by Hope Hart
“Please, call me Harlow.”
She glances at Varian and I feel my back go up, but he merely nods and she smiles.
“Sure. My name is Jennifer, and I’d love to talk to you for a while if you have some time?”
I’ve got nothing but time until I’m off this ship. Varian strokes a hand down my hair, and I try to ignore the goosebumps that break out on my arms as he hits a particularly sensitive part of my neck. “I have a meeting to attend, but I will return later today. You may explore the ship if you’d like to leave your quarters.”
I bristle as he gives me permission, and he simply leans down and brushes his lips against mine before nodding at Jennifer and turning to leave.
“Let me guess,” I say before she can open her mouth. “You’re a therapist.”
She smiles warmly. “I am. You don’t have to talk to me, but it can’t do any harm, right?”
I sigh and plop onto a sofa. She joins me, and we both turn at a knock on the door. Another human woman walks in, rolling a small cart, and I sit taller as the smell of coffee reaches me.
“Would you like some coffee, your majesty?”
“Sure. And please call me Harlow. If you could let everyone else know to do the same, that would be great.”
Her mouth drops, but she nods, handing me a cup. “What about you, Jen?” Her tone is casual and friendly, and I enjoy the change.
“Tea, please.”
“You two know each other?”
Jen nods. “My mate is one of the vice captains of this ship,” she says proudly. “When I knew I’d be coming back to Arcavia, I asked Sara here if she’d like to join me.”
I frown. “Humans are coming without mates?”
Sara nods enthusiastically. “This is the chance of a lifetime. On Earth, I was working nights at Dennys and barely scraping by. This one trip back will set me up for life. Plus, I get to travel to another planet. Not many people can say that!”
I almost smile. I was practically dragged kicking and screaming onto this ship, and I’m meant to be ruling these people. Meanwhile, Sara is almost wetting her pants at being allowed to come along for the ride.
“Would you like to stay and have a cup of coffee?” I offer, and she grins, finally comfortable with me. “I’d love to, but I have another few hours left on my shift. I’ll take you up on that another time though.”
“It’s a date.”
She smiles brightly at me again and then wheels her cart back out the door, leaving Jennifer and I alone.
Jen leans back, sipping her tea. I place my own cup on the table.
“So, how did this happen?” I gesture at both of us, and she smiles.
“There is a team of human medical professionals on board. Some of us are Arcav mates, and some are just looking for a new life. I heard you were having some difficulties adjusting and asked if I could talk to you.”
“And you think you can help me adjust?” I hear the bitterness in my tone, and hate it, but she simply smiles.
“I can give you some tools to try, but ultimately, you have to want to use them.”
I shrug. “I’ve mostly been having a giant pity party.”
She nods. “Well, that’s to be expected, after all, this is a massive change. You used to be a police officer, is that right?”
I rub a hand over my chest as it pangs at the reminder. “Yeah, I don’t really want to talk about that.”
“No problem. Is there anything you do want to talk about?”
“Aren’t you supposed to pry into my mental state or something?”
Jen laughs. “Only if you want me to. For now, why don’t you tell me how you’re feeling?”
“Um… sometimes I have so many feelings I want to scream, and other times I’m completely numb.”
“That’s normal. I know you didn’t want to take this trip.” I raise an eyebrow and she waves a hand. “Most people are aware that you don’t want to be the Arcav Queen,” she laughs as I wince at the title, and then her face sobers. “While I don’t know everything that’s happened to you over the past few weeks, it sounds like it has been a traumatic experience. When we go through trauma, it takes our minds a while to process it. It’s normal to try and push away your emotions so you don’t have to deal with them, but it’s only by experiencing those emotions that you can begin to move on.”
I shift uncomfortably. “I think I could deal with the emotions if they were all negative. But Varian makes it complicated.”
Jennifer gives me a knowing look. “Because your emotions aren’t all negative with him?”
“He cut someone’s finger off! He kidnapped HAA members, invaded our planet, and stole my life! And all he has to do is look at me and I’m ready to lift tail. I feel like a traitor.”
“As a cop, I’d say you’ve probably seen the best and worst of humanity. You’re probably more aware than anyone that people are rarely completely bad or completely good. It’s okay to have positive feelings for the good you see in him, even if you hate some of his actions.”
I stand up and pace. “You know where I’ve heard that shit? From women in abusive relationships. We go in and find them busted up, and beg them to press charges. Nine times out of ten, they end up talking about how he’s ‘not all bad,’ and ‘it wasn’t all his fault.’
Her eyes widen. “Has Varian abused you?”
“Other than stealing me from my life? No. But I don’t know if I can justify his actions simply because he makes my panties wet. Sorry,” I say as she blushes.
She laughs. “I have a mate myself, so I know exactly what you mean.”
“I feel like these mating bands are really just a form of brainwashing. I don’t want to know what he’s feeling, because it makes me want to forgive him for actions that are frankly unforgivable.”
“How does it make you feel to know that he can also feel your feelings?”
I feel my face heat. “I threw them in his face last night. I got so mad, I thought of all the ways he’d ruined my life and lost it. And I ended up feeling sorry for him!”
