by MF Isaacs
Copyright © 2017 M.F. Isaacs
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places and events are the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.
This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Publisher ©M.F. Isaacs
Edited by Krystyn’s Editing and Proofreading
Proofreading by Brandi Blair
Cover Design by Cover Me Darling
Interior Design by Cover Me Darling
ISBN - 13: 978-1979024785
ISBN - 10: 1979024782
Dedication
Michele this is dedicated to you.
You likely don’t remember but many years ago, while in eastern Washington you openly talked about sex toys while we floated around in the pool. It was my first peek outside the box I was in. I hope this book will open the box for others, just as you did for me.
Fuck Cancer, sometimes you have to say it out loud! Sending my love and strength.
XOXO, M
Warning
Crazy Twisted Love is book 3 in the Crazy Love Series. While not completely necessary to read books 1 and 2, there’s a lot of references made to things that took place in those books.
Prologue
At the age of 16 when most of our buddies were experimenting sexually, Steve and I were saying good bye to our parents and our sister Sophia. Our normal lives were suddenly turned upside down, normal no longer existed. My life before they died consisted mainly of sports and occasionally some social event Steve made me go to. Even though we are twins, I have never been like him. I have never put much effort into building friendships outside of my teammates and my siblings.
I know my athleticism was something that made my parents proud. When they died, I completely walked away from sports. My drive, my determination, my goals in life died the same day they did. Grandma Rose and Grandpa Buck tried to get me to stick with it but I knew I couldn’t do it. I was too angry, my fuse was too short, I didn’t have control of my emotions; it was safer to just walk away.
I turned my energy into protecting Sierra. I didn’t do anything to protect Sophia, which is something I will live with for the rest of my life. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake with Sierra. In addition to becoming my running partner, she became my best friend.
Grandpa Buck forced Steve and me to go to college; he forced us to walk away from Sierra. Without her, I teetered on the edge of control. Steve made me pledge Phi Delta, which meant I was forced to socialize and was exposed to partying. I spent the first two years at Western State in a vicious cycle. I would party my ass off, make poor choices while under the influence, beat myself up for the poor choices, then close myself off and punish myself in the gym. Then repeat. I managed to keep my grades just high enough to stay under the radar, but even that was part of the cycle. Catching up and cramming were the standard way I managed.
I knew when Steve made the choice to save himself sexually. We didn’t even have to talk about it, I just knew. I also knew I wasn’t making the same choice for myself. I lost my virginity within a week of being at Western State. I met Jimmy at the gym, we were both there early in the morning to lift and the friendship was instant and easy. He came with Steve and me to our first frat party. That night after several drinks, Jimmy and I hooked up with Stacy and Maddi, two best friends. They invited us back to their room, where we played an extreme version of spin the bottle. The bottle determined that I kiss Maddi; the kiss carried on despite the fact that Jimmy and Stacy sat there watching. I got lost in the kiss, so I honestly don’t know how long they watched. All I know is that Maddi and I ended up naked in her bed. Before Maddi passed out for the night, we switched partners. In the middle of going a second round with Stacy, I could feel Jimmy watching us. The intensity was indescribable and the experience opened my eyes to so many confusing thoughts and feelings.
PART 1
Spring 2016
“Seriously, turn the fucking thing off if you aren’t going to answer it.” Steve was pissed, I couldn’t blame him because Jimmy wouldn’t stop calling my phone. I couldn’t turn it off; I needed it to be on just in case Sierra called. She didn’t usually call me, but if something happened I had to have my phone on. “Why don’t you just answer it?” I couldn’t explain it to him. Twin brother or not, I didn’t want to talk to him about it.
“I don’t want to talk to him.” At this point I didn’t want to talk to anyone, including my twin brother. I needed to get out, go for a run. Already dressed in shorts and a tank top, I slipped on my running shoes and grabbed my headphones before making my way towards the door. “I’m out. Going for a long run. If you hear from Sierra before I get back, tell her I’ll call when I am done.”
I was out the door before he could respond. He didn’t have to say anything verbally; I knew he was judging me. Not in the ‘I’m better than you’ way, just in the ‘I think you’re making a mistake’ way. We’ve been on this roller coaster ride for almost two years now. It usually starts Friday night, sometimes Saturday, with a party. Party usually means smoking weed or drinking enough to let my guard down. With my guard down, I inevitably end up hooking up with some random chick. Most of the time it’s Jimmy and I picking up two random chicks, although it has happened that we go separate ways finding a random chick on our own and a couple of times the two of us find one random that we share. By Sunday night, I am sick to my stomach over the substances I have put in my body in addition to what I swore a week ago I wasn’t going to do again. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I lock myself away. I spend those days berating myself while I try to catch up on the homework I swore I would get done over the weekend. By Thursday, I am desperate for a long run where I can clear my head and kid myself into thinking I have forgiven myself for all the things I am doing wrong with my life. Thursday nights are usually the only night during the week that I get a decent night sleep. Friday morning, I feel like a million bucks and repeat the process.
