by Leanne Davis
Joey’s sunglasses masked his eyes, but his eyebrows rose above them and his mouth was quirked to the side. “You survived. No drowning victims.”
“Don’t even say that. Don’t jinx us while we still have… what? Three and a half more hours of this?”
“That was about the worst of it. Some rapids are longer or shorter, but the volume, speed, and size of the waves aren’t any bigger than that. Right off, we face it, conquer it, and vanquish all your fears. Just look. You did it.”
“That’s just plain mean.”
He laughed again. “Well, it’s us versus nature. I can’t control where and when the rapids get too rough, now can I? That is called White Canyon, and it’s one of the biggest, baddest spots on the entire river. Congratulations, Starr family; you survived it. We should get all of you t-shirts.”
He was mocking and snickering at her so she scowled at him, but a small smile tugged at her lips. Jacob interrupted then, “That was so awesome. Did you see us?” Up and down on his knees he bounced, repeating the motion and shaking the raft all the way back to her position.
“I know. It was so crazy. I thought for sure we were going head first right through them.” The voice came from her daughter.
Hailey stared at Brianna, her mouth nearly dropping open. She fully expected Brianna to turn towards her and scowl at how lame she was or say something equally horrible. But instead, Brianna was experiencing this adventure with them, as part of the crew, and not some snarky, rude, self-esteem-crushing creature of unfounded apathy. Of late, she acted as if she were there with them, but so disdained everything they were doing that they were ridiculous to actually like it. To see Brianna enjoying something now, let alone, how happy she seemed to be with them, felt like such a novelty. Hailey decided then and there that it was worth facing those monstrous waves again and even risk drowning just to see Brianna acting “normal” and more like the girl she used to be. The kids kept discussing the ride, alternating back and forth in their eagerness to be heard, and Joey even added a few comments while answering their incessant questions about why he chose the route they followed.
“You really must know this river well, don’t you?” Hailey marveled.
“Yes. I really do. Every rock and stick and rapid are etched in my memory, and I can almost tell you verbatim where to go at any particular river depth. In a few weeks, the snow melt will begin to diminish, making the river a foot lower or more and it all looks entirely different. Then I have to know how to avoid the shallow spots that would beach us, as well as rocks that we could catch on because there isn’t enough water to push us through. Eventually, towards the end of summer, it’s just too low for us to get down. Single inner tubes are the only way we can go rafting then. But we never do that with the guests… too much liability.”
The river took a sharp turn before the loud rushing increased. “Another set of rapids?” Hailey asked, and Joey grinned.
“Another set is right; hold on, Mrs. Starr.”
She rolled her eyes at his formal reply. “Please, call me Hailey. Since my life and those of my children, who seem to love this incidentally, rest in your hands, please call me Hailey.”
Joey turned towards her and grinned. “Hailey it is then. Now hold on.”
She did. Only this time, she kept her eyes mostly open and her screams sounded more like intermittent shrieks. The kids bounced and tossed and laughed and screamed as well. They loved it. The river waves splashed over them, making them shriek at getting drenched while Joey laughed right along. It went like that for another hour, with brief periods of calm that were deceptive. Sometimes, the river glided as smooth as a mirror, following its gentle sway and pull. Then, they were suddenly surrounded by rushing, crashing, white-water rapids that tossed and churned the water, bouncing all of them like smooth pebbles being skipped over the surface of a lake.
They stopped at a sandy beach and Joey took out a cooler full of sandwiches, drinks, fruit, and chips for a picnic. Sitting on logs of driftwood that were bleached and smooth from decades of exposure to sun and water, Hailey dug her toes into the warm, white sand. Food never tasted so good or satisfying in as long as Hailey could remember. It was as good as any gourmet meal and the view down the river, as it streamed through the mountains, twisting and turning all around them, filled her with a strange sense of serenity. She closed her eyes and leaned back to let the warmth of the sun’s rays soak into her skin. Jacob quickly finished his meal before he started swimming, and Brianna wandered off towards a rocky outcropping. She was very intent on exploring the area before she stared down from a cliff and finally jumped into the water with a typical girlie scream. Joey chuckled as he watched their antics with genuine amusement and came over to sit beside Hailey.
