“Out for a stroll?” Lord Thorton deviated from the other gentlemen toward us.
I gave a small curtsy as he approached. “Yes. It is too fine a day to stay indoors.”
He glanced around. “May I join you?”
Lady Beatrice and Miss Browning both nodded their agreement, and I offered a hesitant smile. “Please do.” He extended an arm toward me, and I accepted it. “Did you enjoy your morning ride?”
“Yes. Some of the men wished to see Branbury’s property lines, so it took a bit longer than I had originally planned.”
“I did not think I’d see you until dinner, so this is a pleasant surprise.”
He appraised my profile. “Is it?”
“Of course,” I said, feeling that all-too-familiar prick of guilt.
“Well, I’m glad to hear it.”
We followed Lady Beatrice and Miss Browning in relative silence to the large gardens situated behind the house.
“Miss Godwin, I can’t help but wonder if there is something amiss.”
“Not in the least.”
He paused his steps, causing me to stop also. “And yet I am perplexed by you.”
My chest tightened. “I’m not certain what you mean.”
A smirk came to his lips. “I’m trying to make sense of it myself, though I’m having a difficult time of it.” He heaved a heavy breath. “When we came to retrieve you from Fairhaven, I wasn’t expecting to find you so …”
“Disheveled?”
His laugh boomed, causing Lady Beatrice and Miss Browning to glance over their shoulders at us. “I suppose that is part of it, and yet I’m pleased I glimpsed you in such a state. You stirred something inside of me that day, and I long to witness it again.”
It was then that I noticed the unusual glint in his eyes. It could not be. I wanted no false expectations in a marriage partner. “And here I thought you sought an impeccably-trained lady, my lord.”
“I do. An impeccably trained lady with a spark about her.”
I glanced away, allowing my bonnet to conceal my pained expression. The spark Lord Thorton spoke of had been ignited by a man now gone from my life forever. A spark I was certain he would never be the cause of.
“Miss Godwin, could I speak candidly?”
“Is that not what you have been doing?” I asked, a laugh behind my words to soften them.
“Yes, I suppose I have.”
I drew in a calming breath, setting my gaze on Lady Beatrice and Miss Browning several paces in front of us. “But, by all means, please continue.”
“It is apparent our mothers are quite set on seeing us married.”
My stomach knotted. “Yes. I believe they are.”
“And from what I know of you and your collection of refused offers, your is not so different a past from my own. The only variation seems to be how we go about rebelling. I refuse to offer for the women my mother attempts to throw at me, while you refuse to accept the men your mother thrusts at you.”
Lord Thorton’s reasoning was as good as any I could offer and far preferable to the truth that I’d come to understand at the beach—that my love for Augustus was the actual reason behind every refusal. But Augustus could not be my reason any longer. “And yet it seems you have the upper hand.” I forced a playful smile. “No one knows of how often you disobey your mother’s wishes, while all of the Beau Monde whispers of mine.”
“And that is precisely why I have never judged you for your reputation. I always assumed we were similar in that regard.”
“Yes.” Why did the admission feel so painful? Lord Thorton and I were a suitable match, and I had known it all along.
He hesitated. “And that is also why I believe we should both agree to lower our guards and actually get to know one another. We may soon discover we are as compatible as our mothers believe us to be.”
I met Lord Thorton’s gaze, refusing to let my thoughts drift to Augustus. Lord Thorton was not only my last viable option, but a man comparable to myself. I could no longer hope for more. And though I wished to reason with him, to tell him that we would both be happier if we did not allow emotion to guide us in our union, I would not extinguish the inkling of hope I glimpsed in him. If an empty hope is what it took to obtain his offer, so be it. Better his eventual dissatisfaction than Augustus’s. For, from what I had heard of Lord Thorton’s reputation, he would not hesitate to find delight elsewhere once he tired of me, where Augustus would remain loyal in his misery. “I believe I could agree to that.”
