My parents weren’t there for moments like when I first learned how to swing or when I chipped my front tooth learning how to skate. I didn’t ask my dad before going out with a boy and I didn’t call my mom when I thought my heart got broken because of him.
We did, however, go to countless games and events; tasted the difference in southern versus city foods together. I loved them and they loved me, so we were good. Our life made sense to us, and it worked. Throw in my grandpa as much as he was able, and life was fun. Our own normal.
The shrinks I was forced to see when my aunt tried to have my emancipation revoked by the courts didn’t agree. They said something about it teaching a child that emotional connections are of non-value and perceived to be a negative element in our lives rather than a positive. I understood their theory, but for me, having lived that particular lifestyle made the last two years simpler. Bearable.
Had I been raised in a home where we sat around talking about the ups and downs of our day, ending with a bedtime story and a kiss goodnight, I don’t think I’d be standing today, let alone breathing.
While I was used to being alone, these last two years have been very different. I not only flew completely solo, but I was freely numb and taken at face value. Nothing more, nothing less. Just…existing.
Eat, sleep, run, repeat.
So, yeah, these past two months have been a little draining on my body, on me. I’ve been running more than normal, longer. Harder. And my body is feeling the repercussions of it.
This whole ‘school and friends’ thing is exhausting.
Add Nate to mix, and…
I’m just not quite sure how to process all the things happening around me - within me. I’ve been a shell of person for so long now that this stimulation, mind and body, is fucking hard to process.
To say my brain is ready to crash is an understatement.
“Lolli Bear,” I hear Parker shout from the left of the parking lot, turning to search the masses for my blond-haired, blue-eyed friend.
“What’s up, Hero?” I smile at him as he approaches, hugging him back when he reaches for me.
“Nothing,” he says, releasing me with one arm, draping his other across my shoulder, steering me in the opposite direction of Mia’s Jeep, aka my ride.
“Hang out with me today. I miss you.” He squeezes my shoulder.
I wrap my hand around his waist. “It just so happens I have no plans till later.” I smile up at him. “Whatcha got in mind?”
“Pizza and arcade games sound good? That way we can still make the party tonight.”
“Sounds fantastic, but you’ll have to take me home to change before the party, yeah?”
He opens the door to his truck for me. “Anything for you, Lolli Bear.” He winks and runs around the truck to the driver’s side.
As we exit the parking lot, I send Mia a quick text, letting her know I’ll see her at the party, then drop my phone in my backpack.
“Let’s have some fun, Hero.”
He grins, turning up the radio, and we sing along to Florida Georgia Line’s “This is How We Roll.”
After pissing away a good fifty bucks in coins, and two trips back to the buffet line, we’re finally pulling up to my house.
“You coming in?”
“Yeah, I need to get cleaned up, too.”
“You keep spare party clothes in your truck?” I tease, unlocking my door.
He grins, winking at me. “I had all this planned, Lolli Bear.”
“I bet you did.” I roll my eyes. “Should we have a shot before we change, then another before we head out? At least attempt to be on everyone else’s level?” I laugh, heading into the kitchen.
“Hell yeah.” He walks in behind me. “By the way, Nate’s lookin’ for you.”
When I turn to him with an eyebrow raised, he waves his phone in the air.
“He texted you looking for me?” I ask, frowning at the shot glasses as I pour in the dark liquor.
“Nope,” he laughs, taking his glass from my hand. “Mia texted me, asking if you were with me because Nate texted her, asking if she knew where you were.”
I gape at him.
He throws his head back, laughing.
“Seriously?”
Parker nods, then takes his shot and heads down the hall to get ready.
After taking mine, I fish my phone out of my bag, finding a missed call and text from both Nate and Mia.
Instead of reading through their messages, I simply open the thread and send them both the same response.
Me: getting ready. Be at party soon.
Thirty minutes and three shots later, Parker and I are walking up the driveway of Shawna’s house.
“Drinks first?” he asks, holding his arm out for me to take once we’ve walked through the door.
“Yep, yep,” I answer, glancing around. As usual, half the senior class is here, lettin’ loose.
“Alright, Lolli Bear.” Parker plants his feet in front of me, a can of Coke in one hand, shot in the other. “Open up.” He wiggles his eyebrows.
Time to get the party started.
When Kalani didn’t respond to my texts earlier, I was a little irritated, but I knew how she worked, and to push was to get pushed, so I figured I’d wait it out until it was about party time. But when she didn’t answer my calls, I got a little pissed and figured she was trying to get out of the party she already agreed to come to. Not that I would have minded had she told me. I like having her to myself. Prefer it actually, even if it makes me sound like a pussy.
However, showing up at her house and her not being there threw me for a loop, and I decided I was pissed she didn’t answer my calls or text. Pissed I didn’t know where she was and pissed she didn’t call me to tell me.
Then, when I tracked Mia down, who then tracked Parker down, finding out Kalani was with him, I went from pissed to fuckin’ fumin’.
But leaning against the wall in the corner of Shawna’s living room, watching her and Parker get ready to take shots together, standing far too fucking close for me, I’m about to lose my shit and rip someone’s head off. Preferably Parker’s.
