by Jill Cooper
Rick sighs and his eyes soft. “Your lawyer will want to know. He can press charges or something like that. I’m no legal expert, but they shouldn’t be hurting you like that, Lar.”
“We can talk about it later. Can we just go?” I glance back at the jail as we walk further away with a nervous belly.
Rick nods and slings his arm around my waist. “Home is waiting for you just as you left it. We’re going to fix all this. We just have to be patient.”
Patient. My middle name.
The car is an old sedan junk box. There’s black paint but there’s more rust along the bottom of the body than anything. Inside the leather seats are torn and the engine barely rolls over as Rick starts it. There’s no question that he hadn’t come up with the money to bail me out himself. Had Jax helped him, even though he had no personal attachment to me anymore?
I want to ask Rick, but instead I watch him fish through my plastic bag of belongings until he found a small diamond ring. “I’ve been waiting to do this all day.” He slips it back on my finger and I gaze at it, slack jawed. The diamond’s so small, you can barely see it, and it has no sparkle.
But Rick looks at me in a way that would make a girl sparkle all on her own. I wish I was the Lara that still loved him. Instead, I swallow the grief rising in my throat and force a small smile.
“Ready to get out of here?”
Was I ever but where he was taking me, could never be home. I didn’t belong here anymore and I was desperate to get back to my family.
*****
The drive took us back to where I had come from. The run-down apartments of the ghetto in the heart of Boston’s inner city. I lived three buildings down when I was raised by a single father after my mother was murdered. I changed all that when I went back in time to save her. Instead, Lara Montgomery was raised by her mother and a powerful and wealthy man with dangerous connections to a power hungry senator nd an even deadlier secret.
Lara Montgomery grew up in a bedroom bigger than the apartment I share with my dad and she never knew what it was like to hear the couple in the next apartment having sex or sleep in a drafty apartment in the middle of winter.
But I did and now I was back.
Should I feel guilty for jumping into that life or should I feel relieved? I felt both as I follow Rick up the stairs to our apartment. The floorboards between the apartment creek as we make our way to our door. He slips the key in and gives it a shove because it sticks. I shouldn’t know that, but the longer I’m here, the more memories I’ll begin to absorb as truth.
If I stay long enough, this will begin to become more real than the world I left behind. It happened before and that was when I came to fall in love with Donovan, leaving behind my feelings for Rick.
What if it happens now, only in reverse? The idea terrifies me. Sickens me.
We go inside the small apartment. It’s a small living room and kitchen blend with mismatchedtable and chairs. The television in the living room is still on but the picture breaks up with static as the subway rolls by. The vibrations from down below travel up to my feet and I try to take in the sights of home.
This is our apartment. This is my life for now. I can’t let Rick know that anything is different, not that he would ever believe me.
“I’ll warm up some water for tea. I’m sure you’d like some.” Rick goes through the motions in the kitchen, setting out two blue mugs, and turns in the leaky faucet to fill the kettle.
“Please.” I like coffee more than tea, but I’m willing to grin and bear it.
The apartment is drafty so I zip up my hoodie as I hear a bark coming from the bedroom. Curious, I lean to peer around the corner to see what it could be.
“It’s only been a few days, but he’s missed you something fierce.”
He?
The bedroom door bangs open and an old dog limps out at me, running as fast as he can. His tail is wagging and his tongue is hanging out of his mouth, but there’s no mistaking the twinkle of his eye.
I go on bended knee in front of him without thinking about it and open my palms to him. He places his front paws on them like he always used to. “Sparky,” I whisper.
He licks my tears away and nuzzles my cheek. It’s him. Really him. The dog I grew up with. The dog Dad bought me because I was so lonely and afraid. Sparky whines, happy and relieved to see me. I wrap my arms around him, nuzzling my nose so deep in his dog hair that I can smell nothing but him.
I hadn’t realized how much I missed him. I really had come home.
