by Casey White
If he wasn’t occupied with work, he should spend some time on his work. His marketing algorithms were hitting the point of near perfect - at least until something went and shattered them again - but his coding was still years away from being done. He should count his blessings and do whatever he could to make the most of the break. Maybe he could start trying to use his new magical insights to bridge the gap between Alexandria and the outside world. It’d be better than this.
But every time he sat down at his desk, he thought of Jean. Of what she was afraid of. Which led him to Indira, and the things she’d said, all of which circled around and around and filled his mind with the stink of smoke and the taste of chocolate. The more pressing problems screamed at the forefront - of Olivia, and her offer, and what the guild wanted him to agree to.
Behind it all lurked the tang of blood and rot. That dark, dank room leered up at him every time he closed his eyes. He’d been reading as many of the books contained in that hidden library as he could bear. He’d started to process the stories told within - of the rest of the mages out there. Demibloods, they called themselves, apparently. It was all a blur, and yet, one thing had stood out more than the rest.
The reason all of the books contained in that hidden library’s main room were so short was because none of these mages seemed to live very long.
With every page he turned, the reality of his situation started to sink in a little more. Alexandria was magical. The world was full of people who might well seek to kill him at the drop of a hat. Indira wanted to ‘help’ him - but in doing so, wanted to put her own people closer to the librarian than ever. Everywhere he turned, it felt like there was another leering face, ready to use him and the Library for their own ends.
The fact one of those faces belonged to Jean made it hurt all the more.
An archway slipped past, then another. Owl only looked up when the hollow, cozy deadness of the Library gave way to airy silence punctuated only by a gentle tinkling.
The books were gone. The aisles were gone. He stood in the entryway to some sort of massive water garden, the stone floors giving way to wooden paths that circled the edges of ponds. Shapes glimmered within the waters - shapes he could see mirrored on pads of paper left strew on tables and benches.
“You’re really stretching to pass this as educational, aren’t you, Alex?” Owl whispered, chuckling under his breath. His feet carried him forward, though, deeper into the gardens.
And, he had to admit, it wasn’t bad. There was a ceiling overhead, but vaulted high enough the room seemed endless, and dotted with skylights that filled the space with a healthy glow. Tall grasses and cattails grew from planters nestled in alongside the path, until he might as well have been walking through a real-world botanical garden. At the very edge of his vision, he could see a set of chairs arranged around what looked suspiciously like a bar.
His wry amusement grew. “Is this your idea of a vacation?”
With the steady trickle of water over a fountain as his only reply, Owl groaned, allowing himself to finally fall onto a wooden bench. His toes came nearly to the edge of the water, resting against a line of smooth-worn stones. He stared down into the depths, watching as misty, half-formed shapes darted this way and that. Were they real, or were they just representations of humans’ perceptions of these fish.
He didn’t know. And, if he was being honest, he didn’t really care.
His eyelids hung heavy, but he couldn’t sleep. What was he supposed to do? Where was he supposed to go from here?
Jean had lied to him. Or...even if she hadn’t told a falsehood, she’d spent every day he was there betraying him. She’d been by his side, winning him over. Acting like she was a friend, a mentor. A...
He shook his head, letting it droop forward. He hadn’t found a falsehood in her words yet. But she’d shaped him into an image of her own choosing. She’d trapped him here. Somewhere he never should have been.
And now, he didn’t know the way out. He didn’t even know if the way out existed.
The rivers around him burbled more brightly. Owl smiled under his mask, the expression tight-drawn. “I know,” he whispered, clenching his gloved hands into fists. She was trying to cheer him up. Sweet, but... “It’s not...It’s not your fault. You didn’t ask for it. You didn’t...”
If he strained his mind, with the sunlight beating down on his overcoat and the smell of plants around him, he could almost remember...something. The feeling of stone and concrete under his feet. The wind in his hair as he ran. Someone behind him, screaming for him to stop, to wait.
Somehow, he knew that Alexandria hadn’t wanted him to be trapped like this.
He just wasn’t sure that made him feel any better.
