He sighs. “Your mother is sick, Lily. The doctor told me that she will never wake up. She’s going to die eventually. I’ve just been prolonging the process a little longer than I should have. I guess without me there, they will eventually make the decision to let her go where she should be.” I cry out a sob and cover my mouth. He races over to me and wraps his arms around me. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, pumpkin. I wasn’t going to tell you until we were settled, but you gave me no other choice. Why do you keep fighting me on this?” He tightens his arms around me, and the fear creeps up again. I want to push him away and get angry with him, but I don’t know how he will react.
“I’m sorry, Dad” I eventually say with bile in my throat. He is not my dad and never has been. “I’ll go with you. I promise. I just need to freshen up and grab my things.” I need time alone, so I can think of what to do next. I was never planning on going with him at all, but I needed him to believe that I would.
He loosens his grip and strokes my back. “That’s better.” He pulls away and wipes the tears from my face. “Don’t be long.” I nod my head and watch as my father walks out my door. He doesn’t close it, but the relief that he’s no longer here is evident when my exhale escapes me.
I frantically look around wondering what to do next. I know I can’t escape through the front door, but maybe I can climb out of my window. With my mind made up, I look under my bed and grab the jar that holds some cash. I will need to get to the hospital fast, and the only way to do that is to grab a cab. I unscrew the jar quickly, grab the contents and then rush to my door. I very slowly take a look out into the hallway. I don’t see my dad, so I run back, stopping momentarily when I see J’s letter discarded on the floor. I can’t leave that behind. No matter what he’s done, I can’t seem to let him go completely. I bend down, grab it, and place it neatly in my pocket. I rush to the window, open it up, and I am just about to climb through when I feel a grip on my arm.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Fear like never before grips my insides. My father knows I was trying to escape from him now. There’s no denying or lying my way out of it this time. “I’m scared,” I admit. “I’m just scared.”
He grips harder. “Of me? How can you be scared of your own father?”
I shake my head. “But you’re not my father. You never have been. A true father wouldn’t scare his daughter like this.”
He pulls me away from the window with force and then smacks me on the face with the back of his hand. The sting of it hits me with full force. With shock and betrayal coursing through me, I stand rooted to the spot, clutching my face, and I stare at the one man I always thought I could trust with all my heart.
“After everything I’ve done for you!” He waves his hands in front of me, and I step back, worrying that he will hit me again. “You’ve always been so compliant. Always been so good. Why do you have to get insubordinate on me now, huh? I turn my back for five minutes, and you let some tattooed, scarred boy corrupt you. This is the reason we have to go away.” He shakes his head. “I’m so fucking disappointed in you.”
I place my hands out in a placating gesture. “I’m sorry. I’ll be good and go with you. I promise.”
He suddenly scowls and comes towards me. In an instant, he has his hand around my neck as he thrusts me up against the wall. “I thought I could trust you. I thought you loved me. But I guess you’re just like the rest of them. You keep lying to me, Lily, and I hate liars.” He squeezes harder, and my eyes bulge as he chokes me. All I can see as he has his hand on my neck squeezing me are his soulless eyes.
How had I never seen this side of him before?
He was my dad. I trusted him unconditionally. Now, all I see before me is a monster … a monster who’s trying to kill me.
“Let her go!” a voice booms from behind us. My dad releases his grip on me and turns towards the source of the voice. I stand there, holding my neck and trying to get the air back into my lungs.
“It’s you again. Aren’t you quite the annoying fly?”
Once I have sufficient air back in my lungs, I stare up at the man I fell in love with. I have loved both men in here greatly, and both of them have betrayed me in ways I will never forget.
Father and son.
J’s eyes flash to mine. I can see the moment he knows just how devastated I am by his betrayal when he flinches at my glare. But, just like the clever switch that my father has, he quickly turns his stare towards my father, and I finally see the monster J really is.
“You touch her like that again, and I will fucking kill you.”
My father starts to laugh, and the noise makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “Why are you here? Everything was going fine until you showed up that day.”
I frown wondering what he’s talking about until J speaks. “You already killed my mother. I wasn’t going to let you kill someone else’s family … someone I love.”
I gasp and both sets of eyes turn to me. I look at J, and I see the moment the pain courses through his eyes. I don’t want to believe him, but I know he’s telling the truth. Now, it all just makes chilling sense. I turn to my father. “You tried to kill us.” It isn’t a question.
My dad huffs. “You’re going to believe him? Look at him, Lily.” He points his finger towards J. “He’s not a man. He’s an abomination.”
I gasp again, shocked by his cruelty. “How can you say that about him? He’s your son. Your own flesh and blood.”
My dad shakes his head. “He is no son of mine.”
I look to J, but he is chillingly calm. I don’t see the pain in him like he must see in me. My heart is aching for him. How can his own father disown him like this?
I go to stand with him, but my father pushes me back against the wall. “Where do you think you’re going?” I stare at J with panic in my eyes, and it’s then that I see the pain on his face. My dad looks across at both of us and shakes his head. “You really do believe him over me, don’t you?” He starts laughing again.
