by L. M. Carr
Maddie and Luke jump into Adam’s arms, each receiving a kiss on the top of their head. Sophie, with her big green eyes, stands beside her mother who is now talking on the phone, and watches longingly at this display of affection.
I watch all five of them leave together like one big happy fucking family.
BY THURSDAY NIGHT, I am desperate. I need Adam to release my tension—I need him in my bed. He responds quickly to my invitation to come over after work.
About an hour later, Adam pulls into my driveway quietly, the purr of his SUV barely heard unlike his car. He knocks lightly at the back door before walking straight in like he’s done it a million times. His eyes find me immediately and they are serious, filled with lust for me. I am drawn to him like I’ve never been drawn to anyone in my life. He will consume me, of this I am sure.
His arms wrap around my body, pulling me flush against him, his hands pull my hair free, letting it fall over my shoulders. Through his beautifully tailored dark pants, I can feel his length harden and twitch. My lips are crushed against his, our tongues begin an erotic dance around and around, tasting, desperately savoring one another. My fingers work quickly to unbutton his shirt and then pants, just low enough for him to spring free. Our lips separate for a split second while he lifts my burgundy shift dress over my head, dropping it to the floor as he walks me backwards to the living room where the sofa welcomes us. The telltale sound of crinkling lets me know what’s about to happen.
He enters me forcibly, pounding into me without apology. It’s what we both want. It’s what we both need. I yank his wavy hair with one hand, pulling him in closer, while I use my other hand to rake my nails down his back. I know those marks will take a day or two to heal just as my body will need some time to recuperate from this. God, he feels so good. With the perfect angle, he gives me a much needed release before thrusting one last time and finding his own.
“Hi there.” I smile when he pulls his face from my neck.
“Hi.” He grins back.
“Thank you for that.” I lean up to kiss his neck.
His eyes search mine, and he smiles. “Thank you. Thank you for saying yes.”
“And how was your day, Mr. Lawson?”
“Busy. I’ve got so many things going on right now, it’s hard to see straight. Hopefully some things will be over sooner rather than later,” he responds seriously. Some things? I hope what we’re doing doesn’t qualify as “some things.”
Our conversation is comfortable, although the weight of his body on mine is not. “Did you eat dinner?” I ask, guessing that he didn’t since it is still dinnertime.
“Actually, I haven’t. Are you going to feed me?” He growls into my ear. “My appetite is insatiable, you know.”
“So it seems.”
“I could whip something up. I don’t mind,” I suggest carefully. I’m not really sure if having dinner together would be appropriate for our “friends with benefits” package. Maybe I’ll need to apply for an upgrade soon.
“Really? You’d cook for me?” He’s surprised by my offer.
Between my legs, I feel him soften and slip out of me. “Sure, why not? I wouldn’t want you to wither away or anything.” I smirk.
Almost immediately, I’m flipped over onto my front, my face planted on the couch cushion while my ass is yanked into the air. I feel his weight shift briefly when he moves to retrieve something. I hear another crinkle.
“I’ll give you wither away,” his voice, deep and sexy, fills with amusement as he begins round two, taking me hard from behind.
***
I STAND AT MY STOVE, sautéing garlic and onion in olive oil, tossing in some sun-dried tomatoes, fresh basil and grilled chicken to serve over linguine. Before sitting down at the island to eat, Adam sets out our dishes and silverware, choosing a chilled Riesling from the fridge.
Glancing back at him, I notice he’s on his phone texting. Gone is the relaxed, satiated Adam replaced by a serious man, looking contemplative.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, spooning pasta onto his dish and then mine.
Adam clears his throat. “Yeah, it will be.”
I can’t help but feel that things aren’t exactly “okay” with Adam. For a man in his early thirties, he’s got a lot going on. How do I know his age? Oh, I may or may not have looked at Madison’s file in the office.
Adam raises his glass of wine, turning to look at me. “Here’s to not letting things wither away.” That smirk appears accompanied by a wink.
