He helped her board the boat. “This seems ordinary,” she said. “How did it get here? There was a report that it floated in air, and there was fire.”
So she had assimilated the reports. Dell wasn’t sure that he should mention Santo’s tunnel, in case they needed to use another to escape. This was not a matter of honesty so much as expediency; they needed to protect themselves against possible treachery by keeping some secrets. “It does sail in air, using a special sail.” He hauled up the mast, spread the sail, and ignited it.
“Well, now,” the Princess breathed, removing her hat and veil so as to get a better look. Her face was almost radiant in its animation. Her hair, to his surprise, was red, and her eyes were orange, almost matching the sail.
“There is more.” He doused the sail and folded down the mast. “You will find belowdecks interesting too.”
“A smelly hold?”
He smiled. “Hardly, Princess.”
She shrugged, then removed her robe and set it on a bench. Beneath it she wore shorts and a tank top, which diminished her beauty in no respect.
Dell descended the ladder into the yacht, then stood and held up his hands to help steady her. Her waist was tiny and her body lithe; she really had no need of assistance, but did not protest his gesture. He had a very close view of her lovely legs. He wasn’t sure whether legs alone could freak out a man, but these were trying.
“Oh my,” Froma breathed as she beheld the interior of the yacht. “This could transport an army!”
“Ours is a mission of peace,” he said quickly.
“Of course.” But her interest quickened as he showed her the various features of the craft. Then she smiled, and it seemed to illuminate the chamber. “We shall definitely want this ship.”
“It’s not available,” he repeated.
“Yet you captain it.”
“Co-captain. Temporarily, until we find the proprietors.”
“Who could turn out to be Prince Jerry and his mother.”
He was surprised. “It’s possible, but we have no indication of that.”
“You don’t know who the proprietors are. Wouldn’t it be easier simply to keep the craft for yourself? The proprietors might never know.”
Dell was horrified. “Oh no, Princess. We would never do that.”
“We could make you full captain, serving our kingdom. I’m sure we could make it worth your while.”
“Please, no, Princess. You are embarrassing me. It wouldn’t be honest. We will seek until we find the proprietors, then turn Fibot over to them.”
“Fibot?”
“Short for Fire Boat.”
“Apt compression. Meanwhile you perform odd missions, such as questing for a bride for a prince.” She somehow made it sound demeaning.
“He’s a worthy prince,” Dell said defensively. “He’s a fine upstanding young man who will one day make an excellent king. You would not go wrong with him.”
“You speak very well of him.”
“Yes, of course. We are here for him.”
She turned her radiant gaze directly on him. “Why not speak for yourself, Dell?”
He was stunned. He thought of Jenny Elf, promoting the love of other women for the man who was increasingly impressing her, until she could no longer do it. How had he gotten into this? “You—you’re teasing me, of course. I am nobody.”
“A nobody with a boat we would very much like to possess. But yes, I am teasing, to an extent. Join us, and you shall have your choice of one of my handmaidens who is prettier than I am, guaranteed to be very affectionate.”
Prettier than Froma? As if that were possible! “No.”
“Together with inordinate wealth and status.”
“No,” he said more firmly. “Now you have seen the boat. It was only a tour. It is not for sale. We should rejoin the others. There is no need to tease me further.”
“I have not yet begun to tease. We really want this craft. Suppose I kiss you?”
“Don’t do that,” he begged, knowing it would make him lose all semblance of common sense. She was too infernally seductive.
“Perhaps if I removed my clothing? Flashed my underwear?”
“Please, Princess! You would only freak me out.”
She sighed. “I do like you, Dell. You’re an honest man. Those are rare. Too bad you’re not a prince.”
He was unable to reply. All he could do was cling to what he knew was right, daunting as that was. They returned to the deck, where she put her robe, hat, and veil back on, and then to the castle.
The King and Queen were there. The Queen spoke. “Froma, you will marry Prince Jerry.”
The Princess stared at them, aghast. “What?”
“You heard me, daughter,” the Queen said. “Jenny’s son is the one for you.”
“Why are you changing sides?” the princess raged. “You know I can’t marry any normal prince.”
“I believe it is time you met his mother, whom he echoes in key respects.”
“Echo schmecho! I don’t care if he’s the handsomest man in Xanth! I absolutely refuse to—”
Then she saw Jenny Elf stepping forward. Jenny extended her hand.
Froma fainted.
The King, evidently anticipating this, caught her before she hit the floor. He set her carefully on a couch.
“We must arrange the banns, and the wedding,” the Queen said with businesslike aplomb. “Of course she will travel to your land to join him. Will your marvelous boat be available for transport between worlds, so she can visit home frequently?”
“Until we find the proprietors,” Nia said. “Then perhaps you can make an arrangement with them.”
“This will of course end the war,” the King said with satisfaction. “Froma is safely off the market.”
The Princess recovered from her maidenly swoon. She sat up. Then she drew off her white gloves, which she had never removed in the boat. One of the fingers was fake.
She had four-fingered hands.
