by Faye Sonja
“I’m not sure.”
Florence rolled her eyes. “They are your own feelings. How do you not know?”
Ben shrugged. “I’ve never felt anything for a woman before.”
Florence stopped eating. “Ever?”
“No.”
“You’ve never been in love,” she stated.
Ben shook his head and took a sip of his water.
Florence put her fork down. “So, there’s the possibility that you love me and don’t even know it.”
Ben’s heart jumped in his chest. “Don’t bet your last coin on that, Florence. I’m not offering you love.”
Florence shook her head. She sighed. “I wish you’d just leave me alone, Benjamin.”
“Why?”
Florence looked at him. “Because, I like you.” She shook her head. “And I shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
Florence gave him a hard look. “Because, I want love, Benjamin. Don’t you think I deserve love?”
“No one deserves love.”
Florence rolled her eyes. “Yes, but everyone wants it, Benjamin. Everyone needs it.” She went back to her cake. “It’s human to want love.” She put her fork back down. “No, it’s more than human. Even God wants us to love him. It’s… natural.”
“Well, you loved before,” Ben said as he pointed to her stomach. “Look where it got you.”
Florence’s eyes went wide. “You didn’t just say that to me.”
Ben shrugged. “I’m just being honest.”
Florence stood. “Yeah, well, I wouldn’t trade my worst days with Eddie for a good day with you, Benjamin.”
Ben narrowed his eyes. “That can’t be true.”
Florence laughed. “Well, it is, Ben. Because, at least with Eddie, he looked at me like I was the only woman in the world. At least he tried to love me. I don’t know what your deal is, but I want no part of it.” Florence started to leave.
Ben stood, dropped a few large bills on the table, and then started after Florence. She was outside the hotel by the time he caught up with her. “You move fast, woman.”
Florence narrowed her eyes at him and then started to walk even faster. Ben caught up again. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Florence let out a frustrated growl. She stopped walking and turned to Benjamin. “There are days, Ben, when I imagine myself killing you.”
“What?”
Florence’s eyes went wide. “Yeah, like…” She brought a fisted hand up and started to move it in an up and down motion. “Some nights, I literally dream about… stabbing you.”
Benjamin lifted a brow. “And other nights?”
Florence frowned. “What?”
“What do you dream about other nights?”
Florence paused. “I just told you that I dream about stabbing you.”
Ben shrugged. “Yes, well, you’re not the first woman to tell me that.”
Florence gasped. “What?”
“Oh, no.” He cleared his throat. “One woman told me that she dreamed about cutting my head off.”
“Oh my.”
“With an ax.”
“Oh, no.”
“Another shot me.”
“That’s awful.”
“Right in the heart.”
Florence shook her head. “What does that say about you, Benjamin? Why do you think every woman wants to kill you?”
Ben gave Florence a slow blink. “Envious of my good hair and dreamy eyes?”
Florence frowned; but Ben watched her lose her fight of not smiling. She punched him in the arm. Ben grabbed the sore spot. “Ow.”
* * *
Florence started down the street again; trying in vain to get away from Benjamin, but the man was persistent. She found him strolling next to her a moment later. He was giving her a serious look. “I hope this violence isn’t a prelude to what I should expect throughout our marriage.”
She started walking faster. Ben was awful, and wonderful, and mean, and sweet, and she hated him, and she… liked him… a lot. It was all too much to handle at the moment. Florence felt her stomach lurch and hoped she wasn’t about to throw up.
Ben caught up. “My mother would like you.”
Florence glanced his way. “What makes you say that?”
“Because then she’d be right.”
“Right about what?”
“About me choosing the one woman in the world that told me ‘no’.”
Florence smiled. “Where does your mother live?”
“New York, with my father. They’ve been married for over thirty years.”
“That’s nice.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Was it a love match?”
“Yes.”
“That’s what I want.”
“I know.”
Florence made a turn around a corner and then started up the steps to her building. The apartment building was tall, and housed many families of Haines. “Goodnight, Benjamin.”
“Wait.”
Florence sighed. “I can’t.” She stopped and turned around. Her stomach flipped again. She drew her brows together as the sickening feeling began to build.
Ben came up the stairs and grabbed hold of Florence's arms. The smell of his cologne was faint. She leaned forward and buried her face into his open jacket. She took a deep breath of that scent that was of both woods and man. Ben rubbed her arms gently. “What are you doing?”
“Breathing in your scent.”
“Why?”
Florence sighed. “It settles my stomach.”
Ben became stiff.
Florence looked up at him. “What’s wrong?”
Ben shook his head. “Nothing. I just… It’s just… I’ve never… I didn’t know I could actually help you… anyone... this way.”
“What way?”
Ben smiled. “In a way that’s so… intimate.”
“How does that make you feel?”
“You sound like a head doctor.”
“How do you know what head doctors sound like?”
