TIMELY WORDS. Closely related to words being apt is that they also be timely. Sometimes the best wisdom is to not speak much at all (12:23). There are situations such that nearly any words will make conditions worse. When you meet with a grieving person who just lost a loved one, words should be sparing.
Another kind of untimely word is being too familiar before the person feels you have the right to speak to them in that way. A third kind of untimely word is when something is said publicly that should have been saved for a private time. Finally, words are untimely if they assume knowledge or experience the listener does not have. Sometimes the thing we say first to someone should have come third, or fifth, or later. Timeliness is difficult to achieve, because our natural temperaments usually incline us toward being too quick or too slow to speak. So pray for wisdom (James 1:5)! And look to the one who never spoke an untimely word. “No one ever spoke the way this man does” (John 7:46).
When was the last time you (or someone else you know) said something that was true but untimely?
Prayer: Lord, my words are either too early or too late—early because I get impatient, late because I get scared. Help me to trust you so much that I rest more content and confident in life. That will make my words more timely. Amen.
July 7
Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions. . . . To answer before listening—that is folly and shame. (18:2,13)
PREJUDICE. To answer before listening is both a practice and an attitude. At the most practical level, this describes someone who habitually interrupts. Interrupters see no real need to let the other person finish. They aren’t really engaged in a genuine conversation. They aren’t responding to what you actually said. Rather, they see the interaction as one more opportunity for airing their own opinions (18:2).
At a deeper level, however, speaking before listening means to be prejudiced, to literally “prejudge” someone before you know the full truth about them. Prejudice assumes somebody is the way “all those kinds of people are” instead of caring enough about the truth to find out what this particular person is like, what this particular person is really saying. We habitually assume that all people of different gender, races, classes, vocations, and cultures are basically the same. But when someone treats us that way, we feel dehumanized. Prejudice is a form of answering before listening. Remember Jesus, who constantly challenged racial (Luke 10:30–37), class (Luke 17:11–19, 18:22), and gender (John 4:1–42) prejudice.
Is there a kind or class of person that, frankly, you don’t like, and that therefore you tend to stereotype rather than listen to?
Prayer: Lord Jesus, if you were prejudiced, you not only would not have died for people from every tongue, tribe, and nation, but you wouldn’t have come to human beings at all! When I am tempted to look down at “that type,” help me to remember your unprejudiced, free grace for me. Amen.
July 8
The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. (17:27)
CALM WORDS. An even-tempered person is cool spirited. A hot-spirited person is excitable, impatient, and insistent on having their say now. A cool-spirited person is calm and patient. The wise know what they have to say may be true and crucial, but they also know God is in charge and only he can open hearts (cf. Acts 16:14; John 6:44).
“Three reasons can be found for this praise of calmness. First, it allows time for a fair hearing (Proverbs 18:13; cf. verse 17); second, it allows tempers to cool (15:1: “A gentle answer”); and third, its influence is potent: “A gentle tongue can break a bone” (25:15).152 Jesus never gave way to unrestrained or inflamed speech even when under the greatest affliction (Isaiah 53:7) or the greatest provocation (1 Peter 2:23). Keep in mind, though, Jesus is not merely an example to live up to. As your Savior he can send you his Holy Spirit, which gives us an inner love for him and changes us into his likeness.
Are your words always even tempered and calm? When was the last time they were not? What was the result?
Prayer: Father, when Elijah listened for you, you were not in the earthquake, wind, or fire but in the “still, small voice.” Though my sin should provoke you, you do not respond to me in wrath but in grace. Make my words calm and gracious, too. Amen.
July 9
Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues. . . . The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. (10:19, 17:27–28)
ECONOMY OF WORDS. The wise hold their tongues rather than multiplying words. “Proverbs consistently teaches that fewer words are better than many words.”153 Why? The more you say, the more can be used against you (10:14, 13:3). The more you say, the less you get to listen to others and so the less well informed your words will be when you do speak them (18:13). Also, the more you say, the less people will listen to you—they simply won’t wade through it all. Then too, people who talk too much appear to be more interested in themselves than in you, and often it is the case.
Another reason for keeping words few is that the wiser you are about a subject, the simpler and clearer your explanation. Simplicity lies on the far side of complexity, after we have worked through the issues. If you can’t be brief, you may not know enough about the subject to speak about it. Finally, controlling our tongue is a way to gain self-control in general (James 3:1–2). If we can master the difficult task of controlling our speech and our desire to pontificate about every subject, then self-control in other areas will be much easier.
Do you talk too much? Ask a couple of people who know you well to be frank with you.
Prayer: Lord, I often love to hear myself talk. I can ramble and hold forth but, while occasionally entertaining, that doesn’t build people up. Your words are perfect—never a wasted one. I will never be able to imitate that, but give me the self-control and wisdom to make each of my words count. Amen.
