doesn’t mean—Lara, I’ll always love you. Be here for you. I don’t know if you remember what it was like when you were little. When I first married your mom.”
“I remember,” I whisper and it’s true. I don’t have all the memories, but I have a few. The feelings I have for him, the love, it’s the same as if he was my real dad.
“You were my first little girl and nothing is ever going to change that.” Jax’s voice trembles and I hug him.
I can’t keep myself from sobbing. I don’t want to be forgotten or lost and to hear that Jax still sees me as his, after everything he’s done—everything I’ve done—I just lose it. In that moment he is everything I need and I don’t want to let him go.
He holds me close and he squeezes his eyes shut. “I wish I was honest. I wish I had told you and your mom everything.”
“I wish it was enough for Mom. Maybe one day…” My voice is hopeful, but there’s no hope in Jax’s eyes as he gazes back toward the kitchen door. Inside Mom is with Dad. They’re making sandwiches, it’s almost like they’re family.
“I was selfish,” Jax admits. “And stupid. So stupid. I always knew that John and your Mom…well,” Jax's face falls and I know he thinks he was always playing second place. Mom was settling for him, but that’s not how I ever saw it. That’s not how we felt about him. I just wish I could tell him. “Have a good night. I’ll call you soon for lunch.”
“And fro-yo.”
Jax laughs and shakes his head. I watch him leave and Donovan steps up and takes my hand. I gaze up at him and softly he kisses my lips. I don’t say anything. I don’t have to as we take the stairs to my room.
Once inside he closes the door. “What aren’t you telling us?”
I sit down on the bed and twist my fingers together. “It’s over, Don. All our plans. All our dreams for our future…” My voice fades as he sits beside me. His arm is on my shoulder, but I can’t bear to look at him. “They fitted me with a tracker like a stray dog. They’ll always know where we are.”
Our eyes meet and the realization of my words hit him. Donovan’s shoulders slouch and hopelessness rolls across his face.
“We can’t leave,” I whisper and our hands cling to each other. “Everything we talked about, everything we wanted…”
“We’ll find a way.” Donovan’s voice is recharged with resolve.
He’s dreaming. I shake my head. “Don, it’s not going to work. They’ll find us and then we’ll be in worse trouble.”
Donovan goes down in front of me and grips my arms. “We’ll find a way. I don’t care if it takes us days, weeks, we’ll figure it out. I’m not going to let you stay here and be their pawn. Do you get me, Montgomery?”
Tears fill my eyes and I bite my lip. “It all sounds good, but maybe it’s not going to work. Maybe you and I—.”
“Don’t say it.” Donovan scolds with narrowing of eyes. “You and I are in this until the end. I don’t care if we have to scrape, claw, and drag our way through this. We’re doing it. Together.”
His words crumble my heart. I slide my weight down into his lap. His arm cradles around my shoulders while his other hooks around my knees, pulling me close in a tight embrace. We start kissing as if we might never stop.
Breath rushed, passion flaming, our love is the only thing grounding me. What we’ll do tomorrow or the next day, I don’t know. But for right now, I have him.
And that’s enough. Right now, that’s enough.
****
After sandwiches, Donovan leaves.
I change into my cozy pajamas and head downstairs to say good night. I watch from the stairs as Mom says her goodbyes to Dad. They’re cozy, close as they say farewell, but I don’t see any overt signs of affection.
She closes the door after him and rests her palm against it, as if she can still feel him. I step closer and cross my arms. “Is there something going on between you and Dad I should know about?”
“What?” Mom turns with a laugh. “Oh
, Lara…”
I shrug. “Just curious. You guys have been…well, close.”
“He was my husband once. Besides, we have you.” Mom strokes my cheek and I feel her love for me. “There’s a lot to talk about.”
I guess so, but I feel bitter and weird. When I first changed time, I wanted nothing more than for Mom and Dad to be a couple. To get back together, but now? Everything that’s happened and how I feel about Jax, it’s not as simple as it once was.
Life is complicated.
“Thanks for at least letting Jax in to wait for me.” I don’t mean to sound so spiteful, but my words come out as if I’m a biting piranha.
Mom raises an eyebrow. “Is that what this is about? Jax?”
I’m exhausted and running on fumes, but I clench my jaw anyway. “He loves us. You. I need him.”
Her eyes soften. “Oh, Lara.”
“It’s true. You married Jax, but he was mine too. And then you just threw him out. You found out what he did and you got rid of him, without asking anyone how they felt about it.” My chin quivers. “Without asking me.”
“I’m sorry, honey.” Mom’s voice is soft. She’s telling the truth. “I should have considered your feelings. I just didn’t think—with your father out of jail…”
I sigh and struggle with my anger. Not at Mom, but at everything. Rewind. Not being able to run away with Donovan. Maybe I should just be happy that I don’t have to worry about time travel anymore, but I’m not.
I’m a lab rat.
“Yeah, I get it. Dad being out and back is great, but Jax is my dad too. And it’s not fair. Jax and I shouldn’t have to get divorced just because you’re going to.”
Mom nods. “You’re right. Absolutely right. I’ll make sure I call him first thing and we’ll get it squared away.”
She never agrees with me this easily, but I’ll take the win. “In the virtual reality, you and Jax got passed it. You made up.”
“That wasn’t real honey.” Mom strokes my hair. “It was just a fantasy.”
A fantasy. I know all that, but it kills me anyway. “He’s Mike and Molly’s Dad. Don’t shut him out. Don’t do to them what you did to me.” I shouldn’t have said it, but I did. It slipped out and I’m so ashamed. So sorry, that I cover my mouth.
