Lilia finally made it over. Without looking up from Oleander’s leg, Matthew told her, “Go check Aurora, please.”
A police officer showed up and told Matthew there were more wounded and that they needed his help because there were only medics and no doctors in the ambulance escorting the rally. It turned out one person had sprained his arm, another had taken a beating during the frantic stampede, and another appeared to have broken his leg as the result of a fall.
I looked up at Gaia, who was pale and oozing horror. “Go with him,” I said and gestured towards the cop. “Get your group to help out.”
“Fire sorcerers to cauterize wounds, water sorcerers to wash them,” Matthew said while disinfecting the wound. “And get the ambulance over here. Do you have air sorcerers?”
Gaia nodded, blinking.
“Get them to call the ambulance over,” he said, shifting his attention back to Oleander.
The officer held Gaia’s arm, and the two rushed off.
Matthew instructed me where to press, when to stretch the bandage, how to sanitize. He was entirely focused on disinfecting and treating the wound, his panic momentarily fading as he immersed himself in the familiar work. Lilia calmed Aurora down while dressing her wound. Dimitri disappeared into the crowd, presumably to help with the arrests.
We were all covered in blood, and then I heard the ambulance siren. Sherry appeared just as the ambulance pulled up next to us. She took one look at Aurora and shifted her gaze to Matthew. “How are the patients?”
“Mine will be fine,” Lilia said.
“Oleander will make it,” Matthew said, tying the dressing around his wound. I refrained from remarking that of course Oleander would make it. He wasn’t supposed to die yet. But he could very well spend the rest of his life in a hospital, hooked up to machines, unconscious.
The medics emerged from the back of the ambulance and lifted Oleander onto a wheeled stretcher. One of them commented on the professional job we had done, and Matthew gave a joyless laugh. He slid off his bloodied surgical gloves, bunched them together and handed them to one of the medics to throw away. Another medic led Aurora into the ambulance.
Sherry looked at me. “We took care of it,” she said, and I didn’t tell her it was the second time I’d heard that from her. “Tonight you’re safe. You can go home and get some sleep.”
I wanted to ask Daphne if it had helped, if we had actually succeeded, but I didn’t dare. She was entirely focused on Oleander. I saw her shift every now and then, moving her hand or her leg. It looked like a physical expression of the way I maneuvered people, when I clenched every heartstring to affect the desired result.
She was probably transporting us to a future in which Oleander had regained consciousness and didn’t spend the rest of his life bedridden.
Matthew got into the ambulance, and Daphne joined him. Lee and I stayed behind. Sherry patted my back. “I’ll give you a ride home.” She waved behind her and said, “Lilia and Dimitri are going to the hospital.”
“Was Dimitri hurt too?” Lee’s voice sounded thin and enervated.
“Just a few blows from one of the shooters who resisted arrest. It’s fine.” She smiled. “We’re used to it.”
Lee returned the smile. I felt his fatigue. I wanted to take a shower and go to bed. “Who’s coming with us?” I asked; my voice sounded frightened and strange, and had a faraway quality to it.
“I’ll stand guard at your place tonight. My people will watch the suspects. We’ve arrested quite a few women.”
“Female suspects?”
“Yup.” Sherry raised her brow. “Why?”
I returned the look. “I’m just used to having the women around me protecting me, not shooting me.”
“You’d be surprised how close I came to shooting you myself on more than one occasion.” Sherry smiled halfheartedly. “I don’t think it’s all behind us, but thanks to you…”
“Don’t say it.” The exhaustion crept into my voice. “Unless Daphne says I’m fine, I don’t want to hear it.” Sherry wasn’t as depleted and hurting as my friends. I was hoping she would indeed be enough to protect me. She wasn’t part of my circle. The reason Dimitri had entered the circle suddenly made a lot more sense. He probably wanted to keep the damus closest to me functioning and capable.
“How many were there?” Lee asked, steadying his voice. “Five. At least two pyros. Soon we’ll find out what the rest of them were,” Sherry said.