“Cheers.” I grin, bringing the glass to my lips, sipping slowly.
“Do you have any plans for Saturday?” Adam asks hesitantly, while spooning a second helping of pasta.
“I’m not sure, really. I guess I don’t have any specific plans. Why?” I’m curious.
He stares at his plate of food pensively and then tells me that he has to go into the city to look at some properties and asks if I’d like to join him for the day.
I eye him suspiciously. “Are you serious?”
“I am.” He nods in approval.
The package upgrade must have been approved during dinner because we would be in public together not engaging in any kind of sex. I’d be foolish not to be skeptical.
Oh God, the last time I was in the city, I was with Kate at the club and she abandoned me. I punched Devin in the face for manhandling me and Adam was mean to me, warning me away, telling me never to return. I’ll have to ask him about that sometime.
“Are you going to the city for business or for pleasure?” I ask as I clear our empty plates and wash them quickly, wondering if he understands my implication about going to the club for pleasure. I can’t imagine him wanting to take me there after he warned me away.
“Well, that depends. If you come with me, it’ll be both. If you choose not to come, it’ll only be business.”
That little bit of information makes me sigh in relief. No Mia equals no club.
“What will I do while you’re working?”
“You’ll be right beside me,” he answers as though it’s common knowledge that I would be with him.
“I’d have to make arrangements for Brady, but I guess I can go.”
“You guess you can go?” An arched eyebrow raises, his hand clutching at his chest in mock horror. “You don’t want to spend time with me?” All humor is erased from his face. He’s completely serious.
“That’s not it!” I roll my eyes. “I just didn’t think we’d be spending any time together...you know…apart from when we’re having sex.” My face turns bright red with embarrassment at having to say those words out loud. It’s one thing to do it; it’s another to talk about it.
“I happen to like spending time with you as well as in you.” He tucks my hair behind my ear and leans in for a kiss.
“Okay, I’ll go.” The butterflies reappear in my stomach, doing an intricate dance, fluttering every which way. My heart pokes her head out for a moment, before my brain shoos her away.
***
I SPEND ALL DAY Friday thinking about our trip to the city. I’m excited about spending the day with him. I wonder if he’ll hold my hand or kiss me senseless on the busy sidewalks. We’ve never been on a date other than dinner. I guess that makes sense because we’re not dating; we’re just having sex. I need to be careful and not mix things up. My fragile heart is on alert.
Early Saturday morning, I’m dressed and ready to go when my phone alerts me of a text.
AL: Something’s come up. I have to cancel. I’m sorry. Call you later.
He never called.
I DIDN’T CONTACT Adam nor did he contact me. When I see him at dismissal time, I treat him like any other parent. He receives a cordial greeting, a simple smile, and his children. That is all.
I spent a lot of time on Sunday thinking about how I should handle this. I knew better than to get excited—Adam had made his intentions clear from the very beginning. Why he asked me to go with him into the city is something I can’t figure out. T
hat’s not something fuck buddies do. Part of me, the emotional side, wanted to call him out on what he did, but then I would appear as some whiny, needy chick. The intelligent part of me told me not to worry about it…it is what it is. Brain scolded Heart for getting her hopes up—she knew what we were getting into when I agreed to sleep with Adam Lawson.
I run harder and longer every day all week, morning and night. Wednesday afternoon when I see Shane at the park for football practice, I wave a quick hello but ignore his hand gestures to call him. I know Adam is nearby, I can feel him. My eyes dart around, looking for any sign of him or his kids. Luke is on the field with the other boys, but Adam and Maddie aren’t here. I turn up the volume on my iPhone, blasting Fall Out Boys in my ear, urging me to pick up the pace as I trek toward the “expert” trail.
Panting heavily, I lean over, trying to catch my breath when I sense a figure approaching me. I don’t have to look to know it’s Adam. The tingling in my body tells me it’s him. I straighten myself, remove my earbuds and readjust my ponytail before meeting his eyes.
