CHAPTER NINE
JESSICA COULDN’T UNDERSTAND HOW SHE AND SAM HAD brought home a huge load of food from the supermarket on Saturday, but by Monday, the refrigerator looked bare. It seemed impossible.
Not if you have two growing boys and a large, hungry husband, she reminded herself.
She grabbed up the plastic grocery bags from the backseat of her car, two in each hand, and walked toward the cabin. Her high heels poked into the soft ground, making her steps shaky. She wasn’t used to wearing heels and panty hose and being all dressed up this way. But she was going to get used to it. In a hurry.
She saw the lights inside the cabin and saw Sam and the boys through the front window. Sam ran to the door and opened it, then stepped outside.
“Need some help?” he asked, taking the bags from her.
“Sure, thanks.”
He stood in front of the door, blocking her way.
“Aren’t we going inside?” she asked.
“Not yet. . . . We have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise? What is it?” Jessica couldn’t help smiling. She had hinted all week about so many conveniences she missed. She wondered what Sam had bought for her. A vacuum cleaner? A blender?
Sam smiled back. He looked positively happy.
Then, before he was able to say anything more, she heard an odd sound.
It sounded like a . . . bark.
“Sam, you didn’t.” She stared at him. “Is there a dog in there?”
“It’s not a dog. . . . It’s a puppy.”
“A puppy? You didn’t really bring home a puppy, did you?”
“The boys are thrilled. Darrell was practically crying.”
Jessica sighed. That made two of them.
“Just come in and see her. She’s adorable.”
Jessica was sure the puppy was adorable. What puppy wasn’t?
Reluctantly, she walked inside. Tyler ran over to her and pulled her by the hand before she could even get her coat off. “Come and see our new dog, Mom. Isn’t she so cute?”
Darrell sat on the floor near the Christmas tree, with the puppy in his lap. The dog was crawling all over him, flopping and falling on her shaky legs.
The puppy appeared to be a yellow Lab mix, very much like poor Reilly. But her fur was a little shaggier. She probably had some Golden Retriever mixed in. She was going to get big, Jessica thought, looking at her paws. Too big for the cabin.
“She’s really smart, Mom,” Tyler reported. “She already knows her name.”
“You named her already?”
The boys nodded together. “We’re going to call her Sunny. Because of her fur,” Tyler explained.
“Oh . . . nice.” She knelt down and petted Sunny’s head. The little dog eagerly licked Jessica’s hand with her sandpapery tongue.
Sam stood beside her. “She’s cute, isn’t she?”
Jessica stood up again. “Yes, she really is,” she had to admit.
Then the puppy got up on her hind legs and clawed Jessica’s dress and stockings, making a wide run.
“Oh dear, grab her, will you? I don’t want her to tear Emily’s dress.” The panty hose was no problem, but the dress had been borrowed from her sister.
“Why are you all dressed up today?” Sam asked.
“I had an appointment.” She looked down at the puppy, who was now chewing Darrell’s shoelace. “Where did you get the dog?”
“I was working at a house in town, and they had all these puppies to give away. She was the smartest, I thought.”
Jessica wondered how Sam could tell that, but she didn’t want to get off track. She watched the boys play with the dog a few moments then she pulled on her husband’s sleeve. “Let’s go outside. I want to talk to you. Privately.”
Jessica felt so angry she could hardly keep her thoughts straight, but she waited until they were a good distance from the cabin. “How could you go out and get a dog without asking me? How could you put me in this position with the boys?” she demanded.
“What position?”
“Well, now I have to be the bad guy and say the dog can’t stay, don’t I? Couldn’t we have discussed this first?”
“I tried to call you, Jess. You weren’t around. If I didn’t take her tonight, someone else was going to snatch her up.”
She dug her hands in her coat pockets. “You shouldn’t have done this without asking me, Sam. It wasn’t right.”
“It’s an early Christmas present. The kids needed something to cheer them up. Did you see Darrell? This is so good for him. He needs to get over Reilly. They already asked if Sunny can sleep in their bedroom.”
