by Cassie James
“More fun than you would’ve had with Jude or Brennan?” I don’t even bother trying to hide my sneer as I brush past her, leaving her trailing behind as I round the car. I glance back as I climb in, and fire sparks to life in her eyes.
It takes a second before she catches up, dropping into her own seat with an uncharacteristic growl. Normally, I would think it’s hot seeing her so worked up. But not tonight. And not over this.
“More fun than I would’ve had with Brennan or Jude—what the hell’s that even supposed to mean?” she asks. Her voice is low, a warning to tread carefully.
I scowl in return, but turn my focus on trying to control my simmering anger. Nothing good will come from this being a knock-down drag-out fight. But it clearly needs to be addressed before I lose my goddamn mind because I feel like I’m seconds away from asking her to get the hell out of my car and catch an Uber home. I’m peeling out of the theater’s parking lot seconds later, way before I have enough control over myself to try talking to her again.
I catch her glaring at me from the corner of my eye, apparently fed up that I haven’t answered her fast enough, and I’m spiraling all over again. My voice is just as tight as before when I finally spit out, “I know Brennan’s away with his family for his mom’s birthday, and Jude’s been on set most of the day. What was I? The last resort pick?”
“Tyler, don’t be stupid.”
“Stupid?” I actually fucking laugh as I say it. “Stupid’s letting myself pretend it’s okay to ignore the fact that you’re running around with both of my best friends behind my back. Stupid’s getting so caught up in the way I feel about you that I willingly overlook the fact that you’re probably hooking up with them, too!”
“We’re not dating, Tyler.”
It’s not a denial. No, it’s a fucking confirmation, and a wave of anger surges through my body. Because the girl I’m in goddamn love with just basically told me she doesn’t give a shit about my feelings. Or at least that she doesn’t care about me any more than she does Brennan or Jude. And if that doesn’t fucking sting, I don’t know what does.
“Would you?”
She slams her palms onto the dash, and I jump. I don’t fucking get how she’s just as mad as I am right now. I don’t get what she really thinks she has to even be mad about. “Would I what, Tyler?”
“Date me. Just me.” She goes quiet. I guess there’s my fucking answer. “I’m so damn stupid. I thought things between us actually fucking meant something to you.”
“Of course it means something to me.” There’s defeat lacing her tone, but I hang onto my anger as she sighs and continues. “I don’t just sleep around, Ty, and I don’t have sex with people I don’t have feelings for.”
“So, what? You have feelings for all of us, then?” Because she’s obviously fucking Brennan and Jude since she still hasn’t denied anything. My knuckles go white from how hard I’m gripping the steering wheel, but it’s that or punching my dash, and I’m not that far out of control yet.
“Is it so bad if I do?”
“They’re my best friends, Piper! You can’t just go around catching feelings for them, sleeping with them to make yourself feel better, or whatever the fuck it is you’re doing, not when you’re sleeping with me, too! I thought this, that we, meant more to you than that.”
She shakes her head, looking out the window instead of facing me as we pull up to the gates that open to our neighborhood. “That’s really unfair.”
“What’s not fair about it? I want to date you, and you want to fuck my friends.”
You could cut the tension with a fucking knife it’s so thick. I can feel her gaze settling on me as I drive way faster than I should to get to her house. I need her out of the car because I need to lose the tenuous grip I have on my control, and I might need to lose it with my fists all over Jude’s goddamn face. How can she have sex with me one day just to turn around and fuck that smarmy asshole the next?
“Asking me to choose isn’t fair.” And she’s so goddamn sure of herself when she says it that I immediately feel like an asshole, which puts me on edge even more.
I whip the car into her drive and slam it into park before turning to stare at her. She doesn’t give me the chance to retort, which is good, since I don’t know if I’d be able to hold back every ugly thing I’ve been thinking for the past few weeks.