Today happens to be Tuesday. I am standing outside the frat house stretching before I head out on what usually doesn’t happen for two more days. Things changed last weekend and I am not willing to do it anymore. I have to make the change myself, I am committed to breaking out of the fucked-up cycle I have been on. If I am honest, I have felt the shift happening for a while with Jimmy. His focus hasn’t been on finding two randoms like it was in the beginning. He has been pretty verbal about wanting to find one to share.
Friday night we ran into Stacy, who quickly ditched Maddi and Maddi’s boyfriend Chase when Jimmy asked if she wanted to go back to his room with us. To begin with, I was totally down with what I thought was going to take place. Jimmy and I have shared the same random more than once and I never left disappointed.
When we got to his room he and I smoked a bowl taking turns giving Stacy shotgun kisses. A couple hits and I was good, I had no problem skipping my turn because Stacy wasn’t fucking around; she was already topless as she groped the front of my jeans. I think Jimmy took a couple more hits because I didn’t notice him until Stacy was on her knees with my cock hitting the back of her thr
oat. He’d taken the time to strip naked and stood right next to my spread legs watching her suck me off all while stroking himself. I pulled her off my cock and guided her swollen lips to his angry looking dick. She kept one hand stroking me while she used the other to guide him into her mouth.
While she sucked him, I reached around the back of her and ran my finger through her wet folds. She was dripping and I was ready, I made quick work of rolling on a condom before shifting them around. She released his cock from her mouth while backing herself onto my cock. I held her hips as she rocked up and down on me in reverse cowgirl. Jimmy stood in front of us where she was able to easily return to blowing him. With my eyes closed I got lost in the erotic pleasure of Stacy riding me, the fact that she was also giving pleasure to Jimmy did nothing for me.
I felt myself getting closer to cumming when Stacy started rubbing her clit and my balls. I could feel her orgasm starting which caused her pussy to start milking my cock. I realized she wasn’t still sucking Jimmy because she started chanting words of encouragement, “Oh yeah, fuck me. Your cock feels so good. Don’t stop.” When she continued with “Oh yeah, lick my pussy” I realized it wasn’t Stacy rubbing my balls it was Jimmy. As soon as that dawned on me he sucked my balls into his warm wet mouth, the wet pressure sent me into orbit. My hips bucked with more intensity than I have ever felt. Jimmy didn’t leave his spot between our legs, he released my balls only to lazily run his tongue over them and her still pulsing clit. As soon as she came down from her orgasm she stood, releasing my still hard condom covered cock. Jimmy was there waiting. Before I could protest, he was removing the condom and using his mouth to clean off my cock. Stacy flopped down beside me on the couch, watching and coaching him as he gave me the best blow job I have ever had in my life. He sucked me perfectly, I am not small yet he had no problem taking all of me. Stacy, at my side, started kissing up my neck towards my ear where she proceeded to tell me, “Hottest fucking thing I have ever seen. Fuck his mouth, give it to him. Cum for him, let him taste you. Oh fuck yeah, I’m gonna cum just watching you.” I glanced over just in time to see her plunge two fingers into her swollen pussy. Watching her head fall back and her body shiver in response to her own orgasm at the same time as Jimmy used his hand to cup my balls sent me over the edge. I didn’t even have time to warn him, the first spurt of my hot seed only increased the pressure Jimmy used to suck me. He swallowed every drop then licked me clean.
I slowly opened my eyes and found him standing in front of me stroking himself. I could see the hope in his eyes that I would return the favor, but that wasn’t going to happen. I quickly tossed him a condom and helped Stacy get into position for him to take her from behind. I needed time to recover after two back to back orgasms, so I sat back and watched as Jimmy pound into her. I could feel his eyes watching me despite the fact he was balls deep inside her. I made the mistake of making eye contact with him and I could see the hurt in his eyes. I couldn’t get dressed and out of there fast enough.
I was four miles into my run by the time I finished replaying the events of Friday night. I left them. I haven’t talked to Jimmy since I bolted from his room. I haven’t answered his calls, I don’t know what to say. I haven’t been to the gym for our early morning lifting sessions. There are only two weeks left of the school year, then Steve and I would be heading home. I needed to figure out what I was going to do. Ignore Jimmy for the next two weeks? Face him and pretend like nothing happened? Face him and tell him I was done? Face him and admit that it I liked it but couldn’t do it again? It feels like no matter what I do, our friendship is going to be over. He is the first friend I have had that wasn’t from sports or from Steve. He is my friend that I made by myself.
