He smoothed my hair back, ran his fingers over my neck and then finally pulled me close to him. I felt tenderness in place of the usual passion and urgency. When he leaned back, there was resignation in his eyes.
“I fall into that category, too, don’t I?” he said quietly. “Not good for you. Something you’re addicted to.” He moved his hands up to frame my face and leaned very close to me. “But I could be, Tas. Really. I could be so good for you. Get away from Marica, and we’ll work together. You can develop your powers with me. I can try to help you control them, or Gram could-”
I began to shake my head. Rafe cursed low, under his breath, and then he pulled my lips to his. This was a kiss of utter desperation. He moved a step forward so that my back was against the wall, and I was pinned beneath him. With my head between his hands and his mouth open over mine, I couldn’t move and could barely breathe.
I squirmed, trying to break free. Rafe only kissed me more aggressively and dropped his hands to hold my sides. He molded his fingers against my ribs and then slid them to my back, and up under my shirt.
Panicked now, I struggled to get loose at the same time that I worked desperately to keep my mental powers under control. Every bit of me was yearning to push him away the same way I had Amber—
“Rafe!” I finally got my mouth free. “Stop. You don’t want to tick me off, not now.” I spoke through a clenched jaw as I panted, focusing on calm.
Rafe stood back, but only slightly. He dropped his head into his hands, leaning back against the wall. I couldn’t hear his thoughts—he was blocking me—but I could feel his anguish, the pain and the longing. The love.
And as we stood there, it struck me all over again, with new clarity, how unfair I’d been to Rafe. I had been spending time with him, kissing him, allowing him to kiss and hold me, because I could feel the strength of his emotions, and I didn’t want him to be hurt. I had done to him what I knew I couldn’t bear if Michael had done to me: I was with him out of a misguided sense of obligation. I had used him to comfort me after the pain of my break up with Michael, and I had allowed him to think that there was more between us than there ever could be. Even my attempts to be honest and clear with him had been half-hearted. I felt utterly ashamed but also astonishingly free.
I stepped closer to Rafe and touched his arm. He didn’t move.
“Rafe, I owe you a huge apology. I took your friendship, and the feelings you have for me, and I let you think I felt more for you than I ever could.
“I do love you, Rafe. You’ve been an amazing friend to me. I hope I don’t have to lose that. But I can’t go on the way we’ve been. I can’t let you think that we’ll ever be more than friends.”
He raised his eyes at last, and I blanched at the bleak acceptance there. He nodded.
“Go back with the Coles, okay? I need a minute.”
I hesitated, torn between giving him space and worrying that he might still try to manipulate Amber’s mind to keep me safe. But finally I turned and walked back down the hallway.
A few minutes after I joined them, a nurse came out to tell the Coles they could see Amber. I sat alone in the hard molded plastic chair, trying to ignore the shock talk show host on the nearby television and wondering what Amber was saying to her parents. . what she would say to the police.
I didn’t have to wait too long. About ten minutes later, Mrs. Cole touched my shoulder.
“Tasmyn...Amber wants to see you.”
Hey, Tas. I get through each day by knowing that somehow, it’s bringing me another day closer to being with you again. That’s what I’m holding onto. I know you must be struggling with stuff, but please, don’t forget that I love you. Call me.
I had been in this hospital once, about a year and a half before. I didn’t remember being in the emergency room; I had had a concussion and was unconscious when the paramedics brought me in. I only recalled waking up in my private room upstairs. But Michael had told me how Amber and our friend Cara had sat in the waiting room, worrying over me.
Ironic, I thought as I trailed behind Mrs. Cole, that the positions were reversed now. Amber was in one of these cubicles with a concussion. And now I was the one anxiously worrying about her.
I tried to listen to her mother’s mind, tried to figure out what Amber had told them. But Mrs. Cole’s thoughts were jumbled and hard to follow. She didn’t seem hostile toward me, which I guessed was a positive sign.
She turned into a room, and I followed her hesitantly. A curtain shielded the bed from the open door, and Mrs. Cole stepped back and motioned me within.
“Look, Amber! Here’s Tas. She’s been waiting with us and is just as worried about you...come here, Tasmyn, don’t worry. Come right over.”
Amber lay on the bed, still looking nearly as white as the sheets. Her hair was spread around her, and I saw that they had her in one of the dreaded hospital gowns.
She blinked at me, wincing as her eyes moved. I remembered that pain.
“Amber tells us she doesn’t remember anything about what happened, Tas.”
I looked at Amber in surprise and concern. If she didn’t remember anything, was that because of the concussion or was it Rafe’s meddling?
“No.” Amber’s voice was surprisingly strong. “I know I was talking to you, Tasmyn. And you said you had a lot of homework. And then the next thing I knew, I was here, in the hospital.”
Mrs. Cole shook her head, clucking. “Well, don’t worry about it now. The doctor said that kind of thing is normal after a hit on the head like you took. You girls visit. Daddy and I have to fill out some forms, sweetie, and then we’ll be right back in. Tasmyn, you’ll stay with her until we come back?”
