by Arianna Hart
“I’ve seen the damage it can do. If you think it’s bad, you should see what happens when you add drugs to the mix.”
“No, thanks.”
“Anyway, I’m feeling tentatively optimistic. I like the wine, and sadly enough, this one glass is giving me a bit of a buzz, but I don’t feel a need to have any more. I don’t know what will happen when I go back on tour, but for right now I’m good.” He set his water down and got up.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“I’m going to get your laptop. I want to show you something.” His smile held none of its usual mischief. Instead, he seemed hesitant, almost vulnerable. “I’ll be right back.”
While he was gone, Faith cleared the bed of their meal and folded the sheet. His scent drifted up from the shirt she was wearing, and she held it close to her. When he’d mentioned going back on tour, it had been like a knife stabbing her in the heart.
Don’t think about it. This may be your last chance alone with him. Enjoy it. You’ll have time enough to wallow in misery when he’s gone.
He returned, carrying the laptop. He placed the computer at the foot of the bed and climbed in next to her.
“What’s this?”
“Just watch.”
He enlarged a tab, and she saw the familiar YouTube logo. Sam’s face appeared frozen on the screen until he hit play. She could tell he’d filmed the video at the cottage, and she heard Piper’s stage whisper as it began playing.
“These last two months have been the best time in my life. I don’t know how to thank you, so I wrote this song for you.”
Faith clutched his hand, holding on to him as a storm of emotion overwhelmed her. The song, “Faith in Me,” was beautiful, heart-meltingly beautiful. Once again, those darn tears ran down her face as she listened to the words. She’d bet every last cent she had that his heart was in those words, in his eyes as he sang directly to her.
When the song ended and Piper and Sadie jumped on him, she laughed through her tears, then started crying again when he said, “I love you all, too,” right before the video ended.
“Ellie said we could edit the last part out, but Piper wouldn’t let me.”
“It’s perfect just the way it is. Incredible.” She brought both his hands to her heart so he could feel it beating out of her chest. “It’s the best gift anyone has ever given me, and I love it. I love you.”
She waited, her breath backed up in her lungs as he stared at her. Had she misread the emotion she’d seen in his eyes? Was it only wishful thinking on her part?
Thank God, he didn’t leave her guessing for long. “I love you, too. I’ve never said those words to another woman. Ever. I love you so much, it makes my chest hurt.”
He pulled her close, kissing her forehead, her eyes, and then finally her lips. He was as gentle as a spring breeze. “I was talking to Nadya today. She thinks I can work something out with my contract so I can spend more time with you.”
“Shh. Let’s not talk about the future. I want to enjoy this moment with you. I want to pretend tomorrow will never come and we can be frozen in this perfect slice of time. Make love to me, Sam.”
He opened his mouth as if to say something, but she leaned forward and captured his lips with hers, silencing him and setting her blood ablaze with desire. There was no more talking, only breathy sighs and moans of desire.
…
Sam woke alone, the sun streaming through the windows and setting the room aglow. He’d lost count of how many times he and Faith made love last night. Every time he tried to say more than, “I love you,” she kissed him, and then he couldn’t think clearly enough to say anything.
Her reaction to his song was perfect. She got it. And when the time came for him to actually say the words, there was no more fear, just the love he felt pouring out. He felt amazing today, on top of the world and ready to tackle anything. The smell of coffee and bacon drifted up from the kitchen, added to the perfectness of the day.
He’d get dressed and corner her in the kitchen so they could talk about the tour and what Nadya had suggested. Like the lovely lawyer had said, it might not be easy, but it could be done, if he wanted it enough.
Hell yeah, he wanted it enough.
After he got cleaned up and dressed, he picked the laptop up off the floor. The video was private, if you didn’t subscribe to his channel, you couldn’t watch it. Ellie had helped him set it up that way so Faith could see it first. He hadn’t used his stage name when he created the channel, so he figured no one would find it unless they searched for Samuel Castleton. Because of that, he felt safe in changing the settings so Ellie could show it to Grant. He wasn’t quite sure he’d done it right, but he shot off a text to Ellie to let her know she could view it now before shutting down the computer.
