His hand immediately shoots out to steady me, a reflex action I’m sure, but I smack it away.
His eyes narrow and his nostrils flare, but he says nothing.
“Why did you do this?” I shove him, my long hair falling into my face. “Huh? Why did you push me, make me feel... make me love you?” I palm my chest, my face pinching as the pain gets stronger. “I didn’t want this,” I shake my head furiously. “I didn’t. But you had to have me.”
Thick, dark brows pull in to frame muddled dark eyes; so low, they’re almost touching in the center. He takes a step forward, but my hands fly up, freezing him and his designer jeans in place.
“Guess the joke’s on me, though, huh?” I laugh lightly, looking up at the star-filled sky briefly, then back at Nate. “Thinking I could come back from all the shit life’s thrown at me.” I look past him. “Be happy.”
I kick off my shoes, then bend down to pick them up. “Here I am, exactly two years later.” I look back at Nate then, seeing the horror and recognition of what today really is written all over him.
“Kalani...” he whispers, his shoulders dropping as low as his massive frame will allow, his eyes pinched, lips tight.
I shrug a shoulder. “April fucking fool’s to me.”
With that, I turn and walk away from his shocked, confused, handsome fucking face.
Parker shuts the door to my room, his eyes following me as I make my way to the patio doors. I prop them open, allowing the warm breeze to pass through the room, and plop down on the bed, staring off at nothing.
A few minutes later, I hear his shoes drop and the bed dips next to me.
I let my head fall to his shoulder, and his warm arm wraps around my back, pulling me closer.
“My parents are dead,” I blurt out.
“I figured they were.”
“Wanna know when they died?”
“If you want to tell me,” he says quietly.
I nod against him. “Two years ago, Hero. Exactly two years ago…”
“Fuck,” he mutters, his hand coming up to swipe down his face.
Yeah…fuck.
I bet that’s what Nate’s doing right now.
“Ever heard of Patty Loveless, Hero?”
“No, Lolli,” he whispers, his arm around me tightening. “I haven’t.”
“Get on your phone and look up ‘How can I help you say goodbye.’”
He shifts on the bed, forcing my gaze to his with a gentle touch to my jaw. I look up into pinched, sorrow-filled blue eyes.
“Please?” I beg, in a voice so low and broken, I want to hide in shame.
He nods, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone.
“The song; it’s about a girl. Life throws different challenges at her. Some sad, some heartbreaking, but they all feel like the end of everything when they first happen.” I close my eyes. “But someone is there after each event, helping her move on, say goodbye. Letting her know that everything she’s feeling is okay, normal even.” I look up at Parker.
His eyes are locked on me, his finger hesitating over his screen.
“Press play, Hero,” I whisper.
He’s already shaking his head before I’ve finished, silently begging me not to make him, but when I don’t look away, he releases a heavy sigh, pressing play with a shaky finger.
When I first met Nate, I knew he was trouble. It was written all over his dangerously attractive face. He was everything fathers warned their daughters about. The bad boy with good looks. Athletic and strong, with a fancy ride and nice clothes.
Too bad I didn’t have a dad when I met him.
I was doomed from the start.
If only he ended up being just those stereotypical things. If only that’s all there was to him; looks and football. If only he truly was bad. Then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much. Maybe my lungs wouldn’t tighten with every breath I take, my eyes wouldn’t burn with every blink.
Nate was so much more than I was ready for.
While he was cocky and egotistical, he was kind and gentle. Hard-headed and presumptuous, yet open and honest. He was everything. Perfect.
Mine.
“Parker…” I twist my body to face his. “I need you to help me say goodbye,” I whisper, the plea in my voice carrying more weight than it should.
The look he gives me in return is uncertain, but he stands, lifts me into his strong arms, and moves to the head of the bed.
Gently, he sets me down, and rids himself of his belt, pulling his shirt over his head.
He reaches for me, a tight smile on his lips, and helps me out of my dress, then pulls his shirt over my head as gently as possible.