July 10
Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is the rebuke of a wise judge to a listening ear. . . . Whoever rebukes a person will in the end gain favor rather than one who has a flattering tongue. (25:12, 28:23)
FORTHRIGHT WORDS. We are to be truth tellers, not only in being reliable witnesses but also in being forthright in confrontation. 25:12 tells us that a forthright, well-crafted rebuke is like an ornament of fine gold—a thing of beauty, a work of art! And 28:23 reminds us that the straight talker will in the end get more respect and favor than the person who only compliments and flatters out of a fear of disapproval.
Despite his meekness and gentleness, Jesus speaks frankly to the woman at the well about the wreckage of her sex life (John 4:9,27). He tells Zacchaeus to stop his government-backed extortion racket (Luke 19:1–9). He’s the one who says, “Neither do I condemn you” and “Go now and leave your life of sin,” in the same breath (John 8:11).154
So, yes, we need to be kind, gentle, and careful, but also transparent, forthright, and direct. We die without both kinds of words.
Most of us have more trouble with one set of traits than the other. Are you better at forthright and true words or gentle and kind words?
Prayer: Lord Jesus, when Paul stood before the emperor, though no one else came to his defense, you stood by him and enabled him to speak forthrightly (2 Timothy 4:16–17). Oh, please, stand by me and with me, that I can tell people the truth. Amen.
July 11
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. (16:24)
HEALING WITH WORDS. Here the honeycomb is a positive metaphor. Jonathan, in the midst of battle and faint with hunger, ate honey and it revived him. “His eyes brightened” (1 Samuel 14:27). So too there are words that are “sweet to the soul” and healing to the whole person.
All aspects of good speech have distinct capacities to h
eal various ills. Kind speech can heal anxiety (12:25); gentle speech can extinguish anger and resentment (15:1); forthright words can heal ignorance and self-deception (19:25, 27:5). If you can approximate speech that maintains the balance of wise words—honest, nondeceptive, kind, gentle, apt, timely, unprejudiced, calm, forthright, and few—then you will be in a position to help any listener.
When Jacob asked God for the blessing he had been seeking all his life, God gave it to him (Genesis 32:29). When we believe in Christ, we get this blessing and more (Ephesians 1:3). From this inner fullness our words can bless and build up because we know the one who is the living Word.
Look back over marks of wise words—honest, nondeceptive, kind, gentle, apt, timely, unprejudiced, calm, forthright, and few. On which one (choose only one) do you need the most work?
Prayer: Lord, I see people around me who are in great need of things I can give them with my words. But I’m too busy, too afraid, too indifferent, too self-absorbed to even notice the opportunities. Clear my vision and anoint my lips so that my words can be sweet to the souls of others. Amen.
July 12
The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction. . . . One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a friend. (16:23, 22:11)
THE HEALING OF WORDS. Our words can heal—but what will heal our words? It is the hearts of the wise that make their speech prudent and with grace. Jesus said that “the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Matthew 12:34), so “make a tree good and its fruit will be good” (verse 33).
Willpower is not enough to do that. A pure heart means one “who does not trust in an idol” (Psalm 24:4). So the more our heart is fixed on the Lord and nothing else for our joy, hope, salvation, worth, and safety, the more our words will resemble wise speech. The builders of the Tower of Babel, whose hearts were set on “mak[ing] a name for [them]selves” (Genesis 11:4), had their speech so corrupted that society broke down. At Pentecost the curse of Babel was reversed. Hearts were filled with the beauty of Jesus and his saving works, and when they spoke their speech was compelling to everyone who heard. As from Jesus himself (John 7:46), there were no unnecessary, untruthful, inapt, unkind, ungracious words. The quality of our speech, our prayer life, and our walk with God improve together.
Do you see evidence of your words being slowly healed?
Prayer: Lord, you answered Jacob’s desperate request for the blessing, though secretly, because the Bible doesn’t provide your words to him (Genesis 32:29). I also need you to bless me in my most secret, inward being and fill it with your love (Ephesians 3:16–19) so my words will become like yours. Amen.
Gossip
July 13
A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. (11:13)
GOSSIP. To be gossip a statement does not have to be false. 11:13 speaks of true information about someone that should have been kept in confidence. Gossip, then, is negative information that may or may not be true, designed to make the speaker and the hearer feel superior to the object of the gossip. James 4:11 says, “Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another.” The verb “slander” here simply means to “speak against” (Greek kata-lalein). It is not necessarily a false report, just an “against-report”—one that undermines the listener’s respect and love for the person being spoken about. Proper evaluation is gentle, guarded, well meant, and always reveals the speakers’ belief that they share the frailty, humanity, and sinful nature of the one being critiqued. It always shows a profound awareness of your own sin. It is never “against-speaking.”
