by Jill Cooper
Stay away from Rewind.
Pretty much each page contains the same gist, except the last page, has a black and white photo of mom and me. We are walking down the street, not far from the house we once shared with Jax. And someone used a bright red marker to put a red X across my face.
I bite my lip and can’t even read the words on the page. My fingers go numb as I slide the folder closed and gaze up. “Did you call the police?”
Jax shakes his head. “I didn’t want to involve them.”
“Why not?” I scowl.
Jax paces over by the window. “I didn’t want them to ask questions I can’t answer.”
“What kind of—.” My sentence trails off as I flip through the death threats in my mind. I keep being hung up on the same detail. “You’ve been snooping around Rewind. That’s why they want you dead. Jax—.”
My eyes go wide as he bends down at his desk and opens his safe. He pulls out a journal and a diary. There are papers sticking out and photographs. Jax flips through them. “This is everything I’ve gotten my hands on. The government is planning on making time travel big, Lara. They’re designing systems to make more like you. And that’s not all they’re doing.”
At this precise moment, I don’t care about Rewind and what they’re doing.
All I care about is Jax.
My cheeks puff out with air. “If the police find out what you’ve been doing, it’ll void your immunity agreement. You’ll go to jail.” My face runs out and inside I’m cold. I fight the urge to puke.
Jax stands and he hands me the journals and the diary. “We need to find a way to stop them. Get someone to listen. They already have test subjects and…it’s not going well, Lara. People are being hurt. Dying. Those in charge know and just don’t care.”
I don’t know who will listen to me. I don’t know who can help us. The government does what it wants. It takes. And when you fight back…When you fight back, you find yourself on the wrong end of a needle.
It’s as if I’m stuck at the bottom of a well and every time I try to climb up, I just sink lower. “You make it sound like…I’m going to find a way to save you.”
“He’s a time traveler if your theory is right. That means it’s just a matter of time before he gets it right. You can’t be everywhere at once.” Jax strokes my face with his thumb.
“Dad,” my voice is so small I almost can’t hear it. “You can’t just give up. I always find a way I’m Lara…Montgomery.”
There’s a tear in his eye. “You think I want to die? But you, this, it’s more important to me. So you do what you have to.” Jax puts both of his hands over mine and squeezes them. “You take these, you hide them, keep them safe. And when the time is right, when you’re able to turn them over to the right person, you do it.”
I want to argue with him, but I can’t. Instead, tears run down my cheeks and everything feels so unfair. My face scrunches and I lean against him.
“Keep yourself safe. Your Mom. The kids. Do whatever you have to do, Lara. Whatever.” His eyes are defiant and I know what he’s saying. I know permission when I hear it, but to kill?
Didn’t I promise myself I would never do that again?
But if it means I can save Jax. If it means saving my family, what choice do I have?
I turn from Jax and stop at his office door. “I’ll call you soon. Don’t leave here until I get back.”
Jax nods that he’ll do what I ask. I just hope the next time I see Jax; he isn’t in a body bag.
****
When I get home, no one is here. The twins are at school and Mom’s at work.
So I grab the toolbox that Dad has left for making repairs and bring it up to my room. I draw the shades down low, peel off my hoodie and get to work. My nightstand is against the wall, so the first thing I do is move it.
Then, on my hands and knees, I use a saw to cut away a small hole in the drywall. I stash the diary and journal that Jax gave me inside. Even the gun because I don’t want to use it and I don’t want anyone else to either.
I put back the piece of drywall I cut out and then putty the edges. It’s not the best system in the world and if someone moves my nightstand, they’ll see it, but I’m betting my money, a lot of money, that no one is going to look.
I push it back into place and then sit on my bed. Once the patch is dry, I’ll sand it down and paint it. Just in case, someone comes looking for it. For me.
I take a deep breath and that’s when the shit hits the fan.
“Lara Crane!” Downstairs a door slams. “Are you here? Lara!”