“I’m not your Piper anymore, remember?” I suck in a quick breath. Goddamn, that stings. Because how long have I been trying to convince her that I know she’s not? “Monogamy might have been her thing, but it’s not mine. I feel what I feel, and I’m not going to deny that just because it’s not what you want to hear. I’m sorry it makes you uncomfortable, but I’m not going to let you ask me to not be myself, Ty, not when I’ve fought so fucking hard to figure out who that is.”
I deflate in a second. “Piper, I’m—that’s not what I’m trying to do here. I don’t want you to be someone else.”
She opens the car door, hesitating only to deliver her parting blow. “Well, that’s sure as hell what it feels like.” I slam my hands against the steering wheel as she leaves me behind, disappearing into the house without a single backward glance. Anything to funnel some of the frustration out of my system.
I back out of the drive as that stupid fucking yellow door slams behind her. And even though I know I should be heading home, letting sleeping dogs lie until I can actually get control of myself again, I turn out of the neighborhood. The urge to punch Jude’s goddamn face in for sleeping with my girl isn’t quite so strong now, not when Piper made it so abundantly clear that she’s not just my girl, but I need to figure out what the fuck his intentions are before he hurts her and she doesn’t want anything to do with any of us.
Jude answers the door with only boxers on, scowling at me as he squints as if I woke him up by showing up here. Good. His mom’s home for once, and she’s the one that actually answered the door, but she made me wait outside until Jude decided whether or not to actually get his ass up and talk to me. Usually, there’s a pretty open door policy here, but not when Jude’s got a role. He gets pretty fucking moody sometimes in the middle of it, thanks all the long hours and shit.
“What the fuck is your problem?” he asks as I shove past him into the house even though I haven’t been invited in.
“You are!” I roar, turning away from him when he narrows his eyes even more. He slams the front door shut and storms closer. A smirk breaks out on his face and it takes everything in me not to deck him. “I just had a date with Piper.”
I take great pleasure in seeing the smirk wiped right off his face. “Sounds like I’m the one that should be fucking pissed then—not you.” He rolls his eyes at me, as if I’m being childish showing up here like this. I mean, I am, but I don’t want him thinking it, too.
“I actually like Piper,” I go on.
He snorts. “Yeah, join the club, dipshit.”
I follow him as he walks to the living room, then stare down at him as he crashes, sprawled out on the couch. He’s being so cavalier that I can’t help but wonder if maybe I really am overreacting. Why am I so bothered if he isn’t? But… “You fucked her.”
“Hell yeah, I did. And I’m going to keep fucking her. So, if you’ve got a problem with that, you better either get over it or find someone else.”
My head snaps back at the mere suggestion. “I don’t want anyone else.”
“Guess you better get over it, then, huh?” He rolls his eyes at me again. Clearly, he’s not torn up over this the way I am. I’m not sure why the fuck not. Jude’s one of the most jealous, easy to anger fuckers that I know. Of course the one time I actually want to see him at least a little fucking jealous, he’s not reacting for shit.
“Doesn’t it bother you? That she’s not choosing you?” I can tell by the raise of his eyebrows that he’s about to say it doesn’t, so I throw in, “Did you know she’s fucking Brennan, too?”
Annoyance flashes over his face. “Of course I know. Grow up, Tyler.
What do you really think we’re going to do? Gang up on her until she picks one of us? And then what? Spend the rest of our time with her always wondering if she regrets her choice? Regrets choosing at all since she made it blatantly fucking clear that she doesn’t want to?”
When he puts it like that… damn, I’m the fucking asshole. I never would have expected a day to come when I was a bigger asshole than Jude Alton.
Jude shakes his head at me, still going. “How did you just magically forget all that shit in her log about not wanting to be with just one person? If she’s poly, then she’s poly. You don’t just get to decide for her that she can stop being who she is.” Which is exactly what Piper accused me of trying to do. Fuck!