****
Rick makes us dinner and it’s some of my favorites from childhood. Mac and cheese with peas and carrots with garlic toast on the side. I cover mine in ketchup and Rick adds extra shredded cheese to his. We eat cozy under a blanket and stream some movie on the television, but I can barely concentrate.
I stuff my face full of dinner and then nurse my hot tea, all the while Sparky lays his head on my lap, gazing longingly up at me. I scratch behind his ears leisurely, aware that while none of this is my life, maybe it was supposed to be.
Maybe this is what my life would be if I hadn’t left it all behind to change time.
Rick lays his arm over my shoulder and his fingers stroke me through the thick hoodie I wear. I stiffen slightly but try not to make my discomfort so obvious. I don’t look over at him because I don’t want him to know what I’m thinking and I’m afraid if he sees my eyes, he’ll know.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I’ve heard that tone in his voice before. Maybe a hundred times when I was planning to go back and save my mom from death. It’s not the voice of reason. Instead it’s the voice of someone who believes I’m hiding something.
Before he had been right. Rick couldn’t be right again, could he?
“You know I didn’t do this. I know I’ve been mad…for a long time.”
He shifts to face me and looking at him seizes my emotions up inside. “You talked about hurting Senator James more than once,” his voice ebbs with fear in a hushed whisper. “I thought I talked you out of going to see her after your dad’s accident, just like I talked you out of not going back in time to save your mom.”
So, that’s what happened. We had that conversation more than once, but it seems in this timeline, Rick had been successful. Sharply I inhale my breath and hold it without realizing it.
“Am I wrong?” Rick’s eyes narrow for a brief moment. “Did I talk you out of hurting her?”
“Of course, you did.” I’m unconvinced and my voice gives me away, but I can’t be sure of something I don’t remember. “I couldn’t kill anyone, Rick. Not in cold blood,” but even those words are a lie.
I killed my uncle Rex in cold blood once before and I stood by and watched Cassidy kill another version of him. It was a little different though then gunning down the senator. Rex set out to destroy my life with purpose and vengeance. If Patricia James killed my father and made it look like a suicide, was that any different? My life had been destroyed, or at least this Lara’s life that I had jumped into.
Rick raises his eyebrows. “I would stand by you no matter what you told me.”
“There’s nothing to tell. I swear, Rick.” My voice warbles as if I really care about what he thinks. I guess I do. We were friends all my life, grew up down the hall from each other. Was it any wonder that it was so easy to slip back into an old relationship?
Even as my heart pined to be back with Donovan.
A persistent knock at the door draws our attention away. Rick goes to answer it and I stand, not sure what to expect. He checks through the peep hole. “Oh, hell no.”
My heart skips a beat. “Who is it?”
The door slams open and smacks Rick in the nose. I shriek as someone charges in and grabs my shoulders and throws me against the wall. It happens so fast, that I don’t see his face. He pins his arm under my neck. My airway constricts and I cough. I grab his arms and peer up into Donovan’s angry face.
My heart wretches. Donovan…oh God.<
br />
He snarls at me, his eyes angrier than I’ve ever seen. “You think you’ll get away with this that easily, huh?” Donovan snaps me back against the wall. “You won’t walk free for killing my mother, Crane. I don’t care what you think she’s done.”
I’m frozen in heartbreak and unable to move. Rick grabs Donovan by the shoulders and yanks him back. He punches him square across the jaw with his left and then jabs him with his right. When Donovan bends over, Rick knees him under the chin, throwing him back against the rear fall.
I should freeze time, or try, but I’m frozen myself from what’s happening. I cover my mouth and a squeal of horror escapes me. I grab Rick’s arm and stop him from advancing.
“You are supposed to stay away from us!” Angrily, Rick growls at Donovan. He tries to advance on him again and it takes all my might to keep him in check. “Our lawyer is going to hear about this, James!”