Jessica wasn’t sure she was ready to get over Reilly. Why should Darrell be? “I know they like the dog. They would like any dog you brought in here. That’s not the point. We’re not ready to get a new dog yet. This cabin is too small. There’s barely room for the four of us.”
“A puppy doesn’t take up much room, Jess.”
“Not right now. But she’s going to grow. She has big paws,” Jessica added, citing one of the few things she knew for sure about dogs. “Who knows how long we’ll be living like this? And who’s going to train her? You and the boys are out all day.”
“You’re home. Dogs aren’t hard to train. She already whines when she wants to go out. She’ll be good company for you. You’re alone all day out here.” Sam crossed his arms over his chest but his tone was very reasonable. Too reasonable, she thought. He clearly wasn’t taking her objections seriously.
“I’m going back to work,” she told him. “I heard there was an opening at the bank. That appointment I had today—I went in and met with my old boss, Mr. Dwyer. It’s not at my level, but he expects something better to open up soon. It’s just about at my former salary, too.”
The shocked look on Sam’s face made Jessica feel a pang of guilt. But he had surprised her with the dog, so maybe they were even, she thought.
“We never talked about you going back to work,” Sam said. “What happened to staying home with the boys and trying for another baby?”
She shook her head, feeling impatient with him. He could be so unrealistic at times. So . . . illogical.
“Things have changed, Sam. I don’t want to get pregnant now—not until we’re settled again. And we definitely need the money. I doubt the insurance company is going to pay us much, considering our coverage.”
Sam looked grim. She knew he couldn’t argue with that. He had been working with the insurance agent, calling almost every day to track the progress of their claim. They still didn’t know how much they would be reimbursed, but it didn’t look good. The agent had already explained that since Sam bought the house at an auction and did most of the work himself, they would never get back the full value.
“We should have talked about this, Jessica, and decided together. It’s an important decision that affects the whole family. You shouldn’t have just gone off and taken this job without talking it over with me.”
She knew what he said was true, but she had been afraid that if they got into a big discussion about it, Sam would try to talk her out of going back to work, saying they didn’t need the money that badly, or he would tell her to wait awhile. Or maybe say the boys needed her now.
The boys did need her. She felt sad about giving up time with them. She loved to share their day after school, to hear their stories and take them to their various activities. She just liked to be around for them and felt guilty about leaving the house all day, especially now. But another part of her insisted that she needed to return to work for the family. For everyone’s well-being. Nothing was perfect. Maybe after they got back on their feet, she would work fewer hours or stay home again. She had to take one step at a time, and this one, she believed, was the next step for her.
“You keep telling me to move on,” she told Sam. “Well, I’m trying. Going backward, maybe. But, I’m trying to deal with things as they really are. I am going to miss being home with the boys. That goes without saying. But it’s
for their welfare, too. We need the extra salary and to tell the truth, I can’t hang around this cabin every day. It . . . depresses me.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Yes, I’ve thought it through.” The bank could seem a bit dismal, too, she knew. But it meant she would be getting out of the house and at least acting as if she were okay.
Sam crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “Okay, I give up. I don’t want to argue with you. Of course, more money coming in is a good idea. But I just wish you had said something to me first, Jessica. We used to talk about these things, not keep big secrets.”
She nodded, feeling suddenly upset and teary-eyed. She was so emotional lately, that was another struggle.
She hadn’t meant to hurt Sam. But talking to him was so hard these days. She just couldn’t be honest. Sam didn’t want to hear about her anger and her worries. He always managed to hip-hop right over those ugly feelings and point to some distant rainbow, far off in the future somewhere.
Of course, he couldn’t see that. He believed in focusing on the positive, no matter what. That was just his personality and part of the reason she had fallen in love with him in the first place. But now they just weren’t in sync, and she felt distant from him.
“So when do you start?” His question jogged her from rambling thoughts.