Lee said, “When I pushed you down to the ground, I maneuvered Blaze towards the gun, like you did at the bar.”
Sherry raised her palm in our mutual protection gesture. “It was justified.” She looked at Lee. “If you want to join the police force…”
Lee let out a brief chuckle. Sherry smiled. I felt the camaraderie between them, something in the way they stood in front of each other.
Blaze and River appeared behind Sherry. River’s ordinarily neatly styled hair was disheveled and Blaze seemed exhausted. He looked at me and immediately hugged me. I felt the sigh trapped inside him. “Sherry said you’re OK, but I had to see for myself,” he whispered.
I hugged him back. Once Blaze released me from his embrace, River squeezed in between us and hugged me. She didn’t say a word. I felt her relief. Neither of them was completely depleted. I breathed a sigh of relief.
Gaia had sent me a text: On our way to the hospital. We’re all fine, but need to help the wounded.
I leaned against Lee and typed You all did great. Take care. See you soon.
I was so tired by the time we got home that I could barely make it to the couch. Sherry canvassed the apartment, peeping into every room, like Dimitri had done when he first arrived at our place.
I let Sherry use the shower before me. Exhaustion radiated from her with every step she took. I offered her some old clothes of mine, sweatpants and a T-shirt that was too small on me and too big on her. She took them without protest, and after the shower went into Daphne’s room and shut the door behind her.
My phone rang; Daniel’s name flashed on the screen. I picked up.
“They said on the news there were gunshots at the rally,” he said. I could hear the concern in his voice. “Are you OK?”
“Yes.” I stifled a yawn.
I heard murmurs on the other end of the line, and Daniel said, “The boss is asking if you’re OK.”
“Yes, I’m OK.” I was hot and sticky and wanted to get out of my sweaty clothes. There were blood stains on my shirt. On my pants.
“There’s a neighborhood watch of… volunteers. They came over a few hours ago to make sure you weren’t here,” he whispered. “The boss kicked them out, but now they’re back, and he had to sign a document promising you won’t work here.”
“Hand him over!” Remy yelled in the background, and after snatching the phone he said, “You hear me? There are a bunch of psychos here trying to tell me how to run my business. My business! That I built with my own two hands. You hear me?”
“I hear you.”
“So I kicked them out, but they’ve got a cop with them, or someone who looks like a cop. I don’t care. Anyway, they came over with this cop, threatening that if I don’t fire you they’re going to raise hell, so I’ve got no choice, you know? I’ve got no choice. I have to let you go.”
I heard yelling in the background, and Remy saying to someone, “OK, OK, I’m doing it. It isn’t easy. He’s been working here since he was a kid.”
My ears perked up. I’d been working at the Sinkhole for a little under a year.
“So you hear me, Reed? You’re fired. I’m sorry, but I’ve got no choice. I’ll transfer your severance package to your bank account. Severance for ten years, the duration you worked here. But that’s according to the base salary, no tips. I don’t want to hear about tips.”
I gaped into the phone.
“One month salary for every year, so that’s ten monthly paychecks of severance, you hear me?”
“I hear you,” I stamme
red.
“What do you mean?” Remy yelled to the person next to him. “He’s been working here since before he got enlisted. When he was just a kid I’m telling you. He worked for me.” Remy shifted his attention back to me. “So that’ll be going straight into your bank account, and I don’t want to see your face here until things cool down, you get it?”
I could imagine the scene unfolding at the Sinkhole; Remy finding a way to pull one over on the Sons of Simeon or their messengers who had gone there to get me fired. What I couldn’t imagine was how he had explained his plan to Daniel, and I was hoping none of the people currently there was going to rat him out.
“Got it, boss. I got it. Thanks.”
He hung up.
“Everything OK?” Lee looked at me.
“Yes.” It was too hard to explain, but at least I wouldn’t have to worry about money anytime soon. My base salary at the café wasn’t that great without the tips, but it was better than no income at all. Lee hugged me and we went to take a shower.
