by Lori L. Otto
“Thank you. I love you. I’ll see you soon.”
“Love you,” I tell him before hanging up. I put on the engraved emerald bracelet and the delicate necklace with the floating heart, touching the new, O-shaped charm we had bought together a few days ago. Just a few more hours, and this will all be official.
I reapply some powder and lipstick and smile once more in the mirror. Anna follows me out of the bedroom, gathering things I’ve left along the way and stuffing them in a bag.
In the office– or what used to be the office– I make sure everything is in its place. Ruby looks at home on the new pillow.
“Silly pup, let’s get off of that,” I tell her playfully, rubbing her belly as she stretches out and yawns. “Want a treat?” She bounds off the bed and out of the room, clearing the way for me to turn off the lights and close the door. We’d worked hard on the renovations, and I wanted everything to be just... so.
After giving the dog a snack, I pet her on the head and grab my purse and the small bouquet of pink carnations I had clipped from the backyard garden earlier today. I hand Anna the keys to the Volvo and she juggles those, both of our bags and her purse. I straighten the pink and white bow around the stems as I carry everything out to the car. Anna puts all of our things on the floorboard as I set the flowers in the seat, checking it one last time before heading out.
Before getting out of the car, I look at myself in the passenger seat mirror one last time. This is it.
Chris, holding Eli tightly, meets us halfway as we ascend the steps.
“You look beautiful, Em.”
“Thanks,” I say, exhaling nervously. “How’s my big boy?” I ask my nephew, tugging on his little ball cap and pinching his rosy cheek lightly. He giggles before ducking his head into his daddy’s shoulder. “He’s getting so big!”
“I know, he’s a good eater,” Anna says.
“Let’s get you inside. I think all the families are here,” Chris informs me.
“Teresa?”
“She’s here, camera in hand.” I sigh in relief. She had been on a publicity tour with her book series, and she wasn’t sure she’d be back in town.
“Cool... and did Matthew make it?”
“He said a little headache wouldn’t keep him from this.”
“How’s Jack?” I ask.
“He’s Jack, what do you expect? He’s completely calm and collected. And blissfully happy. He’s so excited. But we need to get going.”
“Okay. Should I be this nervous?” I ask my brother and sister-in-law, fidgeting with the bow on the flowers, wanting it to be perfect.
Anna sighs, having repeated the phrase about seventeen times today. “There’s nothing at all to be nervous about. It’s just a–”
“Formality, I know,” I finish her sentence as we walk down the hallway.
“Here we are,” Chris says, waiting in front of the large wooden doors.
“You guys go ahead,” I encourage them. “I’m just going to check myself one last time.” Anna groans but takes Eli into her arms as Chris leads them into the adjoining room, leaving me in the vast hallway. I glance both ways, wondering where the ladies room is. Not seeing any signs, I pilfer through my bag and find my compact. Okay, this is it.
I bounce on my toes briefly before pulling open the heavy door. The room is surprisingly bright as sunlight filters through skylights I hadn’t remembered from the last time I was here. I had remembered it being grey and sterile and so cold and impersonal, but maybe it was cloudy that day. My eyes scan the room and land on the faces of various family members spread out in the front benches. They’re all talking amongst themselves, all in high spirits and dressed in bright colors. That was my only request of them. I wanted us all to remember this day as a vibrant, happy day, full of life and hope.
Finally, I see Jack, at the same moment he sees me. We both smile, and I feel immediate relief at the mere sight of him. I see his shoulders relax, too, in his pressed white dress shirt and a new tie I’ve never seen him wear before. It’s deep red with different colored dots in yellow and pink and a pale green that he would say reminds him of my eyes, I’m sure. He takes a step out into the aisle, holding his hand out for me. The gesture reminds me of our wedding day.
As I amble down the walkway, I think back to the day that Jack and I were married a little over ten months ago. I had eventually decided to ignore the superstition about seeing the groom before the wedding. That morning, after a sleepless night, Anna and I snuck into his house where he and his groomsmen slept, and I made breakfast for them.