Crap. It’s Dad.
Putting on my hoodie, I zip it up and grab the toolbox. “Coming!”
I stash the toolbox on the bathroom floor under the sink before I run down the stairs. “Hey, Dad.”
Dad looks relieved I’m okay, but the way his lips fold into each other proves I’m not completely off the hook. We hug briefly. “Where’ve you been? Your principal called your mother and told her you left school today.”
My fingers twist together and I think of what I can say that isn’t about Jax, who is sort of a sore subject, or assassins from the future.
“Lara,” Dad warns with a soft tone and a tilt of his head. “Your mom has been worried sick and you know she can’t leave to come find you herself. She thought the feds might have got you again.”
“Don and I--.”
The look in Dad’s eyes says he doesn’t buy it as his face grows red. “We talked to him too and he’s as worried as we are. So, you have no choice but to be straight with me.”
“Ohhh.” I twist on my heels.
Dad sighs and points to the sofa. He leads me over and we sit together. His arm is on the back of the sofa and he’s patient, waiting for me to talk.
I lean forward my elbows on my knees and rub my face. Dad rubs the back of my neck, but doesn’t say anything. The man’s patient, but I guess you don’t spend ten years of your life in prison without learning a few life skills.
“Will it ever stop? Will it ever get easier?”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Dad sighs. “I know it’s hard for you. I know it seems like everything that’s going on will never end and that it’s all your fault. But it’s not. Things were set into motion before you were born. When you were just a kid.”
“And the government. The rest? You really think they’ll ever really stop?”
Dad raises his eyebrows as I lean back on the sofa. His arm wraps around me and I stare up at his face. “Time travel? In the government.” He shakes his head. “It’ll never fly. Even if it were to pass Congress, somehow it’ll get shut down. Checks and balances. That’s how our system works.”
“You’re awfully naïve for an old guy.”
“Hey.” Dad laughs and wraps his arms around me. I nestle in, against his chest.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
He kisses the side of my head. “We’ll tell your mom you just had to get away. The stress…everything that’s happened, you need to be alone. Alright?”
I nod. “Thanks, Dad. It’s not really a lie.”
“I know, princess. But Donovan, you’re going to have to handle him yourself.” He pats my knee. “I don’t do boyfriends.”
Thank heavens for that.
“Before, at Rewind, they told me they’d never let me go. I’d never really be free.” I sigh and glance up at him, looking for comfort. “It’s a recurring theme. People keep saying that to me and I’m starting to think they’re right.”
“You can’t think like that.” Dad might say it, but the expression on his face says the exact opposite. He thinks I’m right. He doesn’t think the government will ever stop.
This is it. My life. I knew I’d never be normal, but now I’ll never really be free.
Dad stands up and heads to the kitchen. “Help me get dinner started for your mom. It’ll put her in a better mood.”
He sure has been over a lot lately, but I’m quiet as I follow him into the kitchen.
“One thing about your mother that hasn’t changed, she still hates to cook. Almost makes her grumpy.” Dad opens the fridge and peers inside.
“You’re still in love with her. Aren’t you?”
Dad turns around with a bottle of ketchup in his hand. “You don’t just stop loving someone, Lara. But a lot has happened. Probably too much.”
I hook my thumbs into my front pockets. “Sorry.”
“Not your fault.” He goes back to the fridge, but I stand there. I stare at him because it is my fault. If I hadn’t changed time, Dad would never have gone to jail. Mom would be dead, but Dad would never have gone to prison.
And the government wouldn’t have their hands in something so dangerous it could destroy all our futures.
He knows all that but doesn’t hold it against me. Doesn’t hate me. But sometimes I hate me and being in my own skin is too much.
My pocket buzzes. “Dad, I’m going to go make things right with Donovan. Okay? I’ll be back soon.” I lean up and kiss his cheek.
