by MF Isaacs
We took the time to clean ourselves up before she returned to the bed she shared with Will. The following morning, I was showered and ready to go before they came out of their room. I hadn’t unpacked all my stuff so packing was easy, it only took a couple of trips to the Explorer before I had everything. I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye, so I made a pot of coffee while I waited for them to emerge. Will came out first. It was clear right away that he knew what took place the night before. When he spoke, I knew he understood, “I’m sorry man. I know without you needing to say anything, that you were falling for her. I’ll be the first to tell you, I get it because she’s had my heart since I was 9 years old. I thought I could share. I thought what we were doing was something I could handle. I thought wrong. I want her for myself and you know what, you deserve that too. If something happened to me, I hope and pray she will find someone like you because I know you will love her with everything that you are.” Gone was the full body hugs, instead he gripped my shoulder with one hand while shaking my hand with his other.
Callie must have been listening, because she came out of their room trying to smile through her tear stained cheeks. I opened my arms and she fell into them before wrapping her arms tightly around my waist. I kissed the top of her head before slowly releasing her. They followed me to the door, where I didn’t stop for fear of what I might see. I was good with the goodbyes we’d already said. At the bottom of the stairs, I turned to see they were both still standing there. I smiled the best I could before making my way to the Explorer.
***
I drove for hours in silence. Every once in a while I would talk out loud but, for the most part, everything that took place happened quietly in my mind. I made the decision I was going to rent a storage unit that I could park the Explorer in. Then I was going to travel, alone. I knew I needed time alone to really figure myself out before I could give myself to someone.
I called Sierra after I signed a 6-month rental contract for my storage unit. I wanted to see everyone before I left town, plus I figured she could help me pick where I was going. I wasn’t surprised to hear she and Hannah were on their way to see the guys at work. Deciding to surprise them, I made my way to the Toyota dealership which was the most likely place they’d be.
When I pulled in, I could see Steve’s blonde head standing out in the lot with an older couple. Rather than interrupting, I made my way inside the show room. I saw Cal laughing and talking to a beautiful woman. If I hadn’t just watched him marry my sister, I could have been fooled into thinking there was something going on between the two of them. When I glanced back to the woman, our eyes connected and I was completely caught off guard with what happened next. My heart raced as I kept my eyes locked with hers and tilted my head to the side, asking with my eyes if she felt it too. Her body stiffened before she started to make her way toward me. I couldn’t pull my gaze from hers until she stood before me, her hand stretched out to shake mine. It wasn’t electricity I felt when our hands touched, it was more. Never in my life had I experienced what was currently taking place with my body. I couldn’t let go of her hand and the desire to pull her into my body and claim her was freaking me the fuck out. I had never felt this kind of instant need to have someone before.
I kept her hand in mine until Cal cleared his throat and spoke, “Hey Curtis, what’s up man? Didn’t think I would see you this soon. Anybody know you were coming?” I reluctantly released her hand to shake Cal’s.
“Hey Cal. I didn’t think I would be back so soon either. I actually just talked to the girls they said they were coming...” before I could finish my sentence Sierra and Hannah made their way into the showroom and saw me.
Sierra squealed in excitement when she saw me. I opened my arms and allowed her to fall into my embrace. I know she could feel my emotions with the way I held her, without words she knew I needed her. Before I was ready to release her, Cal made his request clear, “Let go of my wife. I don’t give a fuck if she’s your sister.”
Letting her go, I realized the woman who took my breathe away was still standing there. It was Sierra who made the introductions, “Curtis this is Natalie, Natalie this is my other brother Curtis. She’s new here, but has known Cal for a while.”
She spoke for the first time, “It’s nice to meet you Curtis.” I was instantly thankful that I was wearing my long wool coat because it was the only thing preventing everyone from seeing the excitement in my pants.
I had to clear my throat before I could respond, “You too Natalie.” I know my cheeks heated as I felt everyone look at me. Thankfully, Steve made his way back into the showroom and saved me from further embarrassment.
My sister, who had struggled not so long ago with depression, smiled from ear to ear before taking charge of the situation. “Curtis, are you going to be around all night?” I nodded unsure of whether my words would come out if I tried speaking. “Great. Let’s hit Jacks tonight. Natalie you’ve got to come with. I’m sure Luke and Amy will want to come too.”
I could have kissed Sierra, until Natalie said, “Oh, I don’t think I can. I am still getting settled and have so much to do after work.”
“Have you been to Jacks yet? It’s not a bar, it’s a restaurant. It’s actually where Steve and Hannah had their wedding reception. I guess we just ate there, you guys want to go somewhere else?” Sierra wasn’t letting Natalie off the hook.
It was Steve who spoke up next, “What if we just go down the street to the Greek pizza place? If we leave straight from here, would you be able to go?” He directed the question to Natalie.
