That had been her special, most spectacular gift to Sam. Except, of course, when she had given birth to Tyler, just about nine months later.
Now she rubbed Darrell’s back, not knowing what to say. He was too old now for her to soothe him with gentle lies about the dog. “I’m sorry about Reilly. I know how much you love him. We all do. He’s getting good care. Maybe he’ll improve today.”
Darrell nodded. Then he turned to her. “Can I go see him, Mom? I bet he’s afraid, all alone with a lot of strangers.”
“Sure. Someone will take you over. I’m sure he’ll feel better when he sees you,” she said honestly.
What about the cars? she wondered. Were their cars ruined by the fire, too? They had been parked so close to the house. It was possible. She rubbed the back of her neck. This was all too much to think about. She couldn’t handle it.
Emily called, announcing the pancakes were ready. Jessica patted Darrell’s leg. “Come on into the kitchen. Try to eat something. I don’t want you to be by yourself in here.”
Darrell nodded, shut off the TV, and followed her. Sam was already at the table, helping Tyler fix his pancakes. Tyler kneeled on his seat and carefully poured the syrup from the large bottle, making a smiley face on the top of his pancakes. Jessica suddenly realized Tyler had no idea what had really happened. He had seen the house burning but didn’t quite get it. A blessing, in a way, she thought.
“That’s the way, buddy. Easy does it,” Sam coached his younger son.
“Tyler, I didn’t realize we had an artist in the family,” Dan said. “A young Jackson Pollack.”
“He’s a wonderful artist,” Jessica bragged as she took a seat. “Didn’t you ever see our art gallery on the refrigerator?”
“Yes, I have.” Dan nodded. “Very impressive.”
Jessica glanced at Tyler and the smile froze on her face.
Lost.
All those beautiful pictures Tyler drew, all the colors and strange, fantastic creatures and flowers and rainbows.
She swallowed hard, trying to keep a normal expression. She had been so careful to save their artwork and special projects. The stories and poems they brought home. Cards they made for her and Sam for Mother’s and Father’s Day. She had a special box, filled to the brim with their creations.
Just a pile of ashes now, she was sure. She took a bite of a pancake, but that tasted like ash in her mouth now too.
Emily came in and took the seat next to Jessica. “Did you call Rhinehardt yet?” she asked Sam.
“I did. He has to call me back,” Sam answered.
“I don’t think they’ll let you back in the house today,” Emily said. “They’re probably still investigating the cause. And the insurance investigators have to come, too.”
“You called the insurance company last night, right, Sam?” Jessica turned to him. They had both been in shock. Still were. It was hard to remember if they had taken care of any of these important details.
“I did. But I need to call our agent this morning. He might have been trying my cell and the power ran out.”
And he didn’t have the cord anymore to charge it, Jessica realized. Not until he could find a replacement. She had left her cell phone in the house, in her purse, which had been on her dresser. She wished now she had thought to grab her handbag. It held so many important pieces of identification and all her credit cards. But last night, focused only on getting her children out of the burning house, such things hadn’t seemed important.
As if reading her mind, Emily said, “When you’re feeling up to it, we can go over to the mall, Jess, and get some clothes for the kids. And for you and Sam.”
“Oh . . . okay. That’s a good idea.” She glanced at Sam. “Do you think we can get into our bank account without official ID?”
Sam laughed at her. “You’re the banker. You tell me, hon.”
She sighed. She mostly enjoyed her husband’s sense of humor, but sometimes it rubbed her the wrong way. Like right now.
“Don’t worry, Jessica. I’ll take care of everything. You can pay us back anytime,” Emily said softly.
Jessica met her sister’s gaze and telegraphed a silent thank-you. Emily was nearly ten years older. They hadn’t been close growing up, partly due to their age difference and different temperaments. But in the years since Jessica had returned to Cape Light, she and Emily had grown very close. Now she cherished her sister’s friendship and support. Their own mother had never been very warm or nurturing, and Jessica knew that Emily tried to make up for that.
