by K R Martin
Though now, he watched over Spera with Mei, both playing with his new niece and flirting with Mei. Those two were very adorable, and she hoped this mess wouldn't affect that. Taking a moment to wander the halls before dinner, she used the movement to calm her enough to control whatever emotions threatened to arise during the meal. Allowing her emotions free reign had gotten her in trouble on multiple occasions, and she bore the scars to remind her.
"There you are." The voice sent ice seeping to her core. She forced her expression to be pleasant as she turned to face Conrad. "I have been looking for you."
"Lord Conrad," she said with a simple head nod. "Is there something you need?"
"Yes. I need for you to leave."
"My apologies, but I am here as King William's guest, and will remain until he no longer wishes it." Conrad's eyes narrowed, and Renee forced herself not to swallow the lump that formed in her throat.
"Fine." His voice was stone. "Then let me put this another way. You will keep your distance from King William. My daughter and I have worked too long for her to secure his hand, and I will not have a nobody jeopardizing that."
Renee finally allowed herself to swallow that lump. "I am not trying to stand between King William and your daughter." Not anymore, at least.
"Then you will do well to stay away from him."
"I will try, but he is the king. I cannot be rude were he to approach me."
"Then to ensure that does not happen, you will remain at my side until you do leave."
Terror clawed at her throat and she could feel her entire body clench. Surely he didn't just demand that?
"Let me rephrase, for every social function, every dinner, you will remain at my side, on my arm. You will be my constant companion. If not, well, it would be a shame if your daughter were to suffer an unfortunate accident."
"You wouldn't dare!"
"You have no idea what I would dare!" Fury and fear warred with her. Oh, she knew full well what he was capable of. "And before you think about running to the king with your accusations, who do you think he would believe? A nobody, pirate captain, or a noble of high birth?"
Oh, he will believe me, Renee wanted to snap at him, but she knew provoking him would only make matters worse. There was no telling what he would do. She couldn't put her children in that kind of danger. Not again.
"Fine. I will do as you ask. Stand at your side, be your... companion. But know this. If you dare lay one hand on anyone I love, you will regret it with your last breath."
"Are you threatening me?"
"You threatened me."
"Let me make one thing clear." His eyes burned into hers as he stalked towards her. Refusing to give in to the urge to step back she planted her feet, trying to ignore the pounding in her ears. "You step out of line, and I will make good on my threats. There is nowhere you could run, nowhere to hide."
"And let me be clear with you," Renee wasn't sure if the tremble in her voice was from anger or terror. "I wasn't bluffing when I said that you'd regret hurting those I love."
"I know enough about you to know that you're no killer." Oh, she wanted to slap that smug look from his face.
"Do not confuse a choice not to take someone's life with the incapability of doing so. To save those I love?" She felt her eyes narrow, satisfaction filling her chest at the flicker of surprise flashing in his eyes. "Do not underestimate what I am willing to do for them."
She turned, forcing her feet away from him. Pain laced her arm as he clenched it tight pulling her back towards him. She yanked her arm from his grasp, her feet almost stumbling back.
"And let me be clear on one more point." She allowed her voice to reveal a glimpse of the fury raging through her. "You will never touch me again."
She spun on her heel, relieved when he didn't stop her. Her feet carried her as quickly as possible away from him. Faster, faster! She broke into a run. She had to get away, had to escape. Her arm burned from his touch. Tears blurred her vision, the world rushing by her in a gray haze.
Bursting into her room, her eyes darted around. Empty. No, no it couldn't be empty, he couldn't have... "Spera?" she called, hating the squeak in her voice. "Spera!"
"Renee?" Ama Lei's voice was soft, comforting. Renee turned to her friend, unable to say anything, her voice squeaking as she fought for breath. "Renee, what happened?" Ama Lei was at her side, hands rubbing her arms.
"Sp-Spera..." the word escaped between gasps.
"Mei and Little Wolf took her to the nursery."
"Good. Good." Renee's legs collapsed beneath her, and she collapsed on the ground, sobs wracking her body. Once again, she was trapped by a monster. How could she be so weak, so helpless? Why him?
"What happened?" Ama Lei's voice was gentle as her arms wrapped around Renee.
Between breaths, between sobs, Renee managed to tell Conrad's ultimatum. Her body shook with the memories. Would she ever be free of the darkness that bound her?
"You can leave," Ama Lei eventually told her. "If Will knew, he would not want you to put yourself in that position."
"I cannot leave him, not again. Conrad is desperate, I can feel it, and desperation leads to danger with a man like him. I have to protect him, I have to protect them all, and if it means I have to spend time in his company, I will find a way to fight through it. I am a fighter. I can do this. I just... I just need to cry a little. Then I can face him."
"Cry all you wish," Ama Lei told her, and stayed by her side, holding her as she released all the tears she could.
Will felt light. Renee was back, even if they needed to keep their distance, but she was back. Standing alone, he sipped the liquid in the hand, trying to temper his excitement.
"Looking for someone?" Jonathan teased as he stepped to Will's side. Glancing around, Will could tell that no one else was near, at least not near enough to hear whispered words not over the cacophony of voices coming from the other conversations. And as Conrad had yet to arrive, well, Will didn't think a better opportunity would present itself. He opened his mouth, ready to release the truth.