“Love is never easy- even in normal human relationships.”
My mouth drops open as I stare at her. “I don’t love him.” The idea is preposterous. What kind of Stockholm syndrome bullshit is that?
She looks at me for a long moment, and then moves on. “How do you think you can get through this experience?”
I slide her a look as I plop back onto the sofa. “Aren’t you supposed to tell me that?”
“No,” she smiles
“I just hate this feeling of powerlessness. It reminds me of foster care, you know? There I was, living my life, and all of a sudden I was moving to a new family and, a new school. I resent the hell out of Varian for making me feel this way, and then I want to jump his bones,” I sigh.
“Okay, so let’s look at what you can control. You can obviously control how your mate feels, and you can influence his actions to an extent.”
I think about how Varian wanted to chop off Tim’s hand, and how I convinced him to go with a pinky finger instead. It doesn’t seem like much of a win to me, but I’m sure it does to Tim. “Yeah.”
“You also get to choose how you feel,” she tells me. “If you want to feel miserable and powerless, no one is stopping you. If you want to feel guilty for taking whatever happiness you can find, you can feel that too. But that seems like a pretty terrible start to your new life.”
“I’m sick of feeling miserable. But how do I wake up every day with the alien who stole my life?”
“You may not have had a choice about leaving Earth, but you have an opportunity here. Don’t you think the Arcav could benefit from hearing exactly what human women need? And humans could greatly benefit from having someone on our team so to speak- especially so close to the King.”
I think about it. “I know, I’m being whiny. But I just keep thinking ‘why me?’. Why my blood? Why couldn’t it have been some other woman?”
She smiles gently. “Did you ever thi
nk maybe it was meant to be you?”
“I don’t believe in fate.”
“Okay, well why don’t you look at it from this point of view. Your life experience, personality, and sheer grit made it possible for you to run further and longer than anyone could’ve expected. This put the Arcav King on the back foot, and he had to adjust- negotiating with a human for the first time. Do you think any of the women who now get to choose if they leave their families wish that the Arcav King’s mate had been someone else?”
I slowly shake my head. I hear what she’s saying. I can keep going the way I’m going, bitterness making me miserable, or I can attempt to move on with my life. The problem is that moving on feels like accepting that I’ll never go home. And that feels like giving up.
Chapter 21
Harlow
Once Jen leaves, I drink my lukewarm coffee and mull over everything she said. The thought of choosing how I feel is oddly empowering. Either way, I’m tired of wallowing.
I get up. Maybe if I explore the ship I’ll be able to find Blake. I open the doors and frown at the guard.
“I want to go for a walk,” I say, preparing for a fight.
“Of course,” he replies, smiling, “I must go where you go,” he says apologetically, and I realize Varian’s put him on babysitting duty.
“Okay,” I sigh. “What’s your name?”
“Methi, Your Majesty.”
“Harlow. Please call me Harlow.”
He wrinkles his brow. “I cannot—”
“Just while we’re alone,” I say quickly. “It’ll make me feel more comfortable.”
“Okay,” he agrees, nodding slowly. “Where would you like to go?”
“Can you give me a tour of the ship?”
His face lights up in a smile again, and I find myself smiling back. Sure, he’s a huge, horned alien, but there’s something about his face that’s almost… cute.
“Of course. We may not have time for me to show you the bridge today. I’m sure your mate would like to show you himself. But I can show you this area.”
We wander down the hall, and Methi points out meeting rooms.
He gestures for me to proceed him down a short flight of stairs, and my eyes widen at the difference. This floor is sparse and almost…sterile in comparison. The walls are some type of metal, and so are the floors- unlike the lush carpeting on the floor above.
“This is the human floor,” Methi says. “Any unmated humans are staying here.”
We enter a busy cafeteria, and all motion stops as people turn and stare at me. I feel my cheeks heat, but refuse to look away from looks of awe, shock, and intense dislike. One woman narrows her gaze at me when I meet her eyes, and then quickly looks away when Methi turns his head.
Great.
A toddler escapes, running toward me and laughing like a loon. I lean forward and pick her up, smiling at her babble as I look for her mother.
A woman rushes up to me, apology in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” she says. “She’s just found her legs.” The woman looks like she’d snap in half with a stiff wind, and I stiffen at the bruising on her face.
“Who hurt you?” I ask, voice low.
Her eyes are tired as she reaches for her daughter. “My ex-husband. The Arcav offered me a way out, and I took it.” She juts her chin out, as if worried I’ll judge her, and I simply nod.
“You have a beautiful daughter.”
“Thank you,” her eyes widen in awe as she glances behind me, and the tingle of my mating bands tells me exactly who she finds so impressive.
Varian wraps an arm around my waist.
“Hello, mate,” he says. “Miss me?”
I feel my face become hot and grit my teeth in embarrassment. He nuzzles my neck in response, obviously aware of exactly how embarrassed I am at alien PDA in front of all these humans.
I know Varian well enough to know he’s more than willing to make a scene, so I simply suffer through the stares until he lets go.
