by Jill Cooper
"Sure, that sounds nice." It's not true, it doesn't sound nice. Nothing sounds good or right, but Donovan is trying to help and I can afford him that, at least. I roll on my side, away from him and face the closed draperies. I can see the blinding sun, desperate to break through and flood the room. Doesn't seem fair, that it can be so bright and beautiful out there, while in here I'm haunted and shrouded in darkness.
I don't know if I'll ever feel the light again.
Donovan lingers, worried about me. I close my eyes and listen for the door latching slowly behind him when he eventually goes. Someday, I can make it up to him.
I wait for sleep to take me, but instead of sleep, I tumble into darkness. The pain overtakes me; I can't sleep. I can't even think. The pounding behind my eyes and the shooting pain in my temples make sleep impossible. Images flash in my mind; I see a lab. I see Cameron and someone else, but I can't quite put my finger on who. I roll over in the bed, desperately trying to drown out the flood of images coming at me hard and fast. I don't get it, my head hasn't hurt this much in years, it's that mind-numbing brain bleeding. A feeling I thought I would never have again.
Tears stream down my face as I sit up and gasp for breath. I know this feeling. It’s two timelines merging into one brain, but how is that possible? I haven't traveled in time. I haven't done that in years.
My vision goes dark. I blink then snap my eyes open wide. I’m no longer sitting in my bedroom.
I'm standing in an alley.
****
I'm wearing a gray hoodie and a pair of loose blue jeans. My curly hair is tucked underneath the hood and I’m standing in the rain, leaning against a brick wall as if I'm waiting for someone to greet me.
A woman in a long gray coat and a red scarf steps out from the dark. She takes off her hat and a bundle of blond hair tumbles down in waves reminiscent of my own. "Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.”
Her voice is familiar and the realization rolls over me that it's Cassidy. Cassidy Winters, my great niece from the future. What was she doing here? I cannot remember this meeting, even though I’m clearly standing right in front of her. Obviously, it happened, so why can’t I remember?
I cross my arms and my foot taps in agitation. "We were supposed to maintain radio silence. Do you know how hard it was to get away from Dad?"
Cassidy shakes her head, her voice strained. "We don't have a choice. Cameron is getting suspicious. If I keep him from the bridge much longer, he’s going to suspect what’s going on.”
I sigh. "If you let him onto the bridge he—."
"I know. He’ll know I’m working against him and that can’t happen.”
I sigh and shake my head. "What is your plan exactly?"
Cassie takes a deep breath and gazes around as if she expects someone to be watching or listening. "You’re not going to like this, but bear with me.”
“All right,” I say slowly.
“I can tell him everything,” my eyes grow wide and Cassidy holds up a hand to silent me, “I tell him how you kidnapped me and tried to turn me against him. But I tell him, it didn’t work. Instead, I tell him our plan, and we use that to bring you into the bridge. What he won't know, is that I'm really working against him. I'll go through the motions just as we said, to get Donovan to take the papers and then when Cameron least expects it, we capture him in the bridge. There's only one problem with my plan.”
My nose scrunches up. “That’s a crazy plan, Cass.”
“It might be our only shot, but there’s one wrench. If I do all this, the Lara that's with Donovan right now pretending her dad is dead will have no memory of this conversation and won't know what to do. She won’t realize the plan is still on, just slightly modified.”
A deep stirring of grief collects in my chest and my arms drop to my side.
"Other Lara and I will need to merge together. I’ll need to roll back into her and if I'm captured by Cameron, that won't be allowed to happen."
Cassie slowly nods, grief on her face. "There's one way we can guarantee you roll back into Other Lara in a way that Cameron won't suspect a double-cross,” she takes a deep breath, “Do you think you could do it? Do you think you could let that happen?"
I rub my face with one hand and my mind drifts off, deep in thought. "Funny, Other Lara and I just recently talked about sacrifice and what was really going to be necessary to see this through. I just didn't think it would be me."