“Oh, I don’t know.” She looked around and found all of us looking back at her. “I guess I could do that.”
I released the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I felt like my life was on hold as I waited for her to confirm that she could go.
***
Sierra abandoned her lunch plans so she could spend the afternoon with me. She climbed into the passenger seat of the Explorer before directing me to a small hole in the wall diner Cal must have taken her to. We ordered lunch before the flood gates opened. She has always been there for me, even when I wasn’t always there for her.
“I think I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn’t really what I wanted. I’m not sure why I thought I could do it. I couldn’t even do it with Jimmy and he was my best friend.” I know she wondered and at this point she deserved to know the whole truth. “I walked away from my best friend because I wasn’t willing to go there with him. When I finally decided I wanted to try, he met Shelley and wasn’t willing to share anymore.”
I was thankful that the waitress dropped off water and took our order because it allowed me a minute to gather my thoughts. I knew things changed the most for me when I watched my siblings get married. I worried if I told Sierra that, that she’d feel guilty for finding what she’s found. I would never want anyone to feel guilty for finding their happiness.
“What happened? I thought you guys were happy when you left here.” her question pulled me from my thoughts.
“I don’t know. No, I do know. Watching you and Steve both get married, I realized how much I want that for myself.” I tried to smile at her as I continued, “I am so happy for you guys. I see the way Calvin looks at you and I want to love someone that much. I see the way that Steve is with Hannah and I want to treat someone that way. And now,” I made eye contact with her so she could see what I was saying, “you are going to be a mom. It made me realize I want to be a dad. I want to feel the love you guys are feeling. In my heart, I knew I would never have that with Callie and Will. When it came to marriage, she would have picked him because they had been together longer. The reality is, Will said more than once he didn’t even want children. I decided to choose me and walk away.”
Sierra spoke around the waitress as she dropped off our drinks and side salads, “I’m proud of you. I know it wasn’t an easy decision because I could see the way you looked at Callie and I know you really cared about her. Hon
estly though, I am happy you decided it wasn’t going to be enough. So, what now?”
“I’ve decided to travel. I didn’t really think it through that well, I thought I would see you guys tonight and fly out tomorrow. Reality is, I haven’t even decided where I’m going first. So maybe I’ll take a week to figure it out and really plan it. I rented a storage unit for 6 months, someplace to park the Explorer.” She was laughing at me by the time I was done telling her how poorly I had planned my next step.
“You know, Steve bought a house down the street from Luke and Amy’s. I think they are moving in a week. He could probably use your help. You know you don’t have to travel to ‘find yourself’ right? I’m not telling you what to do, but you’re so fucking close to being done with your degree, why not finish that first?” I knew she was right, traveling was kind of like running away. I was close, everyone knew Steve was the smart one but the reality is, I wasn’t dumb. I’d taken extra classes as well, I just kept my nerd status hidden. “Before Cal proposed and we got married, I had been looking at places around here to live. I fell in love with some condos by the lake, they are brand new and selling pretty fast. Want to take a ride and go check them out?”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. Oh good, here comes our food. After we eat, I’ll show you. It won’t hurt to take a look. If nothing else, buying one might be a good investment.” I could see the mischief in her eyes and I knew she was going to do what she could to keep me around.
***
We pulled up to the sales office where there were four golf carts in the parking lot. Once we stepped inside, a middle-aged guy greeted us quickly. Sierra took charge and let the guy know we wanted to take a look at the show models. For the next two hours, he took us around the development, showing us everything from the show models to the club house and what would be a small shopping center. I couldn’t help but agree with Sierra, the condos were perfect and there were three currently finished and on the market. We toured those units before I filled out the sales contract for the largest one. It’s a waterfront unit that has three bedrooms, two and a half baths, plus a garage. After filling out their paperwork, Sierra came with me to get a cashier’s check which we brought back to the sales office before they closed.
We quickly stopped by Luke and Amy’s house for Sierra to change clothes, before it was time to meet everyone for dinner. Amy wasn’t nearly as nosey as I expected, she told me to take my bag downstairs to my room without questioning why I was there. She pulled me into a hug, much like I think my mom would have done if she were still alive. She didn’t speak, but I clearly felt the love that she expressed in her hug.
Amy told us she and Luke were having their own date night as Sierra and I made our way out the front door. As soon as we were in the car, Sierra informed me that we needed to stay gone for a long time unless we wanted to see her in-laws flirt uncontrollably until they went to bed. I trusted her when she said it wasn’t something I wanted to see. I think it’s awesome they still behave that way, but Sierra is right, it isn’t something I want to see.
***
Sierra called Cal as we drove straight to the restaurant. She confirmed that Natalie was still going to be there. I hadn’t forgotten about her, it took serious effort to keep my mind focused throughout the day. The thought of her was right there. It was with thoughts of her that I was willing to even consider buying a condo. I may not have had exact travel plans, but I was dead set on hitting the road quickly until I met her. Now, I actually think Sierra’s idea of finishing school before I travel is a good one.