“Wednesday. I know it’s soon, but they need someone right away. I couldn’t argue about it.”
“What about the boys?” he asked curtly. “What will they do after school?”
“There’s an after-care program at both schools, where they can do their homework and play sports. But that won’t start for a few weeks. I guess for now, you’ll have to pick them up.”
She glanced at him, wondering if this request would make him even angrier. But he seemed to accept the situation. Sam was flexible that way and always put his children first when they needed him.
“So, what about the dog?” she asked. “Do you understand now why I was so upset? There won’t be anyone home to take care of her. Sam, I’m sorry, but I think you should return her. We’ll explain to the boys it’s not the right time yet, not until we get our own house again. They’ll understand.”
Sam stared at her. “Are you kidding? I can’t do that. Now you sound just like your mother, Jessica.”
So he was mad. Really mad, she realized. He knew the one thing she hated in an argument was to be compared to her mother.
“This cabin is so run-down, I can’t think of a better place to train a puppy,” he added.
Jessica tried to hold on to her temper, but it was difficult. “It’s not fair for the dog to be alone all day. She’ll get lonely and destructive. Do you want her chewing everything in sight?”
Not that they had that much anymore to destroy. But what they did have seemed all the more valuable.
“I’ll take her to my shop. I’ll keep Sunny there during the day and bring her home at night. The boys will be there after school now anyway. They can take her out for walks and play with her,” Sam added, looking rather smug that he had solved the problem. “See, it all works out.”
The dog and the boys after school, all in his shop—well, he was the one who had offered. To Jessica, it sounded like a recipe for total chaos.
Tyler came to the door and peeked outside. “Dad? I think Sunny needs to go out.”
That meant it was already too late, Jessica knew.
“I’ll be right in, just hold on a second. Put Sunny down on those newspapers we spread out,” Sam called back as he hurried inside to help them.
Jessica slowly followed, regretting that she hadn’t bought more paper towels.
ON TUESDAY MORNING JACK SPRANG OUT OF BED. IT WAS A SPECIAL day. The horrible chunk of plaster that was stuck to his leg was finally coming off. He couldn’t wait. He had been marking the days on his calendar. Three entire weeks, which somehow felt as if they had passed both slowly and quickly.
He showered and dressed in a hurry, pulling on one of the new shirts and a pair of khaki pants he had ordered on the Internet. He told himself he wasn’t trying to look good for Julie, that he had to look decent to go into town. He didn’t want to embarrass her and Katie.
The haircut and loss of his beard still threw him off, but Julie seemed to like it. He had caught her looking at him a few times when she thought he wouldn’t notice. He even kept up with the shaving now, every morning. Kate liked to sit close to him at story time, and he didn’t want to scratch her with his beard. That’s all it was.
He splashed on some aftershave and checked himself quickly in the bathroom mirror. He didn’t look that old, did he? He was forty-two years old. To hear people on TV talking, you would think hitting forty was being a teenager again. Forty was the new thirty, that’s what they said.
Jack knew he had been through too much to ever feel that young again. Maybe that was it. He wasn’t old by current standards; he had just been through a lot in his life. That made him feel . . . mature.
Lately, though, he had felt as if the clock was going backward a bit. That was a good thing, right?
For as long as it lasted.
Kate and Julie were already at the breakfast table. He took a mug of coffee and sat down with them. “New shirt?” Julie asked.
He nodded and opened the newspaper, focusing on the sports section.
“It’s nice. You look good in blue, Jack,” she said.
He nodded again, but didn’t look up. “Thanks. Anybody want that toast?” he asked, changing the subject.
She liked him in blue? He would be back online tonight, he decided, ordering a lot of blue stuff.
After breakfast, they climbed into Jack’s truck. Julie drove and Kate sat between them. “I bet you’re tired of chauffeuring me around,” Jack said. “You won’t have to do that anymore once the cast is off.”
“I don’t mind. But maybe you’re not so crazy about my driving,” Julie added with a grin.