I run a hand down my face and breathe out until my lungs are emptied. I guess I just didn’t believe it. Not that I thought Brennan would have faked that just to embarrass her, but it didn’t seem rational to me. I’m an athlete. We spend our whole lives trying to prove we’re good enough. And to me, this just feels like being told that I’m not good enough. Not good enough to be the only man in Piper’s life.
“Listen,” Jude drags my attention back, refusing to let me be alone with those thoughts. He’s sitting up now, but his shoulders are hunched and his hands are hanging between his legs like he’s a second away from either collapsing or jumping up and delivering a punch I probably deserve. “Do you need to fight this out? It’s not going to fucking change anything, but I have to be up at the crack of dawn to be back on set. If we’re doing it, I’d like to just fucking get it over with. Oh and watch the face. The makeup girl on this one is shit.”
I shake my head. Leave it to Jude to talk about a fist-fight like it’s just a hump to get to the other side of. “No?” he asks when I don’t respond, and all I can do is shrug helplessly in return. Because honestly? I have no idea what the fuck I want right now. “What’s the point of fighting over it, Tyler? You have feelings for Piper, great. But I have some pretty real fucking feelings for her, too, and you’d be blind and a fool to think that Brennan doesn’t. Whatever’s happening right now is weird, I’ll give you that, but for once, I don’t think fighting’s going to actually solve anything.”
I know I’m staring at him like he’s grown another fucking head, but I’m just so damn taken aback by Jude Alton being the voice of reason for once.
“So, what? We all date her and just agree to stay out of each other’s way?” It’s not as hard to choke the question out as I thought it would be.
“If that’s what it takes to keep her?” He stares me down. “Then yeah, that’s fucking exactly what we do.”
24
Piper
The week following my disaster of a double date is tense and uncomfortable. It’s like I’m back in the week before Winter Break with how hard I’m working to avoid the guys. I sneak away to the library during lunch and wait until I’m positive my parents are gone to order cars to take me to and from school. Everything feels wrong and awkward, and it feels like there’s nothing I can do about it. I don’t want to hurt anyone.
But it’s fucking exhausting. I’m miserable, and by Friday, I know I can’t keep it up. Macie sits across from me, a hard glint in her eyes as she taps her nails across the tabletop. She started tagging along with me when she realized where I was disappearing to everyday.
“Remind me again why we’re hiding in the library instead of eating lunch?”
“Because I’m selfish.” I mutter, the words falling miserably from my lips. I stare down at the table.
“I’m not sure I follow, P.” Her voice is soft, and I know she’s trying to comfort me. I don’t deserve it, though, and it’s just another thing to tack to the end of the mile long list of shit I have to feel guilty about. I shrug half-heartedly, and she sighs. “Does this have anything to do with The Pricks?” I almost laugh. It’s been weeks since she’s resorted to calling them that, but she’s my girl, and she’s got my back. Another wave of guilt surges through me, and I sober immediately.
It has everything to do with them, actually. But that’s trite, and she deserves a better answer than that. I haven’t told her about the blow up between me and Tyler because I know she’ll place all the blame with him, and that’s not totally fair. Not when I’m asking for something monumental. Not when I apparently can’t make myself care about anyone else’s feelings even as I keep demanding they respect mine.
I suck it up, and tell her all about what went down. She listens carefully, a thoughtful look on her face the whole time I’m talking. When I’m done telling the whole sordid tale, I’m surprised to see that there’s still not any sign of judgment clouding her expression.
“I mean, you have feelings for all of them, right?”
“Yeah, I do. As stupid of me as it is, I really, really do, Mace. And I know I’ve told you how I feel about monogamy, it’s not my thing. I don’t want to choose between them, and in my heart I feel like I shouldn’t have to, but I’m just asking them for far too much.”
“Pipes, I don’t think you’re being entirely fair to yourself right now.” I scoff but she only shakes her head at me. She stops tapping the table and lays her palms flat. “It’s not conventional, but that doesn’t make it any less valid or real than what anyone else feels—especially not The Pricks. And they don’t get to be butt-hurt little bitches about any of it, anyway. Not when Brennan dumped all your inner thoughts about monogamy right into an email that I know they’ve all read.”