Walking into the restaurant, I can see her across the room. She and Cal are sitting on either side of a large booth which seats 10 average size people, or 6 when they are as big as Cal, Steve, and me. Cal stands up to greet his wife with a kiss and hug. I ignore them as I slide into the seat right next to Natalie. She smiles at me and my heart skips as I give her a smile in return. Even though we’re the only two on our side of the booth, I can’t help but crowd her. I am desperate to touch her and I have an overwhelming urge to kiss her. As soon as I am as close to her as physically possible, she turns her body to face me, which pushes her thigh into mine but makes more space between our upper bodies.
I have never in my life felt as desperate to have someone as I do with Natalie. I can’t even explain it because I don’t understand it. I honestly want to ignore everyone and everything around us as I consume this woman. The only thing that saved me from making a crazy move, like kissing her, was the fact that my brother and Hannah showed up. I didn’t have to look twice to know they made a pit stop to screw. Now that they weren’t virgins, I imagine they are trying to make up for lost time.
Steve slid into the seat next to me so his wife could sit next to her brother. The waitress came by and took our order before any real conversation could get started. The pregnant one wasted no time ordering two Greek salads, Feta cheese bread, and two large Greek style pizzas before she even asked what everyone wanted. Steve and I knew better than to poke fun of her and Cal was still so caught up in her that he didn’t say anything either. Thankfully, Sierra took no offense when Hannah asked, “Are you going to use the excuse that you are eating for two to eat whatever you want while you’re pregnant?”
Sierra shrugged before telling the group, “Any of you could have added to the order. I just super-sized what Cal and I normally ordered. Besides, I know what is good here and you will all thank me later.” Just then, the waitress dropped off our drinks and Sierra made sure we were all good with what she ordered before she let the waitress walk away.
I could feel Steve gearing up to ask me the question I know they are all waiting to hear the answer to. I really didn’t want to talk about everything with Natalie sitting right there. Based on my physical reaction to her, I foresee coming to a point in time when I will want her to know my history, but that time isn’t today. So, rather than wait for the question, I gave them details without having to go into detail. “So, obviously things have changed a bit for me since I was last here. I am still exploring my options so I don’t have a lot of details yet, but I have decided to either travel for the next semester or take an extra heavy load of classes so I can graduate this spring. Sierra and I were busy today, she took me to see the new condos going in by the lake.” I could feel her smile of encouragement, which I desperately needed to get everything else out. “I was really impressed with one of the units, so I bought it. I have a ten-day waiting period before I can move in, but it will be perfect for me.” I looked around the table waiting for the question to come.
I knew it would come from either Cal or Hannah because Sierra already knew and I figured Steve felt it. He may not acknowledge the connected twin vibes like I do, but I know he can feel them. Cal didn’t disappoint, “Are you moving here by yourself?”
“Yeah man, I am.” I could feel Natalie shift next to me, but I kept eye contact with Cal as I spoke. “I realized I wasn’t going to get where I wanted in life, if I stayed where I was.”
Thankfully, my answer was enough for everyone at the table to move on. Hannah shifted the conversation to asking about the condo. “Do you already have furniture? We get to move into our house this weekend and Steve bought all the furniture they used to stage the house; which means we’ll have a bunch of fancy ass furniture that we may or may not even like. You want it if we don’t like it?”
“What the hell makes you think I’ll like it if you and Steve don’t? I can shop for furniture on my own. I didn’t think shopping for furniture could be that hard.” When Sierra and Natalie started to laugh, I questioned myself.
I felt her movement before her hand made contact with my forearm, and when she leaned into speak, I couldn’t help but lean in as well. “It’s a lot harder than you think. Do you want something that looks good, or is comfortable? When you find one piece that is comfortable but the rest of the set isn’t, do you get mismatched items or not? Then the whole color combos, there’s a lot to worry about. You don’t want it t
o match too much, but you want it to match enough. Then, when you find the perfect pieces, they are either too big or too small for the space. So, good luck furniture shopping.”
Sierra is cracking up. I am sure she is responding to the look on my face. I had to ignore her as I spoke directly to Natalie, “Fuck that’s a lot to think about. I am going to need your help. I’ve never been furniture shopping before. I’ve never bought a single piece of furniture. I haven’t got the slightest clue what the hell I even need. You gotta help me.”
Sierra’s laughter died as she watched and waited for Natalie to respond to my request for help. I could feel her wishing and hoping just as much as I was that Natalie would agree to help. When she started to shake her head, but before she could get any words out, Sierra stepped in. “Curtis nice try. She’s not going to fall for it. Maybe she’d be willing to help you after you buy a new car from her or something. You are much to old and not nearly cute enough to use the ‘You gotta help me’ trick.”