I glanced around the elaborate, mahogany furnishings of the Rose Room. The bed was nearly double the size of the one at Fairhaven, with large posts on the corners that seemed to reach up to the ceiling. The walls were a deep shade of burgundy, and the golden framed portraits commanded the eye. Even the chaise lounge by the fireplace was exquisite, with its scarlet, striped fabric and golden piping. It was all so elegant, yet it felt somehow … inhospitable.
Leah moved to my side. “Do you need anything else, miss?”
“No.” I glanced at my readied reflection, attempting to muster some sort of pleasure at how handsome I had been made to look. Yet the image I saw was Augustus’s expression when he’d looked at me that first night at Fairhaven when I’d worn this very gown. I shook the thought from my mind. Augustus was far better off without me.
A sharp knock echoed through the room, and Leah sent me an uneasy glance.
“Perhaps it is Lady Beatrice.” My false hope was evident in my tone.
Leah nodded and moved to the door, opening it just enough to see out.
Mother stepped through so swiftly that Leah was forced to take a step back to prevent the door from hitting her.
“Arabella, I must speak with you.”
My eyes flickered to Leah. Though I dreaded being left alone with Mother, I could not allow Leah to be caught in the crossfire again. “Leah, will you go see Lady Beatrice’s maid about the recipe we were just discussing? The rose lip salve?”
Leah bobbed her head at my hastily created excuse, curtsied, and left.
I focused on the full-length mirror, attempting to convey a sense of composure despite my racing heart and damp palms beneath my gloves. “What is it you wish to speak to me about?”
“Much.” She paused. “I have finally received a letter from your father.”
My chest constricted, and though I tried to remain unaffected, I could not stop myself from glancing at her reflection.
“Ah. Did you think I had forgiven you your deceit?” Mother stepped behind me, focusing on our reflection. She placed her hands on both of my shoulders, leaning in close to one ear. “I have not.”
I swallowed, searching for the courage to tell her I had my own inquiry to make as to her threatening Ruth. But the courage did not come.
“And though I do enjoy watching you squirm under the weight of your own conscience, I fear there is no time before dinner for your confession.” Mother dropped her hands. “Instead I have come to ask why you have not yet received Lord Thorton’s offer?”
I lifted my chin, unwilling to tell her of my half-hearted attempts to let down my guard so Lord Thorton could come to know me. “We have only been at Branbury a week.”
“And yet you have known him longer than most men who have offered for you.”
“Lord Thorton does not seem as eager as other men to enter matrimony, but I assure you I am doing everything you taught me to do in order to secure him.”
“Then why is there talk below stairs that leaves me questioning how thorough a job you’re doing? For as dense as gentlemen are, even they can recognize when a lady’s thoughts and affections are otherwise engaged.”
The air felt thick as I drew in a breath. “There is talk of such things amongst the servants?”
“Besides you and me, there were only three other people who witnessed your folly: Lady Thorton, Lord Thorton, and your maid.”
“Leah would not spread such a tale.”
Mother narrowed her eyes, as
though she could sense my lapse in not keeping a necessary detachment toward my servant. “I do not believe it was your maid, as I made it quite clear what the consequence would be if she betrayed me again. And Lady Thorton, thank heavens, has seemingly decided to overlook your recklessness and continues to hope for a forthcoming engagement. Which leaves us …?” Her voice trailed off expectantly.
“Lord Thorton,” I whispered.
“Precisely. His concerns were likely shared with his valet who proceeded to share it with the rest of the servants. Vile creatures with their need for gossip.”
“One mention of a concern does not mean he has lost interest, Mother.”
Mother clasped my upper arms, the tips of her fingers digging into the delicate skin beneath. “Interest gets us nowhere, Arabella. You must convince him of your devotion, for I am not certain how well I will bear another of your disappointments.”
I pulled in a shaky breath, distinguishing the threat in her tone and the distress it caused. And suddenly I became aware that I would do anything to be free of Mother and her vicious control of my life. “I will, Mother,” I said with new conviction. “I will convince Lord Thorton.”
