When it was time, they wheeled her into a sterile room and sedated her with an amnesiac drug. The next thing she knew, the procedure was over, and she had no memory of it. Jonathan was with her. He helped her get dressed, then they waited for the results.
When Dr. Sims came in, he looked cheerful. Hope fluttered to life in her heart.
“How are you feeling?”
“Okay,” she said. “Do you have my results?”
“I sure do.” “He took the rolling chair and sat down in it, crossing his legs. “I think it’s good news again. There were no blockages, no endometriosis, nothing evident to keep you from getting pregnant.”
“Yes!” Jonathan punched the air.
Morgan knew she should be happy, but she couldn’t muster any joy. “Nothing? Nothing at all?” She tried to swallow the constriction in her throat and turned her troubled eyes to Jonathan. His excitement deflated visibly. “I was hoping you’d find something you could fix. But if you didn’t, do we just go on like this? Unable to get pregnant, then when I do, losing the baby?”
“I understand your feelings, Morgan.” The doctor smiled and patted her knee. “We’re not finished yet. We’re going to take some blood from you before you go home. We’ll do an FSH test and see what your follicle-stimulating hormone level is. We’ll see if that could be the problem.”
Jonathan squeezed her hand. “And what if it is that?”
“Well, that would mean that you’re having trouble producing enough eggs. We can put you on a hormone called Pergonal, which may help you with that, and there are a number of options.” He looked into her face. “Morgan, I’m not going to give up until we see a baby in your arms. You got that?”
Morgan tried to smile. “Thank you, Doctor.” She glanced at Jonathan. “But I’m also worried about the cost of all this. Being self-employed, we don’t have very good health insurance. We’re not even sure it’ll pay for the hysterogram. If we don’t find something soon, I’m not sure we can afford to go further.”
“We’ll go further,” Jonathan said. “We’ll go as far as we need to. We may just have to take time between tests to save up.”
“I’m sure we can work something out,” Sims said. “Just get with my bookkeeper, and she’ll give you some options.” He grinned and winked at Jonathan. “Of course, if you’re elected mayor, you’ll be on the city’s health insurance. Some policies even provide for one or two IVF procedures.”
Morgan hadn’t thought of that. She looked hopefully at Jonathan.
“Guess it would be one of the perks of the job.” “Now all you have to do is get elected.” Sims started from the room. “You’ve got my vote.” He looked back at them before closing the door. “I’ll send someone in to take your blood, Morgan. We’ll call you with the results sometime Monday. Chin up, okay? You’re going to be a mommy before you know it.”
CHAPTER 43
I’m comin’ home, baby!” Sheila Caruso stood on the other side of the prison’s visitation glass the next day, her arms raised in a victory celebration.
Laughing, Sadie slapped her hands against the glass.
Morgan smiled at the exchange. Though Sheila was being released in just a few days, Morgan had decided to come with Sadie to visit her today, hoping she could help her talk her mother into coming to Hanover House.
Sheila was still a pretty woman, even with the lines of years of drug abuse etched onto her face. Her hair was a golden blonde and shone as if she’d used some fifty-bucks-a-bottle conditioner on it. Her eyes were as blue and round as Sadie’s. When Sheila grabbed up the phone, Sadie put her receiver between her ear and Morgan’s, so they could both hear her.
“I’m getting out!” Sheila yelled. “Can you believe it?”
“Mom, I’m so excited!”
“I was sitting in my cell feeling sorry for myself, and my lawyer comes to visit me. So I come down here and he tells me and I just went, like, nuts, jumping up and down and hollering. They threatened me with lockdown if I didn’t shut up.”
Morgan tried to jump in. “We’re really excited for you, Sheila.”
“Mom, you remember Morgan.”
“Of course I do. Hey, Morgan.”
Morgan took the phone. “Sheila, I wanted to come with Sadie today because I wanted to let you know that we would love for you to come and stay with us when you get out. Sadie and Caleb are doing very well at Hanover House, and we were really hoping you would join them there. That would give you time to get on your feet, get a job, and save some money.”