Now it was clear why she had rejected all suitors. She had World of Two Moons ancestry, and was a throwback to their handedness. Maybe more than that; she obviously had an affinity for wolves, and probably knew how to ride them. No wonder her small body was so fit, and the wolves were so amenable to Jenny Elf’s persuasion. The local princes were prejudiced in the same way the princesses of Jenny’s region were. Froma had not wanted to waste herself on one of those, even if one had been tolerant of her hands for the sake of the delicious rest of her. But with Jerry there would be no problem. They were evidently fated for each other.
Jenny’s mission was a success.
Froma joined them on the return trip, staying close to Jenny, no longer wearing her gloves. The two got along perfectly, and of course Jerry would love Froma the moment he saw her. She now treated Dell with absolute indifference, and he understood why: the issue of the boat was settled, her flirting days were over, and the less said about her teasing of him, the better. Kadence picked up on it, however, with that fine tuning she had, and was annoyed without feeling free to say why. He did not care to clarify the matter. He seemed to be caught in an endless procession of girls who were not right for him, for whatever reasons. When would he ever find the one who was perfect?
They started off with routine sailing, as it was better to give Santo another day’s rest. He also had an errand of his own. So they sailed back to Noe’s house, where she ran out gladly and hugged and kissed him. “I was afraid I’d never see you again.”
“We made a deal,” he reminded her.
“Yes, but boys are fickle. They’ll tell a girl anything so as to get her in bed, when she’s grown, and you don’t even want that.”
“I just like being with you. I’ll put up with the other stuff for the sake of that.”
And there was the truth. He
really did like her in his own fashion. They would be seeing each other regularly, now that Princess Froma would be traveling between worlds.
It seemed that just about anyone else could find the right one. Just not Dell.
Chapter 10
Jack Pot
They were on their way again, following a map that turned up on Tata’s screen after the Queen and Princess were delivered to the werewolf kingdom. They knew how Froma’s romance would turn out, so didn’t need to stay, though the children were sorry to see Jenny go. Kadence, bored, had returned to her future, leaving Ula happy to fill in. Dell suspected that Kadence remained in a snit about the time he had spent alone with Princess Froma, thinking she had made an impression on him. She had, indeed. If only he could find a girl like that he could keep!
“So now that we’re back on our own, peeve, exactly what mischief are we headed into?” Grania demanded of the bird.
“Jack Pot.”
“Who?”
“Princess Eve picked up on a nearby problem she thought we might fix. Tata let me know. Do you want the background?”
“Of course we want it, bird’s eye.”
“Jack’s talent is to conjure all kinds of pots. Most of them are empty, but one turned out to be filled, and it’s awkward.”
“Awkward?” Dell asked.
“It’s a big one, a goblin cook-pot, filled with warm water. And a maiden.”
Now everyone paid attention. “A what?” Dell asked. “Surely you don’t mean—”
“That is exactly what I mean,” the bird retorted. “They were cooking her, only before the water got hot enough Jack conjured the pot. It was sheer coincidence; he didn’t know it was in use at the time. Normally he takes pots that nobody will miss, but maybe goblins didn’t count as people. When the maiden saw him, she screamed, for some reason not completely comfortable about being seen bare by a strange man. It was a good loud scream, and the goblins heard. Now they are laying siege to Jack’s house, so they can recover the pot and finish cooking the meat. In fact they may add him to the mix. For some reason Princess Eve doesn’t approve; maybe Jack supplies her pots. So she figures that since we’re close by at the moment, maybe we can handle the matter.”
The maiden had not been concerned about being seen bare by goblins? About getting cooked by them? Dell suspected that there were some missing details to the story.
“Thank you for that clarification,” Nia said in her wry manner. “So the spot we’re sailing to is Jack’s house?”
“Yes. Jack Spratt. He’s a vegetarian, or at least he eats no fat. But the goblins aren’t, so he’s worried.”
“So maybe we’d better rescue Jack and Jill,” Nia said.
“How did you know her name?”
“A little fairy tale told me. I suspect that she was walking up the hill to fetch a pail of water, which is foolish since wells are invariably set on low ground, and the goblins caught her and suddenly she was in hot water.”
“It was getting there,” the peeve agreed.
Soon they arrived at Jack’s house. They could tell it was his because it was made entirely of pots piled together. There might even be ways in which it resembled a giant potty. It was surrounded by goblins who were banging on the pots, trying to knock some loose so that they could get into the house.
“This may pose a problem,” Dell said. “How do we get into the house, let alone rescue its occupants, when the goblins have a tight cordon around it? They are vicious fighters, and we’re not.”
“Something you may not have picked up about Fibot,” the peeve said. “It can sail through a crack.”
They looked at the bird. Why hadn’t it mentioned this before? Because they hadn’t asked, of course. “Then let’s sail inside and consult with Jack and Jill.”
They turned the boat invisible, and Win blew it toward the house. They watched somewhat nervously as it seemed headed for a crash. Then the view outside the shield seemed to twist, somewhat in the manner of a distorting magic mirror, so that the crevice between pots grew large, and the craft plunged into it.
Then they were inside the house. The boat was somewhat longer than the interior of the house was wide, yet somehow it fit. That was surely an incidental part of its magic.