“Knowing about it and being okay with it are two very different things,” I point out.
“If they weren’t okay with it, they shouldn’t have continued things with you. They could have stopped any time, Piper. They’re the ones that chose not to.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I murmur.
I didn’t keep secrets. I didn’t flaunt things, but I didn’t hide them, either. If The Thorns were really so turned off by the idea of sharing… why didn’t they just back off? It’s not like any of them are hurting for female attention. They could have walked away but didn’t. And I have to wonder if maybe that means they’re not as closed off to the idea as they claim to be. Maybe they just need more time.
Over the next few days, I slowly stop avoiding The Thorns again. As things start to feel a little more settled, I corner Tyler to ask if maybe he could drive me home, but his face falls.
“I can’t. I have a game after school,” he explains. I get it, but I’m still disappointed that I won’t get back those few minutes alone with him just yet. His eyes widen hopefully. “I could pick you up in the morning, though?”
“Yeah, definitely,” I agree. The smile he offers is easy and full, and my heart beats just a little harder in my chest. It’s a step in the right direction, at least. We turn toward the doorway, but I lay my hand on his arm when another idea strikes me. His eyebrows are adorably high on his forehead when he turns back to face me. “Is it a home game or away?”
“Home. Why?”
“Just curious.” I reply easily, dropping my hand and turning into the classroom without further explanation. But as we move away from each other to take our seats, a small smile plays over my lips. Showing up to his soccer game when Piper never bothered might not be the most extravagant plan, but I hope it’ll be enough to show him I’m willing to make an effort. If I show him it’s not about him not being enough, maybe I can open him up to the idea of giving a shared relationship a chance. And then, maybe—just maybe—I can convince the rest of The Thorns, too.
As I sit in the stands a few hours later, bundled against the wind in a light jacket, I can’t help but wonder why Piper never bothered showing up to his games. Watching his intensity during a game, when there’s actually something at stake, is way different from watching him at practice. My eyes stay glued to him, and I lose my shit with the rest of the crowd when he finally manages to score the goal that puts Rosewood in the lead.
There’s a moment at the end of the game when he glances up into the stands and sees me cheering along wit
h the crowd. That moment is worth every minute I sat stuck behind a group of girls droning on about how hot each of the players are and speculating how good each of them are in bed. And even though Tyler should be celebrating with his team after their win, he jogs my way, instead, ignoring the shouts from his teammates and coaches as I scramble off the bleachers and toward the stairs to meet him.
“Piper,” he pants out my name as he skids to a stop in front of me. “I can’t believe... What are you doing here?”
“Besides listening to a bunch of sophomores trying to decide which of your teammates are the best lay?” I bat my eyelashes as Tyler laughs, shaking his head as his eyes never leave mine. “What kind of friend would I be if I never bothered to show up to your games and ogle you in that uniform? Because damn, Ty. You’re working it.”
“You’re ridiculous,” he says, but there’s relief in his posture, and I know I’ve taken at least half a step in the right direction. Things feel lighter between us already.
“Yeah, maybe, but I think you secretly like that about me.”
“Where’s the secret?” he jokes. As he smiles down at me, all I can think about now is how much I want to kiss him.
So I do.
He wraps his arms around my waist, and I don’t have time to care about the fact that he’s covered in a layer of sweat that he’s now sharing with me. I just focus on kissing him. Wanting to breathe some life back into the undeniable spark between us.
I forget the stands are still half-packed around us until a wolf whistle pierces the haze of lust clouding my mind. I jerk away from him, but he pulls me in for one last sweet kiss before he actually lets me go. Coach Santos is shouting his name now, and I’m positive several sets of eyes are trained on us from the stands, but he never looks away from me.
“Give me twenty and meet me at the car?” he asks. His smile widens when I nod. “Thanks for being here, Pipe.”
