“Fine. You’re right.” He lifted his jaw, swallowing so hard she saw his Adam’s apple bob. “Let me rephrase that, then. If you want to stay, then stay. But it won’t be for me, and you won’t be with me…because I don’t want you to stay. If you stay, we’re done.”
Unable to hide that ache his words caused, she flinched, pressing a hand to her heart as if that would ease the pain. It didn’t. Nothing would. “You…you don’t want me to stay?”
There was a slight hesitance, and that hesitance gave her a small bubble of hope, but he slammed it down immediately with a cold, “No. I don’t want to be with you.”
But…no.
This couldn’t be happening.
Not after he begged her to give him a chance. Not after he crashed his way through her defenses with his charming smile, his soft words, and his seductive touch.
“You literally just said we could do long-distance, and now you’re saying you don’t want to be with me at all? What’s going on? Why are you doing this?”
He shrugged. “It was an empty offer, Shel. You were supposed to take it and go to your new job like you wanted. That’s all.”
She hopped off the counter and took a step toward him. He took another back, keeping the distance between them. It hurt more than his words did. “Eric.”
He crossed his arms, and it was like he lowered a shield over himself, directly over his heart. In front of her eyes, she saw the old Eric come back, the one she hadn’t cared much for, and that’s when she knew it was over.
They were over.
He took yet another step back toward the door.
Toward the exit. Toward freedom.
“Look, it’s been fun. It really has. But this whole long-distance thing…” He fisted his hands and shrugged a shoulder. “I was just trying to let you down easily. Everyone knows long-distance doesn’t work. It was an empty offer of something neither of us really wants—a relationship.”
She swallowed, shock rocking her hard. “You’re being serious right now.”
It wasn’t a question.
He answered anyway.
“Completely.” He smirked. “I mean, I told you all along I didn’t do relationships. That this was perfect for us because I didn’t want forever from you, and you were leaving. That’s the only reason I stuck around. Because we had an automatic expiration date. Why would you think I would change my mind about that? Why would you make the same mistake with me that you did with George? Why would you want to give up everything for another guy?”
He was right. He was absolutely right.
This was all her fault.
She’d taken the way she felt about him and somehow projected it on to him until she thought he felt the same things as her. She’d conjured up this image of a man who didn’t want her to go. And even worse? She’d let that image get into her head. Her thoughts. Her heart.
All it had taken was a few nights in bed with Eric, and she’d been ready to give up everything. She was no smarter now than she’d been when she chased after George.
She was weak.
Not anymore.
“Get out,” she said slowly, trembling but refusing to show it.
He stared at her, not moving. “Shel—”
“I said get out!” She ended on a shout, surprising herself more than she surprised him. She wasn’t a yeller. Even when George had literally abandoned her in a city she didn’t like, she had just stood there, letting him. Accepting that this was the way life was going to be. But she didn’t accept this. She refused to sit quietly when he ripped her heart out of her chest. “Now.”
He swallowed hard, staring at her, and flexed his jaw. After what felt like a million years, he nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”
As he walked past her, she caught a whiff of his cologne, and she breathed in deep, hating herself for wanting one last time where she smelled it and she wasn’t dreaming. It was that weakness, that need, that had her straightening her spine and lifting her chin. “Don’t forget your jacket.”
“You can keep it.”
“I don’t want it.” She didn’t want something she could hug, or smell, or remember him by. She didn’t need it. “Take it.”
He doubled back, pulling it off the chair she’d put it on last night. She’d been planning on returning it, and then making love to him all night long. Now, she got this. After he grabbed it, he looked at her one last time. There was something in his eyes, something she didn’t quite understand, but the thing was…she didn’t want to.
Not anymore.
“I’m sorry, Shel. I never wanted things to go down like this.”
She didn’t say anything.
There was nothing to say.
At her silence, he nodded again, lifted his hand slightly, then let it drop back to his side. “Good-bye. I wish you the best of luck, Shel. I really do.”
“Yeah. Sure. Thanks.”
He walked by her, and the second the door closed behind him, she let herself break. She sat on the chair where his jacket had hung moments before, and swore she could still smell it. But it was empty. Everything was empty. The back of the chair. Her apartment. Her heart. Her.
Choking on a sob, she covered her mouth and lost it. She had no idea how long she cried, but once the tears dried and the pain turned into anger, she wiped her cheeks off, took a deep breath, and stared out the window as the sky gradually darkened and turned into evening. Then, and only then, she got up. She stood, her legs only trembling slightly, and walked to her phone.
After a quick call to the moving company, she went into her room, grabbed a box, and started packing stuff she didn’t need on a daily basis. She didn’t stop moving until her arms ached, her back throbbed, and her eyes were dry. Her whole body hurt, and everything begged for rest…
But at least it distracted her from her broken heart.
From him.
Chapter Twenty-One
Eric stared at the elevator doors, waiting for them to open, focusing on the crack that divided the two, because what the hell else was there to focus on? For almost a week, ever since he’d lied and told Shelby he didn’t want to be with her, the nights had been an empty copy of what he used to call living, and he’d been spending every night alone.