“Enjoying yourself?” I ask him under my breath.
“Always. Did you enjoy your time with the human woman?”
“Her name is Jennifer, and yes, I did.”
He nods, and leads me out of the room. This time, I don’t meet anyone’s eyes. Methi follows us, and I glance up at Varian.
“Do I really need a guard?”
“Methi isn’t guarding you, he’s protecting you.”
“You think I need protection on this ship?”
“You humans have an expression: Better safe than sorry.”
I sigh. “I want to see the people from HAA.”
He stiffens. “You haven’t yet met my people, and you would insult them by first visiting with traitors?”
They’re not traitors to me.
I sigh again. “If I play nice with your people, will you let me see them?”
Varian’s eyes search my face, as if surprised by my willingness to bargain.
“Yes,” he scans my body, “and you will eat dinner with me.”
I smirk. He’s always got to push. “Fine.”
I feel his pleasure down the bonds, and jump as he takes my hand.
“What are you doing?”
“I’ve seen humans walk like this, and have longed to do so with you.”
I link my fingers with his as he leads me out the door. My hand is dwarfed in his large one, but my traitorous heart basks in the simple act. For once, I don’t ruin it with guilt, and simply enjoy the moment, ignoring the feel of hundreds of eyes on my back.
We go down another level. I have no idea how big this ship is, but it seems massive. Part of me still can’t believe we’re traveling through space, and for the first time, I feel a flutter of excitement. I always wanted to travel, I just never imagined I’d visit another planet before I backpacked through South America.
“How many people are on this ship?”
“Around three hundred thousand.”
My mouth drops open. “And how many of them are humans?” The cafeteria was huge, and nowhere near full.”
“Approximately forty percent.”
He pushes open a door, and I pull back. “Wait a minute. Why are there so many humans on this ship?”
I can feel his slight impatience and I’m oddly flattered that he’s so excited to introduce me to his men. But he turns, cupping my face in his large hand.
“Some of my men were lucky enough to find their mates on this trip. We also allowed some humans to immigrate with us.”
I think of the woman with the toddler and her battered face.
“Why?”
“Some are fascinated with the Arcav, others simply want the chance to start a new life. Are you upset about this, mate?”
“No.” I just hadn’t realized so many humans would be willing to pack up and move. I’ve been surrounded by people who hate but barely tolerate the Arcav, so I’m surprised that these people are willing to voluntarily leave Earth with no guarantee that they’ll ever be able to return.
“Are you ready?”
I return to the present. Varian strokes my hair back from my face, and I do something I never expected to do.
I lean up and kiss him.
Varian
Even if I live for a thousand years, I do not think I will ever understand the woman I cradle in my arms at this moment. For once, she reached out to me, she kissed me.
I’m filled with exhilaration, and yet can’t ignore the niggling sense of suspicion. The last time Harlow looked up at me with wide, innocent eyes, I ended up crawling on the floor while she ran away.
She pulls back, frowning at me, and for the first time, I curse the mating bands. I know she can feel my distrust, and her face turns blank as she stares at me. I feel her sense of rejection, and reach for her, but she backs away.
“Let’s go see your people.” Her smile is false, and I rub at my horn in frustration.
I lead her into the room where many of my men are gathered. Some sit with their mates,
while others crowd at tables and eat or play games. Many Arcav are attending their duties throughout this ship, but they will gradually meet their Queen in small groups.
The room comes to attention, and I feel Harlow’s churning emotions. She’s still hurt at my reaction, and intimidated by the eyes of so many people. I think back to her embarrassment earlier in front of the humans and frown. She feels like she is betraying her race, and nothing I say will make her think differently.
My mood lifts slightly as she smiles at my people. I catch her shock as she realizes that there are many different beings in this room. While Arcavia is home to the Arcav people, we have long welcomed refugees from other planets- many of whom have worked their way up the chain of command.
I stifle my own smile as Harlow’s eyes widen slightly as Verid steps forward. He has six arms, and his skin is a pale yellow color, unlike any of the beings on Earth.
“Pleased to meet you, Your Majesty,” he says.
My mate glances up at me and then firms her jaw. “Please call me Harlow.”
Gasps sound from around the room, and I feel a sense of dread from the mating bands. If this is what it takes for Harlow to feel comfortable, so be it. Everyone knows she is their Queen.
I nod at Verid, cementing her decree, and he grins. “I’m honored to meet you, Harlow.”
She smiles and her relief makes the break in protocol worth it.
Gradually, more and more of my men step forward, and Harlow begins to relax as they talk to her about everything and anything. A few human woman approach, and she freezes before smiling stiffly at them. It seems that while Harlow can ‘play nice,’ with my people, she still sees the human women as traitors- herself included.
I blow out a long breath, watching the awkward conversation. The women seem to pick up on her dislike, and one of them steps back, lip trembling. Her mate puts an arm around her protectively, and I feel Harlow’s guilt radiating from her.
“You know, you may be the Queen, but you don’t need to be such a raging bitch.”
Every mouth in the room drops open, and Zeyah, one of my most trusted generals, turns white at the declaration from his mate.