Cassidy grips my arm and her lips purse together. "For what it's worth, it's going to kill me to watch any of you go." We hug and I feel as if I’m hugging my sister.
I nod. "How can we be sure that Cameron will put Original Lara back in play?"
"I know him pretty well. I can manipulate him in a fashion that he will want Original Lara to watch his success. If he wants to wipe her memory first, that part is tricky, but if I can get him to assign me the job…I can manipulate the computer. I'm going to get rid of Lara’s short-term memory and push all those thoughts to the back of her mind. She’ll still have them, but it’ll take longer for them to come to the surface.”
“I guess there’s nothing left to say.” I chew on the inside of my cheek, realizing every minute that passes is a minute closer to my death.
Cassidy nods and gazes out of the alley. "I guess we should end this meeting. We’re going to have a big show to put on.”
"Let's get it done." There is grief and horror in my heart, but now at least I know what I need to do. I know I'm going to keep Dad safe but to do that, I’m going to have to throw him and myself into harm’s way
****
Suddenly I'm back in my room.
I gasp for breath and fall onto the floor, taking the brunt of the pain through my knees. Cassidy and I had been working together, but…. She—a flood of memories overtakes me.
Cassidy crying on the floor of an office building.
She has a seizure in my arms as we lie in the street.
The memory download speeds up, it is as if flashcards are flipping through my mind at harrowing speed.
I'm in the lab with Cameron. I’m scared as he grabs me.
A cry from behind a glass door shows me the face of my dad, alive and well, but terrified.
Molly out of desperation clings to me. And last of all, someone forces me into a chair—a chair I remember all too well.
My eyes snap open and I roll onto my back.
My headache is gone. My vision is clear. And my purpose is as defined as ever.
I grab my phone from the end table and scroll to the calendar. Just one week to go before we can slam the door on Cameron Kincaid.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Going through the motions of the week are harder than I expect. I have dinner with Mom and watch her try not to cry. I'm forced to meet her at Dad’s apartment, to go through his things even though I know soon, he's going to return. I convince Mom that this is all going to take time, and we should go slow.
Having nothing to return to would be hard for Dad. And Mom is in no state of mind to pack away John Crane.
Sitting on the floor of my dad’s living room, Mom sniffles and holds an old photo album on her lap. It's silver with two interlocking rings on the front cover. As she flips through it, I see photos of me when I was a baby and when I was just a child. When Mom flips to their wedding photo her voice warbles with a tearful sigh. She places her open hand on top, as if, somehow, she can feel Dad surging through the photo.
She barely even looks at his face; I have a feeling she didn't really need to. “Damn, that Patricia. Rex, Jax. What they've done. What they stole from us. From you."
Her eyes close and she struggles to keep her composure. I touch her shoulder and remain silent. There's nothing I can do, other than to sit with her as the silent tears fall onto the photo album in her lap.
I pray for her forgiveness. I pledge silently, someday, to make it up to her.
****
The days flow from one to the next.
I return home fro
m a day of classes where I've been distracted. I know I have to keep up pretenses and my grades, or the future will be a much different place than I’m used to. When I arrive home, Donovan is already there. He's early and it’s unlike him to be home in the middle of the day.
“I'm home." I slide my keys onto the hook beside the door and head into the living room.
Donovan sits on the ottoman and stares out the window. He’s bent over and his elbows rest on his knees as he gazes out through the blinds at the sun.
"Don?" I’m not sure the last time I've seen him look so distraught. That's when it hits me, this is the day that we lose everything.
My fingers stretch out to him and stroke his forearm." "What's wrong?"
For a brief moment, Donovan looks up at me. His eyes are bloodshot, as if he's been crying, which is very unlike him. For a second, he looks as if he might say something but then he shakes his head. "It's nothing. Just a headache."
As he stands up from the ottoman, my hope that things will be different dissipates. He holds my hand before he drops it and heads off to the bedroom. "I want to sleep this thing off." I stand there in silence as he walks into the bedroom.
