by Leanne Davis
“Ah, but my… wife, I suppose I finally get to call her that, has some hang-ups about getting pregnant… It’s a long story. So really, all I can say is, it’s a maybe.”
“Does that bother you?” Joey asked, tilting his head, and studying his older brother. It was true, he knew Ian the least of all. No one really could predict what his solemn, silent, observant brother thought about or planned to do. They all remained in the dark until he decided to divulge his plans. His girlfriend, Kailynn Hayes, was the first person Joey ever observed getting close enough to Ian Rydell to penetrate his invisible fortress. He nearly melted around her, smiling and talking effusively and answering all of her questions. If the other brothers wanted to know things about Ian, they quickly learned to consult Kailynn and ask her to find out. He only answered to her. Joey never considered the chance that his brother might not be having his own kids.
“Not really. I was aware of that from the start and the reasons behind it. So”—he shrugged his shoulders—“we’ll see what happens. There was a time when I doubted she’d actually marry me.”
“Did you ever doubt she loved you? Despite her not wanting the typical relationship with you?”
“Never, no.”
“Hailey claims she never wants to get married again. And no more kids. She’s been very clear on that. She doesn’t have the equipment anymore. Anyway, she mentioned all this casually, over the course of countless conversations. I think she was trying to gently warn me, or prepare me, and honestly? I think she was also trying to make sure I wouldn’t feel anything serious or real for her.”
“Can you deal with all that? You should decide before it goes any further. If you can honestly say not having your own kids wouldn’t bother you, and you can live with that without trying to change her mind, then I would say, yeah, you can make it work. But if you need those things out of life—no criticism here, but most people do—then she’s probably right. She already did all of that, and probably understands that you should want and have all those things. She obviously did. Then the next challenge is making sure your mutual agreement to all of that doesn’t turn bitter later on, and you don’t feel like you missed out on all that family stuff.”
“What would be the point of having kids if I didn’t love the woman I was having them with? If I love Hailey, which I honestly think I do, then no one else will do it for me. I can’t guarantee twenty years from now how I’ll feel, but who can?”
“Good point. You’ve convinced me. Sounds like all you gotta do now is say that to her.”
“She refuses to hear anything like that right now. Not until this thing with her daughter gets resolved, and then…” Joey shook his head as if the magnitude of their issues were burdening him. “Forget it. This day is exclusively about you and Kailynn. For now? I’m just glad she’s here with me.”
Ian socked him on the upper arm. “I’m glad to be here too.”
Joey laughed out loud. “It’s just wrong to have you all touchy-feely. Me too, man. I’ve missed you. We all have. Glad you decided to get married here.”
Ian shrugged. “It’s home.”
It was home. Joey marveled at the setting as Ian wandered off to mingle with Jack and Shane. His brothers. Something made his chest swell with pride. This was his home and family and their legacy. This was the essence of all of them. The core of them. Before anyone else entered the picture, they were the only occupants of the main ranch house, which now served as his office and also a restaurant. But it was all decked out for today’s festivities. There was a long carpet lying across the green lawn out front where Kailynn was supposed to walk from the house. She would descend the front porch steps and proceed down the red runway. It ended in a riot of color from the newly planted flowerbeds. AJ spent a full day planting the annuals in preparation for the blessed event. A trellised archway, the same one Shane and Allison were married under, was interwoven with freshly cut flowers. The chairs were rented, numbering one hundred and fifty, and neatly arranged in rows; and the aisles were decorated with bows and flowers with white balloons at the ends. It was a big affair. The Rydell family and all the townspeople, as well as the friends Ian and Kailynn made in Seattle were there. The guests who arrived from out of town were staying in the resort cabins and some even stayed in the main house bedrooms. Only the guests with longstanding reservations, such as Hailey, were allowed to remain there.
Now, the family and close friends, including most of their employees, were lingering around the porch, the lawn and inside the house. Jocelyn showed up and Joey hurried over to hug her. She looked so different than she normally did.