“In time for dinner.” He glares kindly. “Or there’ll be hell to pay with your mother.”
Boy, don’t I know it.
I hurry out of the townhouse and pull the phone from my pocket. It’s Donovan.
Sighing, I take the call and listen to Donovan’s tirade. “Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been about you? You disappear from school. You won’t take my calls. Your mom is freaking out all over the place and there’s nothing I can tell her. Lara—.”
“I’m sorry.” I lean up against the wall of the CVS. Across the street is the sign for the T. I’m so close to the train station, but I have to pause from my mission. Donovan is important too.
Important to me.
“Something happened and I had to get out of there. I had to see Jax.”
“What happened?” There’s worry and a sigh waiting to escape in his voice. I don’t want Donovan anywhere near the time traveler or me. It’s too dangerous. He could get hurt—or worse.
But we were supposed to have a future. Now all of that feels as if it’s a dream. A sweet dream, but one that’ll always be out of reach.
I place my head against the brick of CVS and the thought of losing of that happy future weighs me down. It keeps me from talking. I can’t even draw a breath. I’m dangerous, like a plague to all those around me, who love me, who want to protect me.
And if I lose Donovan, if somehow the assassin from the future targets him because of me, it will destroy me. There might be no pieces of me left to pick up and carry on.
“You’re scaring me, Lara. Can’t you talk to me?”
It feels as if my heart has already lost him. As if a part of me let him go before I even realized I had to. Maybe I always knew it would come to this.
“I’m sorry. This…it’s just…not going to work.” I move the phone away from my mouth so he wouldn’t hear my sob as my heart fractures into a million pieces.
“Don’t, just don’t.” There’s a tremor in his voice I’ve never heard before. “Don’t throw us away. Whatever it is, we can get through it together, alright? After everything we’ve been through, don’t you dare say it’s over.”
I turn and rest my face against the brick and can’t summon the strength to tear myself away from him, even if it’s the best thing to do. “It’s just…so hard.” My lip quivers and I cover my face with my hand.
“Montgomery, it doesn’t matter if it’s hard. Not to me.” Donovan swallows hard. “I’m not giving up on you. So you don’t give up either.”
His words give me a strength that I didn’t have a few moments ago.
“Can you stop by? Let’s have a face to face. You need help, let me do it. Let me help you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Sure.” A pound of pain is running through my head, but I hope it’s just making a pit stop. I’m not ready to go into the future—or the past—again. “I have to just run and check on Jax. Make sure he’s alright that I…missed our fro-yo date. Then I’ll head over to your dad’s.”
“I could meet you.”
“No.” The answer comes too fast, too strong. “Sorry, I just need to clear my head for a few minutes. But I promise I’ll be there in forty? Please.”
“Alright. I really don’t like you traveling all over the city by yourself with everything that’s happened.”
“I’ll stay away from Rewind. Trust me. Better go.” I peel myself away from the wall even though it’s hard. I head toward the subway stop, putting one foot in front of another.
Even that’s hard and I just focus on the next step. Tell myself I’m almost there. It’s almost over. If I can just get to the subway, to Jax, everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
****
Jax is still at work when I get there.
His shoulders relax and his face twitches into a grin when he sees me. I’m equally happy to see him.
“It’s taken care of,” I tell him. “Everything’s safe.”
“Good. Be safe, Lara. And we’ll figure everything out.” Jax touches my chin. “Did something else happen? You look so sad.”
“Just a tough day. Believe me.” My finger traces the wood of his desk. “Promise me you’ll be careful. Call me later?”
Jax agrees he will. “When you going to stop taking care of us and let us take care of you? You’re just a kid. I shouldn’t…It wasn’t right for me to dump all that stuff on you.”
“Nah, it’s alright.” I wave his suggestion away. “I’m the one with the time travel brain that’s always getting me into trouble.”
He gives a sad smile. “And your mom, the twins? Everyone good?”