Parker pulls the covers back, slides under the sheets, then pulls me onto him, cradling me to his warm chest.
Once we’re settled in silence, Parker whispers, “How can I help you, Lolli Bear?” His voice is so soft and caring, and the pain in my chest intensifies, seemingly crushing me from the inside out.
I lift my head from his chest and look into his beautiful ocean blue eyes.
He must see it, what I need, what I’m about to ask of him, because his face contorts and he winces, fear and unease washing over his features.
My heart beating double time in my chest, I murmur, “Kiss me.”
His eyes flit back and forth between mine.
Brows pulled in, his hand glides along my spine, applying just enough pressure to pull my body closer. When he reaches my neck, his fingers spread wide, sliding up and into my thick, dark hair at the base of my skull. When he leans forward, I close my eyes, parting my lips for him.
His breath is coming in short pants, blowing softly across my skin, warming my alcohol-infused blood.
As his head moves closer, his nose slides against my own, the softness of his bottom lip feathering against my mouth. He holds still for a split second, before his grip in my hair tightens and his forehead drops to mine, a defeated sigh escaping him.
My lids lift, finding his tortured gaze on me. “I can’t, Lolli,” he apologizes, shaking his head back and forth. He pulls me in, his chest inflating. “I can’t take you,” he whispers, “and not have you.”
My eyes pinch, my mind racing to understand him, but he shakes his head again, and tucks me back into him, holding me tight. When he pulls the covers over our bodies and kisses my hair, the pressure behind my eyes turns severe, moisture building at an unstoppable rate.
And then, I feel it… a single tear rolls down my cheek. The first tear I’ve shed since the day my family died.
My body flies upright. “Oh, my God!” I frantically wipe at my cheeks in horror.
Parker leans forward, gently wrapping his fingers around my wrists, and he pulls me in tighter, protectively.
“It’s okay to cry, Lolli Bear,” he coos, running a hand over my hair. “Say goodbye.”
So, I do. With his gentle whispers of encouragement in a moment I need them most, I cry.
I cry for my parents, for my grandpa, for me. Even for the guy who broke me.
I cry until there is nothing left inside of me. And when I fall asleep, the last thing I hear is Parker’s sweet voice, telling me everything will be alright.
“You’re not going in there!”
“Bullshit, I’m not!”
“Just get the hell out of here! You’ve caused enough problems for now!”
My eyes peel open and I try to focus on the yelling coming from the hallway. Glancing up, I see Parker is still out cold. No doubt, he stayed awake long after I did.
“I only want to see that she’s alright, Mia. Now get out of my way before I pick you up and move you.”
“Oh, so now you care. Cool,” Mia mocks.
Rolling my eyes, I slip out of Parker’s embrace and stand, wincing as good ol’ Mr. Daniels seeks his revenge.
I open the door, covering my eyes as the bright light of the hallway blinds me.
Mia flips around when she hears it open, giving me an apologetic smile. “Hey,” she says so
ftly.
The corner of my lip lifts, but that’s all I got right now.
“Hungover?” she grins, her eyes roaming my face.
I scoff, wincing simultaneously. “Oh yeah. Jack has a nasty right hook, apparently.”
Her smile widens, but her eyes stay soft. “I see that.”
She’s happy I’m making light of what I can.
I wink at her, then turn, forcing myself to look at Nate, but as soon as my eyes lock onto his, I have to look away. “What do you want, Nate?”
“Nothing,” he says hurriedly. “Just had to be sure you made it back fine.” When I return my gaze to his, he shrugs and looks down the hall. “You were wasted, so…”
I nod, leaning my throbbing head against the doorframe.
His eyes come back to mine and he does a double take, his nostrils flaring when his gaze drops to my chest.
Before I can even process, he bounds forward, shoving my door open. And last night repeats itself with a vengeful twist when a wide-awake Parker is revealed sitting up in the center of my bed, shirtless and under my sheets.