Marcy and Ben arrived and they smiled, hugging Ian too. They held hands. Joey wondered if they were at all jealous of the day’s festivities. They eloped and were married in a county courthouse. It was nothing less than a shock to Jack and Erin when they returned from their adventure and announced they were married. In addition to that, they nearly demanded he provide them a permanent place on the ranch for them to stay in. It all stemmed from a random weekend in the summer, only a year after they graduated high school, and they told no one of their plans or intentions. There was no space available on the ranch after they eloped, so they had to take a room over one of the outbuildings. Jack kindly spent a significant amount of money and time fixing it up into a one-room apartment. All of Jack’s hard work was meant with disdain by Marcy, who fully expected to move into the main house. But not anymore. That was when they were just beginning to convert it to its current state, as part of the resort. It was now officially no longer their family home. No longer the center meeting place of the Rydell brothers, it was solely a place of business now.
Hailey came up and stood close to Joey without touching him. When she barely brushed her shoulder against his, he didn’t turn towards her, but immediately clasped her hand in his and pulled her closer to his side. He felt her stiffening as he kissed the top of her head. “What were you contemplating? You looked pretty serious,” she asked.
He smiled sheepishly. “Just thinking about how much the family unit has changed. And with a sense of sadness and nostalgia, you know? Remembering bygone eras and all that. Yet it had to become part of the past and history. We are all getting too old; we have to change and expand in order to flourish. But for a time, it was just us, four brothers and my two nephews, who were also more like my brothers, to be honest. It was just us and this ranch, our happy refuge against the world. This ranch… the center of all of our lives. Our common denominator. Our protection. Our albatross, too. It was the same background for all of our entire lives and relationships. Now? It’s so expanded and continuing to change. It’s all so different. I was just thinking…”
She leaned her head against his arm. It felt comforting to Joey. Her fingers squeezed his tighter. Something rose inside him and filled his chest. Her gesture of affection, her presence, and her support made it a big, poignant moment, and somehow okay. Like if she were by his side, and a part of his life, he could let all of this go. Releasing the ranch and former lifestyle of his brothers and him from what should have been, to what was now suddenly seemed achievable. He could embrace the resort with as much gusto as their legacy to the horses and the land. He could finally let his brothers live with their wives and raise their children there with his full blessing. He didn’t feel like they were replacing the importance he once held in their lives.
He stared harder at his brothers, who were still talking and laughing together. “They were my parents. I have a different perspective than any of them. I was too young to remember our parents. I only have vague associations with them that are mostly taken from what Jack and Ian told me. Once upon a time, it was just them. My brothers. I looked up to them as my heroes, my source of security, my guards and protectors. I knew nothing, but no one could mess with me or they’d take care of it. Always. You know? It might have gone too far sometimes. Perhaps in my late teens, their support provided me with way more arrogance than I should have had. But I was raised by all ma
les essentially. Lily wasn’t a tender or sweet woman. Not like Erin at all. She was stern. She worked side by side with Jack. But could pull her own weight. She loved Ben and Charlie, her biological children. But as for me? I wasn’t hers. I was Jack’s however, so Jack raised me as his son. He is my father. It’s hard to describe. Then, after I turned twenty or twenty-one, I suddenly became his equal. I lacked the confidence, however, to really be his brother. I still don’t have the confidence. I try to accept the new family dynamic, but I just find it so hard. I don’t want to be just a brother. They are, for me, what I feel other people’s parents are for them. So it’s especially hard to see us separating, marrying, and building new families. I feel replaced sometimes, which is unreasonable, but it’s a gut thing. I know I’m not when I analyze it. It’s stupid for me to feel that way. But I still feel like that each time one of them gets married or has a kid… you know, sort of helpless, like they’re all gradually moving on in their lives. Away from me. Like they’re essentially leaving me.”
She released a long sigh. “That actually makes a lot of sense.”
He stared at her until she seemed to sense it and lifted her face towards his. He touched her cheek, cupping her face in his hand. “When you’re next to me, it all feels okay. Like it should happen. And I want it to. Because then I’d have… something different and new. I’d have… you.”
