by Hans Fallada
I must get up, I must go, thought the Lieutenant.
The fat man in passing gave him a frightful kick in the side, and it appeared as if he laughed or sniggered as he hurried away.
He wishes to damage me so that I don’t make off, thought the Lieutenant—and was alone. He lay there waiting for the return of his strength, for a little breath, for the blessing of a decision.… It is my chance, he thought. I must go away, to the Black Dale—the Black Dale. But I’ve no weapon and none of the comrades would give me one. They all know.… Oh, I must leave here.
Swaying, he got up. It was the second time he had been knocked down today, and it was the worse of the two.
“I mustn’t crawl like this; I must hurry, I must run,” he whispered and stood still, holding on to a tree. His face felt as if it had been flayed. I can’t go like this into the town. I must look a sight. He’s knocked me about horribly, the brutal swine. That’s what he wanted.
He was almost in tears with self-pity, almost in tears because it was so cowardly to sob. “Oh, my God,” he groaned, “my God! I want to die. Why don’t they let me die in peace? Will no one help me, my God?”
A little later he found himself walking. He had left the fortifications, he was in the town.
But I must go faster, he thought. He’ll catch me for certain, at the latest in my hotel. Yes, stare, you fool. That’s the way a man looks who’s been trimmed by them. And in a loud challenging voice, quarrelsome as a drunken man’s: “Stare, fool!”
“Good day, Herr Lieutenant,” said a polite, a very polite voice. “Perhaps the Lieutenant doesn’t remember me?”
Befogged by pain and numbness, the Lieutenant sought to recall the face. The polite, dispassionate voice soothed his shameful degradation. It seemed as though no one had spoken to him in that way for ages.
“Räder,” the other assisted him. “My name is Hubert Räder. I was in service at Neulohe, not with the Geheimrat but the Rittmeister.”
“Oh,” cried the Lieutenant, almost delighted, “you’re the one who wouldn’t help me up the chestnut tree. Yes, I remember.”
“But I should now be glad to be of assistance to the Lieutenant. As I said, I’m not in service there now. You look as if you require some assistance, sir.”
“Yes. I fell down.” He thought a moment. “I was set upon.”
“If I could be of service to you, sir—”
“Clear off, man! Don’t you bother me,” suddenly screamed the Lieutenant. “I don’t want to have anything to do with you people from Neulohe. You all bring me bad luck.” And he tried to go more quickly in order to get away from the fellow.
“But, Herr Lieutenant,” said the calm, unimpassioned voice at his side, “I don’t come from Neulohe. And, as I said, I’m not employed there anymore. In short, I’ve been thrown out.”
The Lieutenant stopped. “Who threw you out?”
“The Rittmeister, sir. The Rittmeister engaged me and the Rittmeister threw me out—no one else would have been legally entitled to do so, otherwise.” The man spoke with a certain foolish satisfaction.
The Lieutenant remembered something. Violet had spoken about this servant—a conceited fool. “Why were you thrown out?” he asked.
“The young lady wished it,” replied the servant curtly. “The young lady didn’t like me from the beginning. Antipathies like that do occur. I have read about it in a book. Scientifically they are called idio-syn-cra-sies.”
The wishes of the dying are fulfilled. The Lieutenant would have liked to take advantage of this very timely help, but some instinct or other warned him that it was a little too timely, and he became suspicious. “Listen,” he said. “Go quickly to The Golden Hat. The Rittmeister has met with an accident. You will be received there like the Saviour himself, and get your job back and your wages doubled, man.”
For the first time the gray, murky, fishlike eye met his.
“No.” The servant shook his head. “You must excuse me, sir, but we learned at the training school that one must never return to a situation. Practice has proved that it is not expedient.”
The Lieutenant was utterly exhausted. “Then clear off, fellow,” he said wearily. “I have no use for a servant, I can’t pay for a servant. So leave me in peace.” He walked on. He had wasted so much time, and it was so far to his hotel.
“What do you still want?” he shouted angrily at his silent companion.