Jack had squeezed his eyes shut a few times with Julie behind the wheel. But he didn’t want to criticize.
“You’ve been handling the truck better,” he said in an encouraging tone. “Another year or so, and you’ll be fine.”
She laughed. She wasn’t the type to take offense; that’s why he felt comfortable teasing her. She teased him, too. He never thought of himself as the kind of guy who could laugh at himself, but Julie could make him do that.
They dropped Kate off at her preschool, which was at the church on the green. Julie walked her in and Jack waited in the truck. His wife used to attend this church. She was very active in all kinds of committees—the community outreach, the Christmas fair. You name it, Claire signed up. She had David in Sunday school and the youth group until he was nearly a teen. Jack used to go to church with her sometimes, mostly on holidays. Claire knew the minister well and when it came time for her funeral service, just about the entire congregation turned out. Everyone here liked her. The reverend had given a fine eulogy. He had said all the right things, Jack thought.
That had been some comfort. It was just the way Claire would have liked it.
Jack had never visited her grave in the cemetery on Beach Road. He never thought of her there, but somewhere, up above. But now that he would be able to drive again and the holidays were coming, he thought maybe he should put some flowers on the headstone. Claire had always loved flowers. She had loved Christmas, too. He still missed her so, especially at this time of year.
“So, ready to get that chunk of plaster off your leg?” Julie hopped back into the truck and started the engine. “You’ve been very patient, I must say. All things considered.”
He had been pretty awful sometimes, too, he knew. But it was nice of her not to mention that.
He nodded, still feeling melancholy from his reverie. He forced himself to snap out of it and focus on the present. “I can’t wait. Let’s go.”
The orthopedist’s office in Essex was crowded, and they had to wait longer than Jack expected. The nu
rses kept calling Julie “Mrs. Sawyer,” and after the first time, she didn’t bother to correct them, Jack noticed.
Finally, he was led in to see the doctor, who removed the hard cast and examined his ankle. Then Jack was sent somewhere else in the building to take an X-ray. Then back to the doctor again.
“You’re healing well,” the doctor told him. “We can move to the soft cast now. You can take this one on and off.” The doctor showed him how the Velcro straps wrapped around the hard plastic. “Take it off to sleep and in the evenings, keep your leg elevated and use ice and ibuprofen if you still have pain.”
“Great.” Jack pushed down the leg of his pants and hopped off the table.
“You’re looking well, Mr. Sawyer,” the doctor said, writing some notes in a folder.
“Thanks. So are you,” Jack replied, ignoring the doctor’s meaning. He had cleaned up his act a bit the last few weeks; people were noticing.
Jack almost felt like skipping as he and Julie left the doctor’s office. His leg felt about ten pounds lighter.
“How’s your ankle?” Julie asked as they walked toward the truck. “Does it hurt to have the hard cast off?”
“A bit,” he had to admit. “I’m just glad it’s gone.” He reached the driver’s side door first and held out his hand. “Keys, please?”
Julie laughed and handed the keys over to him. “Never come between a man and his pickup truck.”
“I’m glad you figured that out, Julie.”
As they drove off, Jack checked his watch. “It’s not too long before you need to get Kate. We could stop in town and get some lunch. No sense going all the way home and back again.”
“Good idea.” Julie, who had been staring out the window, now glanced at him curiously.
Jack deliberately looked back at the road. He was taking her out for a meal. By accident. It wasn’t a date. So why did it suddenly feel like one?
“This is such a pretty town,” Julie murmured.
“I suppose so,” Jack agreed with a slight sense of surprise. He had been to town a few times since Thanksgiving, but today for some reason, he finally noticed all the Christmas decorations. From the harbor and village square at one end, all the way down the avenue, Main Street was decked with garlands of white lights swooping over the street. Pine wreaths with red bows adorned all the streetlights. Christmas shoppers thronged the streets, peering into windows filled with holiday displays, with golden ribbons, miniature trees, and miniature train sets circling them. The town looked bright and festive and welcoming.
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