When he finally came down the stairs on that morning, exhausted from a late night out with his brothers and mine, he smiled broadly when he saw Ruby jumping at my feet in the kitchen. Slowly, he walked in to meet me.
“This isn’t bad luck,” he had stated simply, knowing by then how my mind worked and easing my fears before I even had time to think them, before I had any additional doubt about my choice to go to his house that morning. He anticipated my every thought. God how I love him. I couldn’t wait to be in his awaiting arms. “Good morning, my bride,” he said, his voice deep and scratchy and utterly sexy.
My stomach fluttered wildly. “Hello, my groom.”
“You’re making breakfast for me?”
“I wanted to make sure you had a good start to the day. It’s an important day, you know...”
“The most important day.” He kissed me again. “I’m glad you’re here. Ruby hogs the bed when you’re not here... I didn’t sleep well.”
“Emi hasn’t slept at all,” Anna reported from the living room.
“Good morning, Anna,” Jack called out to her.
“Hey, Jack. Sorry about the crazy one. She couldn’t wait to see you... before the freaking sun even came up.”
“Are you kidding?” he said. “Thanks for indulging her.”
He kissed me once more, my constant smile making it difficult to form my lips around his, but he seemed to be having the same problem.
“Have you really not slept?” he asked, his thumbs rubbing my face below my eyes.
“I couldn’t. I missed you. And I’m just so excited.”
“Not nervous?” he asked. He tapped my bare feet with his toes. “They don’t feel cold.”
“No cold feet. I’ve never been more certain of anyone.”
“Me neither,” he agreed. “What can I do to help?”
I pulled out a bottle of champagne and orange juice. “Mimosas?”
“Mimosas it is... Chris, Anna?”
“Mmmm,” they both answered.
“Will you be joining us for breakfast?”
“I’m going to sleep,” Anna said as I peeked into the living room to check on my brother and my maid of honor.
“It’s your favorite, Chris,” I told my brother. “Mom’s breakfast casserole...”
“I’m going to eat,” Chris said, stretching. “It’s breakfast casserole, Anna. You know you want it.”
“Not more than sleep.”
“Whatever. Yes, we’ll both be eating.” Anna covered her head with the sheet and rolled away from Chris. He climbed back out of bed and joined Jack and I in the kitchen. “I’ll start the coffee.”
While the casserole baked in the oven, Jack took me outside with Ruby to watch the sun rise. He wrapped his arms around me tight, trying to keep me warm, even though he was only dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt.
“Where are Matty and Lucas?” I asked.
“Sleeping on the pull-out in the media room. We didn’t get home until four, so I’m going to wait until the last possible minute to wake them up.”
“Yikes. You didn’t fare much better than me. Aren’t you exhausted?”
“No, I’m pretty excited, too.” He kissed the top of my head.
“Are you cold?” I asked him.
“Not too much,” he said. “Not with you here... look how clear it is this morning. Not a cloud in the sky. So beautiful.”
“It is...” I agreed.
“But it’s supposed to snow again tonight.”
“That will be perfect,” he said. “Absolutely perfect.”
I turned around to face him, wrapping my robe around his bare arms. His cold hands brought goosebumps to my back and a shiver to my body. Ruby raced to the back door, pawing at it in an attempt to open it. Chris opened the door to let the dog in, closing it quietly, leaving us alone on the patio.
“Are your vows ready?” I asked him.
“I’ve had them memorized for months,” he said.
“Emi,” I mocked his voice. “Thank you for getting really drunk at that party in college...”
“Wait, did you go through my things? Did you find my notes?” he joked. “That’s exactly how my vows start...”
“That’s how mine start, too,” I told him, testing him. “A bonus to not having a church wedding.” He laughed quietly in my ear before nibbling on it.
“Mmmmm...” I mumbled, my head suddenly in a fog.
