Think of the actions and words you most regret. How many of them were done in anger?
Prayer: Father, I have seen relationships and lives ruined irreparably by anger. Yet denied, pent-up anger can be destructive. I confess that I deny my anger even to myself. Your anger against me was never wrong, and yet you put it aside through Jesus. Teach me how to heal my anger through Jesus as well. Amen.
April 29
A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty; rescue them, and you will have to do it again. (19:19)
ONE’S OWN WORST ENEMY. The first clause literally says in the Hebrew, that the characteristically angry person “carries around punishment.” This means that no one has to slap some kind of penalty or fine on the angry man or woman. Their loss of temper always entails natural consequences that they can’t escape. For example, it leads the people who see the blowup to not trust the person as much as they did before.
But we should not imagine that a hot-tempered person is necessarily always someone who is melting down in rage. There is a kind of Christian who is habitually abrasive, critical, and ungenerous in dealing with people. They are seldom affirming and usually undiplomatic. They are prone to harsh language and cutting humor and they bristle easily when contradicted. What is behind all this unattractive behavior? It is an undercurrent of anger, like a hidden underground stream rather than a visible one on the surface that noisily rushes over stones.
The second clause tells us that people prone to anger are constantly getting themselves into new trouble. They are their own worst enemies.
How have any of these various forms of anger brought its consequences into your life in the past?
Prayer: Lord, I know anger is not always wrong, but it is seldom righteous when it appears in my life. Help me detect where it is flowing in my life. I will need both your humbling grace and your assuring love if my anger is going to subside. Please supply them. Amen.
April 30
Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death. . . . The mouth of an adulterous woman is a deep pit; a man who is under the LORD’s wrath falls into it. (11:4, 22:14)
THE GOODNESS OF ANGER. God himself is a God of wrath. St. Paul tells us not to sin in our anger (Ephesians 4:26), meaning that there is a proper place for it. So anger is not itself something bad but very quickly goes bad in us.
Anger is energy released to defend something you love. God is angry toward the evil that dishonors him and ruins that which he loves. But the problem with human anger is this—we tend to overlove the wrong things. It is not wrong to value your name and reputation, but if you love them too much, there will be inordinate anger that essentially is just a defending of your ego. Parents may get inordinately angry at children mainly because the children embarassed them before others. Because our loves are confused and out of order, our anger—basically a good thing—so often does evil. We need to look to the one whose anger was always guided by love not for himself but for us (Mark 3:5; John 2:14–17).
Think of the last time you got really angry. What were you defending?
Prayer: Lord, it is a sin for me to not get angry at the wrongs done to others. But I don’t do that. Instead I get angry when my will is crossed. Help me learn to get angry at sin, not at sinners—at the problems, not the persons. Amen.
May 1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (15:1)
HELPING THE ANGRY. The first way to help an angry person is to surround them with nonangry speech. Abrasive words create more anger. In fact, a single harsh word can be a spark to stir up a blazing fire or rage. The word harsh means painful. When we argue, our words can have two quite different purposes. We can speak to simply make the truth clear (which may be painful to hear), or we can speak specifically to inflict pain, to make the other person feel foolish or bad. Of course we tell ourselves and others that the former motive is what drives us, but usually it is the latter. And one zinger word can destroy a relationship and put up a wall of bitterness that lasts years or a lifetime.
In contrast, the gentle answer means speaking patiently, tenderly, as affirmatively as possible, and always calmly. One of the best ways to help an angry person learn patience is to surround him with patient people. A gentle answer must still be truthful (Ephesians 4:15) but filled with evident concern and no ill will.
When was the last time you had an argument? What were your motives? Were your words gentle?
Prayer: Lord, when your disciples let you down in your hour of greatest need in Gethsemane, your words were so gentle (Matthew 26:41) and without any rancor. Even when you are stern with me, you overwhelm me with love. Let me be the same with everyone. Amen.
May 2
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. (20:22)
PERSPECTIVE. The second way to help the angry person is to give him a new perspective on vengeance. An angry person seeks to pay someone back for something—done either to him or to someone else. This requires a sense of having the high moral ground; the angry person tells himself that he would never do what that other person did. He feels that this gives him a warrant to inflict insult or pain on the other.
Instead, 20:22 tells the angry person that only God occupies high enough moral ground for vengeance. God knows all that was in the person’s heart and what they deserve. You don’t. God alone is holy—he alone “would never do what they did”—and so has the right to inflict judgment. You don’t. God also has the power to do so in the time and manner that might lead them to repentance (Romans 2:4). You don’t. If a true wrong has been done to you, he will avenge you. You don’t have to.
Is there someone in your life whom you are having trouble forgiving? Is it because you feel you have the high moral ground?