“Yeah, Mom. It’s a beautiful place. You’d really like it.”
The zeal in Sheila’s eyes seemed to go dull as she clutched the phone. “Are you sure you want me to?”
“Yes,” Morgan said. “We have a vacant room. And it’s a great answer because you could be with Caleb and Sadie without uprooting them.”
Sheila began to jitter. “I’ve thought about it some. But I don’t know if it’s the right thing.” She looked at Morgan through the glass. “Don’t get me wrong, now. I’m so grateful to you and your husband for all you’ve done for my kids. I really am. I’m just not sure what I want to do.”
Morgan’s heart sank. Please God…
“Caleb’s really happy there, Mom.” Sadie’s voice was tight and louder than normal. “It would really hurt him if you moved him now.”
Sheila shook her head. “But he’s my son. He needs to get to know me again.”
“He will!” Morgan’s words burst out on a rush of fear. She swallowed and tried to steady her voice. “He is your son, Sheila. I just thought we could make it a little easier for him—”
Sheila sighed. “I didn’t even think you would take somebody like me without making me fill out an application, get a bunch of references…or something like that. Hanover House doesn’t take just anybody.”
Morgan’s chest had locked tight and her breathing was shallow. She tried to stay calm. “It’s true, we do have an application process, but since we already have your children, we’re going to make it easy for you. You’ll still have to abide by our rules and follow our structured program. We are a Christian home, Sheila, and we try very hard to give the people who come to live with us a new way of life. We give them a foundation in the Bible so that when they’re on their own, they can live by those principles. And best of all, it’s free. You can stay there without charge until you start working, and then we have a sliding fee for room and board until you’re able to live on your own.”
“Abiding by the rules,” Sheila repeated. “See, that’s the thing. I’ve been abiding by rules for the last year now. I don’t think I’d like it too much to have somebody telling me what I can and can’t do.”
Morgan kicked herself for choosing the wrong words. If she hadn’t mentioned rules, maybe it would have gone down easier. “So often people who get out of jail wind up in desperate situations, unable to pay their rent or buy food, and the stress of life outside causes them to go back to drugs. We’ve had a really high success rate with people standing on their own and never going back to jail after they get out of our program.”
“It’s a really good program, Mom,” Sadie said. “The house is beautiful, and it’s in the greatest town in the world, and the people in the house are like a real family.”
“But I have a family.”
Panic hit Morgan like a tidal wave. Sheila was going to take Caleb and Sadie away. That little boy would be ripped out of his home, away from the people he loved.
For the second time, she would lose a child.
“Mom, what’s wrong?” Sadie asked. “Don’t you understand how great this is? Where else do you have to go?”
“I have friends who can help me get started. Until I get on my feet.”
Sadie’s look broke Morgan’s heart. “But you know what those friends do to you! Mom, I don’t want you to go back down to that again. Being dependent on those people who call themselves your friends. Getting involved with some guy who treats you awful and ruins your life.
And ours, too.”
Morgan put her arm around Sadie to calm her, but then she saw the possessive, bitter look on Sheila’s face. She let her go.
“I won’t do that again, baby. I’ve learned my lesson.”
Morgan thought of telling her that she wouldn’t have to follow the rules if that was what was dissuading her. She could come and go as she pleased, do anything she wanted, if she would just let her keep Caleb.
But she knew better.
Her mouth trembled, and she knew she couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. She didn’t want Sheila to know how desperately she wanted this. She sensed that would play against her.
“Tell you what,” she said. “I’ll leave you and Sadie to talk about this alone. If you have any questions, I’ll come back and talk to you before we leave.”
Sheila put her face in her palm, and Morgan knew Sadie’s expression had hurt her, too. “I’ll just be out in the front room if you need me, Sadie.”