“I called Mother while you were still sleeping,” Emily said, as if reading her mind. “I hope you don’t mind. I thought she should hear it from us, before the neighbors told her. You know how fast news like this gets around. She’s going to call back later, to speak to you.”
“What did Lillian say?” Sam asked. “Probably something like, ‘I always told them that rickety old house would either fall down or blow away in a tornado.’ ” Sam made his voice thin and high, imitating his mother-in-law perfectly.
“Not quite that bad,” Emily replied, hiding a smile. “But you’re close.”
Jessica glanced at her husband, who sat drinking his coffee. She hoped that he wasn’t blaming himself now for choosing an old house for their family. She could never blame Sam for this, no matter what absurd ideas her mother came up with.
“Don’t pay any attention to her, Sam. Please. Not now, of all times.”
Sam nodded. “Guess I’d better start making some calls. I have a long list to work through.” He rose from his seat, coffee mug in hand.
Jessica tilted her head back and looked at him. “Can I help you? I can call some places.”
“That’s okay. You ought to get the boys cleaned up and go out with Emily. You do need to go shopping for us. They have to go to school tomorrow.”
Tyler made a face and poked his pancakes with his fork.
“Sorry, pal. But this isn’t an ordinary day,” Sam tried to explain. “Tomorrow, we all get back on track.”
How easy he made that sound, Jessica thought. As if they had just hit a small bump in the road. A slight detour.
She doubted they would get on track tomorrow. Or any day soon. She had no idea how they would even find the track at this point, they had been blown so very far off course.
IT WAS PAST NOON BY THE TIME THEY FINISHED THE PANCAKES. JESSICA went upstairs and took another shower, this time giving her hair a double lather of shampoo to get out the smoky smell. She didn’t linger in the bathroom. Others were waiting their turn for the shower. Emily and Dan’s house was small and already felt crowded.
She slipped into the guest room and quickly dressed in some of Emily’s clothes. She felt awkward and even a little embarrassed in the blue pants and maroon sweater top. But what could she do? Not only was her sister taller and larger, but their taste in clothes was so different.
Jessica sat on the edge of the foldout bed and roughly combed her hair, trying not to think about all her favorite clothes and shoes—everything in her closet and dressers—lost in the fire. The firefighters had come quickly. Maybe she could find some salvageable things in the rubble.
As she came down the stairs, she realized visitors had arrived. She heard Molly, Sam’s younger sister, talking to Emily in the kitchen. When she walked in, they both stopped talking and stared at her. Jessica felt self-conscious but tried to smile at her sister-in-law.
“Jess! You poor thing . . .” Molly ran over and threw her arms around Jessica. Jessica stood there stiffly, then patted Molly’s shoulder. “Thank God you’re all okay!” Molly said, stepping back. “What a tragedy. What a nightmare for you. . . .”
Jessica started to speak, but Molly was all worked up now. There was no stopping her, Jessica knew.
“How are the boys? They must be terrified. They—”
“The boys are doing okay,” Jessica cut in. “I don’t think Tyler understands yet what really happened,” she added quietly. “He just asked me whe
n we were going to go home. He wants to play with his video games.”
Molly nodded and sighed. “Kids that age bury a lot. He might be traumatized. You may have to take him to a counselor.”
Jessica didn’t know what to say. She knew her sister-in-law meant well and what she said might be true. But the prediction wasn’t exactly a comforting thought.
Emily suddenly stepped up beside Jessica. “Would you like some coffee, Molly? It’s already made.”
Jessica met her sister’s eye and they shared a private glance.
Molly waved off the offer. “No, thanks. I’ve got to run. I just wanted to stop by and see how everyone was doing. You know, if you start feeling a little tight here, you’re always welcome to stay at my place. We would love to have you and have loads of room.”
Jessica forced another smile. “Thanks, Molly. It’s nice of you to offer. We’re a little . . . confused right now. But I’ll keep it in mind.”