I’ve never been jealous in my life, never cared what a girl did when I wasn’t with her, but Kalani has a way of bringing out a few different sides of myself I knew nothing about - like the side that wants to physically disfigure one of his own friends.
If I wasn’t so curious and admittedly a bit paranoid about how their interaction was going to play out, I’d be standing in front of her already, kissing her, if I had my way. Guess I’m an asshole because my eyes won’t allow my body to move, too desperate to watch.
Parker’s standing directly in front of her. Whatever he’s saying has her covering her mouth with her fingers, bending slightly as she laughs. The move makes her fitted white long-sleeved shirt rise a bit, giving me, and everyone else, a tiny view of her soft, creamy skin underneath.
I can tell they’ve already had a few drinks. Obviously before they showed up here.
Together.
I groan and cross my arms in front of me, my eyes narrowing further.
When Parker holds her shot glass up, a Coke in his opposite hand, I almost kick off the wall. No way in hell is he pouring that down her throat, watching as her exposed neck swallows the liquid.
But before I can move, Kalani shakes her head, grins at him, then pulls the shot from his raised hand.
“That’s right motherfucker,” I mutter to myself, smirking in their directions.
Only me.
My brows jump when that thought hits.
The more I think about why I’m pissed at her, the more I realize it’s my own damn fault.
Of course Kalani didn’t care to call me to see what I was up to or tell me what she had planned, and I was a fool to assume she knew I was coming over. Or that I planned to pick her up. Or that I was who she was supposed to show up with. How would she know that’s what I wanted - what I want - when I haven’t told her?
&nb
sp; Kalani is simple. While most girls would read into every encounter they have with me or any other guy and try to analyze it, Kalani takes it as it comes.
I need to let her know what’s going on in my head. Find out what’s going on in hers.
My shoulder is bumped from my right.
Reluctantly tearing my eyes off my girl and the asshole next to her, I look to find Austin next to me, empty beer in hand.
“Come on, I need another.”
I glance back at Kalani, finding she’s shifted a little further away from Parker.
With a smirk, I turn to Austin, “Lead the way, my man.”
As we step into the garage, where the beer pong table is set up and the ice chests are lined against the wall, I freeze when I catch the eye of the blonde-headed devil who can’t take no for an answer.
“Fuck,” I curse under my breath, preparing to step back through the door.
Austin laughs, clasping my shoulder. “No point in retreating now,” he whispers. “The chick’s a hunter. Now that she knows you’re here, she’ll track your man scent.”
“Let’s make this quick.”
“I do love a good quickie.”
“Idiot.” Laughing, I shove him away from me.
Right when we grab our beers, a few guys from the team walk in and start talking stats from last week’s championship game. We drop back into the folding chairs sprawled around the room, and get lost in conversation.
I’m not sure how much time has passed, but know it’s been too long, when a bony ass drops into my lap.
My hands immediately lift midair and freeze there; clearly even they want nothing from this girl.
“Hi, Nate.” Her warm beer breath washes over my face.
In attempt to avoid her stench, I turn my head. “Get off me, Olivia, before I move you off myself.”
She wiggles on me, failing at her attempt to arouse me. “You’d have to touch me to move me, Nate,” she whispers, wrapping her hands around my neck.
With her wrists in my grip, I fly off the chair, but the girl doesn’t drop like I thought she would. Nope. She wraps her legs around my waist, pulling her body closer to mine.
Right then the garage door opens, and I look up finding Kalani and Parker walking in.
Parker’s eyes are shifting back and forth between Kalani’s and mine, while Kalani’s eyes are on Olivia. To make it worse, Mia walks in behind her, followed by Ashley and Alyssa.
And I’m still frozen, standing in the middle of the room, with this broad’s legs wrapped around me.
Fuck.
Kicking into action, I yank her hands off me, so she’s left with no option but to drop her legs, then push her to the side.
I walk right up to Kalani, who shifts her gaze to me, smiling instantly.
“Hey, Handsome.” She takes a step closer.
“That wasn’t what it looked like,” I rush out, pleading for her understanding. “I swear, I was sitting there talking to my buddies, and she sat on me. I stood up to push her off and that’s when you walked in.” I’m breathing so heavy I might pass out, but I don’t care. I need her to believe what I’m saying. To trust me.
I take a deep breath and allow myself to search her eyes, finding they’re shining with... humor?
The fuck?
When I scowl at her, she pats my chest and pushes past me, grabbing a beer for herself out of one of the ice chests.
“I’m serious,” I tell her, glancing at each of our friends briefly, finding the same confusion I’m feeling on their uncertain faces.
“Okay,” Kalani says, smiling, shifting her eyes to watch the beer pong game, and now I’m getting pissed all over again.
“Wait.” I hold my hands out, squeezing my eyes shut for a few seconds, so I don’t go completely off the fucking wall and make an ass out of myself. “So, you’re not upset you came in here and found Olivia wrapped around me?”
Kalani’s beer freezes at her lips, her eyes bouncing to the wall then back to me. “No?” Her nose scrunches.