She tossed my arms from her grip and faced the mirror, smoothing her hands over the emerald silk of her gown and readjusting her matching necklace. “Now go.” She flicked her wrist toward the door. “Dinner will be announced in twenty minutes and you have much to accomplish.”
Without a word of protest, I glided from the room, rubbing at the tender spots on my arms as I made my way downstairs. I will soon be free of Mother was my rallying cry as I glanced around the drawing room. Lord Thorton’s awaiting gaze met mine. There was no more delaying. I would demonstrate that my affections were his and his alone. It didn’t matter that my heart constricted at my resolve, for the sooner I could achieve his offer, the better. I moved toward Lord Thorton with determination.
“Miss Godwin.” He stepped away from the group of gentlemen he’d been speaking to and bowed, sending me the smile that had once made my whole being alight with pride. “You look absolutely ravishing this evening.”
I dropped into a brief curtsy, locking my eyes with him as I lifted. “Thank you, my lord. I could easily say the same of you.”
He gave a hearty laugh, and I felt several gazes shift to us. “I believe I should like to hear it from your lips. Please go on.”
My cheeks warmed at his affront, but I stepped closer, revealing to him that I appreciated his encouragement. Or, at least, appeared to. “Perhaps we could find a moment later … when there are not so many listening ears about to overhear my praise?”
A mischievous smirk touched his lips. “I have been longing to steal a private moment with you, so that sounds delightful.” He glanced behind me. “And speaking of delightful, the last of our party arrived a little over an hour ago.”
I tilted my head, attempting to recall which of the guests were missing. I could think of no one. “Remind me who it is we were waiting on.”
He flicked his head, and I followed his line of sight just over my shoulder. My heart thudded to a halt. “Augustus?”
Augustus’s severe expression appraised me momentarily before he offered a stiff bow. “Miss Godwin.”
No matter how much I willed it, I could not pull my gaze from his look of betrayal.
Lord Thorton took a step closer to me, leaning in until I could feel his breath on my ear. “I hope you don’t mind my being so bold, but I thought to surprise you by the gesture.” I blinked several times, as though I might be imagining the whole thing. But Augustus did not disappear.
I glanced back toward Lord Thorton, expecting to find malice or spite in his expression. Yet I found nothing but curiosity. “How unexpected, my lord.” My voice came out hoarse, and I cleared my throat.
“Miss Seton is here also.”
“Ruth is here?” I glanced around in a panic, hoping none of the ladies had gotten to her first. She would be eaten alive in this pack of venomous creatures.
“She is taking dinner in her room.” Lord Thorton placed a light hand on my back, directing me toward where Augustus stood. “Is that not correct, Mr. Brundage?”
Augustus gave a brisk nod. “Yes, she did not believe she could be readied in time to join us, but she will be down to socialize after dinner.”
I swallowed, sensing both men watching me. “I am most eager to see her. I have hardly felt myself since our hasty goodbye.”
Lord Thorton gave a satisfied smile. “I’m glad you are pleased, Miss Godwin.” He glanced toward the entrance where his mother stood glaring at him. “If you will both excuse me one moment. I believe I am needed.”
My lips parted, longing to protest being left alone with Augustus, but Lord Thorton walked away before I could offer an excuse. I glanced around at the familiar faces, none of which seemed to be taking particular interest in Augustus and me. “What are you doing?” I hissed.
His jaw slackened. “As though I am the one that owes you an explanation?”
“You wish for an explanation?” I lifted my chin, willing it not to quiver. “I made a mistake in accepting your offer. It could never work between us. It is better for us both if we find a more suitable situation.” The words were half-truths, but I would not give more.
“I can see you’ve wasted no time.”
I took a calming breath, not wishing to draw unnecessary attention. “You knew of my intentions, so don’t make me out to be some kind of conniving temptress that lured you along without your consent.”
His ire reflected back at me. “Pardon me if I’m making you out to be something you aren’t.”
Tears pricked my eyes. “Think what you like. It cannot matter.”