Prayer: Lord, I now see that I cannot stay angry at someone unless I feel superior to them. Why should a saved sinner like me feel like that? If you paid me back for all I’ve done to you, where would I be? Help me remember these gospel truths when I’m tempted to be angry. Amen.
May 3
Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, or the LORD will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them. (24:17–18)
GLOATING. We have a German word that has come over into English usage—schadenfreude. It means to have joy because of someone else’s sorrow or shame. When someone who has opposed our views and beliefs falls into scandal or turns out to be a hypocrite, we may clap our hands and say, “Ha! That shows I was right.” When someone who we feel has done us wrong falls into trouble, we fist-pump “Yes!” Gloating is nothing but anger waiting for its moment and enjoying it.
But 24:17 tells us we are never to gloat when an opponent falls. And verse 18 shows that verse 17 is not just a suggestion. “Your glee may well be [in God’s sight] a more punishable sin than all the guilt of your enemy.”100 Instead, when your opponent falls, examine yourself for your own flaws. “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12). And look to the one who did not get his joy out of our sorrow but, through his death on the cross, gave us joy through his sorrow (Isaiah 53:4).
Have you learned of something bad that happened to someone—and found it satisfying to you? Why?
Prayer: Lord Jesus, when you prophesied the destruction of the city that would put you to death, there was not a hint of gloating or pleasure. You just wept for them (Luke 19:41–44). Reproduce this temper of yours in me. Amen.
May 4
Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs. . . . Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult. (10:12, 12:16)
ANNOYANCE. Conflict (Hebrew madon) in Proverbs does not refer to principled disagreements or respectful arguments. It is something God hates (6:19) and at the heart of conflict is annoyance, a word that means contempt and disdain b
etween people. Everything said in conflict is to belittle rather than convince.
The solution is love (verse 12), and this doesn’t primarily mean feelings. Nor does it mean to refrain from correction if it is necessary (27:5,6). When 10:12 says that love covers wrongs, it does not mean “cover up.” Anger tries to expose and strip the other person, to make them look terrible. Love refuses to pay back and deliberately seeks to put the other person in the best light. It seeks to put their needs ahead of your own, all in the interest of helping the person change, if possible. Keep in mind that anger is energy released to defend something you love. When you are in a dispute, stop releasing your anger against the other person in order to defend your ego. Instead release your energy against the problem (not the person) that is dividing you.
Do you show annoyance in your face-to-face or online speech? If you argue, do you do it to strip or to cover the other person in love?
Prayer: Father, you pour out your anger against sin and evil, and you put away your anger through Jesus Christ. I, however, am constantly annoyed by and disdainful of so many people. Give me a far more gracious spirit that overlooks slights and puts opponents in the best possible light. Amen.
May 5
If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you. (25:21–22)
LOVING YOUR ENEMY. The final defeat of inordinate anger is not to merely refrain from payback but to positively love and do good to people who have wronged you. We are not merely to not curse but to bless (Romans 12:14). We are not merely to refuse to repay evil with evil (Romans 12:17) but to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).
Why is such behavior called burning coals on the head? Our opponents may find our kindness toward them to be painful, as Javert finds Valjean’s forgiveness unbearable in Les Misérables. They want confirmation that their contempt for us is justified, and kind behavior robs them of it. But our motives are never to make them uncomfortable. Beware of being kind out of a desire to appear “more noble than thou.” That isn’t love—it’s a subtle revenge. Do good to them. They may not want you to do it, but as far as it depends on you, you are to try (Romans 12:18).
Is there someone whom, while you are not trying to harm them, you are simply staying away from? How could you do good to them?
Prayer: Lord, I confess that this is one of the most radical and hard directives in your Word for me. I congratulate myself that I am not paying them back—and now you say to do them positive good! Lord, let me start by praying for them. Amen.
The Seven Deadly Sins: Envy
May 6
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. (14:30)
THE POWER OF ENVY. In the Bible we are told that God is a jealous God (Exodus 34:14). But in God it is jealousy for something. Jealousy is “the proper intolerance of disruptive intrusion and is thereby a mark of love (as the opposite of indifference.)”101 Jealousy in its essence is a commitment to a relationship. It is stirred up when it moves us to maintain a threatened relationship or restore a broken one. Paul speaks of his jealousy that the Corinthians would be exclusively devoted to God. This moves him to use some strong language to wake the readers up (2 Corinthians 11:2ff.).102
Sinful jealousy is not jealousy for but of someone. Envy is wanting someone else’s life. You see they have something better than you do, and instead of rejoicing in the good they have, you weep over the fact that you don’t have it. So envy is wanting aspects of somebody else’s life. As the second clause tells us, this rots the bones. It can literally eat you up—physically and spiritually.