“Hi,” he mumbles, walking over to close the space between us.
Play it cool, Mia. Say hello like it’s no big deal. Do not let him see how he affects you.
“Hey, what’s up?” I say casually trying to hide my nerves.
Adam’s eyes narrow, assessing my reaction or lack thereof to his greeting.
“I’ve been waiting for you.” He looks at me seriously.
“Really? Why?” I ask, puzzled.
“I needed to see you.”
“Uh, you see me every day, Adam.” I chuckle, nervously.
He says nothing while searching my face.
“I needed to see you to explain myself.”
I look down and kick the dirt under my feet. “No explanation needed. It’s all good.”
“Mia…” he pleads, reaching out to touch me. “You’re upset. I can tell. Please let me explain.”
“Seriously, Adam. It’s no big deal,” I say, trying to convince both of us before stepping back away from him. The hammering of my heart gets louder. I want to scream, “Is this some sick game? Reel me in and then cast me back out?”
“Damn,” I say as I realize that I left my water bottle at home.
“Here. Drink.” He holds up his own bottle of water, offering it to me after he takes a quick drink.
“No. I’m fine. Thanks.” I decline his offer. My body kicks into overdrive when his tongue darts out and licks the moisture from his lips. God, that tongue and those lips have been everywhere on me. A quiet, wanton sigh escapes me.
“Take it,” he insists.
I unscrew the bottle and raise it to my lips and drink. And drink. And drink until it’s all gone. “Ahhhh, that’s so good,” I smirk. “Thanks.”
Adam snorts and chuckles when I hand back the empty bottle.
The familiar sound of his phone interrupts us. He reaches into the pocket of his running shorts, grimaces and responds to the text.
“Can I see you tomorrow?” He looks at me with uncertainty.
“Actually, I’m not going to be around tomorrow night.” I lie.
“Oh, okay,” he answers dejectedly. “I have my kids this weekend so I probably won’t get to see you.”
“No worries. Like I said before, it’s all good.”
“What the fuck! This fucking phone,” Adam mutters with annoyance before swiping his finger to take a call. “Hey,” he answers.
“Fucking phone” is an understatement. At least he and I are on the same page about the constant interruptions by his phone. I listen intently as he continues his conversation. “Yeah, I’m almost done. No, you don’t have to come over. I’ll swing by your place after.” He disconnects the call.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, making her appearance once again is…the green-eyed monster. I stand there, wondering who wants him to come over and whose house he’ll be swinging by later. I swallow the lump in my throat. Then it dawns on me. This woman is probably the “something” that came up. God, I’m such a fool for thinking that he would want to actually spend time with me outside of the bedroom. Maybe she’s prettier, thinner, or sexier. Maybe she’s got exceptional skills in the bedroom. It wouldn’t be the first time I came in second place.
“Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine.” I glance at my phone that’s secured on my bicep, checking the time and see a text from Shane. Oh my God. He’s relentless. I think I’m going to have to go the “bitch” route with him since he clearly doesn’t get the hint. “I’ve gotta go.”
Adam’s eyes narrow when he sees Shane’s name on my phone, but he doesn’t say anything.
“I’ll see you around.” I turn away before starting the run downhill.
***
JUST BEFORE I crawl into bed, I get a simple, three word text: “I won’t share.” Oh, Adam Lawson, what am I going to do with you?
OVER THE NEXT WEEK, I spend as much time as possible doing things outside. I cut the grass, wash my Jeep, and store the paddleboards in the garage. There’s a chill in the air each morning—a sure sign that fall is upon us, needing to spread her colorful wings. At night, I read or bake and rearrange my closets and drawers, putting away summer clothes and pulling out my warm sweaters.
Adam and I text back and forth all week, but I don’t see him much except for in the afternoons when he picks up his children from school. I miss him. My body misses him.