Donovan throws his arms up as he backs away toward the door. His nose is bleeding and his eye is already swelling shut. “You don’t mess with the James family, you hear me?” Donovan points directly at me and attacks me with venomous words. “I will destroy you for this, you hear me? There will be nothing left to you two thugs when I’m done with you.”
Rick’s arm tenses in my hand as he rushes forward, but Donovan is gone, running out of the apartment and through the hall. He’s gone as quickly as he arrived. Our brief encounter swirls in my head. The intense look of hatred in Donovan’s eyes, the way he defended his mother. His promises to destroy me.
They are so different from the Donovan I know but it’s something I’ve always known he’d be capable of. I just always thought he’d do it for my honor, not the other way around. He’s not my Donovan and while I understand that, my heart crumbles and cracks.
I cover my mouth and I sob. I can’t stop shaking. My legs tremble and as I think I’m going to fall, Rick wraps his arms around me. “I’m sorry, bae,” Rick whispers and strokes my hair, leaning my head down onto his shoulder. “Did he hurt you? Are you okay?”
He didn’t hurt me, but I can’t find the will to speak. Instead I cry against Rick’s chest and his embrace shuts all the pain out.
“I’m going to call Montgomery. James violated his restraining order. I don’t care how much money his family has, he can’t get away with that.”
I shake my head and all I can think of is hiding from all of this turmoil. “You hit him. You’ll get in trouble.”
“Don’t worry about that, Lara. He broke in here, put his arms around your neck, there’s no way I’m not calling this in.” Rick leaves me to grab his cellphone and I cling to him. I don’t want him to go. He peels away slow and as he leaves, a memory flashes in my mind with fury. It comes fast, like a whirlwind.
My short hair frames my face as I’m wearing a sweatshirt with a hood and standing in the James’s mansion. I’ve seen it enough times to know where I am. The pearl white tiles, the white bookcases that line the walls, and the deep brown desk in the center of the room covered in family photos.
This is Patricia’s office and she cowers on the floor, right at my feet. There’s blood on her lip and she raises her hands at me. Her fingers shaking. “Please…whatever it is you think I’ve done…”
I raise the gun in my hand and my heavy boots step forward. “What you have done you mean. I have the evidence. I have the papers and I’m going to give them all to the police. Everyone is going to know what you did.”
“Then why kill me if you know so much? Why?”
I don’t answer her. Instead I aim straight at her face as a clock gongs in the distance.
Oh, God I did it. I did what everyone says I did. My knees go week as the memory is ripped away and I start to fall with the realization of how guilty I am. Rick grabs my elbow. His face slowly pixelates into frame bit by bit. “Lara, you were screaming. What’s the matter?”
The truth comes tumbling out so fast that I can’t stop it. “I killed her,” I whisper. “I killed Patricia James.”
Chapter Ten: Molly Montgomery
“What?”
I stare at the dumbfounded expressions that Cassidy and Don give me. They know Lara, they must, but to play a sick game on me while I’m laying in a hospital bed isn’t there style. That means something else is going on here, something dangerous.
Where is he? Where is Rex hiding?
“Lara Montgomery,” I say slow and controlled. “You just married her today.”
Don exchanges a look with Cassidy and I watch them carefully. Cassidy lips turn down like she does when she feels her authority is being questioned and Donovan shakes his head. “You must really have gotten hurt, honey.” He pats my hand. “You’re just confused, that’s all.”
They don’t remember. They really don’t remember.
All the timelines converge on me at once. I grip my temples and groan as the memories flooding in create a rapid pulse in my head. There’s Lara at the wedding reception. Rex and some man I’ve never seen before are on top of her. She vanishes just as Lara Crane in another timeline stands before a judge to answer for a crime she didn’t commit.
Or did she commit? The answer is fuzzy, both answers are wrong and right at the same time, which means they both happened. Separately, but which one is Lara lost in?
Which one?
A woman in a grey suit enters the room with perfect blond hair styled around her shoulders. I’ve never seen her before but I know who she is from the raging timelines in my head. It’s Patricia James and she’s staring at me with unkind, cool eyes. At her side is Mom wearing the white lab coat that she hasn’t worn in years. She traded it all in for aprons and cookies.