There was loads of room at Molly and Matt’s house, that was for sure. The vast, newly built minimansion was not at all to Jessica’s taste, but now she suddenly envied it.
“Where’s Sam? Did he go out?” Molly asked.
“He’s around.” Jessica pushed up the baggy sleeves of the borrowed sweater. “He was making some phone calls.”
“He’s in Dan’s office,” Emily added. “I’m sure he wants to say hello. I don’t think he even knows you’re here,” Emily went on as she led Molly out of the kitchen.
Jessica wasn’t sure how Sam could miss his sister’s arrival. Unless the fire had made him deaf. But Molly was Molly. She had a heart of gold, and her effusive personality did grow on you—once you got to know her. She and Jessica had not gotten along when Jessica first met Sam, but now they were good friends.
The phone in the kitchen rang. Jessica listened to the message coming into the answering machine, expecting to hear her mother calling back. It was Reverend Ben, trying to get in touch with her and Sam. She stepped over to the phone and picked it up.
“Hello, Reverend Ben. It’s Jessica,” she answered.
“Jessica, I just heard the news about your house from Tucker Tulley. He told me your family got out in time, and you were all fine. Is that true?”
“Yes, we’re fine. Except for our dog, Reilly. He inhaled a lot of smoke. Tucker brought him to a veterinary hospital.”
“That’s too bad. But at least you were all spared. I’m very thankful for that.”
“We are, too,” she replied quietly.
“So, you’re staying with Emily and Dan for the time being?”
“At the moment, yes, we are. Everything is very . . . up in the air right now.”
“I’m sure it is. This has got to be very disorienting for all of you. You’re probably still in shock.”
“We are. We still can’t believe it,” she admitted. “I keep thinking I’ll just go out to my car and drive home . . . and put on my own clothes.”
Ben didn’t answer for a moment. “I expect you’ll feel that way for a while, Jessica. It’s only natural. Be patient with yourself. And your family. It’s going to take some time to get your life sorted out again. This is a major challenge, for all of you. It will take time to get back to normal. The main thing now is that you’re all okay.”
“Yes, that’s true. That’s what we keep telling ourselves.” Jessica nodded, tempted to ask him how long he thought it would take for their lives to get back to normal. He had seen families hit by this situation before, she imagined. He must have some idea. But finally, she didn’t ask. It seemed too blunt or rude.
“Sam is with his sister right now. I’ll tell him you called,” she added.
“Yes, please let him know I’m thinking of you and praying for you, too.”
Jessica smiled. She already knew that. “I will,” she promised. “Thank you.”
After Molly’s visit, Emily and Jessica got ready for their shopping trip. The boys were content to stay behind with Dan and Sam, who promised to take them out to the park and play touch football in the snow. The plan seemed to cheer the kids up, Jessica noticed, especially Tyler. Darrell was willing, but more subdued. He was still distracted and worried about his dog, she knew. Before she left, she mentioned to Sam that Darrell wanted to visit Reilly.
“Sure. I’ll take him. No problem,” Sam promised.
“We won’t be too long,” Jessica said as she pulled on one of Emily’s jackets and a scarf.
Darrell nodded. “Could you get me a dark blue sweatshirt? Like that one we found on vacation?”
Jessica kissed him on the cheek. All he wore these days were big sweatshirts and jeans. It wouldn’t be too hard to replenish his wardrobe, she realized.
“I absolutely will. I might get you a gray one or a brown one, too, while I’m at it.”
On the way to the mall, Jessica made a list of things she needed. It seemed overwhelming. Why not just write “Everything” and keep it short and sweet, she thought.
Emily kept the conversation light and bright, as if they were going out on a normal shopping trip. Her sister’s temperament was the opposite of Molly’s, which Jessica appreciated right now.