Last night had been no different.
Since it was Saturday morning, and Shelby had worked her last day in the courthouse on Friday, he’d opted to spend the night back home with his parents. The moving company was probably coming today, and he’d had no intention of seeing her walk out of his life for good.
But then he’d remembered his promise to her, and he’d gotten in his car to drive back home before he could talk himself out of it. He’d promised he would wave and smile as she drove away…
And God help him, he’d fucking do it.
Even if it killed him.
Even if she no longer wanted him to.
When Shelby offered to stay here with him, it had taken all his self-control to tell her she had to go. Selfishly, he wanted to take her up on her offer. Selfishly, he wanted her to stay.
Turns out, he wasn’t selfish when it came to her.
Imagine that.
So instead, he’d told her he didn’t want to be with her, knowing it was the only way to get her to leave, with no regrets, for her fresh start—something he wanted her so desperately to have. She’d wanted this for so long, had fought to find it, and he refused to be the reason she didn’t get it. Refused to be the anchor dragging her down to the bottom of the ocean as she tried to swim to the top.
The elevator doors opened, and he lifted his head.
His eyes locked on hers within seconds, and his heart twisted inside his chest, making it impossible to breathe. She stood there, a box in her hands, her brown hair pulled into a sloppy ponytail, her brown eyes shadowed by browns and grays that hinted she hadn’t been sleeping well.
He hadn’t been, either.
Fuck, he missed her.
He loved her.
He had to let her go
.
She looked so beautiful, standing there, looking exhausted. She didn’t have a scrap of makeup on, and her hair was frizzing out in places. She wore a pair of short gym shorts and a loose T-shirt that said something about cats on it. Her chipped red-nail-polished fingers clung to the box, her knuckles white and her cheeks flushed with exertion.
Rushing forward, he spoke without thinking. “Here. Let me carry that for you.”
“No.” She stumbled back, almost falling. “I’ve got it.”
“Okay.” He forced himself to stand still. To do nothing. Clearly, she didn’t want his help. He didn’t blame her. Slowly, he stepped to the side and extended his arm, making sure the doors didn’t close on her. “After you, then.”
She didn’t move.
Instead, she stared at the elevator like it was alive and about to attack her. Or maybe she stared at him like that. Either way, he didn’t like it. “Shel—”
“You know what? I’m just going to bring this back in. I don’t need…don’t need…” Cutting herself off, she turned around and headed right back where she came from. She tripped over her own feet because she was hurrying, and almost hit the floor. The box hit the carpet with a thud, and she managed to catch herself before she followed suit. “Come on.”
He told himself not to do it.
Not to chase after her.
Not to help her.
“Shelby, wait.” He walked over to her, bending down and easily lifting the box she’d struggled with. “Let me carry it for you. Please.”
She grabbed it and yanked. “No.”
He didn’t let go.
She pulled harder, her cheeks turning red and her eyes narrowing with a ferocity that was as enchanting as it was heartbreaking. “I don’t want or need your help, Eric. Give me the stupid box.”
He flexed his jaw. “I will…once I’m inside your apartment.”
Without another word, he headed for her door. She could follow him or not, but either way, this damn box was going in her place. It was bad enough she’d rather run back to her apartment than go into an elevator he’d just been inside of, but he’d be damned if he stood by and watched her struggle for one second because of him.
Elbowing her door open, he set the box down on a bigger one that was taped shut and labeled Kitchen. He stared at the spot where he’d set her on the counter to make love to her and had instead broken her heart…and his own.
It was empty.
All that was left in the room were a few stacks of boxes.
A mover came out of her bedroom, pushing her dresser on a cart. When the man saw him, he nodded. “Good morning, Mr. Jefferson. All ready for your move to Texas?”
He assumed Eric was Shelby’s husband.
That shouldn’t have hurt, but it did. For the first time ever, he wished it were true. That he was married to the woman who had stolen his heart, which was ridiculous. She was leaving, and he was staying, and it was over. “Definitely,” Eric managed to say, his voice choked.
The man pushed the furniture out of the apartment, whistling.
Eric wanted to punch him.
“You need to go, Eric,” Shelby said from somewhere behind him.
As he turned around, he saw her. She stared at him, hands at her sides, body tense, eyes shielded from him. Her guard was up, and he knew why. “Are you leaving today, or tomorrow?”
She wrapped her arms around herself. “As soon as everything’s in the truck, I’ll be gone.”
He didn’t say anything.
Just stared.
She shifted on her feet.
Eric cleared his throat. “I promised you that when you left, I’d be there to wave you off. I intend to keep that promise.”
“No, thank you.” She lifted her chin. “Not all promises are meant to be kept.”
“This one is.” He took a step toward her. She stiffened. He stopped immediately. “I hope you find everything you’ve been looking for. You deserve it.”
She glanced away for a second, and when she turned back, her eyes were cold but there was something else there. Something that echoed the pain he felt in his chest. “Yeah. Thanks.”