With a final groan, he dropped his head into his hands, massaging at his scalp through the leather hood. He’d figure it out. He always had - and nothing had changed, when it got right down to it. He was the Librarian, like it or not. Jean wasn’t around for him to get satisfaction from. She was gone, and he was here. He didn’t have time to sit here overwhelmed by doubt. He had work to do.
But he couldn’t quite bring himself to move, either. He just sat, counting off the seconds as his mind screamed and struggled to sort through the mess he was in.
A gust of wind rustled through the garden, like Alexandria sighing. Owl just kicked at the stones, watching specks of dirt and dust drop into the pond. A ghostly fish darted past, sniffing at the granules, then vanished into the reeds.
Out of anyone on the face of the planet, he was supposed to know things. He was the Librarian. Things were supposed to make sense.
They didn’t - and he couldn’t quite keep that from getting under his skin.
With his eyes on the ripples and the sound of cascading water in his ears, he didn’t notice much of anything. He certainly didn’t hear the muffled, muted footsteps against the wooden boardwalk, or the low, indrawn gasp that drifted across the water garden.
Owl stiffened as a hand dropped to his shoulder, eyes going wide. He twisted, ice shooting through his veins.
Leon grinned down at him, his eyes narrowed and altogether too smug. “Got you. I fucking got you.”
“L-Leon,” Owl stammered, staring up at his friend. His heart thrummed like a hummingbird’s, no matter how he tried to settle it. “I...you. You showed up. Uh-”
“I did,” Leon said, his expression turning even more satisfied. “I told you I’d catch you off guard one of these days.”
“Y-Yeah,” Owl said. He tried to force a smile onto his face, tried to make his words a little less leaden. “Good job. You...You got me.”
Something in Leon’s grin faded, at that. A bit of the thrill left his eyes - and his brow furrowed. “Hey,” he said. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
Owl shook his head. “No...No, you didn’t. I was just- I didn’t...yeah.” He hadn’t been expecting Leon, for sure. And he’d let his friend get the jump on him. It could have been anyone. He couldn’t zone out like that, damn it.
Leon’s eyes searched his face for a moment - his mask. “Hey,” he said again. “Are you all-”
“Holy shit,” Owl heard someone say behind Leon - a woman. He stiffened again, his head snapping back around to glare at Leon.
His friend grinned again, just a little sheepish. “Sorry,” he said. “Uh. You remember I asked if my friend could come too? Well, uh, James and I kind of got a little carried away a few nights ago, and-”
Owl reached up, taking Leon’s elbow gently, and nudged him out of the way. Leon stumbled once, but dropped to the bench alongside Owl, laughing nervously.
James was trudging up the boardwalk from the garden’s entrance - and alongside him walked a woman, with waves of black hair hanging past her round, tawny face. Upon seeing Owl, he grinned, offering him a nod, but didn’t move from her side.
“Oh,” Owl said. “I...see.”
“Sorry,” Leon said, leaning forward. “We just...well...I got a little excited, I gues
s.”
“And you told her.”
“...Sorry,” Leon mumbled. “I didn’t tell her much. I just- I mentioned there was a place that I’d been going that had resources other libraries don’t, a-and, I guess-”
“If Alexandria didn’t want her here, then she wouldn’t have let her in,” Owl said. He pursed his lips, though, eyeing the woman and her friend. “So...it’s fine. I guess.”
“Sorry,” Leon said.
Owl turned, then, starting to smile, and kicked Leon’s foot. “I told you it’s fine.”
“Yeah. She’s...she’s nice. She’s in the biology program. Ah- Right.” Leon stood in a rush, gesturing Owl after him. “C’mon. I’ll introduce you.”
Owl faltered. “You don’t really have to-”
“Hey!” Leon said, already skittering down the boardwalk. “This is that guy I was telling you about.”
It was already too late, then. Owl groaned, gripping the wood of the bench tightly for a moment. He’d just wanted to be alone, and then, here he was, surrounded by-
He paused, staring at the edge of the pond. Is this your doing? he whispered silently. Did you...are you still trying to get me out of this funk?