She hurried out of the room before the tears assaulted her. By the time she reached the waiting room, she was sobbing. She found a chair at the back of the room and sat down facing the wall. Covering her face, she wept quietly. No one around her seemed to notice or care.
In the visitation room, Sadie tried not to cry. “It would be cruel to take Caleb away from Hanover House.” Her voice was soft, careful. “He’s really bonded with Morgan and Jonathan.”
Sheila’s face hardened. “He’s mine, not theirs.”
“I know, but it’s going to take time for him to warm up to you again. You said yourself that he doesn’t know you.”
Sheila looked wounded. “And how will he get to know me if they’re around all the time?”
“He will, Mom. He takes to people. He loves everybody in the home. He’ll warm right up to you.”
“I want him to know that I’m his mother, and she’s not.”
“Mom, he will know that eventually. But he’s been with them longer than he’s been with you.”
“That’s not my fault!”
Isn’t it? Sadie wanted to say. Wasn’t it all her fault for putting her drugs and her men above her children?
Sheila leaned forward, clutching the phone to her ear. “Baby, listen to me. Just think about if we went back to Atlanta. We could be a family again, just the three of us. If you came with him, Sadie, he’d be fine.”
“Me? To Atlanta?” She finally lost her battle with her emotions. Tears came to her eyes. “Mom, I have a life in Cape Refuge. I love my job, and I don’t want to leave Hanover House. It’s the only safe place I’ve ever lived.”
Sadie’s tears seemed to push Sheila over the edge. “If they’re around, he’s never going to turn to me. I’ll never really have him back!”
Sadie saw the desperation in her mother’s eyes, and suddenly her anger melted away. “Mom, we didn’t expect you to be out for four more years. It’s a God thing that you’re getting out early. Morgan and Jonathan taught me that the Lord restores the years that the locusts ate.”
“Locusts? What do locusts have to do with anything?”
“It means that all the years that were lost to prison or abuse or addiction can be given back. He can help you start over. But you need to do it his way.”
Sheila wiped the tears from her face. She was still so pretty, Sadie thought, even in prison browns.
“Baby, I know you don’t have a lot of faith in me, but I’m different now. I’ve been clean from drugs for almost a year.”
“You couldn’t help being clean, Mom. You’ve been locked up. You don’t know what it’s going to be like when you’re back in Atlanta and all your old friends start coming out of the woodwork, and you have the stress of trying to hold down a job and raise a baby.”
“But I’ll have you to help me, Sadie.”
Sadie sat back in her chair and stared at her mother. She wanted to be with her more than anything, but setting up housekeeping with her in their old neighborhood was like moving back into the garbage dump after sitting at the king’s table. Going back would be suicide.
“Mom, if it weren’t for Morgan and Jonathan, we both might be dead right now. Please, just say you’ll try it. What could it hurt?”
Sheila crumpled then and began to cry, and Sadie wished she could go through the glass and hold her. She had always been her mother’s caretaker, the one who comforted, the one who let her off the hook.
She prayed she wouldn’t do it this time. “Caleb will love you, just like he did before. But make yourself a part of his life. Don’t just snatch him out of it.”
Sheila sat there crying like a teenager with a broken heart. “I love you, Sadie,” she said finally. “But you’re putting me between a rock and a hard place.”
Good, Sadie thought. “Maybe that’s the only place where we’ll all be safe, Mom. Between that rock and that hard place.”
CHAPTER 44
Cade was still angry at Blair, but the truth was, he missed her.
He had run into Jonathan campaigning in town, and he’d mentioned that Blair was babysitting at Hanover House. “Why don’t you go by and give her a hand?”
Did his best friend know about their fight? “I’m kind of busy, buddy.”
“Come on, man. You can take five minutes.”
Now he found himself driving by Hanover House, looking to see if Blair’s car was still there. She’d been as busy as he had for the last few days. Several times he’d driven by her house, but she never seemed to be home. Did she miss him? Was she nursing her anger at his reaction to her article…?
Or did she even notice he hadn’t been by?
