by Z. Fraillon
Jasper was confused. ‘Are your brothers at Monstrum House too?’ he asked.
Felix shook his head. ‘Used to be. Apparently I come from a long line of monster-hunters. My brothers weren’t meant to say anything, but they let me in on it all the night before I left.’
‘That was nice of them,’ Jasper shrugged, trying to get his head around the idea of a family of monster-hunters.
‘Nah – it was more in the you’d better not wuss out and make us beat you up for ruining our good name kind of way. Anyway, we’d better get back. I’ve got Stenka the ice queen for a teacher, and class starts in a few hours,’ Felix said, checking his watch.
‘Me too,’ said Jasper. He was glad he had met Felix. For a kid who’d been shoved in a monster-hunting school, Felix seemed all right.
No lights shone from the windows of the stone mansion. The flags were completely still. The place looked eerily empty.
As Jasper and Felix ran towards the school building, Jasper’s feet felt like they were about to drop off. At least there weren’t any prefects around – that they could see. Jasper figured they were probably all too busy dragging kids out of their beds.
‘Finally,’ Jasper whispered to Felix, as they crept quietly up to the front doors, just managing to dodge the sweep of the searchlights. He slowly pulled down on the doorhandle. It wasn’t locked. They had made it. Jasper smiled at Felix with relief. He pushed the door open.
A dark figure blocked their path.
‘Out of bed, are we?’ a voice sneered viciously. Jasper recognised the scarred face and hard eyes of the prefect immediately. He hadn’t seemed nice in the food hall, and Jasper didn’t think he looked particularly nice now. ‘Right. Come with me,’ Bruno snarled.
Bruno
10
Jasper and Felix only just made it into their Species Studies class on time. Bruno had made them spend the rest of the night in the freezing laundry, handwashing the prefects’ dirty clothes in giant tubs of cold water. By the time the gong sounded to wake everyone up, Jasper and Felix’s hands were like cold sultanas.
And now they were in Species Studies, listening to Stenka talk about different kinds of monsters. Saffy had also made it into Class 1B and took a seat next to Jasper and Felix.
The Species Studies classroom wasn’t like any other Jasper had been in. A fire burned merrily behind the teacher’s desk, and instead of rows of desks and chairs for the students, each kid had their own comfy armchair or couch. It looked comforting, but it was a strange place to be taught about monsters – especially when the teacher was anything but comforting. The combination made Jasper feel a bit queasy.
‘This one!’ Stenka snapped her stick against the board, her mohawk vibrating with the impact, ‘is a Sizzleguzzler.’
Jasper stared at the picture of the monster – a slimy, wart-covered, toad-like creature that looked like something that had been splattered in the middle of the footpath.
‘Sizzleguzzlers belong to the Muncher order of monsters. Munchers eat people. Or parts of people,’ Stenka said matter-of-factly, as if it were the most ordinary thing to be teaching kids.
‘There are four distinct monster orders, as identified by Henrik Schnellman,’ she went on. ‘He was the founder of Monstrum House and the first person to devote his life to the study of monsters. Eventually he was eaten.’
Jasper drew a cartoon of the Sizzleguzzler licking its lips and drooling over Henrik Schnellman’s half-eaten leg.
‘The particularly nasty Munchers completely devour their victims, which is why some people disappear without a trace.’ Stenka paused and smiled fondly at the picture of the Sizzleguzzler on the board again. Its mouth hung open, and a long line of dark, swirling drool dripped from its tongue. ‘The process can be long and painful. The Sizzleguzzler, for example, will take about a week to digest a fully grown person.’
Jasper wondered how long it took a Sizzleguzzler to digest a teenager, but he decided he didn’t really want to know.
Sizzleguzzler Mmm, yum yum!
He actually thought the monster looked kind of cool – it was gross but funny. A pile of vomit with legs. Although perhaps it wouldn’t be so funny if you were the one being slowly digested.
‘The drool sizzles through the people it eats, like an acid,’ Stenka was saying cheerfully.
‘So how do we kill it?’ asked Saffy.