Alexandria didn’t even have to reply for him to know he was right. He made a face. It didn’t matter if he told her to stop, that he didn’t need new friends. She’d never listened to him anyway.
He stood instead, turning to where the trio was already facing him, silent. Leon was grinning, glancing between Owl and the others. James just looked bored - but every so often, he’d steal a glance at the new woman. And then he’d smile. Owl smothered a groan. Be a little more obvious, would you?
Still, if James had found a...friend, then Owl couldn’t help but be happy for him. He stepped closer, turning his eyes to the woman. She was watching him, her eyes round and disbelieving. “Shit,” he heard her mumble.
“This is Owl,” Leon said. “He takes care of this place. The Library. Alexandria.”
Owl lifted a hand in a half-wave. “Hi. What he said.” Well, if Leon was going to keep coming back to the Library, at least having him around to handle the explaining was convenient.
Leon twisted back toward his friend. “And, Owl, this is Maya. Our friend. I promise we haven’t spilled too much of the beans.”
She thrust her hand out. “Why’s your name Owl?” she blurted out at the same time, then cringed back. Her cheeks darkened.
“Maya...” James said, wincing. “He’s...it’s just what he-”
“It’s fine,” Owl said. James was always...different. He didn’t come by every time, and he wasn’t the chattiest of people, but he did keep coming back. If he didn’t want to be here, then Owl could only assume Alexandria wouldn’t keep summoning him. But no matter if he was coming by choice or by Library-forced visits, he’d always been content to let Leon do the talking.
For him to open his mouth and speak up was notable in and of itself. For him to speak up on Owl’s behalf...Owl smiled out at James from behind his porcelain facade, a bit of the anxious tension in his chest loosening.
“Alexandria is a special place,” he said simply, clasping his hands before him. “That means I have to be careful of people who might want to hurt me to get at it.”
“Oh,” Maya said, her flush leaving just as quickly as it’d appeared. “Crap. Okay, then, I guess that makes sense.”
“Don’t just blurt things out next time, idiot,” James said, nudging her with his elbow.
“Shut up,” she mumbled, rolling her eyes - and then looked back to Owl. “This place is crazy. Seriously insane.”
“You haven’t seen the half of it,” Leon said. “Some of the stuff in here is straight-up unbelievable.” His eyes lit up. “Hey. Owl. Do you think you could show her around? Y’know, like you showed us?”
“W-What?” Owl said, glancing back to Maya. “Is that really...I mean, it’s okay, but-”
“He’s busy, Leon,” James said. “Let him work. We take enough of his time as is.”
“It’s- It’s not that,” Owl said. His eyes flicked up to hold Maya’s. She still looked nigh-terrified, but curiosity was starting to win out over her fear. Heaven save me from scholars and their insatiable questions. “It’s just that-”
His throat closed, latching tight about the words until the sentence ended in a gurgle. Adrenaline surged back into his system as he stared into Maya’s warm brown eyes.
Leon and James had said they’d bring a friend into the Library. A female friend.
A female friend he’d thought he’d chased around Alexandria, just a few stays before. He’d told himself that was her. He’d told himself that it hadn’t been anything to worry about, since she was here with Leon and James.
Now, staring into the face of their actual friend, a woman who was very much not her, he realized he had no idea what was going on.
They were still staring at him. James was starting to look annoyed, though, his lips pressing together tightly.
Words. Find them. Use them. “Um,” Owl said.
“You’re probably right,” Leon said. He appeared at Owl’s side - and his hand came to rest on Owl’s shoulder, warm and comfortingly firm. “Owl’s probably too busy for a tour. But Alex can do it herself, right? Would that be okay?”
James blinked, his broad face going blank. “That’d be...awesome. But is it safe?” he said, looking to Owl - who nodded, after a long moment.
“Y-Yeah,” Owl said. “It should...it’ll be fine. The Library protects its guests.” He swallowed. “Stay away from any dreamers, if you see them, but...if you just wander, I think Alexandria will be happy to show you around.” She’ll be happy to show off, more like.