“Should I just kiss you there when they pronounce us husband and wife?” He kissed my neck next. “Or here?” I hummed quietly again as he pulled my tank top down just a little, kissing the top of my breast. “Here, maybe?”
“Only if you are willing to drop trou in front of our guests... and the preacher...” I pulled his lips to mine and kissed him gently. “I want you to kiss me exactly like you did that night.”
“I had every intention of that,” he told me. We practiced the kiss. “Mmmmm, perfect,” he mumbled, coming back for a second attempt. “Thank you,” he said. His body trembled from the cold as my teeth began to chatter.
“I have cold feet now,” I whispered to him through my gritted teeth as I stepped onto his cold bare feet.
“Yeah, me, too,” he said, lifting me up and carrying me into the house. “But, again, not about you.”
“Same here,” I concurred. “Definitely not about you.”
It had been the perfect start to the perfect day. And it truly was. It was a whirlwind of nerves and excitement and family and friends. I was glad we’d had a good photographer and videographer, because it all happened so fast, I didn’t think I’d be able to commit everything to memory. There would have been no way for me to remember it all, but I had watched the video many times, just to see the way Jack had looked at me, and to hear the beautiful words he had said to me. My heartbeat still quickens at the thought of it all.
Anna had turned around to me before making her trip down the aisle. She hugged me one last time. “Just smile pretty,” she had said, “and enjoy every second of this night. I love you.”
“You, too, Anna,” I said, the tears making their way to the surface. I watched as she turned around the corner, out of my view. My dad wiped the moisture from my eyes with his handkerchief.
“Happy tears?” he asked.
“Definitely,” I choked out.
“Baby,” he said... “my sweet little Emi...” He sighed. “I can’t believe it’s finally here.” The music changed to the song I chose to walk down the aisle to. “Where’s the Wedding March?” my dad asked.
“Too cliché,” I shook my head.
“Of course. We can’t have anything traditional for my sweet little Emi. You always had to be different,” he whispered in my ear as we turned the corner. “You have always been so special to me,” he added... and anything else he said was pointless because I saw Jack. I saw the man I was going to marry, and the vision of him consumed me. I didn’t even see anyone else. I didn’t see any thing else.
His eyes, full of confidence and adoration, locked on to mine. He made me feel stronger just by looking at me. I felt the heat in my cheeks rise with the corners of my lips. He mouthed the words I love you to me. I noticed his foot tapping quickly, as if he couldn’t wait for me to meet him in front of the crowd. His hands were clasped loosely in front of him, and as my father and I approached, he stepped forward to us.
I looked into his eyes intensely, feeling nothing but jubilation. He stared back at me, then brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. Ignoring typical wedding customs, I took his hand into mine and kissed his palm, then brought it down and held it tightly.
“Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” the preacher asked of the room.
“Her mother and I do,” my father answered, kissing my cheek before sitting down. Jack lead me forward to the altar and stood facing me, still holding my hand in his. Anna peeked over my shoulder and took the bouquet from me... I’d already forgotten everything we rehearsed the night before. I blushed, and Jack smiled, squeezing my hand.
Beside Jack, Matthew stood anxiously in front of Steven and Chris. He kept shifting from side to side and rubbing his knuckles, even as he smiled at me and mouthed “gorgeous.” Behind the groomsmen, outside the windows, I noticed just how beautiful the park across the street was. From where I stood, I couldn’t even see the cars below or the buildings down the street... just the most beautiful grouping of pink and white lights I’d ever seen.
“You look beautiful,” he said, my attention coming back to him, his eyes sparkling.
“So do you,” I whispered back, choking out the words. “And this is beautiful.” The preacher talked, said things that I should have been listening to but couldn’t focus on. I was definitely suffering from sensory overload, just hoping I would recognize the queues to say my vows... or to exchange rings... or to kiss my husband. I knew Anna would prompt me at the right moments.