There was nothing sexy about that shower, merely a ritual of scrubbing off the dirt and then changing clothes. I shoved all our dirty clothes into the washer and turned it on, wishing for the memories to fade like the blood stains.
Lee changed into clothes that belonged to one of my exes. I couldn’t even remember his name. It was the longest pair of pants I had in my closet, and they were still too short on him. He looked ridiculous.
“Music,” Lee said. “We need music.” He approached the stereo and began fiddling with the speakers.
“I don’t want music,” I said, plopping myself onto the couch and closing my eyes, “I want to sleep.” And forget. The noise. And the crying. And shouts from every direction. And the protective circle collapsing. Gaia’s pale face. Aurora cradling her wounded hand. The smell of blood and burnt flesh. I was supposed to feel happy I was still alive, but I was exhausted.
The first few notes sounded like heartbeats. I heard Lee’s footsteps approaching. I opened my eyes. “Come, we’re dancing.” He reached out his hand. His walls were as shaky as mine. If I tried, I could peek inside.
“I don’t want to dance.” I looked into his eyes, trying my best not to examine how brittle his walls truly were and look behind them. He was the one who always guarded himself from me. I couldn’t take advantage of the opportunity now.
“It’s easy,” he said and winked. “Like sex, but with our clothes on.” He took my hand. “Come on. We’re dancing.” There was no joy behind his gaze. A facade of the right physical gestures without the corresponding emotional interior.
“I’m miserable, and I’m sad.”
Lee looked into my eyes. “Me too,” he replied quietly. “But if we go to sleep like this it will end in nightmares. We have to shake it off before we go to bed.”
In the background, the heartbeats evolved into beating drums and wailing guitars. It wasn’t happy music. The singer sang about pictures from a broken, joyless world that was dying, doomed to perish in five years.
I let him heave me up from the couch, and we stood facing each other. “And now,” he said, holding up a finger, “a magic trick.”
He stuck his hand in his pocket, smiled, pulled it out and unclenched his fist, producing a cigarette.
“I don’t smoke,” I said and shrugged. “And I thought you wanted to dance.”
Lee held the cigarette between his thumb and index finger and stuck it in his mouth. “You don’t have to smoke,” he said, his voice muffled from the cigarette. “I’m smoking. You’re just dancing with me, and I’m helping you with the sadness.”
“You’re not…” I searched for the right word. “I can deal with it on my own.”
Instead of replying, Lee pulled out a lighter from his other pocket, closed his eyes, took a deep drag and exhaled two small jets of smoke through his nostrils. Daphne and I didn’t allow smoking in the house, but I couldn’t send him outside. Not now. I’d deal with Daphne tomorrow.
“That’s not tobacco,” I said once the smell hit me.
Lee opened his eyes, plucked the cigarette from his mouth and held it out in front of me. “You want some?”
I shook my head. “I don’t like things that play with my mind.” Sherry was in the next room. I felt her consciousness slip away as she fell asleep. I had the feeling that even if she had been awake, she wouldn’t have done anything. She had reached some sort of agreement with Lee, and neither of them would violate it.
Lee smiled and took another puff. “You don’t have to.” He took a step forward and placed a hand on my waist. “Come, we’re dancing.” He swayed his hips, and I danced along with him. We were out of sync. I felt ridiculous, swaying all stiff and awkward when all I wanted was to lie down and not think.
Lee took another drag of his cigarette. He closed his eyes every time he took a puff, and opened them and smiled at me as he exhaled the smoke, his smile becoming increasingly lopsided. We danced three songs together, until his cigarette was finished, and he carefully placed the butt on the table.
He straightened and put his hand around my waist again. “And now,” he whispered, his accent more pronounced than I had ever heard it before, “magic.” He pressed his forehead against mine, and I felt him touching my psyche. Slowly. Giving me ample time to retreat. I didn’t move. His walls were full of cracks, and he barely managed to hold them in place. He plucked part of himself and wrapped it around my consciousness. I felt his mental fog infiltrating every part of me. It was different from last time. This time he was using the blurring effect of the substance itself to cleanse the negative emotions, to leave nothing behind but the pleasant, positive feelings.