Mia gasps and my eyes fly to hers, finding her hand covering her mouth, tears in her eyes.
When Nate shoves past me, Parker flies off the bed, ready for his advance, but Austin pops in out of nowhere, wrapping his arms around Nate’s body and neck.
“Get the fuck off me!” A growl rips from within him.
“No, man. Chill.” Austin says calmly.
“This mother-”
“Look at him, dude,” Austin states, jerking his chin at Parker, who’s standing tall, waiting this out, a blank expression on his face. “He’s still got his jeans on, man. Nothing happened in here.” Austin turns his gaze to me, raising his eyebrow at me for confirmation.
I shake my head no and he nods. Pretty sure, had I said yes, he’d have let Nate go. Bro code and all that.
“Soo…” I look around at all the boys, then down at my bare legs. “You guys can go now.”
Parker, the smart guy he is, heads out first. He kisses my temple, telling me to find him later and walks out, still shirtless.
Austin waits a good minute and a half to release Nate, then steps out. Mia disappeared long ago.
Nate stands in the center of my room, chest heaving, his eyes on the floor.
He looks up at me, his gaze tortured, tired.
When I give him nothing but a stone-faced stare, vacant and dead, his hands fly into the air, his head shaking back and forth. They come down, slapping against his sides, and he nods. Words are completely lost on him.
And I’m glad, because I don’t want to hear it. I can’t.
He thinks I’m at fault for something, and maybe I am, but I’ll never know because he didn’t give me the chance to find out. That’s on him.
With that, he walks out, closing my door behind him.
I shower, and pack my bag.
Plugging my phone into the charger, I set my longest playlist on repeat, blasting it as loud as it will go, knowing no one will push too hard for me to open the door. At least, not today. That gives me a good eight hours. I place a note for Mia on the table and slip out my door.
I take the shuttle bus to the airport. I’m gone.
Done.
Head down, I hustle into the gym before anyone spots me. I made it a point to get here extra early today, knowing less people would be around.
Dropping my bag on the floor, I set up some cones. For the next hour, I run through a few basic drills, my mind refusing to turn off.
Kalani, Jarrod, Parker, Kalani.
I sprint forward, dropping to touch the solid red line, and dash back, faster. Harder. Still, the past week’s events are front and center, refusing to be pushed back.
Kalani.
Jarrod.
The recording.
Parker. His shirt on her skin, laying on her bare breasts, teasing her naked thighs.
My foot slips against the freshly waxed floors, and I fall on my ass with an echoed thud. Throwing an arm over my eyes, I lie there with my back against the floor, attempting to catch my breath.
Kalani on my porch swing, a smile so soft on her lips, her body leaning into mine. Breathing me in. Loving me.
A grunt leaves me, and my fist hits the ground.
Loving me, my ass.
She said it herself, on the recording. She didn’t love me. It was all about what she could gain from me. What I could give her.
She already had all of me, why not have what is, or would be, mine, too? If that’s what she wanted, my future, I’d have given it all to her. Hell, I probably would have begged her to take it.
If she loved me.
Did she not know I would have given her everything?
Did I not show her, make her feel, how much I loved her?
I’d have done more, had I known. Not that it would have made a difference.
And that’s a bitter pill to swallow.
“The fuck you doing, man?”
I lift my arm, popping one eye open in time to see Austin step in front of me, an eyebrow raised.
I sigh, pushing myself into a sitting position, and rest my elbows on my knees. “Couldn’t sleep.” I shrug, averting my eyes to the retractable bleachers against the wall. “Figured I’d get here early, get a workout in.”
“Avoid the piranhas?”
I nod, dropping my head to my chest.
“Let’s go, man.” He thrusts his hand into my line of sight. “Class is in ten.”
I clasp my hand in his, allowing him to pull me up. We collect the cones and my workout bag in silence, then make our way to the locker room.
“You alright?” he asks, casting me a sideways glance.