“Let me tell you what I think, and you can decide if it matters or not.” The force of his gaze bore into me. “You are scared, Bella.”
I glanced toward Lord Thorton to make certain his notice was still elsewhere. “And what is it I am scared of?”
“Besides your mother? You fear marrying beneath the expectations placed upon you. You fear a lowering in your social standing.” He lifted a knowing brow. “But more than all of that, I’d say you’re most terrified of being loved.”
“That is ridiculous.”
“Is it? Then why have you rejected every man who has offered for you?”
I swallowed. “That is not your concern.”
“Considering I am now one of those men, I believe it is.”
I skimmed the room, deciding what I could say to appease him without revealing the truth—none of the others were him. And yet, I did not deserve him. I lifted a casual shoulder. “When the time came to accept, it simply never felt right.”
A muscle in his jaw flexed. “Not even with me?”
My heart ached, and I could not force the lie from my lips. “This is not the time to discuss such a thing.”
“It seems with you there is never a good time to discuss the difficult topics.”
I knew he was referring to Mother and concealing my stay at Fairhaven from her, but what good would it do to acknowledge it or explain to him my reasonings? The sooner he realized the kind of person I was, the sooner he’d let me go.
“And who is this handsome gentleman?” Lady Beatrice stepped to my side with Miss Browning in her wake. “I am certain we have not been introduced.”
With every last bit of will power, I forced a smile to my lips. “Mr. Brundage is an old friend of mine.”
“He seems very much worth mentioning, yet I don’t recall you telling me of him.” Lady Beatrice assessed him with far too much pleasure. “Will you not provide an introduction, Miss Godwin?”
My body trembled from suppressing too many emotions, but I glanced back toward Augustus. “Mr. Brundage, this is Lady Beatrice and Miss Browning.”
Augustus bowed. “It is a pleasure.”
Lady Beatrice gave a generous crack of her fan to open it before moving it in an amorous flutter. “I assure you, the pleasure is mine.”
My stomach clenched at her brazen display, though I was thankful Augustus had missed my discussion with Ruth and Sarah on what the swift movement of her fan indicated.
“So, how is it you know one another?” Lady Beatrice took a step nearer Augustus.
“As Miss Godwin stated, we are just old friends. Nothing more.”
I swallowed. “His cousin was my neighbor in Bath. She will be down after dinner, though I have already introduced you both to her at Lord and Lady Brimhall’s ball three weeks past.”
Lady Beatrice and Miss Browning shared a questioning glance.
“A Miss Ruth Seton?”
Lady Beatrice’s eyes lit with recognition. “Oh, yes. Your neighbor.”
I gave a nod, hoping they would consider the connection and therefore decide to leave Augustus alone.
“She was a delightful girl.” Lady Beatrice smiled sweetly at Augustus with not even a hint of the repulsion she’d displayed that night. “With lovely brown eyes and hair to match, if I recall correctly.”
Augustus nodded. “Yes.”
Lady Beatrice closed her fan and tapped Augustus on the arm with it. “So tell us. What was Miss Godwin like when she was younger? Did she collect as many unwanted hearts in Bath as she has managed to collect in London?”
His forlorn gaze slid to me. “Not that I’m aware of. But then I don’t believe she was set upon collecting hearts when I knew her.”
Despite the touch of benevolence in his voice, Lady Beatrice giggled, her lips parting as though he had dealt me a great blow.
“Oh, look.” In an attempt to prevent Lady Beatrice from offering any more of her opinions on the matter, I directed the others’ notice to Lady Thorton. “I believe it is time to walk in to dinner.” And to my great relief, the women truly were beginning to arrange themselves discreetly in order of highest rank. Lady Beatrice sent Augustus a small pout. “I suppose we shall have to continue our conversation after dinner.”
“Yes, you shall.” I smiled, never so grateful that Augustus did not hold a title, for he would not be seated anywhere near Lady Beatrice.
A Well-Trained Lady (Seasons of Change Book 4) Page 22