‘Oh no,’ Stenka whispered. ‘Monsters can’t be killed. Only caught and ... changed. We’ll get to that later. But you – you can be killed. SIZZLE!’ she added loudly for emphasis, smiling.
There was silence in the classroom.
‘How do we change them, then?’ asked Saffy, not giving up.
But Stenka ignored her. ‘Now, on to the two most common monster orders,’ she went on. ‘The Screecher and Scrambler orders. Monsters in the Screecher order frighten people. Most of the monsters you have come across under your beds and in your wardrobes belong to the Screecher order.’
Stenka pointed to a few pictures of Screecher monsters on the board. Jasper couldn’t help but notice that Felix was looking particularly uneasy.
‘Screechers do not eat people,’ said Stenka. ‘Their aim is to frighten you. But, like all monsters, they will bite when cornered. And the effect of a monster bite can sometimes be a fate worse than death.
‘Then, there are the Scramblers,’ Stenka continued. ‘Scramblers are basically nuisance monsters. They hide things, confuse brain signals – whatever they can do to annoy their victims. Have you ever had that dream where you’re running and running but never seem to get anywhere?’ Stenka waited for the murmur of agreement to die down. ‘Chances are a small type of Scrambler was inside your ear, making you feel all that frustration.’
Jasper knew that dream. He’d had it before. He couldn’t believe there had been monsters inside his ears!
‘Other larger species of Scramblers play practical jokes to confuse and annoy their victims,’ Stenka told the class.
‘But that’s not very bad, is it?’ interrupted Saffy. ‘Not like being eaten.’
Stenka turned towards Saffy. ‘What you don’t seem to understand, Ms Dominguez, is that while only a Muncher will eat you, a Scrambler could easily fry your brain, like water thrown over a computer’s hard drive. And while a Screecher’s aim is to frighten rather than kill you, many of their victims are frightened to death.’
Saffy was silent.
Stenka smiled and looked around at the rest of the class. ‘Then there is the Morpher order. Morphers are highly dangerous, and very difficult to catch. As the name suggests, they can change shape, which makes tracking them difficult. But worst of all is what they do to their victims.’
Stenka waited for the suspense to build. She seemed to be enjoying this. ‘You see, Morpher monsters morph their victims,’ she whispered to the silent class. ‘Some morph their victims into lemon trees or sausage dogs, which may not sound so bad. But a particularly nasty type of Morpher could even turn you into a monster. Well, a half-monster anyway. You’ll learn more about morphing in your second year.’
Jasper could tell by the looks on everyone’s faces that they hoped they wouldn’t be here for a second year. He glanced across at Felix, who looked completely horrified.
‘Each order has hundreds of monster species that belong to it,’ said Stenka. ‘But every monster, in every order, has a weakness – be it that a bowl of apple jelly will shrink them to the size of an ant, or that pressing their bellybutton will send them into a deep sleep.’ She passed her cold, beady eyes over the class, daring anyone to snigger.
‘No monster likes the light. Monsters only ever attack in darkness,’ Stenka said as she passed up and down between the couches. ‘So once it is dark, you will find that knowing an individual monster’s weakness is extremely useful. You will learn to find their weakness. And you will learn to catch them all.’
Then her voice softened slightly and her eyes glinted with a memory. ‘Ahh, so much to look forward to. The fear, th
e excitement, the danger ... I sometimes wish I could go on a Hunt again myself.’
Saffy nudged Jasper. ‘Don’t worry. I won’t be here long enough to learn anything,’ she whispered to him.
Jasper wondered if Houdini had worked out an escape plan already.
Stenka spun around and rapped her stick on Jasper’s couch, making him flinch. He was sure she knew what he’d been thinking. She glared coldly at Jasper and Saffy.
‘We have dealt with all kinds of students here,’ Stenka said. ‘No matter how smart or how clever you think you are. We have seen it all before. And we have won. We always win. There is no escaping us.’
Jasper felt his gaze harden. Is that a challenge?
Stenka held his gaze, without blinking once.
A gong sounded for the end of class.
Stenka smiled and turned away.