“I should like to be of assistance to the Lieutenant. Herr Lieutenant needs assistance.”
“No!” yelled the Lieutenant.
“If you will permit me, sir,” whispered the obstinate voice, “I have taken a small room here close by. You could wash yourself quite undisturbed, sir. In the meantime I will clean your clothes.…”
“Blast the clothes!”
“Yes, Herr Lieutenant. Perhaps you could do with a strong coffee, sir, and a double cognac. I can believe that you will need all your energies today, sir,” he suggested a little confidentially.
“You, what can you believe, you donkey?” cried the furious Lieutenant. “What do you know about my energies?”
“Well, about the dump that was betrayed,” explained the cold, obsequious voice. “I can imagine that you will not so easily put up with what the young lady has let you in for, sir.”
The Lieutenant stood as if struck by lightning. His most secret thoughts in the possession of this intruder, this idiot! He could not understand it. “All right then, come along, show me your room,” he said abruptly. “But if there’s the slightest dirty trick …”
“I will explain, sir. It is all comprehensible forthwith. This way, please, Herr Lieutenant. If I may take your arm, sir, it would be quicker.…”
Half an hour later the Lieutenant, somewhat restored, was sitting in the corner of a deep sofa in Räder’s furnished room. He had had a coffee with a good deal of cognac, and the servant at the moment was preparing him a second.
Thoughtfully he watched the strange fellow’s unruffled activity. “Listen a moment, Herr Räder,” he said finally.
“A moment please, Herr Lieutenant. You must pardon me, it takes time here. Everything is very primitive here.” And he surveyed the room with a contemptuous glance.
“Why have you really come to Ostade? Surely not because you wanted to meet me?” And the Lieutenant laughed, so unlikely did this suspicion seem.
“Oh, yes, sir,” the servant replied earnestly. “I hoped to find you. Ostade is not a big place.” He set the coffee before the Lieutenant, without paying any attention to the effect of his words. Then he pushed forward the bottle of cognac so that it was near at hand. “I would advise a little less cognac now, sir. You are quite fresh again. And you doubtless desire to keep a clear head, sir, I think?”
Under that fishlike, expressionless eye the young man gave a slight shudder. If the fellow isn’t a fool, he thought, then he’s an abysmal scoundrel. “And why did you want to find me?” he asked. “Don’t tell me again that it was to assist me, though.”
“Because I thought it would interest the Lieutenant to know how the dump was betrayed.”
“And how was it betrayed?”
“Because you stopped coming to the young lady, sir, and didn’t take the letters out of the hollow tree, the young lady wrote to Herr Meier about the dump, because the young lady knew that Herr Meier had such a hatred for you, sir.”
“That’s a lie.”
“If you think so, sir.” The reply seemed unperturbed. “How much cognac do you wish, sir? The coffee is exactly hot enough.”
“Pour out, then. You can fill the cup safely; that won’t lay me out.” The Lieutenant looked keenly into the somber gray face. “Even if it were true, the Fräulein wouldn’t have told you.”
“Not when I had to ascertain Herr Meier’s address for the young lady?”
The Lieutenant took a slow gulp. Then he lit a cigarette. “And so you come here just to tell me that? What do you gain by it?”
The cold, lifeless eye aga
in rested on him. “Because I am a revengeful person, Herr Lieutenant. It is all easily comprehensible, as I mentioned.”
“Because she wanted the Rittmeister to turn you out?”
“As well. And also because of something else, because of matters to some extent delicate, sir.”
“Listen, my friend,” exploded the Lieutenant. “Don’t play the gentleman with me. Cough up what you know, or else you’ll see something! I’ve got the feeling that you’re a very cunning dog.” He was astonished to see the gray face redden a little. An unpleasantly simpering, flattered expression appeared there.
“I try to educate myself,” said the man. “I read books. No, not novels; scientific works, often several hundred pages in length.…”
If the fellow’s no idiot he’s an abysmal scoundrel, thought the Lieutenant again. But of course he’s an idiot. “Well, relate your delicate concealments. Don’t be afraid, I shan’t blush.”