Do I let him go? I only think about it for a moment before I chase after him. “Don, if something’s wrong…”
He shakes his head as he takes his belt off. “I really need to be alone right now, Lara.”
“Because of your headache?”
“Sure,” Donovan sits on the bed and holds his head in his hand, “Because of the headache.”
He’s in so much pain, suffering so much, but instead of reaching out for me, he shuts me out. My heart breaks to know what he’s going through and I should just tell him I know. But if he won’t tell me on his own… It’s an impossible test and maybe I’m wrong to put him through it.
“I’m here for you if you need me.” I touch his arms and bend down in front of him, but Donovan won’t look at my eyes. He’s hurting and feeling guilty, but how can he not see how much I want to help him? How much I love him?
“Thanks.” It’s all he can say before he shuts me out again. I can’t push him, so I head for the door.
“Maybe some dinner later?”
He nods, but it’s as if he can’t even hear me. I leave the room and shut the door. Leaning against it, I sigh. Our small apartment has become a lonely, echoing tomb.
****
The days roll on and Donovan is quiet and sullen. Then one day, he's upbeat. Cassidy must have made contact, and she must be ready to offer him the deal. I sit on the sofa and my textbooks are open all around me. But I'm distracted, I bounce the tip of the pencil off the paper. Donovan is whistling as he comes out of the bedroom. He’s in his suit and tie—something I haven't seen in a couple of days.
"Where are you going all gussied up?" I cross my legs underneath me as Donovan leans over and kisses my cheek.
"Just out to make sure that you never need to worry about anything again."
I grab his hand at the last possible moment and kiss it. "Are you sure you couldn't stay here with me just a little bit longer? I want to talk about something with you."
"Later. I promise, but there's something I have to do." He leaves and slowly shuts the door after him. I stare at the door and will him to come back. Will him to give up this foolish mission, but he doesn’t.
And I won’t give my mission up either.
With a sigh, I grab my jacket from the armrest of the sofa. It's time for me to witness destiny.
****
From a distance, I follow Donovan to a small bookstore. He goes down to the Economics section and begins pulling books out, but is disinterested. He barely even glances at them as Cassidy walks down the row to greet him. I hide behind the bookcase, but I can see she's in a comfortable pair of jeans, rugged brown boots, and a jean jacket. I've never seen her so casual, or looking so comfortable.
"I was beginning to think you weren’t going to show," Cassidy says.
Donovan shrugs. "I wasn't sure I was going to. I should have known that night I saw you in the coffee shop you were up to something," Donovan nods, "That's right, I recognize you. So why don't you tell me what this has all been about?"
Cassidy reaches into the inside pocket of her jacket and pulls out an envelope. "I know you had some…let's say…financial trouble. Bad investments. Trusting the wrong people. Can happen to pretty much anyone." Cassidy taps the envelope in her hand. "What I have here can change all that. You’ll never want for money again."
"You're just giving it to me?" Donovan snorts and shakes his head. My fists clench and I hold my breath. Come on, Don. Walk away. You can do it, I know you can. Just believe in us a little bit more, please.
He wants to walk away. I know it. He doesn’t want to make a shady deal.
Please, Don…
Cassidy gives Donovan a slow seductive smile. "Nothing is that easy, Mr. James. I will give this to you now if you promise to do one little thing later. Introduce a friend of mine to a friend of yours. Easy. A simple introduction to Delilah Chase. That's all you need to do."
I can't tell what Donovan's expression is, all I can see is the back of his head. "That's it? Just an introduction?"
Cassidy nods, for a brief moment her eyes seem to meet mine and I duck further behind the bookcase. "What harm can an introduction do? And your girlfriend never has to know."
There's a pause. A moment in time when I think Donovan will turn and walk away. That's the moment I want, that's the moment I'm looking for. Instead, his hand reaches out and he takes the envelope from Cassidy.
My heart breaks and might as well be scattered on the floor of the bookstore. All my hopes and dreams shatter into dust.