Be honest and admit whose life you wish you had. How can your belief in the gospel—in what you have in Christ—undermine envy?
Prayer: Lord, I confess I envy other people’s bodies, bank accounts, relationships, and many other things. I keep this envy a secret, even from myself, because it is so embarrassing. But it robs me of joy and you of your rightful glory. Help me root it out of my heart. Amen.
May 7
Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? (27:4)
THE EVIL OF ENVY. This says jealousy can be more harmful than anger. Why? Envy is wanting someone else’s life (May 6). But it is not just that. In envy we don’t just want other people’s lives; we resent and begrudge them their lives. In praise you recognize people who are better than you and you rejoice in it. But in envy you recognize people who are better off and you burn with bitterness. John Gielgud, the great British actor, in his autobiography said, “When Sir Laurence Olivier played Hamlet in 1948 and the critics raved, I wept.”103
Envy is being unhappy at other people’s happiness. Envy weeps because of those who are rejoicing and rejoices if they are weeping. It is the exact opposite of the godly state of mind (Romans 12:5). And the best way to stop it is to look at Jesus, about whom it could be truly said, “In all their distress he too was distressed” (Isaiah 63:9).
Is there someone you feel has the life you deserve more? Is that belief and feeling diminishing your happiness to any degree? What can you do about it?
Prayer: Father, I need the ability to be happy for people who have what I badly want. That is a love of which I am not capable but one that I can’t really live without. I do not want to live in resentment. Help me, Lord! Amen.
May 8
Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. . . . Do not fret because of evildoers or be envious of the wicked, for the evildoer has no future hope, and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out. (23:17–18; 24:19–20)
THE ANTIDOTE TO ENVY. Envy stems from two preoccupations. First, we are obsessed with what we deserve. Our hearts refuse to remember grace and instead think only of what we have earned. Second, we are preoccupied with the present. The solution is to look up to the Lord (23:17b) and look ahead in hope (23:18). That is, we should realize that our true reward is based on God’s grace. Also we should remember that in the end, believers will not lack anything (Psalm 17:15).
Christians have a way of “looking up” that Proverbs could not provide. Jesus did not complain about experiencing death when he deserved life—all so we could have life when we deserved death. Jesus was the most unenvious human being who ever lived. When you realize what he did for you, it will begin to erode your envy. If he didn’t complain when he received a life infinitely worse than he deserved, why should we complain when all of us get a life infinitely better than we deserve?
Can you see how much less you enjoy life because you think so much about what you deserve? How can you use the gospel—the example of Jesus—to help you stop that?
Prayer: Lord Jesus, you did not deserve the death you got—but you did not begrudge it. And I do not deserve the salvation I got through your suffering, but you do not begrudge that either. I praise you for your generous spirit and ask that you reproduce it in me. Amen.
The Seven Deadly Sins: Pride
May 9
“There are those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers; those who are pure in their own eyes and yet are not cleansed of their filth; those whose eyes are ever so haughty, whose glances are so disdainful; those whose teeth are swords and whose jaws are set with knives to devour the poor from the earth and the needy from among mankind.” (30:11–14)
FACETS OF PRIDE. Each verse begins with a description of a different type of person. People who turn on their parents (30:11) are not the same as people who oppress the poor (verse 14). Yet in another sense, all these verses are speaking about facets of pride, which here is seen as corrupting and distorting all relationships.
First, pride makes us hate authority (verse 11) and so resist our parents, the first authority figures in our lives. Next, it blinds us to our flaws (verse 12), distorting our relatio
nship to ourselves, so we cannot change what is wrong with us (our filth). It also makes us haughty and disdainful toward others (verse 13). Finally, it moves us to be ruthless and unjust to those with less social power than us (verse 14). Pride is an all-around evil. “Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”104 How diametrically opposed this is to the “mind-set” of Christ (Philippians 2:1–5), who said, “I am not seeking glory for myself” (John 8:50).
How does pride distort your relationships?
Prayer: Lord, I confess that I am too proud to admit how proud I am. It is only as I read of your great humility in the gospels that I begin to see my lack of it. Show me more of this painful truth so that I can be more free from the poisonous effects of pride. Amen.
May 10
Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue. (11:12)
LOOKING DOWN. Proverbs forbids deriding, meaning to belittle, to treat as unimportant. The Bible links the impulse to despise or look down on someone to pride (Psalm 123:4). What is the sin of pride? It is one thing to take pride in one’s work or possessions. But sinful pride takes no pleasure in having something—only in having more of it than the next person. So proud people are not really proud of being successful or intelligent or good-looking; they are proud of being richer, smarter, or better-looking than the people around them. It’s the comparison and pleasure of being above the rest, the deriding and despising in the heart, that is the essence of pride.105
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