“You tampered with the brakes somehow and forced yourself to be in that accident so that it looked authentic.”
“Shut up!” my dad’s voice booms.
“You tried to kill your family just like you killed my mother. You thought you got away with it, but there was one thing you didn’t plan on. Me.”
“Your mother was always pestering me for money. Money, money, fucking money. That’s all she cared about. She trapped me into a marriage that lasted five minutes. By that stage, I couldn’t stand the sight of her. When I left, she still wouldn’t fucking leave me alone. Always calling and hassling me for money for kids I never even wanted to have. I should have gotten rid of you two while I had the chance. Your mother was easy enough.”
J’s fists clench, and with a sudden roar, he comes stomping towards him. My dad, in turn, grabs me and places me in front of him. I feel the tip of something sharp placed against my neck. I know it’s a knife without looking down. I don’t want to look down. As I stare back at J, I see he has a gun pointed at my dad.
“You come near me, and I’ll fucking slit her throat. You got that?”
J reluctantly steps back. I can see the panic and despair in his eyes. He wants to get to me—I know he does. But I’m trapped by a man who was once everything to me.
“Okay, I’ll keep back. Just don’t hurt her.”
I feel him tug me closer to him. “I never wanted to hurt her. I wanted to keep her. That’s why I made sure she’d be on my side of the car! It all changed the moment I saw her reaction to losing her sister and her mom like that.”
What about my mom? How did she make it out alive if my dad was so bent on killing us all?
I close my eyes and choke on a sob, but I manage to voice my question. “H-How did M-Mom make it to the hospital?”
J and my father simply stare at each other for what seems like forever before J finally speaks. “Lily, I am so sorry I couldn’t save your sister. I hope you can believe that
if nothing else. When I saw the crash, I dove in right away. I managed to free your mom from her seatbelt and went after you next, intending to bring you both up together. When I got to you, however, your father was trying to force you down. I hit him as hard as I could, and he released you. By that time, your mother had started to drift, so I was able to grab you both by an arm and rise to the surface. Charlotte called nine-one-one and watched until the ambulance came for her while I left with you. To be honest, I’d hoped my father had drowned, but he somehow made it to shore, which is where the paramedics found him when they came for your mother. Again, I wish I could have saved Elle, Lily. She was already gone. I’m so sorry that you have to hear any of this—much less live through it.”
“My son, the hero,” he retorts, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
I don’t want to believe it to be true, but it is. Sudden realization dawns on me when I remember the accident. I heard shouting, and I felt like I was trapped under the water. It wasn’t something that was trapping me under.
It was someone.
“You tried to drown me. I was trying to get up but you held me under.” I already know the truth, but I want to hear him say it in his own words.
My so-called dad rubs his head against mine and then kisses my cheek. “It was tearing my heart to have to do it. I changed my mind over and over again as to whether I should keep you. I was going to let you live, but when I saw your reaction to your sister, I knew I would have lost you forever anyway. I knew you had seen what happened to Elle, and I knew it would break you.” He tugs me even more tightly to him. “Don’t you see? I was always trying to think of you, pumpkin. You were and always will be my pumpkin.”
I choke out another sob. I don’t want to hear anymore. He’s sick. My own father is twisted in ways I never thought possible. “You killed Elle. She had her whole life ahead of her, and you ripped it away without another thought. You raised her just like you raised me.” I feel the tip of the knife dig deeper, making me wince with pain. I can tell J is itching to strike, but he’s holding back out of fear that my dad will hurt me first.
“I already told you. Elle didn’t accept me like you did. Everything about you pulled me in. I was never going to leave you once I had you.”
I lick my lips and try to think of a way out of this. My father is unstable, and I don’t want to anger him any more than he already is. So, I close my eyes and swallow the bile that wants to rise with the lies I’m about to tell. “I understand now. You’re right, Dad. I should have trusted you more. You and I… We belong together. I was always meant to be your daughter.”
J stares at me in wonder, but I can’t falter. I need to make sure no one else dies. I can’t have any more people I love dying around me. My heart can’t take it.
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”
I grab his hand and pry it away from my throat. At first, he’s hesitant, but then he lets me pull it away from me. Once he complies, I turn to face him and lean up to kiss his cheek. I pull him in for a hug, and I feel when he tightly wraps his arms around me. “I love you, Dad.” I almost choke on the words. Those words meant something once. Now, they feel empty … void of any emotion.
“I love you too, pumpkin.” He pulls me away and stares at my watering eyes. “Now, tell him.”
I do as asked, turning towards the man I truly do love with all my heart. I have to say the words even though they’re lodged in my throat. J looks at me with a mixture of desperation, anger, and bewilderment. “We can no longer be together. I never loved you, and I never will. My dad is the one who has taken care of me, and that’s the way it will stay. You need to leave and never come back.” My dad has a hold of my arm, and I’m desperate for him to let go. I don’t know how long I can keep up this charade.