“You don’t need to smoke,” he whispered, “and you don’t need to be sad.” I felt the blurriness enveloping all the prickly, painful feelings and dissipating them. “You’re alive, and I’m happy.” How did he have enough sorcery in him to maneuver me like that? He was going to deplete whatever was left in him if he continued.
I should have taken a step back, broke the connection. I could have pushed him off me. But it felt nice. It was so easy to let go, let loose, let him veil my consciousness in haze. I noticed we were swaying together. Slowly. Not entirely to the music’s rhythm. Both his hands were on my hips. I moved closer to him, into a real hug, pressing my stomach and chest against his. He moved his head so I could lean on him.
“More?” he whispered in my ear.
I nodded and closed my eyes, giving in to the feeling. He wrapped my entire consciousness, slowly, gently. I let myself be swept along. We breathed together, moved together wordlessly. I barely noticed when Lee led me to the couch and helped me sit down.
The fog started to dissipate around the same time the album looped back to the beginning. Lee lifted his head and looked at me. “I need more,” he said, and slightly lowered one of his walls. I felt the misery pouring out. It was the accumulated misery of years of repression.
I couldn’t put words together. I was flying so high I felt that if I attempted to talk only air would come out. I nodded.
He fished out another cigarette and extended his hand. I took it. “Want to dance again?” His voice sounded indifferent, as if my answer didn’t really matter. There had been intimacy between us only seconds ago. He wanted to keep moving.
I pulled myself up with his help and smiled.
“You’re gorgeous when you smile,” he said, making my stomach shrink. He smiled too and put the cigarette in his mouth. “Together this time.” He pressed me up against him. We stood face to face. He lit the cigarette. First puff. Now, instead of keeping it all to himself, he swaddled my thoughts once the sage started to affect him.
I didn’t think. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I adjusted my movements to his; I listened to the air entering his chest, filling him up, and felt Lee transferring his feelings to me, his consciousness being tucked behind a blurring veil. I didn’t want to resist. I was swept along.
26
Morning
slowly seeped into my consciousness. I was naked under the light blanket. I liked the feeling of the fabric against my skin. Lee was lying in bed behind me, making the mattress dip on his side. He was caressing me. Long strokes. The back of my neck, my arm, forearm, lower back, shoulder blades and back to my nape. I took a deep breath, trying to remember last night.
The fog lifted, leaving a trail of warmness behind it. The pain had almost entirely subsided. No wonder Lee decided to smoke after the rally. Shoulder, arm, lower back.
“Feel good?” he whispered. His voice was hoarse. Gentle waves flowed from him to me. I leaned back a little. He was closer than I thought. My body brushed against him. He was probably leaning on one arm. I moved my pelvis, scooting closer.
He stopped stroking me.
“More.” My voice was croaky, a morning voice. I cleared my throat. “Please.”
I felt him moving behind me, lying down.
I touched his hand, lifting his finger and placing it on my skin. “More cuddling, please.” This time my voice sounded like its usual self. He slid his finger down my waist, and stopped. Slowly, he dragged his finger along the border between my bottom and lower back.
My outburst of emotions took me by surprise. I didn’t have time to block it. Lee’s breath caught when it hit him.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
Lee didn’t move. “What do you want, Reed?”
You. Now.
“For you to keep touching me.”
I heard his snigger. I had a perfect mental image of him. Strained smile, amused look, aloof expression. “I think,” he said, pressing up against me, “that you want something completely different.”
I turned to him without opening my eyes. We were lying in front of each other. I felt his body against mine, stomach to stomach, chest to chest. He folded his knees, so that one of his legs was placed on top of me and the other was pressing against my thigh. I knew how his body felt. It wasn’t our first time. And yet, something was different. There were almost no barriers between us. “We didn’t do anything last night. Just so you know. I didn’t take advantage of…”
The Heart of the Circle Page 25