At mile eight, I was able to be completely honest with myself. I loved having him blow me. I love our friendship. I am not gay. I can’t have a relationship with him. I need to walk away. I need to be man enough to tell him all of that. Easier said in my mind while punishing my body than it will be to say to his face. It was the hurt look in his eyes that sent me scrambling out of there Friday night. I don’t know what is going to happen when we have this conversation.
Steve wasn’t around when I finished my run. I sent Jimmy a text asking him if he wanted to meet up. He responded immediately saying he had an indoor soccer game but could afterward. I jumped in the shower and called Sierra while waiting to hear from Jimmy. Talking to Sierra always lifted my spirits. I knew she was having a rough year but it was almost over; she was graduating High School within days of Steve and I getting home for the summer. I hung up with her when I got Jimmy’s message saying he was heading back from his game. We made plans to meet at the coffee shop that sat on the edge of campus.
He was already waiting when I walked in. He was still in his soccer gear, sitting off to the side at a table for two. He’d already gotten a smoothie and gave me chin lift as I made my way to the counter to order my own. I could feel his eyes on me as I waited to pick up my drink. His eyes on me felt different than when girls checked me out, but only slightly. He didn’t speak as I sat down across from him. For the number of times he had called, I thought for sure he would be chomping at the bit to say something. Instead he just watched me as I prepared myself to say what I needed to say.
“I am sorry. I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have bailed like I did on Friday night. I also shouldn’t have ignored your calls since then.” I pulled in a lung filling breath before I continued. “I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to work through shit on my own. If I am being honest, it’s fucking sucked.” I couldn’t help but look in his eyes, I needed him to know I wasn’t just going off half-cocked. “I need you to know you are the first friend I have had that wasn’t due to sports or Steve. You are the first person I have let into my life simply because I enjoy spending time with you. I don’t know or care if you’re gay, but I’m not. I can’t sit here and tell you that I didn’t love having your mouth on me, because I did. But I can’t do it, which makes me a shitty friend and I am sorry. I need to walk away. I can’t continue knowing that you want that. I can’t be that person for you, I’m sorry. I am not willing to go there.”
He doesn’t so much as look at me. He is lost in thought looking out the window. I wish he would say something, but I am not going to force the issue or beg him to say something. If he wanted me to know, he’d tell me. We sat there for a little bit before I finally caved, “I’m sorry. I am heading home for the summer. Sierra will be here in the fall which means my current life style of partying is going to be different anyway.”
He finally turned his gaze my way, and for a brief second I saw the friend I’d had before Friday night. Just as quickly I saw the guy with hurt in his eyes. He gathered his garbage and spoke before he stood, “Good luck Curtis. I wish things could have been different for us. Your friendship has been the one thing I never questioned. I am sorry man. I wish we could go back, but I can’t.”
With that he walked away.
Fall 2016
Being back on campus was kind of a catch 22. I was happy to have Sierra here, saying I missed her was an understatement. On the flip side, having her here was going to be hard. I couldn’t go back to the lifestyle I had been living over the last two years. Steve instantly fell head over heels in love with Sierra’s roommate which meant he was around more than I expected. But I still had the responsibility of protecting her.
I didn’t talk to Jimmy at all over the summer, I don’t know why that surprised me but it did. I know he said he couldn’t do it, but I thought he might change his mind. I missed him, which made it harder for me when Sierra asked about meeting him. He’d been a huge part of my life over the last two years which meant I had told her a lot about him. It was natural for her to expect to meet him.
She was there with me at the gym when I saw him for the first time since he walked out of the coffee shop last spring. When I introduced them, she instantly wrapped him in a hug that caught him off guard just as much as it did me. It was obvio
us I hadn’t filled her in on the status of our friendship, and thankfully he didn’t throw me under the bus. Sierra invited him to workout with us but he politely declined saying he was just finishing up.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her what went down between us, so it just hung there unresolved. Every time she saw him, she made an effort to invite him along on whatever we were doing. I knew he wasn’t going to say yes, but each time he turned her down it stung just a little.
The first Phi Delta party of the year was truly the first college party I was attending without Jimmy by my side. It felt wrong, I felt like I was missing something. Sierra and her roommate Hannah had it in their mind that they were coming. In the beginning, I had every intention of bringing them by quickly before things got crazy. It didn’t happen that way because I started drinking early.
Without Jimmy, I was a mess. I was hammered long before the party even got started. My guard might have been down due to being drunk, but the reality is, I missed him. I missed him so much that in my fucked-up state, I rationalized in my mind that I could do it. When Jimmy showed up with a bunch of guys from his soccer team, I couldn’t stay away from the group. I don’t know if it was because I was drunk or because I wanted to make up with Jimmy, but I agreed when one of the guys asked me to fill in for him the following weekend. I hadn’t played organized sports since before Sophia and my parents died. It was one of the many things I had shared with Jimmy, so he knew instantly the magnitude of me agreeing to play.