Or not. Desiree stepped into the room, eyes frantic in her search, not stopping until they landed on him. Her steps were hurried as she rushed to his side.
"Your majesty," she dipped into a quick curtsy.
"I believe I asked for you to call me Will. What is wrong?"
"I don't know what happened, or why, but you have to believe that she does care for you."
What could he respond to that with?
Murmurs brought his attention to the same entrance she just emerged from. His heart fell to the floor. Conrad stood just inside the door, Renee beside him. Why would she have her hand in his elbow?
"Look, I am sure my father just wishes to keep her from stepping between us," Desiree's voice sounded far away. "I'm certain she cares deeply for you. If you wish, I can ask her. I may have talked her and my father into renewing our dance lessons." Even with his heart clenched in his chest he found a smile for the girl who wanted to help him with his love.
"Just, let me know," he told her. She merely sent him a half-smile and turned to walk back to her father, taking his other arm, and drawing his attention away from Will. In that moment, Renee’s eyes met his. Just a glance, that's all it took for him to understand, at least a little. She needed him to trust her, and he would, or he would try. But hidden beneath that mask of confidence was uncertainty, fear, the kind of a trapped animal, and helplessness. And Conrad was preening like a stupid peacock. His throat rumbled, and he quickly silenced the growl.
"You might want to work on that glare you're sending Conrad's direction." Will focused his glare on his friend.
"You wouldn't be saying that if it was Katie on his arm." Will responded, but he hated that his friend had a point. Closing his eyes for a moment, he relaxed his face, and sent a pleasant look Desiree's way. Having Renee in his vision helped keep his thoughts light.
"True, but Katie is my wife." Jonathan pointed out. "Varda is not."
> "Of course she's not your wife." Will lifted the glass to his lips, keeping his voice low, and using the liquid to hide the movements. "She's mine." He let the drink slip down his throat.
"What... how? When?" Jonathan's voice seemed to be a constant stream of sounds.
Will chuckled. "Oh, you were there." He looked at his friend. "You gave her away."
"Will, the only woman I ever escorted down the aisle to you was..." the light dawned in his eyes and they darted to Renee only to dart back to Will. "No. There's no way."
"Why not? You watched me be stabbed, and I survived. We never saw what happened to Renee."
Seeming to accept the truth, Jonathan made his face into a more natural expression. "I assume there is a reason for the secrecy?"
"You're looking at them." Will turned his attention back to Desiree in time to see her approach, her father behind her, Renee still on his arm.
"This is going to be a long dinner." Jonathan said softly.
"Don't I know it." Will muttered before pasting on a smile and welcoming Desiree at his side. Long indeed.
32
"How long does it take to intercept one messenger?" Renee fumed as she paced her room, caged. She couldn't leave. Every time she did, she felt her body tense in terror by the thought of running into Will and being seen, that or running into Conrad himself. She hated every time she stood near him, every time she touched him. Every night was spent scrubbing her skin raw. What was it going to take to be free of the constant torment?
"It can take time," Ama Lei was trying to be reassuring as she sat on the floor playing with Spera. Renee gazed down at the tyke, her heart clenching. Kneeling, she opened her arms for her daughter to run into them, laughing. Closing her eyes, she clutched her daughter close to her chest. She was the other reason Renee never left. With Conrad's threats hanging over her, Renee felt pain every time she left her daughter. Even with at least one skilled fighter watching the girl, her heart never stopped pounding until Spera was back in her arms.
"I hate time," Renee muttered into her daughter's hair before letting her loose to run off. "I vowed never to become a prisoner in my home again. And now look at me."
Ama Lei's hand was warm as she grasped Renee's. "We will win."
The words seemed to bolster Renee's spirits, giving her back the hope that seemed to keep slipping from her fingers.
Pounding hit their ears. Renee dashed to her daughter, sweeping her into her arms as Ama Lei approached the door, hand poised over her sword. She turned back, and Renee nodded, standing near her own weapon.
"Yes?" Ama Lei asked as she opened the door. Sure enough, on the other side stood one of Conrad's men, making Renee glad she always wore her mask now.
"Sir Conrad wished me to verify Varda's presence at dinner, and to request she wear something with a bit lower neckline."
Renee wanted to slap the man so hard he would be feeling it for weeks. Instead, she snapped, “Fine,” at the man, and watched Ama Lei close the door on him. How dare he? She knew how; he believed the world revolved around his plans, and nothing could stand in his way. Yet.
"I swear if Bartholomew doesn't find that messenger soon, I will not be responsible for my actions."
"Thank you for your lessons," Desiree said as they finished dancing. "I know you have been busy with training the men, so I appreciate you taking the time to spend with us."
"It is my pleasure," Renee said, genuinely meaning it. Aside from her weekly trips to town, teaching the girls to dance was the only time she felt freed from her cage. Conrad spent that time with Will, ensuring she have a few moments' respite.