He started to pass the house, like some teenage kid on a drive-by. Then he kicked himself and pulled into the driveway.
He went up the porch and heard chaos through the storm door. Caleb was crying at the top of his lungs, the telephone was ringing, and the buzzer on the oven was shrieking out. Worried, he didn’t bother to knock. As he stepped inside, something shattered on the kitchen floor.
He bolted into the kitchen.
Blair stood there with her back to him, dancing screaming Caleb on her hip and staring down at the shattered glass. The phone kept ringing. “It’s okay, kiddo,” she was saying. “Come on, calm down. You’re dealing with an amateur here.”
“Is everything all right?” he yelled over the noise.
She swung around at Cade’s voice. The glass crunched under her shoes. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here!” The phone kept ringing and the buzzer shrilled out over Caleb’s screams. “Here. Please, can you hold him for a second? Watch the chocolate on his face.”
Cade leaned his cane against the wall and started to take the child.
“Watch out, there’s glass on the floor.” She thrust the filthy baby into Cade’s arms and ran to the buzzer. The phone kept shrilling as she took a pan of smoking brownies out of the oven and dropped the pan into the sink with a clank. Smoke filled the kitchen.
She crunched to the phone. “Hello?”
The baby kicked and screamed in Cade’s arms, crying to be put down, but there was no way he could set him down with the glass on the floor. He slid toward the back door and opened it to air the room out, then slid through the glass to the sink. He turned on the water and grabbed a paper towel. With his arm around Caleb’s waist, he turned the child face out and swiped the wet paper towel over his face. His cries rose an octave.
“No, I need to get someone over there right away,” Blair said into the phone. “It’s the first cell phone service on the island. I can’t. I’ve got to babysit. Please, can you cover it for me? No, Sadie can’t go. She’s out of town today. You’ve been wanting me to hire you, Jeff. Just do this story and we’ll talk.”
Caleb kept crying, so Cade lifted him over his head and wiggled him, trying to make him laugh. The baby looked tortured.
Blair propped the phone between her ear and shoulder, and crunched to the refrigerator. She grabbed out his little cup and handed it to him. Caleb knocked it out of her hand.
“Oh, brother,” she whispered. “No, I wasn’t talking to you, Jeff. Would you? Oh, thank you! You’re a lifesaver.” She grabbed the broom and started sweeping the glass.
Cade lifted the baby again, trying to make him catch his breath. The smell that wafted past his face made Cade catch his, instead. “So that’s it, huh?”
Blair put her hand over the phone. “What’s it?”
He held the baby out in front of him. “Dirty diaper.”
“Great. Morgan keeps them upstairs.”
Cade glared at her. “Surely you don’t expect me to—”
She held out a hand to stop him. “Yes, Jeff. Drop the film by here when you’re done, all right? And make sure you get statements from the cell phone company. I suppose you’ll have to get one from Sam Sullivan, too, and also some of the citizens who are there.”
He’d have to go for it. Holding the baby out in front of him, he left the kitchen and carefully started up the stairs. Without his cane, it was slow going. The child kicked and screamed, his face as red as the chocolate-covered shirt he wore.
He found Caleb’s room and laid the baby on the changing table. His crying covered the scales as Cade took his dirty diaper off. He found the covered garbage pail and dropped it in.
The smell was lethal. How did people do this? He looked around, and saw nothing with which to clean the baby up.
Caleb kicked and cried, and Cade tried to keep him on the table while he looked on the shelves beneath him, searching for toilet paper. There was none.
What was he going to do now?
He was the chief of police, for Pete’s sake. He had averted disasters, chased criminals, solved murders. Changing a diaper couldn’t be that hard.
But why didn’t Morgan have toilet paper nearby?
He would have to go get it from the bathroom, he decided. Instead of taking Caleb with him, he picked him back up and put him in the crib, hoping he wouldn’t sit his dirty bottom down. “Just stand there, bud. Don’t touch anything. I’ll be right back.”
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