“They seem to be enjoying themselves.”
“First time I’ve seen both of them smiling together, and with me. Especially Brianna.”
“I noticed you were smiling too.”
She glanced sharply at his profile, but he was staring out as if his comment was nonchalant, although it felt to Hailey like he noticed something more. “Yes, I admit I was.”
“Seems like that hasn’t happened too often for a while. They seem to respond to your happiness.”
She tilted her head, staring down at her toes, which were now covered by the hot sand. What was he saying? Did they respond to her negative vibes too? He was right: she hadn’t smiled so easily in a long while. Unhappiness over the end of her marriage, and the ensuing change it brought to her entire life, was having undesirable effects on her kids. Add into the mix her own crippling guilt over all of it.
“Do they feed on my unhappiness, do you think?” His bare shoulders shrugged up and down and her heart sped up in response to the simple gesture. Lord! Why did she seem to have so much attunement to his body?
“I don’t know a thing about your personal lives; I only know I saw you were smiling and at ease and seemed relaxed. They seemed to instantly ease up and act that way too. Their sense of fun was genuine.”
She nodded. “Yes, our lives have been overwhelmed by too much stress and unhappiness. It’s easy for me to pretend it’s all okay, but kids always know it’s not real.”
He nudged her knee with his own. “It doesn’t mean you have to dive into a guilt trip now. Isn’t it enough just to have fun? This day? Now? Enjoy that without asking for more.”
She tilted her head to glance up at him. “Do you often counsel the women who request your services?”
She winced as soon as she said it. “Services” came out wrong. It sounded distinctly too much like she meant to suggest more, an innuendo. He caught on immediately and a low chuckle preceded his reply. With a moan, she buried her face in her hands and groaned out loud. “Counseling families. You know, families that request your services as a guide. That’s what I meant.”
“Your first version made me sound a lot sexier.”
She burned up and her skin felt hot to her own hands. “You know what I meant,” she hissed.
“I do. But you should see how red you are right now.” Laughing, he added, “But sometimes, yeah, I notice dysfunctional interactions, but no, I rarely comment on them.”
She peeked at him for a just a second and then looked back down. When and why did she ever feel so shy as she did now? Almost like she were dealing with someone much older and very intimidating, when really, it should have been just the opposite. She almost asked him why he chose to discuss that with her. But she knew the reason why: there was an odd sense of ease and compatibility between them that didn’t fit their relationship. There was no time for a relationship to even exist from such a brief, random acquaintance.
The rocky outcrop became Jacob’s favorite base jump as he and Brianna took turns leaping off, diving, and swimming ashore before they climbed up and did it all over again. What mostly amazed Hailey was how freely they were talking and interacting with each other. Despite the typical ribbing of an older sibling to a younger one, it wasn’t vicious or out
of proportion. They were sharing in fun, rather than suffering from misery; and Hailey hadn’t witnessed that between them in years. It was almost shocking to her and startling to see.
“Maybe your theory holds true. Maybe a little fun is what we need before we can start learning to be a family again. You can’t imagine how rarely they have been like this together.”
“It must be nice for a parent to see.”
“It is,” she mumbled softly. “If you hadn’t suggested that we do this, I’m sure I’d never have come this far with them. So, thank you.”
He shrugged. “Sometimes it takes an objective observer to see what’s missing, since those things just aren’t obvious to the people caught in a given situation.”
“May I ask? What was obvious about us?”
“Well, you and Brianna seem to be at cross-purposes, and in a bit of a power struggle. By getting her to act her own age again, perhaps you could re-establish a connection.”
“How could you see that?” Hailey was miffed to know that he could figure that out. It didn’t really fit his demeanor, to be honest.