Her gaze held his as her lips opened and her eyes grew larger. “Joey… I can’t make up for what you just described. I’m just a summer fling. I’m not…”
“Yes, you are. But you don’t want to hear it.” He turned towards her and wrapped his arms around her, pushing her face into his chest. “I’m just glad you’re here with me today. Besides, you make me look good. You should hear all the comments from family and friends…”
She frowned. “Because I’m so freaking old?”
“No, because you’re so pretty and polite and nice and likeable, and not like any girlfriend anyone expected me to have.”
Her eyebrows lowered. “Dear God, Joey. What kind of girls did you date before? They must have been really horrible.”
“Besides Erin?” He grinned, knowing how much it irritated her. And in all honesty? He kind of liked stoking the jealous streak in her. Provoking the unseen claws of possessiveness towards him to come out actually amused him.
“Yes, besides your sister-in-law.”
“No one that meant a damn thing to me.”
She let him stay, embracing him. Then she mumbled. “I do though?”
He exhaled the breath he was holding. She so rarely let him articulate his feelings towards her. “Yeah. You do. Do you believe me?”
Her head nodded up and down. No eye contact, but with the smallest, quietest voice, she replied, “I do. I believe you. I might… someday…”
He squeezed her waist and let it go for the time being. Just then, Jack came sauntering up to him, also dressed in a black suit that matched Joey’s. It was quite a sight to see all the Rydell men clad in black suits at the same time. Jack shook Joey’s hand and Hailey’s. “It’s so nice to see you here, Hailey.”
She blushed. But Joey was pleased at Jack’s reception and instant acceptance of her. They discussed the way Jack trained the horses to perform for him.
Then it was time. The whole family disappeared into the main house. The wedding guests started to fill up all the chairs in anticipation of the ceremony. Hailey sat next to some neighbors that she’d met before. Allison and Erin were in the wedding, wearing pale pink sundresses. The ceremony was scheduled to begin at noon, in order to avoid the hottest temperature of the day, which was predicted to be in the nineties. The radio also mentioned a lightning storm that was supposed to be coming through in a few days. He sighed. Each year, there was a fire season due to the dry, arid region. Usually, they were caused by lightning strikes. Occasionally, some were started by a careless camper or a tossed cigarette, but mostly, the culprit was lightning.
Joey pushed it all from his mind today. Today was all that mattered. It started out as a seamless, pristine blue sky with the golden sun shimmering over the expanse of pines and mountains. The green carpet of lawn was freshly clipped and looked like a fertile oasis in contrast to the dry dust and brittle sage surrounding the ranch.
A sense of giddiness and hope filled all of their hearts. It was a long awaited day but Ian and Kailynn were finally going to be married. This time was much like the wedding that Jack and Erin had. Shane’s had been a shock to everyone, very impromptu with only a few weeks of preparation. But Ian and Kailynn had been dating for five years and everyone was glad to wish them well as a couple. The guests were all seated. The pastor was a lovely woman from the church in River’s End who kindly officiated at the ceremony.
Joey and his brothers all filed up to the front of the crowd and stood in line next to the pastor. The bridesmaids were next. First Erin, then Allison, as well as a friend from Kailynn’s school marched down the aisle.
Kailynn appeared as a perfect bride, perched at the top of the porch stairs. For a long moment, she just stood there, her bell-shaped, tulle dress fluttering gently in the soft, perfect breeze. Her long, thick, brunette hair was styled in curls that cascaded past her chest. Her dress had short sleeves that seemed to frame her impressive breasts. Joey had noticed those a time or two with visible admiration. He would have never said so to Ian, however, who would probably have socked him in the gut. Kailynn looked so traditional and old-fashioned, creating a perfect picture against their house. Their legacy. Their parents’ home, and the brothers’ castle. Something bubbled over inside Joey. Something big and beautiful made him realize that in spite of all the changes, it was always a pretty special place to live and be raised in. Now, it was the perfect setting for two paths to join together.