“How can you say—” He starts towards me.
“Don’t come near me! I don’t want you anywhere near me. My dad is where I truly belong. He only did all this because he loves me.” I swallow the lies, and I feel when it burns my throat.
“See? I knew she could never choose a piece of shit like you. You are so far beneath my daughter that you shouldn’t even bother looking up!”
I close my eyes, and fresh tears escape me. He’s speaking to his own son so harshly that it scalds me from the inside out. How can he be so cruel to him like this?
“You have to go,” I say, trying to compose myself when all I want to do is fall to my knees and beg him to forgive me.
I see the pain and torment in J’s eyes, and it takes everything I have not to go to him. It is in this moment of pain that my dad suddenly decides to let go of my arm. I’m not sure if it’s because he finally trusts me, or if it’s out of weakness, but it’s enough to have me running towards J. I begin to step forward, and then everything starts to happen in slow motion. I begin my steps toward him, and I see the moment J knows what’s happening as he aims higher towards my dad. I feel when something slices into my arm, but I don’t turn to see what it is. I just keep moving. J shouts, “Lily, duck!” and I immediately comply, throwing myself onto the floor. I hear one gunshot, then two … and then …
Silence.
I don’t dare to look. I am on the floor, face down, and I know that whatever has happened, nothing nice is going to greet me once I get back up. I am broken. Complete and utter devastation grips my insides. My own father…
I feel a hand on my back, and I flinch. “It’s okay, Lily. You’re safe. I got you.” Those words ring true just like they have time and time again. I pick myself up from the floor and stare into his trusting eyes. I briefly look towards my father and see the flow of blood stemming from his chest begin to slow until it stops altogether. He’s unmoving.
He’s dead.
I fall helplessly into J’s arms and cry. I cry until there are no more tears to shed. And all he does is hold me. He lets me shed those tears one last time. I am crying over the father I once had … not the lifeless one lying in front of me.
Once my tears are dry, J gently pulls me away, wipes away the last of my tears, and cups my face in his hands. He leans in and ever-so-gently kisses me on the lips. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
I close my eyes and nod my head. I don’t want to take any more pain, but I know I have to ask. I still have questions burning my lips. “Why did you do it?”
He sees the question in my eyes and pulls away on a sigh. “I knew our father left us, but I never for one moment thought he killed my mother until the accident. My sister and I were put in one foster home after another. I always kicked and screamed if they tried to pull us apart, so we ended up in some of the worst homes you can think of just so we could be together. The last one we were in together was the worst. I was seventeen, and Charlotte was barely fifteen. Our foster mom was a druggy, and our foster dad was a drunken pervert.” He snarls in disgust at mentioning him. “On our last night there …” He stops, inhales sharply, and closes his eyes.
I grabbed his hand. “You don’t have to—”
“I do. You need to know, so hopefully, you can understand.” I nod my head and wait for him to continue. “I always had Charlotte with me …”
“Charlotte’s your sister?”
He nods. “Yes. I knew that if I left her alone that he would …” He fists his free hand and breathes deeply again. “I was working in the local bowling alley, so I could help feed us. Normally, the manager would let her wait for me, but that night was the night a bachelor party was going on, and my boss was paying me double. I didn’t want to do it, but Charlotte insisted, telling me that we needed to save in order to one day run away. So, against my better judgment, I went. Charlotte told me that she would stay at a friend’s house and wait for me, but when I got there, her friend’s dad told me she had left an hour before. I ran for my life to get home, but when I got there, it was already too late. There were three of them, Lily. There was nothing I could do. They tied me up and made me watch until I was puking my guts out. All they did was laugh.”
I close my eyes, trying not to picture the horror that J had to witness. How can someone get over something like that? “What happened to you both?”
“After staying at the hospital for a while, we were placed in temporary care. The three scumbags went into hiding, but I kind of knew where they might be hiding. The asshole made the mistake of telling me that he missed his hometown of Alabama. He once belonged to a biker gang there and was always talking about them. I escaped and got a gun and a bus ticket to Alabama with the money I had saved, and I took a little trip down to the biker’s bar I thought he was hiding in. I didn’t go in there, of course. I stayed outside and watched it for hours. At first, I didn’t think he was there, but then one of the men from that night came outside for a smoke, groping a woman and laughing like nothing had ever fucking happened.” He took in a deep breath, shaking his head before continuing. “I waited for hours after he went back inside. I didn’t care how long it took. I knew I wasn’t going to leave until all three were dead. Finally, around four in the morning, most of them had gone, and just those three staggered out of the bar. They were alone, which was good for me. They walked over to some shacks on the other side of the road, and I waited until they were all inside before I struck. I wanted to take my time with them, but I knew being around their neighborhood was dangerous. I needed to get in, do the deed, and get out. I ran over to the door and pushed my way in, but when I saw what they had on the TV, I instantly halted. They had filmed the whole thing, Lily, and they were watching it again like it was a rerun of their favorite reality TV show!”
SCARS Page 32