“Maybe because I recognized it. It was that way between Jack and me for many years. We had to change the dynamic between us before we could figure out how to live with each other. I was angry at him, for things that were beyond his responsibility, but that didn’t change my behavior and attitude towards him. Plus, I knew he was safe for me to do that with. I knew he would never kick me out or give up on me, no matter what I might say or do. So maybe I recognized it; or maybe it was just a lucky guess.”
“Is the Army what changed the dynamic between you and Jack?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think you need that much of an equalizer here.”
“I get some of it. You know, the kids venting and raging their problems out on those who love them most, but sometimes it’s very hard to live with that on a daily basis.”
Why was she commiserating with a younger man who was neither married, divorced, nor had any kids? He could not even begin to comprehend the struggles of her life. Nonetheless, it kind of felt like he did; why? She instantly banished the odd connection from her mind.
“So, should we continue on with our adventure?”
Joey got to his feet. “Sure, if you’re ready.”
“I’m ready. I’m getting more used to it.”
“I can tell. You scream less.” His fast grin did little to conceal his tone, which was almost… suggestive? Yes, for a split second, it seemed rather suggestive, but no way could it be. Just no. From her perspective, she must have been imagining things.
They all reboarded the raft and pushed off down the river. It was far less intimidating than their first launch off the beach. This time, Hailey was able to relax right away, leaning back during the calmer parts, and letting the sun warm her, even trailing her fingers in the water over the side. She lessened her death grip on the handles as she rode the troughs and crests of the white water. However, it was impossible for her to quit staring at Joey as he rowed; and at her kids as they happily interacted. Brianna almost smiled once at her.
Things were good until the last few minutes. Hitting a wave, Brianna suddenly slipped from the boat as easily and quickly as a raindrop slides down a window. She was there one second, and the next, she had slipped away from Hailey. Screaming in real fear as Brianna went under the deep, green water, Hailey saw something that set her veins on fire: a blooming cloud of blood on the raft and surface of the water. That quickly, Joey was up and over the side, yelling at Hailey, “Bring the raft to shore.”
Incredibly clumsy and inept, Hailey tried to stand up, but toddled around like a baby taking her first step. Eventually, she plopped into the captain’s chair and tried to move through the water with the extended oars. To her utter shock and surprise, it was so much harder than Joey made it appear. All the while, her heart was lodged inside her throat and hot tears filled her eyes. Her fear was so real, she could taste it, like iron or blood on her tongue, and the horrible sensation filled her mouth. She should never have taken her precious children on this wretched river. Glancing around, the chastising thoughts nearly incapacitated her with grief-stricken guilt. Had she gotten her child hurt in the pursuit of a little fun? As if that mattered. Safety should always come first with one’s children. What kind of mother could she be to succumb to her desperation of pleasing Brianna? Did she let it skew her decisions over what was smart?
“Brianna!” Hailey kept screaming her daughter’s name over and over until it became a background screech as she fumbled to get the inflatable raft towards the shallow water. By then, Joey already had Brianna in his arms and was pulling her to shore until she could stand in the knee-height water.
The raft hadn’t even stopped but Hailey was scrambling over the seats and jumping off the side into the water towards Brianna. Safely embraced in Joey’s arms, she was holding his shoulders. Her head was tilting back. All Hailey could picture was a gash on her head, a concussion, severe brain damage… but then, Brianna was laughing. A tinkling bell sound, the little giggle barely audible as she held her head back and plugged her nose with one hand while holding Joey’s shoulder with the other. Taller than Hailey, Brianna easily held on to him with their heads nearly at the same level. Hailey stopped up short at hearing Brianna’s laugh and her former consciousness started to return after being in a state of total panic.
What a perfect couple they made. That thought stopped her dead in her tracks, shaking off the irrational concept, how well suited they appeared standing together there.
“Are you all right? What’s bleeding?”