"It's so good to have you back" Katie said as she sat beside Sonia. The poor girl couldn't move much without nausea taking over. Plus, her stomach was truly showing now, making certain movements difficult.
"I am glad to be back" Renee responded as she, too, sat. She had worked hard, first with training the men, and then dancing, and her muscles screamed at her. It was the only way to get her mind off the pain of her heart.
"We all missed you," Sonia added.
"Especially a certain gentleman," Desiree whispered in Renee's ear before sitting beside her. That was also the reason she loved the dances. Desiree always brought a message from Will, usually cryptic, but it helped having that connection. "He says to hang in there; that love can last for eternity, even through death."
Renee could feel her lips tug up and her heart melt under his words. They had been through much, each losing the other, believing the other dead, but their love always remained, and remained strong.
"She's blushing," Katie teased, though she told Sonia. Sonia merely giggled and winked at Renee.
"Oh, stop it," Renee muttered, unable to let go of the teasing warmth.
"So, explain this," Katie spoke directly to Renee and Desiree. "Why in the world have you not told him how you feel?"
"Excuse me?" Renee jolted back.
"Please, we all saw the way he looked at you at the masquerade," Katie continued. "That man cares for you, and you obviously care for him. And Desiree, don't think I didn't notice the flirtatious looks you sent Fedor's way with the masks hiding you. Before you try to deny it, you still look at him like you don't want to like him but you do."
Now it was Desiree's turn to blush. It was true that she and Fedor had become more companionable, and even Renee noticed the contemplative looks Fedor sent her way.
"So, I say again, why are you not with the man you care for?"
Desiree's eyes met Renee's, both conveying the desperation each felt. They were both trapped by her father, even if Desiree didn't fully understand how much of a monster her father was. "It's complicated," Desiree finally said.
"Of course it is," Katie sighed as she leaned back. "That's what Jonathan always tells me when I ask about Will. You'd think Will's best friend knew enough to tell his wife."
"Caleb has been acting strangely as well," Sonia added. "When I ask him, he just says that he'll let me know when the time is right. I think he wants to keep me relaxed for the baby."
Renee sighed. She knew exactly what the men hid from their wives, though she was annoyed that they didn't tell them. "Next time you have a moment, tell them Captain Varda sends her regards. And that they need to stop being idiots."
Three sets of wide eyes swung her way before everyone released a laughter so genuine it lightened Renee's heart. She just hoped the men would take her nudge and tell their wives the truth.
"Well, I should be going," Desiree spoke as she stood. "I need a little time to freshen up before dinner. Would you like to walk with me, Lady Varda?"
"I would be delighted," Renee said as she stood near Desiree, allowing the girl to slip her arm into Renee's. They gave the others their goodbyes, and began the trek down the hall.
"Thank you," Renee spoke softly. "You have no idea how much this means to me."
"You are right about that," Desiree responded. "I never really knew what love was like growing up. My parents had an arranged marriage, and there was no real care between them. Mother did love me, though, that I always knew. When she died several years ago, I found myself just accepting my position, allowing myself to be groomed as whatever my uncle or father wanted. I came here as a doll, but meeting you, and seeing the strength you have to follow who you wish to be, it awakened something inside me. I saw what true love really looked like, and I want it."
"Then go after it, and don't give up."
"Thank you. And for the record, I've never seen a man as in love as him. You are one lucky woman."
"Knowing that makes everything worth it." Renee said as much to herself as to the girl.
"What?!" the bellowing voice shot through the hall, forcing both girls to jump. "How dare you allow yourself to be boarded?"
Renee felt her heart pounded in her chest. Those words resonated in her head, ringing one thought: Bartholomew.
"Perhaps you should wait out here," Desiree said before she stepped from Renee's side, disappearing int
o the room. "Is something the matter, Father?"
"Nothing to concern yourself with. Merely that our ship was attacked by pirates in Cartianan waters."
"I am terribly sorry; I wish I had an explanation, other than as great as our navy is, every now and then a pirate vessel does slip through our grasp." Will's voice sounded concerned, but she could hear a bit of giddiness in his voice. It worked; Bartholomew intercepted the messenger and it didn't point to Will.
"Did they take anything?" Conrad’s voice sounded a bit more subdued, resigned.
"Once they realized we were an official Retanny vessel, they left without removing anything. Although..." The foreign voice was too soft for her to make out.
"You lost that?!" Conrad raged. Renee bit her lip to keep from smiling. She had a pirate to meet.
33
For once, Ama Lei was glad the moon did not shine; it made it easier to get to the docks without being seen. Though Renee was the one being watched, Ama Lei didn't want anyone seeing her either. It helped that she waited until well into the morning hours, and having the docks so close to the castle made the trip short. Moving towards the row of warehouses designed for ships to be sailed into and housed for extended periods of him, their own Crimson Thorne was housed in one of them, Ama Lei searched for the one Renee told her to find. She said it looked burned down, but that was merely a facade.
She stopped, staring at the decrepit building, wondering if Renee had lost her mind. It was falling apart! The last building of the row looked as if it would break on top of her the moment she stepped in. But, Renee assured her this was the right one. Walking to the far side, she found the only opening, took a breath, and stepped inside.