“Yeah, sure.” I think of Dad being in the kitchen and getting dinner ready for Mom. He’s stuck trying to fit into a life he doesn’t belong to. Trying to do the right thing and support us. And Jax is stuck on the outside. “But we miss you. Everyone does. Even Mom.”
“Even if she won’t say it, huh?” Jax sighs and gazes out the window.
“She misses when it was good.” Just as I do, but I can’t bring myself to say it. I can’t hurt him that way.
“Maybe one day. If I get to the weekend, at least I’ll have Mike and Molly to myself then. You’re welcome too.”
“It’s my weekend with dad.” I cringe with a mouth twist. “And you’re getting there. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
“Well, if I have Lara Montgomery on my side, I guess then I have a fighting chance.”
I hope he does. I hope we all do. “Night.” I kiss his cheek. “Stay safe.”
“You too. Use crosswalks.” He calls out as I reach the door.
I laugh because it’s ridiculous and I wish jaywalking were the worst of my worries. But we are kidding ourselves and I know it.
When you’re dealing with time travel, no one is ever really safe.
10: Present: Lara
The house Donovan shares with his dad is much smaller than the large estate they shared with his Mom. Most of their money is gone but it’s still a nice place. The lawn is well cared for and nicely manicured, out front are trim bushes and a few fall flowers are growing in orange pots by the front steps.
I turn up the walkway and the door opens. Donovan steps down and I fall into his arms. “Don’t scare me like that again.” He whispers, kissing my cheek.
Promising I won’t, my arms tighten around his waist as he takes my face in his hands and kisses me. I was a fool to believe I could live without him, do all of this without him. I got scared. I almost gave up.
But I don’t give up. I’m a Crane and a Montgomery. A little bit sass and a lot of determination. I just need to find the answer.
Donovan takes my hand and we go inside. His dad is off at his job, I guess, and the home is empty. The living room is cramped and there’s a newspaper on the sofa. Donovan doesn’t bother to fold it as he tosses it onto the coffee table.
I sit beside him and he holds my hand. Our knees knock together as he
leans in to kiss me. I have a lot of explaining to do, but his kisses are a source of comfort. A way to recharge my strength. It’s nice to know, that through all of this, he still loves me.
“Nothing’s been easy,” Donovan says it in a way that doesn’t sound as if it’s hardship. As if he considers it a challenge. A bet. As if, he’s daring life to throw something else our way.
I wish he wouldn’t.
“We’ll get through it.” I touch the back of his head.
“It makes me sick to think how my family has gotten you involved in all this.” Donovan shakes his head and I stare at him.
How can he feel l that way? I feel it’s my fault.
“My mom? I don’t know when I’ll stop feeling so guilty. When I saw you on CSPAN. The news…” Donovan sighs. “She’s been in jail for almost a year, so when will I feel better?”
Never, seems the wrong answer. Sometimes, with all the time travel drama, I forget that Donovan is going through something too. His transition is hard.
“I guess you don’t have an answer, huh?” Donovan smiles and its part sad. Part happy.
“I wish I did.” I shrug. “I’m glad we have each other. Does that count for something?”
“It counts for a lot.” Donovan runs his hands behind his head. “Dad lost his job again.”
He pauses as he waits for me to say something. My brow furrows. “I’m sorry.”
“He’ll find something else. He always does.” The stigma of being a James, of what Rewind did, carries on and it seems to follow Donovan’s dad around wherever he goes.
“I don’t think we’ll lose the house. But, I think I’ll need to sell the Porsche. Dad needs the money more than I need that car.” He gazes off into space and can’t look at me.
“Oh Don,” I put my hand on his cheek. “You really think that car is important to me like you are?”
He leans his head against mine. “And what will everyone say? You know what a big deal I used to make about getting that car. About everything. Being bigger and badder than all the other guys at school. Now look at me.” Donovan wipes at his mouth and there’s disgust in his eyes.