“Despite everything, please know I care about you.” He walked right up to her, stopping just short of touching her. “Please know I am here for you, if you ever need anything from Atlanta.”
She dug her nails into the palms of her hands. “I won’t need anything from you.”
“Still. The offer stands.” He bent down and pressed his lips to her temple, breathing in the floral scent of her perfume one last time. “Good-bye, Shel.”
Her breath hitched in her throat. He heard it.
“Good-bye, Eric,” she whispered.
It took all his control to walk away. He put one foot in front of the other, each step a little bit harder than the last. He walked toward the elevator and kept on going, not looking back.
If he looked back…
He might not let her go.
As he came outside of the building, he took a deep breath, watching as the mover came up to the door with his cart empty. He had a few other guys with him now, and the truck looked to be about three-quarters of the way full. He stared at the contents of the truck, everything that Shelby owned just sitting there, waiting to be taken away.
She was leaving.
He was never going to see her again.
What the hell was he supposed to do with that?
“Eric?” Wyatt asked from behind him.
He turned around. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to check on you.” He wore a jacket with the collar turned up, a pair of dark blue jeans with a button-up shirt, and his blond hair was spiked to perfection. Not even the wind dared to move it. “Last time we were together, you weren’t doing so great.”
“I’m fine,” he said on autopilot.
“Yeah. Sure you are.” He tipped his head toward the truck. “That hers?”
“It is.”
Wyatt let out a breath, shoving his hands into his pockets. Two girls across the street stopped and stared, whispering to each other. His brother had been spotted. “Are you actually going to let her go?”
“It’s what she wants.”
“What if it’s what she wanted, but doesn’t want anymore?” Wyatt asked slowly.
“Before we kissed the first time, she told me if I let her, she might change her mind and stay with me. I swore I wouldn’t let her.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I kept my promise, no matter how much it ripped me apart. She’s getting what she always wanted, and I’m not standing in her way. That has to be good enough for me.”
Wyatt shook his head. “I guess so.”
Eric said nothing.
“You slept at Mom and Dad’s last night?” Wyatt asked.
“They told you?”
Wyatt tsked. “Yeah. Mom’s worried. She could tell something was wrong.”
Eric said nothing.
There was nothing to say.
“Want to grab a bite to eat?” Wyatt asked, after a period of silence.
“Hell yes.” He gestured to the pub across the street. “There?”
“Sure,” his brother said, heading that way, toward the girls. They giggled and pulled out their phones, and Wyatt smiled at them. “Do you mind?”
“Of course not,” Eric said, glancing over his shoulder at his building. “I’ll wait inside?”
“Okay,” Wyatt said, veering off toward the women while Eric headed for the door.
As he pushed inside, he surveyed the room. It was mostly empty, aside from an old couple in the back of the pub. Good. He didn’t want to deal with people.
He sat by the window where he could watch for Shelby leaving, and set his phone on the table. Leaning back in the chair, he watched as the movers wheeled out carts with boxes stacked on them, and knew it was almost over.
When he’d been in her apartment, there hadn’t been much left.
Soon, she’d come out.
She’d le
ave.
“Can I get you something to drink?” the waitress asked, her tone flirtatious.
“Two coffees, please. Black.”
She left, and he glanced out the window again. Shelby came out wearing a jacket and clutching her purse. As she walked outside, she glanced up at the building, her face pensive. He gripped the edge of the table, watching her. She can’t leave me.
Shoving his chair back, he stood.
Then he forced himself to sit the hell back down.
This is what she wants.
Shaking herself off, she headed toward the moving truck, handed them a tip, and then walked in the opposite direction toward a waiting taxi cab. She slipped inside, shutting the door behind her. As the car pulled away from the curb, Eric raised his hand and waved at her.
Just like he’d fucking promised.
From behind him, Wyatt cleared his throat. “It’s done?”
“She’s gone.” He was never going to see her again. “She…I…shit.” He covered his face and took a deep, steadying breath. “I had to let her go. I couldn’t let her stay.”
Wyatt sat across from him. “You did the right thing.”
“It doesn’t feel like it’s the right thing.” He lowered his hands. “It feels like I just ripped my heart out of my damn chest with a fork.”
Wyatt grimaced. “That’s pretty graphic.”
“And accurate.” He locked eyes with his brother. “I asked you this once, and I’m going to ask it again. Have you ever been in love before?”
Wyatt tensed. “Why do you want to know so damn bad?”
“Just answer the question.”
“Fine. No.” Wyatt pointed at him. “The only room I have in my heart is taken up by the game I play. That’s all the love I need. All the love I want.”
“Seriously?” He leaned forward.
Wyatt stared at him. “Seriously.”
“What would you do if you were me?”
Wyatt hesitated. “I don’t know. I’ve never loved anyone like that. Never wanted to spend my life with someone.” He opened his mouth, closed it, and then added, “But if I did find that kind of love…I would hold the fuck on to it and never let it go.”
“Even if she wanted you to?”
“Hell yeah.” Wyatt nodded once. “Even then.”
Romancing the Bachelor (A Hamilton Family Series) Page 14