Brianna barely spared her a glance as she kept her eyes fastened on Joey. He grabbed Brianna’s hand, unclamping it from his shoulder, and stepped back to face her. “She bumped her nose on the side of the raft as she went down. It wasn’t a rock. It’s just a bloody nose. They bleed a lot like that.”
Hailey’s heart almost quit hammering as she asked, “It wasn’t a rock?”
“No. She didn’t hit the river bottom. I had her.” However, his face wasn’t smiling and his mouth was in a grim, straight line.
She reached toward Brianna, who merely rolled her eyes and tilted her head backwards. “Quit being so dramatic, Mom. I’m fine.”
“Blood was swirling in the water above you. Of course I reacted to it dramatically.” Surprising herself, Hailey found her voice along with her ability to convey authority. She stared her daughter down. “Knock it off. You can hate me all you like, and treat me like a parasite beneath you but nothing will change this: I am your mother; and your welfare, physical and otherwise, will always be my upmost concern.”
Joey grabbed the raft and beached it. He came back and handed Brianna his shirt. She recognized it from earlier. “Use this,” he told her.
She took it, and the glee in her expression made Hailey pause. Brianna sniffed his shirt. She wasn’t scared and was obviously enjoying the attention. Joey stared at Hailey, and then at Brianna again. She felt sure there was something more he wanted to say, but held it in for some reason.
Dejectedly, Hailey returned to her seat. All the joy was leached from the breathtaking experience and wonderful day. Everyone was subdued now, even Brianna, whose nose quit bleeding. She tucked Joey’s shirt against her, saying she’d wash it and get it back to him. Even Jacob grew quiet after they beached. AJ and another man were sitting on the beach when they came into view. They got up, raising their hands to block the sun. “Right on time, Jo. Only ten minutes late. Your ability to estimate the correct time of arrival is pretty impressive.”
Joey responded, but Hailey’s interest had already waned. All she noticed now was the lackluster fatigue she felt. Nothing was accomplished, it seemed. The guys carried the raft and Joey said he’d follow them with the long oars. He glanced at Hailey and asked, “Can I talk to you a minute?”
Surprised, she nodded and said to Jacob, “Why don’t you go put some sunscreen on? I’ll be up there in a few minutes and we’ll go swimming,
okay?”
“The river or the pool?”
“Whichever you choose.”
“River.”
“Okay.” She smiled as he ran up the trail. Meanwhile, Brianna promptly left before the raft was even loaded.
Hailey glanced Joey’s way as he was taking apart the oars.
“Brianna faked that fall out of the raft.”
Startled at his remark, she frowned. “What? She was bleeding. No way.”
“Hitting the side of the raft surprised her, but I saw her heaving herself over, and she didn’t expect the wave to send the raft up and hit her in the face. But the fall was on purpose. I’m sure of it.”
“Why? Why would she do such a thing?”
“The same reason she snuck out of your cabin yesterday.” He kept his gaze down as if the task before him was much more intricate and compelling than necessary. She gathered it was really just a distraction because the subject matter was making him uncomfortable.
“You?” Hailey finally surmised. With a deep sigh, she sat down on a large rock near them as if the weight of that revelation was too much. “That’s why she got so mad at my maternal concern. I must’ve embarrassed her with you.”
He shrugged. “Just my guess. She didn’t fall accidentally. She did an odd kind of fall to the side, sort of like she just gave up trying to keep her balance. And then she conked her nose on the raft, which made her nose bleed.”
“And there you were. Rescuing her, which was exactly what she was hoping for.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry to agree, but I suspect so. Look, I hope I was clear with you; I have no interest in little girls, much less her being interested in me.”
“Yes, I believe that.”
“But acting the way she does isn’t safe. It’s stupid. I’m hoping you’ll convey that message to her. I could, but I think it would unnecessarily humiliate her.” He paused before glancing at her and adding, “And, no doubt, increase her disdain and anger toward you.”