He carried it downstairs and set it on the desk in the living room before joining Faith in the kitchen.
“Good morning,” she said, her smile making her face glow. “I was going to fix up a tray and bring you breakfast in bed.”
“I’d rather eat down here with you. After last night, I’m too intimidated to be around a flat surface with you.”
“I don’t recall you saying no at any point,” she said as she handed him a cup of coffee. “I do recall you screwing my brains out on this very counter some nights ago, and on the floor right there last night, so I don’t need a bed handy to have my way with you.”
“Dear God, woman, you’re insatiable.”
Faith laughed and fixed him up a plate of eggs, bacon, biscuits, and gravy. “I think I got my fill of you for the moment. Besides, Piper could come home any minute, and I don’t want to scar her for life.”
“Mary Ellen said she’d call first to give us a warning. She also brought over more condoms. Like we’ve had time to finish the giant box she gave you before.”
“I love her to death, but I don’t trust her one bit. She’d call us from the driveway just so she could laugh at us running for cover. Sorry, buddy, the sex marathon is over.”
“Good thing, you wore me out.”
“Eat your breakfast so you can regain some strength.”
He dug into the biscuits and gravy, savoring the peppery bite and creamy texture. His woman could cook. Ha, his woman, he liked the sound of that.
“So, how did things go with the lawyer yesterday? I meant to ask you last night but got distracted.”
“As good as could be expected. He’s going to try to get the hearing moved to Darma so I don’t have to go all the way to Savannah next week. We hammered out what I was willing to compromise on and the things that were deal breakers. He feels pretty confident I’ll get what I want. Lord, I hope so.”
“It’ll go your way. I’m sure. You’re a great mom.”
“Thanks.”
She bustled around the kitchen, cleaning pans and putting dishes away. He searched for a way to bring up the subject of him coming back to Dale on a regular basis, but he couldn’t think of a natural lead in, so he just blurted out what had been on his mind ever since Nadya had brought it up.
“Nadya looked at my contract with the record company yesterday. She said it doesn’t specify how long the tour has to last, or how many shows I have to do. I could space them out so I have more time off between concerts and come back here.”
He waited for her reaction, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes, so he plowed on, speaking faster and faster.
“I was thinking I could buy or rent the red cottage and turn it into a studio so I could record my next album there. I have to go to L.A. for this one, but it wouldn’t be too hard to fix up the cottage for what I need.”
“For how long?” she asked, facing him finally.
“I don’t know.” Forever.
“That’s not good enough. Sam, I love you. I think I’ve loved you since the first time you kissed me. But I deserve more. I deserve to have someone who is here for me, for Piper, full time.”
“I love Piper. I’d kill to be her dad.” Panic stole hi
s wits, and he couldn’t think of what to say to make her believe him. “You’re right, you deserve to have someone who loves you and wants to be with you all the time. I want to be with you all the time.”
“Right now you do. You’ve been isolated from your normal life with only me for company. You’ve had to overcome writer’s block and the fear of becoming an alcoholic and probably exhaustion from your whirlwind life. Now you’re feeling better, you finished your album, and you beat back your demons, and you said I love you for the first time. You think being with me will always be like this, but it won’t.”
“I’m not an idiot, and I don’t need to be psychoanalyzed. I know what I feel, and I know a hell of a lot better than you what my life was like before I met you. I don’t see you as some lucky charm. I want to be with you, come home to you.”
“And what about when you’re back in California and lonely and gorgeous women are throwing themselves at you left and right?”
“I’m not your asshole husband. When I give my word, I keep it. I would never cheat on you.”