Seeing them appear, Jill screamed again. It seemed she was good at that.
Dell got out and went to reassure her. She was still in the pot, bare, as if bathing in the warm water. She appeared to be a shapely creature under the rippling fluid. “We are here to rescue you, Jill,” he said. “I am Dell, and these are my friends.”
“Oh, that is so reassuring!” she said, part of her emerging from the ripples in her enthusiasm. Yes, she was a rather pretty thing despite her lack of clothing, with pale brown hair and eyes.
“So if you will just climb out, we will take you and Jack out of here, safe from the goblins.”
“But I don’t have a thing to wear!” she protested. “The goblins took my clothes.”
That explained why she remained in the pot. “I will check for clothing her size,” Grania said, and disappeared down the hatch.
“Now gather your things,” Dell told Jack. “We’ll take you to safety.”
“But I can’t leave my pots!” Jack said. “They are my livelihood, and it’s not easy to conjure good ones. The goblins will steal them all, and I’ll never get them back.”
“Ah,” Dell said, uncertain how to handle this.
“There is room for some in the hold,” Santo said.
“The prize is the big one,” Jack said. “It is copper plated.”
“But that one will never fit through the hatch,” Dell said. “And we’d have to empty the water out.”
“Not while I’m using it!” Jill said.
Dell exchanged most of a glance with the peeve. The task of saving folk from the ravages of the goblins was turning out to be not quite as simple as expected. He looked at the children. “Any ideas?”
“This is out of my bailiwick,” Santo said.
“I hate the idea of wasting all that good water,” Squid said.
“I haven’t got wind of a notion,” Win said.
“Maybe persuade the goblins to go away?” Ula asked.
Dell did not dismiss this out of hand. Her talent was to be useful in unexpected ways. “How could we do that?” he asked cautiously.
“Tata says there’s a way,” the peeve said.
“And what way is that?” Because with the peeve it was often necessary to ask rather specifically.
“Hawthorne.”
“And who is Hawthorne?”
“There’s a bit of background.”
There was a clang as the goblins outside pried at another pot. They would soon make a hole in the wall of pots.
Nia emerged from the hold. “Here’s a red dress that looks about the right size, complete with underwear.”
Jill eyed it dubiously. “That’s not my color.”
The signs were small, but Dell recognized them: Nia had had about enough of this nonsense. But she kept her peace, having better control than Dell did. She set down the dress and bra and panties, which had no powers when not on a girl. “Maybe Dell can change the color.”
Dell touched the dress, turning it blue.
“No, still not right,” Jill said.
He turned it green. “No.”
“What is your color?” he asked her carefully.
“That depends on my mood at the moment.”
There was another clang outside. The siege was getting urgent.
“Maybe Nia could scare them back awhile,” Ula said.
“Now that’s a useful suggestion,” Nia said, possibly glad for the diversion, alarming as it was. “I might indeed be able to buy us a smidgen more time.” She concentrated, and her phantom eyes appeared, large and aggressive.
&n
bsp; Jill screamed. “They’re looking at me!”
“That’s her talent,” Dell explained. “She needs to make them as horrendous as she can, to scare the goblins back.”
“Oh! That’s much better than my talent.”
“Your talent?”
“I turn pink when tickled.” She gave him a sidelong glance, which was a good trick since she was directly facing him. “Try it and see. On a rib; they’re the worst.” She hoisted herself higher out of the water so that her lovely ribs were exposed. He had to squint to avoid a partial freak-out from what else showed.
He decided to humor her, in the hope that she would agree to get out of the water and get dressed so they could save her. He reached out with one finger and lightly touched a rib.
“Eeeeek!” she exclaimed, turning a deep bright pink all over as she bounced vigorously in at least two places.
Santo snapped his fingers, waking Dell from his freak. The boy had of course not been affected.
“Sorry about that,” Jill said, without sounding very sorry. Dell realized that she had done it close to on purpose, just as she had avoided getting dressed. Why?
Then he had the answer: she was coming on to him, as so many girls had, ever since he ate the sweetie pie. Had he but known, he would never have done it. Or would he? He had to admit that this feminine interest, however awkward at times, was not unpleasant. Could Jill be the one for him? Her body certainly qualified.
Nia’s floating pair of eyes grew larger and intensified as Jill’s color faded. Now they looked truly evil as they peered at different folk in the house. Then they floated through the wall, going outside to entertain the goblins.
There was the sound of pounding feet as the goblins, spooked, charged to the rear. “Oh, this is fun,” Nia said, her own eyes closed. She was seeing through the phantom eyes, directing them in pursuit of the goblin horde.
Ula’s suggestion was working. But this was a temporary reprieve. They would have to get a better one before the eyes lost their shock and awe value.
Well, he could help there, now that he could go outside without getting attacked. “I will shore up the outer walls,” he said. He opened the door, which was made of an oblong pot, and stepped out. Then he walked slowly around the house, stroking his hands along the pot walls, enhancing them to greater hardness. The goblins would not be able to bash these in or aside in a hurry.
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