I drop my hands and stand straight. “You’re serious?” I ask her, my voice laced with irritation.
“Uh,” she blinks at me. “Are you serious? ’Cause I have no idea what’s happening right now.”
This fucking girl, who has me twisted in knots, walks in to find some chick straddling my waist, and she doesn’t bat a fucking eyelash?
I step toward her, blood boiling. “Do you have any idea what it does to me when I see another guy even look at you?” I growl, desperate for her to hear me. “Or when Parker-” cut myself off, shaking my head at her slack-jawed expression and try again.
“Put you and any other guy in any possible equation,” I raise both my brows, “and it all ends the same for me. Jealous as fuck. No matter what you’re doing. Talking, walking, fucking sitting next to each without even looking in each other’s direction, and I fucking see red, Kalani.”
She looks at our friends, who are trying, and failing, to act like they’re not listening to everything we’re saying.
“Wait.” She jerks her head back a few inches, her long dark hair bouncing with the movement. “Are you seriously mad at me for not being mad at you about something that’s none of my business?”
Not her business?
Not her fucking business?
What kills me is her blue eyes are telling me she believes that statement; that what I do is my business, and she has no say or right to care.
At a complete loss, I shake my head.
“Forget it,” I mumble and storm out the side door leading to the front yard, hearing her ask the onlookers, “What just happened?” as I slam the door shut.
My eyes must look like I’m on a good one, because what the fuck just happened here?
Seriously, the fuck?
“Lolli, think about it,” Mia says softly, approaching me with caution. “You’ve been hanging out with Nate for a while now. I don’t think it’s wrong for him to assume it might be a little more than…casual.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “It is casual. That’s what he does. That’s what we’re doing.”
“You guys agreed to be exclusive, Lolli.”
“Sure, we agreed not to fuck around with other people, but that doesn’t mean anything. We’re not dating. Why is everyone looking at me?” I snap.
She crosses her arms, narrowing her eyes this time. “Casual,” she mocks. “Right. So, if it stopped tomorrow? No more playtime, no more Nate. You’d be okay with that?”
I scowl at her and she smirks.
“Fuck off, Mia,” I grumble, handing off my beer bottle to Austin, and make my way toward the door Nate just exited.
“Love you, too, Lollipop,” she yells after me.
Once in the dead center of the street, I look around, finding Nate a few houses down, standing there with his hands folded over his head.
“Hey!” I shout, marching toward him.
He whips around, surprised, dropping his hands to his side, his shock turning into a frown of his own.
Good. We’re on the same page.
“What the hell was that?” I snap, flicking my wrist in his direction, taking the stance of a bratty teenager: hip cocked, one leg extended, resting bitch face.
His frown deepens. “I want you.”
“So!” I shout, throwing my arms out.
“So, why can’t you just admit you want me, too?”
“I’m fucking you, aren’t I?” I raise both my brows in challenge. “I’d say it’s pretty damn obvious I want you.”
He levels me with a stern look. “You know damn well that’s not what I meant.” He stares at me for beat, his eyes softening by the second, making me grow uneasy. “I want to be with you Kalani. Me and you, and no one else,” he tells me gently.
“Look around you, Nate. Life is bigger than this place. You may get everything you want here, but that’s not the real world.” I shake my head at him. “You can’t just say you want something and get it. That’s not how it goes. That�
�s a fucked-up fantasyland.” My chest is heaving, I’m so pissed off and confused, and pissed off that I’m confused.
Nate takes a step toward me, completely disregarding everything I just said. “I want you. All of you. Every stubborn and determined inch of you. I think you want me the same way.”
He reaches out and grabs both of my hands in his.
“I don’t care what you think.” My voice loses some of its bite.
He smiles, a big beautiful one. “I know you want me like that, too.”
“You don’t know shit,” I argue, my voice just above a whisper.
He stares at me, into me, and his hold grow a little tighter. My breath hitches in my throat, my gaze dropping to his hands.
How does he... why is he doing that?
He steps closer. Once my eyes find his again, he whispers gently, “Let me wake you up, Kalani.”
My eyes flutter closed as the soft words I’d spoken to my grandfather flow through me.
“You can go to sleep... I’ll wake up for you.”
Opening my eyes, I look up at Nate.
The longer my gaze searches his features, the further his smile grows.
“I want you?” I whisper, my brows pulling in slightly.
“Yeah, baby.” He nods, lifting his hand to tuck my hair behind my ear, resting his palm in the spot he’s claimed. “You do.”
I nod, letting him pull me into his arms.
His lips drop to mine slowly, giving me a sweet, silky kiss.
“So,” I pull back, looking up at him again. “Just so we’re clear. You’re mine, as in only mine?”
He nods.
I nod as well, before turning to head back to the house.
“Whoa.” He jumps, snagging my retreating hand. “Where you going?” he questions, his brows furrowed.
“I don’t share, Handsome.” I shrug, jerking my head in the direction of the party.“Figured it best to let Olivia know that now.”
Fumbled Hearts (A Tender Hearts Novel) Page 23