Because the human heart is driven by self-justification, gossip is almost irresistible (18:8). Because it is highly contagious, the wise quarantine it by not repeating it (17:9, 16:28, and 26:20) and by avoiding the company of tale bearers (20:19). Gossip is listed in Romans 1:29 as one of the sins of a people or a person who has chosen to worship idols rather than God. It is no minor thing.
Are you able to distinguish gossip from a nonslanderous evaluation? Do you engage in gossip?
Prayer: Lord, I know that if I think more carefully about what gossip is, I will find I engage in it and encourage it. I have wronged many people over the years through it. Help me to be far more attentive and sensitive to it in myself and others. And forgive me for the sinful talk I have done. Amen.
July 14
A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends. . . . A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much. (20:19) Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down. (16:28, 26:20)
GOSSIP’S EFFECTS. Gossip is devastating to relationships. It separates close friends when the kind of intimate information that close friends know about one another is shared with others (16:28). This often is inadvertent, simply the inevitable carelessness that comes from talking too much (20:19). But it may also come from a more deliberate habit of mind, someone who cannot resist the power that comes from being able to share juicy tidbits and so command the attention of others (16:28).
Gossip also keeps quarrels going within communities (26:20). When two people are at odds, they can speak to each other directly and make things right. Gossip complicates that. John might be trying to reconcile with Tom, but he won’t be able to do it if John’s friends also keep gossiping against Tom, thereby inflaming Tom’s friends, who in turn slander John. It is much harder to reconcile large groups of people to one another when they are talking about something in which they are not directly involved (July 28). Gossip is like cancer to the body of Christ.
When was the last time you saw a community weakened by gossip?
Prayer: Lord, how deceptive gossip is—to the gossiper! I want to warn, I want sympathy and to sympathize, I want a good laugh, and yet these are all excuses I use to hurt other people’s reputations. Help me recognize gossip when I am doing it (or hearing it) so I can turn from it. Amen.
July 15
Like a north wind that brings unexpected rain is a sly tongue—which provokes a horrified look. (25:23)
GOSSIP’S SUBTLETY. 25:23 talks about a sly tongue, reminding us that gossip and slander are subtle and elusive. Gossip comes in many disguises. It can be a heads-up about “something you should know.” It can masquerade as an expression of false compassion for “poor so-and-so.” It can even come in the form of a request for prayer. Gossip is also not always conveyed by words themselves. James 5:9 says, “Don’t grumble against one another,” and the word “grumble” here means literally to groan and roll the eyes at someone. Body language is as important for conveying a disdainful attitude as actual words. When everyone exchanges exasperated, horrified looks, shakes of the head, eye rolls, sighs, and ironic laughter, the damage is done even with little said.
How can you assess if your statement about someone is gossip or not? Ask: Is this something I should be talking to the person about directly? Is this information something the person wouldn’t mind my sharing? Is this the kind of thing I would want someone sharing about me?
Have you heard anyone tell you something recently that you knew qualified as gossip? How did you respond to the speaker? How should you have responded?
Prayer: Lord, I can harm someone’s reputation not just with my tongue but also with my body language. Lord Jesus, you never grumbled, complained, or derided people. Do what it takes to keep me from doing these things. Amen.
Listening
July 16
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid. . . . The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice. (12:1,15)
OPEN TO CORRECTION. As we have seen, it is of the essence of wisdom to be open to correction and criticism. We show ourselves to be people of reason only when we listen to advice and when we constantly “test ourselves for prejudice.”155 Ancient people were steeped in prejudice—stereotypes about other class
es, races, and cultures—while modern people think of themselves as very open-minded.
But no one is objective, and we can start with the modern person’s prejudice against anything that is not modern and “enlightened.” Every culture has deep “background beliefs” about life that are so taken for granted that they are invisible to us as beliefs. We think of them as “just the way things are.” No one becomes wise unless they allow these beliefs to be examined and challenged, supremely by God’s Word but also by teachers, colleagues, family members, and friends. If you always know best, you are stupid (12:1,15).
Name a belief you got from your culture or community that you have rejected because of what you learned in God’s Word.
Prayer: Lord Jesus, we are not to be conformed to this world in our minds (Romans 12:2). The world and society I live in press upon me as “common sense” many beliefs that are simply not true. Let your Word dwell in me so richly (Colossians 3:16) that I can discern and resist these errors. Amen.
July 17
Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise. Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one who heeds correction gains understanding. Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. (15:31–33)
BE TEACHABLE. We must not merely heed . . . correction episodically, when it comes to us unbidden. We should also seek discipline in the form of instruction and learning (15:32–33). That is, we should habitually seek out others who know more than we do about a subject and learn from them. We should have an entire life marked by being teachable rather than opinionated.
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