‘Could this place get any weirder?’ Felix asked Jasper as they picked up their copies of Creatures that Creep in the Night: A Guide to Common Monsters. A strange-looking beast with a mouthful of fangs and six eyes glared up at them from the front cover. Felix shivered and turned the book over.
‘At least I know I’m not crazy,’ Jasper said. ‘I always thought there were monsters in the dark.’
Saffy shook her head. ‘I would rather be crazy than stuck in this place,’ she muttered.
Jasper sighed. If he had a choice between this and his old life he knew exactly which one he would choose. And it wasn’t Monstrum House.
He checked their timetable. ‘OK, looks like Gadgets and Gizmos, Classroom 4.’
An image of gadget shoes flashed through Jasper’s mind, and he imagined himself being propelled off the ground by rocket-booster turbo boots that shot him high above the mansion.
‘Now that sounds more like it,’ Saffy said.
Even Felix brightened a little.
11
They were wrong. The next class was the worst of the lot. Jasper pushed open the door to Classroom 4 to find ... Stenka.
‘Double Stenka!’ groaned Jasper.
‘We lied,’ Stenka announced smugly. ‘There is no class called Gadgets and Gizmos. What do you think this is? The James Bond Spy School?’
There was silence as Stenka marched the class outside to the snow-covered courtyard.
‘Shoes off,’ Stenka commanded loudly. No-one was game enough to argue.
Jasper wondered how long it would take before someone got frostbite and had to have their foot cut off. He thought longingly of the comfy couches and fire in the Species Studies classroom.
‘Today you have the great honour of a special class with Principal Von Strasser,’ Stenka smiled menacingly. ‘It’s tradition.’
Then she made her way back inside, leaving the students alone in the courtyard, shivering, their feet ankle-deep in the snow.
The students waited. And waited. And waited some more. Felix had almost turned blue. ‘D’you think anyone is coming?’ he asked through chattering teeth. Jasper really hoped so. He couldn’t feel his feet anymore.
‘That’s it,’ Jasper said after another five minutes of feeling frozen. ‘I’m out of here.’ But as soon as he bent down to pick up his shoes, a shadow fell over him. Jasper felt a puff of hot steam snort down the back of his neck. It didn’t take a genius to guess who the shadow belonged to.
‘Going somewhere, Mr McPhee?’ came a gravelly voice. Jasper slowly rose. Von Strasser was sitting on top of his horse, wearing the same hat as yesterday. But this time his cape was blue and tied around his waist like an apron, and his hair appeared to be green.
‘Of course not,’ Jasper lied. ‘I was just – straightening my shoes.’
Von Strasser raised an eyebrow, then turned his horse around and cantered gracefully up and down the line of students. ‘Everybody on your left foot, please,’ he called warmly. ‘Please – I would like you all to understand – this is not a punishment.’
Jasper didn’t feel like they had any choice but to do as they were told. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Saffy frowning.
‘It certainly feels like one,’ she muttered.
‘You see ...’ Von Strasser paused, looking thoughtful. He halted his horse and pulled a bag of roasted chestnuts out from his pocket.
‘Your brains are shrinking,’ he went on matter-of-factly, chewing on his chestnuts. ‘It’s all to do with puberty. That wonderful stage somewhere between the ages of ten and sixteen. The end of childhood. The beginning of adulthood. Unfortunately the end of puberty also marks the end of your brain as you know it.’
Jasper wasn’t sure he’d heard Von Strasser properly. Had he just said that their brains were shrinking?
‘Every sentence you read in a book, every word you write down, every maths question you solve is sending your brain into tiny little spasms, and by the time you are as old as your mother or father, your brain will have shrunk to the size of a dried-out prune. Unless of course you stand for at least thirty minutes a day in snow or ice. And that is what you will do. The dull ache of blood freezing in your feet stalls the shrinking process.’
Jasper thought of how his mum sometimes soaked her feet in bowls of icy water, but that was for her sore feet, not because she had a shrinking brain.
Jasper looked around and suddenly found the whole thing ridiculously funny. Here they were, standing on one foot in the snow, with an old man on a horse telling them their brains were shrinking.