“Now just get the basics for the boys. It’s so close to Christmas. We’re all going to get them lots of presents. I’ve already bought them both the heavy fleece pullovers you said they wanted. And video games. But now I suppose they need the game player thingy again,” she added, as if making a mental note to herself.
“Thanks, Emily. You don’t need to get anything more. We’ll manage,” Jessica said, despite the way she felt inside.
Emily glanced at her as she parked the car. “We’ll see. You can’t possibly buy everything you need today, so let’s just concentrate on the essentials.”
Good plan, Jessica thought. Though everything on her list so far seemed important and essential.
The mall was decorated for Christmas, every window of every store. The wide promenade was filled with white and gold angels and huge Christmas trees. Generic-sounding carols piped through the sound system.
“Where do you want to start?” Emily asked.
“Good question.” Jessica looked down at her list and then up and down the row of the stores. “Oh . . . let’s just start walking this way and see what we find.”
“Sounds good to me,” Emily said agreeably.
“Thanks for coming, Em. I feel a little . . . overwhelmed.”
“Of course you do. But it’s probably better to get out today and do something practical. Even just to distract yourself.”
“Yes, it is.” Jessica felt odd in the mall, almost light-headed. But she knew it was better than staying in Emily’s tiny house all day, rerunning the horror film of last night in her head.
They stopped in a shop with clothes for men and boys. Jessica’s thoughts were so scattered, it was hard to concentrate. She hardly knew what she was buying but soon picked out an armful of T-shirts and sweatshirts, pants and underwear for all, and a good sweater for Sam.
Emily helped her carry the pile of clothes to the register then paid with a card. Jessica knew she would do the same for her sister any day, but it still made her feel self-conscious to accept Emily’s help. They walked out of the store, carrying two big bags each.
It seemed like a lot, but Jessica knew it hardly made a dent.
“Well, that was fast,” Emily said. “Where else would you like to go? How about a store for yourself now?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I think I need to sit down.” Jessica spotted a bench and sat with a long sigh. All the Christmas decorations and cheerful music closed in on her. The sheer abundance all around, the stores packed with goods and shoppers toting bags stuffed to the brim only reminded her of all her family had lost. She suddenly felt as if she could hardly breathe.
“Emily, I don’t know how we’re going to do it. I just don’t know. How are we going to have Christmas for the boys? How are we ever going to replace everything?” She turned to her sister and swallowed back a lum
p in her throat. “The insurance company asked us to list everything we lost. Clothes, books, jewelry, china. All of Sam’s tools and all the furniture. Some of those pieces came from Lilac Hill,” she reminded her sister.
Lilac Hall, with its great house and gardens, had been the Warwick family estate, the place where Jessica and Emily grew up. Their father had been forced to give it up during a family scandal, and it was now a town historical site. Though most of its treasures had been sold at auction, a few precious pieces had been saved.
“So many things are simply . . . irreplaceable.”
Emily squeezed her hand. “I know, honey. I know.”
Jessica covered her face with her hand. She hated having a meltdown right in the middle of the mall like this. People were staring at her, but she couldn’t stop.
Emily put her arm around her sister’s shoulder. “I know it’s hard, Jess. But try to calm down. You can’t solve everything in one day. You have to take it slowly, one day at a time, one hour at a time. I know you must be terribly frightened, but you’re not alone. Everyone wants to help you and Sam get through this. And you will get through it, I’m sure of it. We’re all here to help you.”
Jessica took a deep breath and nodded. She wiped her eyes with a tissue and tried to center herself. Emily was right. She couldn’t solve all their problems at once, especially not today. That was the one thing she knew.
“All right, let’s get back to work.” Jessica rose from the bench and picked up her shopping bags. “I need a few things for myself, I guess. I can’t keep walking around in your bathrobe.”
“Well, you could try,” Emily countered with a small smile. “It would be very comfortable.”
“Probably,” Jessica agreed, trying to match her sister’s lighthearted tone. “But I might get tired of all the attention.”
A Christmas Star Page 6