Ben took a step back. “I’ll buy you a bottle of my cologne.” He smiled as he went backwards down the steps. “But you’ll have to keep the brand a secret. I can’t have you sniffing other men.”
Florence smiled. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not just your cologne. It’s you.”
Ben’s face went serious.
They were quiet for a moment.
Ben sighed. “You know, if you’d only marry me—”
“Goodnight, Ben.” Florence turned and entered the building.
She ran up the steps, all the way up to the third floor. She placed her key in the lock and then pushed the door open. She turned on a gas lantern at the entrance and skipped across the room to the window. Florence lifted her latch and pulled the window open. She stuck her head out. Ben was still there. “What are you still doing here?”
Be smiled up at her. “I wanted to make sure you were safely inside.”
Florence sighed. “How’d you know my apartment faced this side of the building?”
Ben half shouted, half whispered. “It was a good guess.”
Florence smiled. “‘Night, Ben.”
“Goodnight, Florence.” Ben turned and began walking down the path they’d just shared together. Ben lived at the hotel where they’d eaten, but he’d still walked her home. Florence wasn’t sure what any of it meant, but admitted to two things that night. One: there were more layers to Ben than the ones he showed, and two: Florence was starting to fall in love.
* * *
6
Chapter SIX
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
“I can’t marry you, Benjamin. I don’t
like being alone, but I want to be
with someone who will love me.”
Ben woke up to the loud knocking on his door. He opened his eyes and saw that the sun was up. It was his
day off. He’d planned sleeping in. The knock came again.
“It’s me, Ben,” Robert called. The cheerfulness in his brother’s voice came through the wooden door.
Ben rolled out from under the cool silk sheets of his bed, slipped on some pants, and then went to the door. He opened it a crack. He took Robert’s attire in. He was dressed in a brown golf suit with a light blue shirt underneath. His pants stopped at the knee and disappeared behind his long socks. “Golf?” he asked. His voice was full of sleep.
Robert nodded. “The other men are getting ready as we speak.”
“Who’s playing?” Ben ran a hand through his red hair, trying to tame it. He opened the door for his brother with the other hand.
Robert walked in, taking in the spacious room. “Just Joe and Tom.”
Ben nodded. “I’ll get ready and meet you downstairs.”
“Ben, you should really think about getting yourself a house.” Robert was looking around the room again. He turned to Ben. “We’ve been here for over two years. Haven’t you found anything you like yet?”
Ben shrugged. “I like it here,” he said. He looked around his own room. There was a table with two chairs. A bed. A wardrobe. What more could a man need? Everything else was just clutter. “It suits me.”
“If Florence ever tells you yes, I don’t suspect that you’ll be moving her in here, will you?”
Ben smiled. “No, when Florence says ‘yes’, we’ll purchase a home.”
Robert narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you think this game you’re playing has gone on far enough?”
“What game?” Ben asked. He went to his water basin and began to clean his face. Robert seemed like he didn’t want to stay. Ben didn’t much care. They were brothers. They’d dressed in front of one another for years.
Robert crossed his arms. “At Clara’s wedding, you said you didn’t want to get married.” He took one of the seats by Ben’s window.
Ben dried himself. “That’s still true.”
“Then why marry Florence?”
“Because, you were right. There are other things to think about. Like, the Manning name.”
“But why Florence?”
“Why not Florence? She’s my friend.”
Robert grunted. “I don’t think she describes you in the same way.”
Ben smiled. “She will.”
Robert frowned. “This is not about friendship. This is about her telling you ‘no’.”
“Perhaps.”
Robert shook his head. “Don’t do this, Ben.”
“I would never hurt Florence.” Ben pulled on a shirt. “I’m a better man than that. You know that. I always keep my word.”
Robert narrowed his eyes. “Yes, you do. But this whole Florence ordeal just seemed to come out of nowhere. You barely mentioned the girl’s name before Eddie ran out on her. Now, we talk about her almost every day.”
Ben began to slip into his pants. “She was off limits before Eddie left.”
Robert’s eyes widened. “So, you’ve been attracted to Florence since before the wedding.” It was a statement.
Ben almost slipped as he inserted his other leg into the pants. He swallowed, but didn’t meet Robert’s eyes. “That’s not what I said.”
Robert’s smile came slowly. “Oh, but Ben. That’s exactly what you said. Florence was off limits. She’s free now, so you wish to claim her?”
Ben went to the mirror and began to comb his hair into place. “I’m not going to deny that Florence is a beautiful woman, if that’s what you’re looking for.”
Robert stood and walked over to Ben. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. I just find it interesting. How long have you been attracted to Florence?”
Ben went to his wardrobe and pulled out a tan sweater. He put it back, deciding on the blue. Yes, the blue would look better on him; bringing out his eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t keep track of these things.”
“A year?”
Ben didn’t answer.
“Longer than a year?”
Ben sighed and pulled the sweater over his shirt. Tie. He’d forgotten a tie. He went to his drawers. “I’m not sure how long I’ve been attracted to Florence.”