“It’s because the young lady didn’t treat me like a human being,” said the servant, once more lifeless. “She would dress and undress in my presence as if I was a lump of wood. And when the master and mistress were away, the parents I mean, then the young lady always used to order me into the bathroom, to dry her.”
“And you were naturally in love with her?”
“Yes, Herr Lieutenant. I am still in love with the young lady.”
“And she knew that? Just wanted to torment you?”
“Yes, Herr Lieutenant. That was the intention.”
The Lieutenant looked sideways at the servant. A thing like that, he thought, a fool and idiot, also has feelings. Suffers and is tormented just like a real human being … “Why don’t you take vengeance yourself?”
“I am more or less of a peaceable temperament, Herr Lieutenant. Violence is not in my nature.”
“So you are cowardly?”
“Yes, Herr Lieutenant. I am quiet-minded.”
The Lieutenant considered. Then he spoke vigorously. “Listen, Herr Räder. Go to The Golden Hat. There you will see a fat gentleman—you’ll recognize him—a detective in a bowler hat. If you tell him about Violet’s letter to Meier, then the young lady won’t enjoy many more happy hours in life.”
“Excuse me, Herr Lieutenant. I’m not for the police. I’m for you, sir.”
It was quiet in the room. Thoughtfully the Lieutenant stirred his cup while the servant stood in a watchful, yet indifferent, posture. The Lieutenant reached across to the bottle of cognac, filled the cup and took a gulp. Then he said softly: “I shall perhaps settle this business not quite as you think, Räder.”
“That will be all right, Herr Lieutenant.”
“If you think I am going to use violence on the girl …”
“The gentleman will have considered what is most efficacious.”
“Most efficacious, yes …”
There was a long silence. The Lieutenant sipped his cognac, the servant stood in the doorway.
“Räder!”
“Yes, Herr Lieutenant.”
“When does it become dark now?”
Räder went to the window and peered out into the gloomy evening drizzle. “With a cloudy sky like this—soon after six.”
“Well, you must get me a taxi for a quarter-past six, here. I must be driven to the border of Neulohe Forest. Agree on the charge beforehand.”
“Certainly, Herr Lieutenant.”
“When you leave the house and also in the streets have a look if that fat detective is spying around anywhere, the one I told you about. A plump, beardless man, pale bloated face, a peculiar glance like ice. Black overcoat with velvet collar, bowler hat … You’ll recognize him, man,” he ended impatiently.
“Certainly, Herr Lieutenant; should I see him I shall recognize him. May I go now?”
“Yes,” replied the Lieutenant, brooding. Then he spoke briskly, yet with embarrassment: “Listen, Räder, there is something else for you …”
“Yes, sir?”
“I require”—he hesitated—“I require a weapon. I have lost mine.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Can you manage that?”
“Certainly, Herr Lieutenant.”
“But it won’t be so easy to get hold of a pistol here today. And some ammunition, of course, Räder!”
“Of course, sir.”
“You are sure?”
“Quite sure, sir.”
“About the money …”
“I shall be glad to assist the Lieutenant.”
“I have a little. But whether it will be enough for the taxi and the pistol …”
“I will settle that, sir—I’ll be back in an hour’s time then, sir.” Hubert Räder had gone without a sound.
The Lieutenant was alone. On the wall a little Black Forest clock was ticking. In the kitchen the landlady from time to time clattered about. He lay on the sofa in his underwear; his clothes were still drying in front of the stove.
He looked at the table where the empty cup stood next to the cognac bottle, three-quarters full yet. Slowly his hand groped over the table, and was withdrawn. “Herr Lieutenant requires a clear head.” He could hear Räder’s insufferable voice, always somewhat didactic.
Why should I want a clear head for that? he thought. Tell me why, you fool!