I was just lost in his eyes, feeling that they were speaking to me in their own language. He told me how much he loved me... how much he needed me... how much he had loved getting to know me...
“Emily Clara Hennigan,” he said, startling me with the sound of his voice. When he began speaking to me, I’d realized we’d reached the part where we exchange vows. I was completely focused on him.
He sighed deeply.
“Emi...” he continued. My heart rate soared. “Every day I’ve known you has been a new opportunity for me to know myself. I didn’t know my full potential, not just as a man but as a human, until you shared your love with me.” He cleared his throat, swallowing a lump. He looked at the floor briefly before bringing his eyes back to mine.
“I’ve been a good son. A supportive brother. An attentive uncle. A loyal friend. An honest businessman. An adoring boyfriend, and a devoted fiancé.
“And now, because of you, I have the opportunity to become a faithful and caring husband... and possibly a doting father.”
I smiled warmly at him, weaving my fingers in between his.
“And you,” he continued, “have been an exceptional daughter. A kind sister. A thoughtful aunt. A steadfast friend. A talented artist. A passionate girlfriend, and an affectionate fiancée.”
A tear dropped from my eye. “Thank you,” I mouthed to him.
“And it is my honor, Emi, to be the person who watches you become a loving and constant wife... and hopefully someday, the most amazing mother.” I wiped a tear from his cheek.
“I love you, Emi. I love the silly girl you were when we first met, and I love the woman you are today. And I can’t wait to find out who you’ll become tomorrow, next year, even fifty years from now. But two things I know for certain. You will always surprise me. And I will always love you.”
Unable to contain myself, I leaned in to kiss him. Fortunately, he met me halfway and lightly touched his lips to mine.
“Not yet!” Matthew whispered, at which point we both started laughing.
“I love you,” I said quietly to him.
“Emi?” the preacher urged. “Your vows?” I nodded.
“Jackson Andrew Holland... the second...” I glanced at his proud mother and father, suddenly rethinking my opening sentence, but proceeding as planned. “I first just want to say that I’m really glad I got drunk at that party in college.” The entire wedding party started laughing, including Jack. “I warned you,” I said innocently.
“You did,” he encouraged me by squeezing my hands.
&nb
sp; I took a deep breath before continuing. “Jack... I knew when I met you that you were just the type of man I needed. You were grounded to my flighty. You were rational to my emotional. Your were polite to my rude. You were sensible to my stubborn. You were patient to my restless. You were reserved to my uninhibited. You were trustworthy to my unreliable. You were practical to my absurd.
“You are the strengths to my weaknesses.
“And over time, you’ve brought out the best in me. With you, I am more responsible, more stable, more composed, more amenable, more tolerant, more controlled, more dependable, and more reasonable. I am better with you, and that makes me happy.”
He shook his head at me.
“But the best thing about you... is that you fell in love with me when I was much weaker. Unconditionally. You never once asked me to change. And I know you never would. And I know that, on those days that I am flighty-emotional-rude-stubborn-restless-uninhibited-unreliable-absurd,” I took a deep breath, “that you will still love me.”
“I will,” he confirmed. “I do.”
“And that makes me the happiest.
“Thank you, Jack, for being the grounded, rational, polite, sensible, patient, reserved, trustworthy, practical and, above all, the strong one in this relationship. Your strength has carried us here, to where we stand today, to this altar.
“Becoming your wife, though, means I get half of everything.” Our friends and family members laughed. “So with your shared strength, I promise you, that I will help carry us wherever our lives may take us, together.”
“You’re the strongest woman I know, Emi,” he told me.
“Thanks to you,” I smiled. He shook off the compliment. “I love you, Jack, and I can’t wait to tackle whatever life throws our way... because I know that we’re strong enough, together, to handle anything.”
“We are.” Again we kissed, and again the audience laughed as I saw Matthew flinch out of the corner of my eye.
“The rings?” the preacher asked. Matty and Anna handed us the rings. The preacher nodded to Jack, signaling him to continue.