“Because you’ve been attracted to her from the very beginning.”
“Perhaps.”
Robert sighed. He went over to Ben and looked into the drawer with him. He pulled out a tie and then turned to Ben, so that they were facing one another. Robert helped Ben put his tie on. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“What was there to say? She had Eddie.”
“Eddie was a terrible person. He should have been run off years ago.”
Ben smiled. “Like we chased off Jacob Peterson so that I could take Madison to the dance?”
Robert laughed. “I saw Jacob a few years ago.” He straightened the tie and then took a step back.
“Did you?” Ben’s eyes went wide. “How’s he doing?” Ben sat on the bed and put on his long socks.
“He saw me and ran; literally. It’s been more than fifteen years and I still don’t think the man has fully recovered.”
Ben smiled a devious grin. “That will teach him to mess with a Manning.”
Robert smiled. “So, you actually like Florence.”
Ben nodded and slipped into his shoes.
Robert shook his head. “Do you love her?”
Ben started for the door. “Why does the world seem so obsessed with love?” He held the door open for Robert, who shook his head, but followed.
They started down the hall together. A woman came out of her room and glanced at them and then started to walk away, only to glance at them again. This time when she looked at the brothers, her eyes were wide. Their mirrored good looks had that effect. The woman rushed down ahead of them and then turned down a corner, disappearing from sight.
Robert recaptured Ben’s attention. “Everyone wants to be loved, Ben. Even you.”
Ben shrugged. “Perhaps, but I’m not obsessed with it.”
“But you still want it.”
“Of course.”
“And you see that as a possibility with Florence.”
It took Ben a moment to answer. “Yes.”
Robert smiled.
Ben shook his head as they started down the stairs. “I don’t understand how you manage to get so much information out of me. Information that I don’t even know is there.”
Robert laughed. “It’s because I know you. You calculate everything.”
Ben pushed open the door. “The odds are always better when the math is done ahead of time.”
Robert came out. “And how is the math with Florence checking out.”
Ben sighed. “She still refuses.”
Robert smiled. “Mom would like her.”
Ben smiled. “I think so, too.”
The brothers began to walk down the street as their conversation soon turned to other things, but in the back of Ben’s mind, he was replaying every fine detail of the conversation that he’d had with Robert in his room. He had been attracted to Florence from the very beginning. Only a blind man wouldn’t be, but Ben wasn’t much into taking something that didn’t belong to him, unless he had a good reason. Like the incident with Jacob Peterson. They were only boys back then, but when Robert and Ben found out that Jacob was hitting Madison, they took action. Needless to say, Jacob never hit another girl in high school ever again.
Ben would see to it that Florence never got hurt again. He’d protect her till he breathed his last dying breath. He knew he was the right man for Florence. Now, all Ben had to do was figure out a way to get Florence to say yes.
* * *
7
Chapter SEVEN
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
“I can’t marry you, Benjamin. I don’t
like being alone, but I want to be
with someone who will love me.”
; Florence stared at the material pieces on the board; the designs, drawing, photos. Everything looked good, but it wasn’t enough. There were tons of submissions on the wall. Each designer wanted something else, and they were all good, but something was missing. “No. None of these are it.”
A large round of groans and other comments came from behind her. Florence turned around to look into the eyes of the team she’d assembled. It had been two months since the beginning of the fair ground’s project, and still, Florence couldn’t find the one thing that would put the design over the edge. The fair was only a month away. This project needed to be done before then, but something wasn’t right. “It’s not good enough.”
Jeremy sighed. “Maybe you shouldn’t be heading this…” His face was neutral. “You and your condition and all.” His eyes roamed over her accusingly.
Florence kept her face from showing how much his last comment had hurt. According to her last menstrual cycle, and the doctor’s measurements, Florence was about seven months along. The secret was out. Though she still carried small, gaining weight was no longer a viable excuse. Everyone was now fully aware of the fact that Florence would be having a baby out of wedlock. The only thing no one had dared to ask, was who the father was.
Ben cleared his throat. “I agree with Florence.” He was standing beside her at the board. Most of the other designers were milling around drinking coffee or sitting at their desk. They all looked tired and frustrated.
Estephanie, one of the youngest designers said, “I think the design is too normal.” Her Spanish accent was heavy.
Florence looked at her. “What do you mean?”
“Ms. Tilson, the design is missing Haines.”
Florence narrowed her eyes and looked around the room. She caught the eyes of each of the designers. Some of the illustrators and painters worked for Haines Press, but others were just really good local talent. And with that thought, the light went on in Florence’s head. Estephanie was right. The design was missing Haines. Haines, in itself, was dubbing itself as the art capital of Kansas, and the design should have reflected that. The design needed to include everyone’s talent. It needed to include a piece of everyone. She turned to Ben. “Get a new sheet on the board.” She turned to Jeremy. “Take down everything.”