“She’s awake, Mom, and she was talking about some girl named Lara,” Donovan says.
“Funny,” Patricia’s lips curl up on the left side, “I don’t remember anyone by that name.”
She’s lying. Her eyes dance with mischief that admit it. I curl my knees under me and scoot backwards. “Mom,” I implore, “you must remember, Lara. You must.”
Mom does, the name brings pain to her eyes and she refuses to look at me, only down at her clipboard. But her hands are shaking so bad, the pen rattles on top. Patricia lays her hand on the pen to stop it from making so much noise as everyone just stands there and stares at me.
Like I’m some sort of confused child, but I am neither of those things. I need to help Lara and figure out a way of whatever is going on.
“And now she thinks that you’re her mother,” Patricia whispers. “I guess this puts us back to square one. Miranda, make sure this child is sedated and moved to a more secure quarter. We can’t have her trying to escape again.”
My heart skips a beat fast. I’m running through the hospital to escape and being tackled by security officers. Miranda, Jax, John, all their infinite choices intertwined through the timelines. I’m not sure which I’m in and which is the right choice—which is the wrong choice. I must find the answer.
Then it escapes from me before I even realize it. “Where’s Mike? Where’s my brother!” I’m cut off as an orderly squeeze my arm to get me back into the bed, I scream.
“There, there, Molly,” he says as he pins me down. His accent is thick and when I gaze into Rex’s face, my heart jumps in fear. It’s always him. How is it he always gets the upper hand? I kick my legs and hit out my arms, but Rex keeps me still.
“So that’s her name?” Don asks. “Molly?”
“Otherwise known as test subject number one.” Mom says as she holds a needle in the air and clears the line of air pockets. The sedative leaks out the top. She’s going to do whatever it is Patricia and Rex ask of her. I’m horrified at the notion that she’s forgotten me. How can she just keep doing these things like I don’t matter to her?
“This isn’t real!” I scream. “Don, Cassidy, please! This isn’t how things are supposed to be! You have to remember!”
Cassidy’s eyes cloud with confusion as they meet mine. The needle slips beneath my skin and I
only have a few extra seconds to get out what I need to say to her.
“The bridge! Remember the bridge!”
My eyes feel like heavy weights and I can’t keep them open. My vision goes dark as I struggle to take a breath of air. The only thing I am aware of is a hand stroking my hair and that thick, British accent lulling me to sleep. “Boo…” He whispers in my ear and gives me a twisted, knowing smile.
My friends and family might have forgotten, but not Rex. He remembers and he relishes it.
Chapter Eleven: Cassidy Winters
The little girl in the bed goes limp as she drifts off to sleep. It’s something I never get over seeing, no matter how many times I’ve witnessed it before. Something about it doesn’t seem right at all. Experimenting on humans, let alone teens can’t be something that’s accepted by society, can it?
Who else knows what goes on behind the doors of the Rewind Agency and I’m privy to all of it, regardless of the excuses Don makes for his mother and her practices.
“Cassidy, as head of my security, I put you responsible for the failings of what happened here today.” Patricia spins on her heel to face me. “Another serious misfire like this and your job, might not be as secure as you think it is. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“You know that’s not fair,” Donovan rushes to my defense. “No one realized this kid got free. The test subject wasn’t seen by anyone who will talk to the papers or to Congress.”
“This time it was luck,” Rex stands between us and Patricia. I don’t like the way he puts his hands in his pockets or the way he looks at the little girl in the bed like she’s nothing more than an end that justifies the means. “Next time we could end up being shut down and that’d be bad for everyone, wouldn’t it?”
He glances at Donovan as he says it. I don’t know what it means, but they have private dealings that I’m never allowed to be part of—something else that never sits right. It bundles like anxiety in my chest but I don’t ask questions. I need this job and need to get along with the staff.