‘His brain has certainly shrunk,’ Saffy whispered.
‘CHANGE FEET!’ Von Strasser bellowed at the top of his lungs.
Jasper was glad to see he wasn’t the only one who flinched. He was amazed that his feet were still there. It felt like they’d dropped off in the snow.
‘It is because of their shrunken brains that adults are unable to see the Snobleshriek that lives underneath your bed. Or the Flippelsqueal in your wardrobe,’ Von Strasser continued as he pulled a thermos out of his saddlebag and poured himself a steaming mug of hot chocolate.
Jasper had often thought grown-ups said stupid things. Maybe they did have prune brains.
‘The secret police, NASA and the army all put together wouldn’t know where to look for a monster, even if it was right under their noses,’ continued Von Strasser. ‘Which is why catching monsters is up to you. CHANGE FEET,’ he added before slurping noisily from his thermos.
‘All children are naturally afraid of the dark. They can sense monsters lurking. As they get older, their belief in monsters begins to weaken, until they can no longer see what is really there. But children are right to be afraid of the dark.’
Another gong sounded and everyone breathed a sigh of relief as they put their shoes back on. Von Strasser looked at his watch and seemed almost disappointed that the class was already over.
‘Mr McPhee,’ Von Strasser called from his horse.
Jasper wondered hopefully if there was another boy with the name McPhee. He glanced up at Von Strasser. He was looking directly at Jasper. Guess not.
‘Yes, sir?’ Jasper asked. He had perfected the art of looking innocent at other schools, but he had a feeling it wasn’t going to work at Monstrum House.
‘There is something I think you need to see,’ he said. ‘Please follow me.’ He turned his horse and pranced towards the doors.
Jasper glanced nervously at Saffy and Felix, then reluctantly followed Von Strasser. All the pictures of monsters that Stenka had shown them slammed into his brain. Jasper had to admit – he was scared.
12
Von Strasser seemed to have forgotten that Jasper was following him. He kept chatting to his horse as he trotted down the maze of corridors.
Jasper tried to add each corridor to his mental map of the school marked ESCAPE PLAN, but he found corridors scribbling over corridors in his mind. Jasper shook his head – his mental maps had always worked before.
‘... could try chocolate pasta with raspberries for dinner ...’ Jasper heard Von Strasser mumble.
Jasper wondered if the princ
ipal would even notice if he turned around and slunk back the way they had come.
As they passed along the tangle of corridors, Jasper started to hear something else. It was the same whisper he had heard in the spooky house. Goosebumps spread all over his skin. ‘Slaaayyyyn ... wryn kommmt ... Jasssspppeeerrr ...’
Von Strasser stopped his horse suddenly. He turned to face Jasper, but his expression was hard to read.
‘Did you hear it too?’ Jasper asked.
‘Hmm,’ said Von Strasser, peering down closely at Jasper. ‘Well, I suppose that is to be expected, considering the incident.’
Jasper had no idea what he was talking about.
Then Von Strasser sat up straight on his horse again. ‘After you, Mr McPhee,’ he said, indicating a tall, skinny door that had appeared before them.
‘The records office,’ Von Strasser explained as they entered the room. The doorway, like all of those in Monstrum House, was high enough to let him through on horseback.
The only light in the room came from a glass tank of strange, purple-glowing creatures. The walls were lined with shelves full of folders covered in a thick layer of dust. There were old portraits, strange-looking gadgets, and creatures in jars that almost seemed to buzz to life when Jasper looked at them.
One bookshelf held ancient books covered with gruesome monsters that Jasper hoped he would never have to meet. And way up high was a box marked whipped cream.
The records office
Weird, Jasper thought, but not exactly the strangest thing in this nutso place.
Von Strasser, still on horseback, was shuffling through a stack of folders and papers on the high shelves. ‘H, I, J ... Where’s M? Ah yes,’ he said quietly. ‘I reviewed your student intake file. There is real potential there – toughness, yes, but no nastiness. You only seem to get yourself into trouble when provoked. You are obviously quite gifted at planning revenge, usually against forces stronger than yourself.’