Donovan takes the envelope and tucks it into the inside pocket of his suit jacket. I'm disheartened. I want to float away and dissolve into nothing.
Donovan nods. "Let's make sure she doesn't." His tone is angry and bitter for someone who just made the deal of a lifetime. Maybe there’s more Patricia in him than I realized.
As he turns to leave, I freeze time so he won't see me. He's frozen in midstride, and his eyes are on the ground but I can make out a small smile forming on his lips. He thinks he’s won. He thinks he’s found a way out.
Oh, Don. If only…. If only you’d chosen us.
Part of me wishes he had. I move on and hide behind a stack of bookcases on the other side of the floor. Once there, time speeds up again and I lean my back against the case.
“Sorry it couldn’t have gone better for you.”
Cassidy’s voice startles me and I jump. Forcing myself to smile, “Can’t think about that now. What happens next?”
“We do what needs to be done. I go to Cameron as planned, to give him the good news. He’ll think he’s won, and I’ll get him on the bridge. You bust in and we’ll trap him.”
“What about the orderlies? A few of them seemed to really love torturing me.”
“Some will be loyal to me, most work for Cameron because he coerced them, blackmailed them. The few that did like hurting you…I’ll take care of them.”
I grab her arm before she leaves. “The Cassidy I know wouldn’t suggest killing someone just because it’s inconvenient.”
Her eyes narrow. “I’m not that Cassidy anymore. I don’t even know who she is. I barely remember my family, Lara. He took me when I was…young.”
“I’m sorry. But we’ll fix it. Once we have Cameron, you can use the bridge to go back to whenever you want and…start over.”
“Yeah.” Cassidy glances far off at the other side of the library, but I see the look of pain in her eyes. She doesn’t intend to go back.
She doesn’t intend to start over.
When my phone rings it jars me. “Hello?”
“Lara, Molly and Mike…my babies…they’re gone.” Mom’s voice is shrill on the other end of the phone.
“Gone?” My eyes dart back to Cassidy.
“Gone!” Mom practically screams at me, “She was in school,
in her class, and right before everyone’s eyes, something happened. No one knows how to explain it except…” Mom sighs, “it was like the school room was split in half and…”
The room split in half? It must be the bridge. Cameron was on the bridge and that meant he knows everything Cassidy and I were up to.
“Mom, I can get them back. I know I can, but please, slow down. Who took them?” Cameron took Mike too? Why did he do that? What was going on that I didn’t know? Did he grab Mike because he didn’t have a choice, or was it something worse?
“How can you?” Mom’s voice strains, “Lara, they say it was Cameron Kincaid. But how could he…”
“Hang tight, Mom. Get with Jax. Don’t go anywhere or do anything until you hear back from me.”
“Hurry,” Mom’s voice fills with the sound of tears, “I need my babies, Lara, but I need you too. Please don’t… Do what you have to, but be safe. Be careful.”
I’ll do the best I can.
When I end the call, my expression is grave, but so is Cassidy’s as she shows me her phone. A picture of Mike and Molly, each tied down to a metal table. Their eyes shut, their faces frozen in fear. Their arms dangle from the table as they grip each other’s hands.
“You still think we shouldn’t kill the son-of-a-bitch?” Cassidy’s eyebrows rise as she asks the question.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Cassidy opens a passage to the bridge. We step through into the command station, but it’s empty. All the computer consoles and monitors are unmanned. As we walked through, we note the eerie silence that has fallen over the place. The monitors flicker and show images of times long past, and things from the distant future. In one of them, I view myself. I’m older, with wrinkles around my eyes, but I never stop smiling as I reach for someone… Small?
A child? Could it be…
Cassidy grabs my arm. “I know this place can be mesmerizing, but can we be mesmerized later?”
Good point. We hurry down the hall and come to a set of double doors. I push them open and peer inside at what looks like the prison. I can see the edges of the plexiglass cages lining the walls. This is where I had been when I had spent time in the bridge. Now we can free my family and friends, who had been stolen from different timelines.