“Yeah, man. I’m good.” I toss my bag into my locker, pulling my wet shirt over my head. “Not looking forward to the awkward shit today’s sure to bring though, that’s for sure.”
He drops down on the bench, leaning his back on the lockers opposite of me. “I hear that. You talk to her?”
“Nah, man.” I shake my head, scrubbing my hands down my face. “It’s done. None of it was real, so what’s the point?”
“You wanna talk about it?”
I laugh lightly and say, “Nope,” and he laughs in return.
“Then get your ass showered before we’re late.”
“You can go on ahead.”
He smirks knowingly. “I’m good.”
My lip tips up briefly. “Thanks, man.”
He nods, looking down at his phone. “Hurry up.”
I do and we’re walking out of the locker room a few minutes later.
Thankfully, the halls are empty except for a few stragglers by the time we make it to Chem. When I hesitate outside the door, Austin steps to the side, leaning against the wall.
“Look,” I shake my head. “I hate to ask and put you in this spot, but have you seen her? Kalani?” I ask him. “Or has Mia said anything? I just don’t want to go in there unprepared.” My shoulders drop, my head tilting to the ceiling. “I have no idea what to expect.”
Austin’s eyes narrow. “What are you hoping is gonna happen?”
“I have no fucking clue.” And I don’t. Not at all.
He sighs. “Sorry, bro, but I got nothing.” He shrugs. “Haven’t talked to Mia.”
My head jerks back. “Whoa. What? Why?”
“We were just having fun, man.” He kicks off the locker, clasping my shoulder as he reaches for the door handle, pulling it open.
He glances back at me. “Fun’s over.”
Damn straight.
When Kalani and Mia didn’t show to Chemistry, I figured they were attempting to avoid me, which I was grateful for, but when lunch rolled around and they were nowhere in sight, it was clear they played hooky today.
I look to my left just as Liv squeezes into the seat next to me.
“Hey. How is everything?” Her hand comes to rest on my shoulder, her blue eyes bright.
I shrug her off and sit back, stretching my l
egs out under the table. “Fine. What do you want?”
I give her credit, she doesn’t blanch at my abrasiveness, but smiles instead.
“Nothing, silly.” She bumps her shoulder into mine. “Just checking on you. I know you cared about her and I’m really sorry she messed with your head the way she did. You know, lying about having feelings for you and all.”
I scoff, pushing my chair back to stand. “Yeah. Right. Bye, Olivia.” With that, I toss my untouched pizza in the trash and exit the cafeteria.
By the time PE rolls around, it’s raining out, so class moves into the gym for free workouts.
After spotting each other on the bench press, Austin and I move to the ropes.
“You sure you’re alright, man?” he asks, his hands gripping the knot of the hanging rope, giving it a little tug.
“Honestly, no. I’m not.” I step back. “I gotta get outta here. I need to talk to her. She owes me an explanation.” I take two steps, then Parker’s in front of me.
“Yeah?” He steps into me. “She owes you an explanation?” His brows jump up his pretty boy forehead.
“She does! The shit she pulled on me.” I push into him with my chest. “You really gonna stand there and act like you don’t get some sick thrill out of this?” I accuse, narrowing my eyes. “You think you hide it, your feelings for her, but I see it. Seen it since day one.” I laugh bitterly, taking a step back. “You can have the lying-”
I don’t see it coming; his fist connects with my jaw, knocking me back a few steps.
Commotion roars around us, and the guys jump up, pulling us both back.
“You don’t know shit, Nate!” he hollers, jerking his body in attempt to free himself from Jarrod’s hold. “You obviously don’t love her like you claim if you didn’t even think to give her the benefit of the doubt!”
“Don’t act like you know shit!” I scream, trying to advance on him, but Austin’s grip tightens. “I heard what she said.” His brows pull in slightly. “I. Heard. Her.”
Fumbled Hearts (A Tender Hearts Novel) Page 34