“I believe you.” She seemed almost surprised as she said it. “I never thought I would trust like this again, but I do trust you. I also know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship. Hell, any relationship. It’s not all songs and sex and naked picnics. It’s doing the dishes and whose turn is it to take out the garbage and arguing over bills and how to do Christmas. It’s work.”
“And you don’t think I can do the work?” he asked, fighting back his temper.
“I don’t think you realize what you’re asking for. And I have to think of Piper. She’s already attached to you. What if we try it, and you get sucked back into your old life? Can you imagine if we were in the store and she saw a picture of you on a tabloid wrapped around a swimsuit model? Or if you decided it just wasn’t working out and stopped coming back? I can’t do that to her. I won’t do that to her.”
“So what you’re saying is, you trust me not to cheat on you, but you don’t trust me to put in the effort it would take to make it work. That doesn’t sound like trust to me.” He stood and grabbed his guitar from the living room and headed for the door.
“Sam, don’t be angry, please. I don’t want to waste these last few days fighting. Can’t we just enjoy the time we have together?” she pleaded.
“You know, before, I would have jumped at the chance, but now I want more. I deserve more, too. I want everything, the dishes, the garbage, and fighting over Christmas. I know how to work hard. I’ve worked for every damn thing I’ve gotten. But I guess it doesn’t matter if you’re not willing to work just as hard. I never took you for a coward.”
…
Faith was speechless for a solid minute as the door slammed behind Sam. “Of all the nerve.”
She was so angry she thought her head was going to explode. A coward? Her? Did he think it was a walk in the park running her own business—growing her own business—and raising a child on her own? Did he have any idea how hard she’d worked just to get herself out of bed after Matthew died? How difficult it had been to recover from his betrayal? To face being twenty-four, pregnant, and alone?
She’d put her courage up against his any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Coward, ha.
She grabbed the glass cleaner and a roll of paper towels and stomped off to clean windows. She was filled with righteous indignation, and washing windows was a great way to burn off a good mad.
With every swipe of the paper towel, she thought of comebacks she should have said, reasons why she was right, and what she would say the next time she talked to Mr. Sam I’m-so-brave Castleton. After she finished the windows downstairs, she hauled out the vacuum cleaner and attacked every inch of the floor. She even got down on her hands and knees and cleaned the molding and got the dust bunnies behind the couch and the china cabinet. With a full head of steam lending her energy, she dusted, mopped, scrubbed her way through the house. She was in a cleaning frenzy for hours, all the while thinking of ways to slap down that arrogant son-of-a bitch.
It was easy for him to talk about trust. It wasn’t like she’d have men throwing themselves at her feet while he was gone. He had no idea how difficult it was to be in a relationship, any relationship, forget a long-distance one. Faith grudgingly admitted to herself he probably wouldn’t cheat on her, but how long would he want to keep a cross-country relationship going?
Pain stabbed through her heart as she thought about him growing disinterested in her. He was constantly surrounded by the most beautiful, sophisticated women in the world. Women who hadn’t had a child. Young women. Women who wore Dior and Vera Wang instead of Walmart.
Her throat clogged with tears as the reality of the situation landed on her like a ton of bricks. She was so in love with him, and she just couldn’t see a way they could be together.
Damn it, it was much easier being angry. Angry felt powerful, but it burned off too quickly. What was left was a gaping hole in her chest where her heart used to be.
She wandered upstairs, opened the door to Piper’s room, and came face-to-face with mural he’d painted for her baby girl.
On the bulletin board she’d hung over the desk, there were pictures Sam had drawn while he was entertaining Piper. She was a mermaid in some, a princess in others, and in one she was even a superhero.
Everywhere she looked, something reminded her of Sam. It wasn’t only the mural and the doll things. It was the ceiling fan he’d helped hang, the chandelier he’d rewired, the bed he’d helped carry upstairs. He’d put his stamp on the room every bit as much as she had. Just like he’d engraved himself on her heart.