On Wednesday night, Pete and I grab a bite to eat before we drive over to hear his cousin’s band play. The bar is packed and the music is loud. A few beers later and a full set by the band, Ryan and Will order drinks and sit with us. Will sits next to me, brushing his legs against mine.
“Hey, you! What’d ya think?” Will leans into my ear so I can hear him over the music.
I hit send as I respond to Adam’s text and set my phone down. “It was great. You guys are really good!” I’m honest in my answer. They are good.
For the next hour, we drink and talk while I nonchalantly and discreetly text Adam. I yawn loudly. It’s getting late and I need to head home, but Pete doesn’t want to leave yet. He’s mending a broken heart since his boyfriend has moved on to “bigger and better things.” Yes, those were his exact words. Rat bastard!
As I say my goodbyes, I watch curiously as Will leans over and whispers something to Ryan. He turns to me and asks if I could give him a lift because he’s got to get up early for work. I didn’t realize that Will has lived in town for a few years—my mind has been a little preoccupied, I guess. They all stand up, do that weird guy handshake, half-hug thing before Will walks with me to my Jeep.
“You okay to drive?” Will asks.
“I’m fine. Didn’t you notice I’ve been drinking water for the last three rounds?” I laugh, noting how glassy his eyes are.
“Well, that’s good to know.” He slams the door and buckles up.
“You’re not going to throw up or anything, are you?” I look at him anxiously.
Will just laughs—he’s got a nice laugh. He tells me about the band and their plans. I find out he works at an adult group home during the day.
I park alongside the curb when I reach his apartment, noticing that it’s after midnight. I’m so going to pay for this tomorrow.
“Hey, thanks for the lift, Mia. I appreciate it.” Will smiles and runs his hand through his hair.
“Yeah, no problem. It’s on my way home anyway.”
Will hesitates before opening the door. “Can I take you out sometime?” His question is met with silence.
“Um, wow,” I whisper because I so did not see that one coming. Okay, well maybe I did a little. “Here’s the thing, Will,” I stammer, “I’m kind of seeing someone.”
“You are?” He looks at me suspiciously.
“I am.” I nod apologetically.
Will pushes the door open, turns around and leans back in to say, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, you know where to find me.”
Once I get ho
me, I let Brady out and text Adam to let him know that I’m home safe and sound. I brush my teeth and crawl into bed, hoping that sleep will come soon, but Adam doesn’t yield with his bombardment of texts—some sweet, others, not so much. Sleep does eventually find me with the lights still on and my phone in hand with unanswered messages from Adam.
AL: Glad you had a good time.
AL: Hey, where’d you go?
AL: Guess you fell asleep.
AL: Good night. Sweet dreams.
***
THURSDAY AFTERNOON, Mrs. Chapman, my principal, calls me into her office, asking to speak to me. Oh, shit! I feel like a kid being called into the principal’s office. That’s something Josh was used to but not me. A million thoughts race through my mind about what she could possibly need to talk to me about. It has to be something serious or else she would’ve left a note in my box or emailed me. Panic starts its ascent through my body. Maybe someone found out about Adam and me. Maybe I’m violating some Board of Education policy. I’ll have to look at my contract to see if it says anything about sleeping with parents of students in your class. I can’t imagine that a school can dictate what their staff does or doesn’t do, but you just don’t know anymore. I’ve heard about people getting fired over Facebook posts.
“Come in Mia. Please, have a seat.” I walk hesitantly into her office and sit in one of the two upholstered chairs across from her desk. I wait for her to speak. She reaches into her file cabinet and pulls out a manila folder, placing it on the desk between us. Her soft, curly grey hair does little to hide the seriousness of her face as she sits there in her navy-striped polyester pantsuit. Her beady eyes watch me.
“So, how are things going, Mia?” Her high-pitched voice asks, laced with concern.
The phone on her desk rings. She raises her long index finger, smiles tightly and then answers the call quickly. I listen patiently as she answers some questions and then disconnects the call.