All the same, he didn’t pour himself out any more. Drunkenness was rising like a wave in him, to fall again and rise once more, higher. He looked at the clock. Twenty-five past five. He still had a good three-quarters of an hour alone to himself, continuing to live to some extent—then he would be hastening faster and faster to his end. He fixed his eyes on the minute hand. It moved infinitely slowly; no, it was not moving at all. The decrease in the little space between the minute and the hour hands was not perceptible. Yet all too suddenly it would be a quarter past six, and the last independent moments of his life would have expired. To rekindle his wrath he tried to think about Violet von Prackwitz, but Räder’s fishlike leathery face and dead gray eyes swung upwards on a new wave of drunkenness. The fellow never opened his mouth in talking, he thought in sudden disgust; I have never even seen his teeth. It’s certain he has nothing but rotten black stumps in his jaws. That’s why he doesn’t open his mouth to talk. It’s all moldy and putrid.
The Lieutenant wanted to look at the time again but couldn’t lift his head from the sofa.
He was asleep. He was sleeping away his last independent moments, sleeping, sleeping.…
The car drove through the night. In its white headlights the sodden trunks gleamed and were dark at once, vanished before the weary tormented eyes had really perceived them. In the corner sat the Lieutenant, half recumbent, almost asleep still. A piercing headache hindered him from thinking clearly. He could not make out if it was true that in front, next to the chauffeur, the servant Räder was sitting. It seemed to him that he had not wanted this disgusting fellow to come. Then, however, it occurred to him that the servant was paying for the car, though. Let him, therefore, drive his car as much as he wished; the chief thing was that he should go back immediately.
The lieutenant was almost happy that he’d found this solution, despite his headache. All was in order and good; the fat man, too, had not caught him. From now on everything would go of itself; he would be driven right up to the place—and then it was nothing but a little click. Only a click, that was all. The simplest thing in the world, about which there was no need to trouble oneself. He had seen it many a time.…
Anxiously he felt in his pockets and on the seat. Had the servant given him the pistol or not? He had been so drowsy on coming away, he could not remember; and he felt angry at finding nothing but the bottle of cognac beside him. Look at that! Sleepy as he was, he had not forgotten that. Wet my whistle with cognac, he thought, taking a good gulp from the bottle.
The alcohol washed away his drowsiness. Like a flame the thought rose in him: I am nothing but a coward.
The flame died down. “But you will do it,” whispered intoxication. “The chief thing is t
hat you should do it. No one will ever know that you were cowardly about it.”
“Yes, the fat detective knows it!” said his understanding.
“Fat lot I care about him!” whispered intoxication.
“Both of you leave me in peace!” grumbled the Lieutenant.
It was now light in the car, a sort of twilight rapidly becoming brighter.
What’s that now, he thought wearily. Am I not going to be left in peace at all?
But the brightness became stronger; the servant was turning round, half standing up. Was the car on fire? Räder said something to the chauffeur, a horn sounded, a horn replied. And a large car passed swiftly by. Gone! The Lieutenant was in darkness again.
Räder opened the panel in front. “That was the Rittmeister’s car,” he shouted, and there seemed to be triumph in his words.
“Good,” answered the Lieutenant indistinctly. “Good. I always told you so, Räder. The wishes of the dying are fulfilled.”
On the unrepaired country road the car was bumping terribly. “The young lady must have recovered, then,” shouted the servant.
“Hold your jaw!” he yelled, and Räder closed the panel.
He must have fallen asleep again, waking up because the car had come to a stop. Laboriously he heaved himself up; he was half off the seat. Managing to get hold of the door handle he stumbled out.
They were right in the forest, in an inconceivable stillness. No breath of wind, no drop of rain. In front, ten or twelve paces from the car, stood two men, who seemed to be examining the ground.
“Hi! You! What are you doing there?” shouted the Lieutenant, lowering his voice even as he shouted.
The servant turned, walked slowly up to him and stood a couple of paces in front. “Yes, we’re there,” he said softly. “You only need to follow the car tracks, Herr Lieutenant.”
“What car tracks?”
“Of the car, Herr Lieutenant! Of the Entente Commission’s car.”
“How can I do that in the dark?” asked the Lieutenant impatiently.