A spritz of water from one of the fountains splattered across his mask, carried by the thin tendrils of a breeze. His vision blurred in an instant behind the droplets stuck to his lenses.
“Okay,” James said, dropping his gaze back to Maya and grinning. Oh, he definitely wasn’t going to turn down a chance to wander the Library alone with her, was he? “C’mon. I’ll show you, then.” He glanced to Leon, his expression going guarded. “Are you-”
“I’ll hang out here with the Librarian,” Leon said, grinning. James flashed him a tiny, grateful smile, tugging Maya’s hand in the same moment.
Owl nodded as they turned to go, caught between the amusement of watching James’ victory and the building horror of watching all the pieces he’d slotted together come flying apart again.
It hadn’t been Maya in the Library. Someone else had been here - someone who wasn’t accompanied by Leon. Someone who had ignored him, leading him on a chase. Who? Owl whispered in the silence of his head. Who did you let in? I thought-
He squelched the thought, his hands balling up into fists. He’d thought Alexandria had brought Leon and James in for him. As friends. As colleagues. But then, what was this?
Damn it, with Jean’s betrayal still hanging over his head, he’d been relying on the fact that at least Alexandria was innocent. She was just a damn magical library, not some sapient thing that could lash out at him.
So he’d thought. But now-
“Hey,” Leon said, and this time, his voice was quieter. His hand was still on Owl’s shoulder, his fingers pressed tight into the leather. “What’s wrong?”
Owl shook his head, watching as James and Maya trundled off toward the garden’s entrance. “It’s nothing.”
“Look, you can-”
“I said I’m fine.” The words lashed out across the quiet air. Leon’s hand jerked, but didn’t leave Owl’s shoulder. He didn’t argue, or debate, or even try and respond. He just stood there, waiting.
Owl sighed, licking his lips. Damn it, this wasn’t something he wanted to get into again.
But he didn’t want to tear into his friend, either, the one guy Owl could possibly talk to about all of this.
And, if he was being honest with himself, this was probably exactly the sort of situation that Alexandria had sent him friends
for.
He pulled free of Leon, trudging back toward his bench. Leon’s footsteps echoed behind him - and when Owl dropped onto the wooden seat, it groaned under Leon’s weight a moment after.
He heard Leon shift in his seat. “Look, Owl, if you’re not comfortable, you don’t have to-”
“I was looking into stuff,” Owl said heavily. “About Alex’s magic, and...other people. Other mages. But...”
“...Something else?” Leon said, after Owl didn’t continue.
He nodded. “What you said earlier. About my predecessor. Crow.”
“The old Librarian?” Leon said. Owl felt him shift, sitting up a little straighter. “Wait. Did you-”
Owl nodded, slipping his hand into his pocket. A folded scrap of paper waited there. His mind raced, slowing time to a crawl as his fingers rubbed against the sheet.
He shouldn’t do this. Leon had too much information already.
He’d just been worrying about the rest of the world’s mages. He’d been stressing over the chance of any of them finding him.
But...this was Leon. Alexandria had sent him. She’d picked him. If Owl was going to trust anyone, well, he didn’t have a better choice on hand.
And if time wasn’t healing the wound of Jean’s passing, her betrayal, if Alexandria wasn’t going to let him drown the turmoil in work, then he’d have to take measures into his own hands.
The journal page crinkled as he pulled it from his pocket. He couldn’t say why he’d cut it free, carefully slicing it out of the binding. Something like that should stay with the rest of the Librarian journals, safe and secure behind his door. If he lost it, if it got damaged or destroyed-
If any of that happened, then he could just ask Alexandria to make him a new copy. Owl held the scrap out toward Leon, holding himself steady as his nerves screamed to take it back, to hide it.
Leon’s eyes clouded, his confusion simmering under the blue, but he took the paper from Owl, who returned to clasping his hands in his lap. He stared at the garden’s ponds, white-knuckled, as Leon unfolded it one turn at a time.
He stared at the pond as Leon read the page through. Once.