Faith fled to her room, threw herself on the bed, and sobbed. God, this hurt so much. It was like losing Matthew, only worse. She’d know Sam was alive somewhere, and she couldn’t have him. His songs would be on the radio and she might see his picture in the tabloids when she was in the market. It would be like ripping the scab off a wound. Every time she walked into Piper’s room, she’d be reminded of him.
Exhaustion from a night of little sleep and a marathon of cleaning caught up to her and she fell asleep, the pillow wet with her tears.
Hours later, she woke up with a fuzzy head and a terrible taste in her mouth. It took her a minute to get her bearings and remember why she was passed out fully clothed in the middle of the day. When she remembered what had happened, her fight with Sam, she felt sick to her stomach. How could such a perfect night turn into such a disaster of a day? Why couldn’t he just enjoy the time they had together while he was here? Why did he have to ruin it giving her a glimpse of a future that could never work out? Was he blind? Didn’t he see she couldn’t compete with women like Bridgette?
He wasn’t blind. He just loved her.
In his song, he hadn’t said he wanted her because of her looks. He’d sung about the faith she had in him, the strength she gave him, and the joy he felt being with her. Faith washed her face and thought about what she felt, really felt about Sam. Sure, he was good looking, but lots of men were good looking, and she didn’t feel this soul-deep need for any of them.
If he were in an accident and horribly disfigured, would she still love him? Of course. If he decided to give up his singing career and didn’t have two nickels to rub together, she’d still love him. It wasn’t his money or fame that drew her to him, it was what was inside of him. The man who would play Candyland for hours with her daughter, who helped her with the laundry and happily did the dishes after she cooked for him. That was the man she loved.
And if she loved him despite all the outside trappings, why was it so damn hard for her to believe that he could love her despite hers?
Oh God, was he right? Was she really that much of a coward? Sure, she talked big about how she loved him and trusted him, but did she? Was she afraid to try what Sam was offering because of her own insecurities?
Maybe, but who could blame her? She’d been hurt badly. Her confidence had been crushed and she’d been left broken. It had taken a
long time to pick up the pieces and Sam wanted her to just throw herself back into the fray. Didn’t he understand what he was asking of her?
She went back to Piper’s room and began half-heartedly picking up discarded clothes and toys. While she was tidying up, she came across her tablet on Piper’s desk. Picking it up, she activated it and saw the last thing Piper had been watching. It was a video with Sam’s face.
More damn tears leaked from her eyes as she listened to Sam singing “Chicken Fry” for her daughter. Love for Piper radiated through the recording. When he sang, he couldn’t hold anything back. His heart was on his sleeve, and she’d all but accused him of not knowing his own heart.
It must have been so hard for him to offer to make a relationship work, to compromise and risk his career for her, and she’d thrown it in his face. Was she brave enough to admit that she was wrong? To ask for another chance?
Just the thought had her stomach dropping to her toes. For so long, it had only been her Piper. Adding Sam to their lives was a big step, a big risk. But wasn’t loving anyone a risk?
She tried to come up with the best way to apologize and broach the idea of working together for a future. He might not forgive her. He’d taken a risk, too, telling her he loved her. She wouldn’t blame him if he gave her a hard time. She’d have to swallow her pride, admit she was wrong, and be willing to fight like hell for him. If he wasn’t willing to give her a second chance, at least she’d had the courage to try. It was a start anyway.
She’d just taken out the ingredients to make cookies as a peace offering when her phone buzzed. It was Mary Ellen.
My folks want to take the girls to the movies. That okay?
Sure. Thanks!
No prob. Have fun! ;-)
At least now she wouldn’t have to worry about Piper overhearing her and Sam.
Once the cookies were cooling, she hopped in the shower and practiced how she’d approach the negotiations with Sam. Dear Lord, this was even harder than what she was having to do with the Prentices. At least with them she didn’t really care what they thought. What Sam thought meant everything.