The photographer snapped a dozen pictures of Kailynn before she descended the stairs. It was spontaneous, but something seemed so poignant about her gaze as it swept over the scene before her. She observed the crowd of family and friends until her eyes lifted and landed on Ian. She often had a solemn expression, but she broke into a huge, wide grin, lifting everyone’s hearts and souls when her eyes met Ian’s. Watching it almost made Joey blush too. He felt like they were interrupting a private moment when they officially became husband and wife.
Then Kailynn walked forward, breaking the magic. The ceremony proceeded as rehearsed. It was the usual exchange of vows, rings, and kisses before the announcement. Then it was grinning faces and hearty congratulations that included plenty of hoots and hollers. The solemnity of the occasion broke as they all crowded around the new couple, Ian and Kailynn, in purposeful celebration.
The gala continued throughout the afternoon, catered by the cook from the restaurant. A bartender mixed all the drinks, in which Joey and his brothers liberally imbibed. Joey talked to every person he’d ever known from River’s End. Hailey stayed right next to him, and he tugged her along, looking happier than he ever had to have her by his side. The alcohol made him act friskier, so Hailey started to drink also. Everyone danced and talked and ate and drank. There was plenty of laughter and conversation to go around. It was a golden afternoon, under the large tent erected over the lawn. They left all the flaps up to allow the soft breezes to flow through in attempt to cool down the hot air.
Amidst a loud tinkling of glasses, the usual toasts were made. Jack went first. He spoke of their family and raising the boys, saying how much Ian meant to the place. Then how thrilled they all were that Kailynn drew Ian back into the world of family and responsibility. Then Shane got up to speak. Finally, Joey rattled off similar words. They were all so happy. Joy. Family. Friends. Love. Celebration. What every wedding should be. Everyone there, even the most solemn or serious, were touched by the general giddiness and unbridled joy that seemed to characterize the entire event.
After Joey’s speech, Kailynn’s brother, Jordan, took the microphone. He waited until everyone was quiet. Beginning with a lovely and surprisingly sentiment about h
is sister and how much he loved her, he told everyone how she raised him and said he wouldn’t be the man he was without her love and support. It was truly astonishing to see how much Jordan had grown up in the last few years, which was amply reflected in the glowing words he spoke about his sister. He soon had Kailynn crying and coming forward to hug him. They talked quietly for a few moments before he gently whispered something in her ear. She nodded, smiled, touched his cheek, and returned to Ian again. Jordan held the microphone for a long moment. Breathing hard, as if… what? Joey thought he needed to gain courage for his next sentence. But what could it possibly be?
Then Jordan lifted the microphone to his mouth once more. After a long, solemn breath, he started to talk. “I owe this to someone I care very much about… I love more than anything else on earth. I was… no, I am scared to do this. More scared than anything else I’ve ever done in my life. I’m sorry to distract anyone from my sister today, but she insisted, and she understood why. You see, I hurt someone once because I was so careless and scared. But unless I do this really big, I don’t think that person will understand how I truly feel… or believe me. You see, I realized today, while watching my sister with Ian, how much I want the kind of happiness and life she has and can look forward to with Ian. She deserves that… and so do I. But like Kailynn, I already know who that person is for me and I already met that person. I just failed to stand up for the love I know we share.” He took in another deep breath. His gaze scoured the crowd before stopping dead on someone. Joey glanced back but he couldn’t fathom who it was. Having worked on and off with Jordan during the past six years, Joey had no idea Jordan had dated anyone, let alone, felt something serious for someone. Joey didn’t even know that Jordan was so capable of sounding so eloquent. Who knew?
But the crowd parted until Joey realized where Jordan’s gaze was fastened. “I love you, Pedro, and I’m sorry it took me this long to own it. I know some of you will be shocked…” His eyes instantly fell on his dad and his brother, Caleb, who both looked as if they just swallowed live frogs. Joey’s eyebrows jutted up in surprise. Holy shit! He had no idea… Jordan and Pedro? Looking up, he saw nothing but pride and relief in Ian and Kailynn’s faces, who already knew.