I nodded, and the elder Coles left the room. I approached the bed cautiously, guiltily listening to Amber’s thoughts, trying to pick up any trace of Rafe’s work.
Amber lifted a hand and touched my arm. “Are you okay?” she asked.
I laughed shortly. “Isn’t that my line? This time I’m not the one lying in a hospital bed.”
Amber smiled a little. “True. But I know I’m going to be fine. What about you? What do you know?” She shifted slightly and took my hand in hers.
I met her eyes, and in them I saw full knowledge of everything that had happened. I also saw understanding and compassion, and once again, I was crying. I dropped to my knees by the bed.
“Amber...I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I never meant—it happened without me knowing. I was so stressed, and I was upset, and before I knew it, the energy just shot out of me-”
“Yeah, I felt that part,” she said wryly. “I think I know what it’s like to be struck by lightening now.”
“Why didn’t you tell them the truth? Your parents. . and the police are going to be coming by. Rafe and I already talked to them.”
“That’s the beauty of a concussion. I just can’t remember, and the doctor said it’s possible I never will. And I’m okay with that, and the police are going to have to be, too.”
“But why?” I asked again. “Amber...I wasn’t a good friend to you. I haven’t been, not for months. I haven’t told you the truth, and I haven’t paid any attention to you...listened to you...”
Amber smiled again. “Tasmyn, I’ve known for a while that you were still seeing Marica. I could tell. It reminded me of last year, when I was with Nell and Marica, and so miserable but afraid to leave. And it’s been really hard to watch you go through everything and not be able to pull you back. But I know deep down, you’re still the same person who risked her life to save me in that clearing. The same person who was my best friend, the first real best friend I ever had. I knew you’d come back around.” She chuckled a little, and then sucked in a breath in pain. “If it took me getting thrown against a tree to bring you back, I guess I’m willing to pay that price.”
As I stood looking down at Amber, I was suddenly flooded with gratitude. I didn’t deserve her kindness or her forgiveness, but it was mine regardless. Tears dripped from my eye
s onto the white sheets, and Amber patted my hand.
“So what will you do now?” she asked, challenge in her voice.
I took a deep breath. “I’m going to get to work. I have a lot to do, to try to make all those wrong choices right again.”
Amber smiled. “That’s what I wanted to hear. How can I help?”
I leaned against the side of the bed, my head spinning. Suddenly the path that had seemed so complicated and confusing just a few hours ago was clear. I knew what had to happen.
“I already talked to Rafe. I told him I was sorry for using him. I guess the next thing I need to do is see Marica.”
Amber frowned. “Do you think you should wait until someone can go with you? I don’t think she’s going to let go as easily as Rafe did.”
I grimaced. “I’m not entirely sure Rafe has let go that easily. If only—if he could go with me—but I can’t ask him to do that. No, I have to do this on my own, Amber. And I want to do it now. As soon as your parents come back, I’m heading over there.”
“And then what?” I heard the cautious hope in her voice. “And then you’ll call Michael? Or go see him? Explain it all to him?”
I swallowed over the trepidation. “I don’t know. I want to. I want everything to go back to how it was. But maybe he doesn’t want that. Maybe I’ve burned that bridge. How can he trust me again?”
Amber’s eyes shone with the assurance of a true believer. “He loves you, Tas. He never stopped. He’s been waiting all this time. Have a little faith.”
Tas, we’re not over. I know there’s more for you and me. What we have together has always been right, and it’s going to be right again, soon. I love you. Call me.
Rafe’s car was gone when I walked out into the hospital parking lot. I had spent about an hour with Amber before her parents returned. The doctors had decided to keep her overnight as a precaution, and the orderlies were just moving her up to a room when I left.
I called my parents as I sat in the parking lot and explained what had happened that afternoon—the official version, at least. I had already determined that once I made the break with Marica, I was going to tell my parents the truth about everything. I hated how isolated from them I felt, and I knew it was hurtful to them too. That was going to end.
A tremendous sense of clarity swept over me. I could look back over the last few months and see where I had made wrong turns, taken dangerous paths and set myself up for disaster. That I was being given the grace to make changes now was an amazing gift, and I didn’t intend to waste it. I had Amber’s forgiveness, and I had taken a step toward fixing the relationship with Rafe.
After I hung up from my parents, I sat in the car thinking for a few moments. I needed to make a clean break from Marcia too, and as I had told Amber, I wanted to do it now. I didn’t want to wait until school tomorrow to tell her I was finished with her lessons and her manipulation.
And once I had ended my connection with her, I was going to allow myself a reward. I would call Michael, and I would tell him everything, everything that had happened and how lost I felt and that I had never stopped loving him, wanting him.
But first things first. I turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot, turning onto the road that would lead me past Lake Rosu to Marica Lacusta’s house.
Marica’s car was in the driveway when I arrived. I parked in front of her house, as I always did, and climbed out slowly. Now that I was here, my courage was faltering. I knew what I wanted to do, but she had a way of somehow twisting words and meanings, and I was afraid.
I knocked on the door, and Marica answered almost immediately. She was still dressed in her clothes from school, and she looked very distracted.
“Tasmyn! What are you doing here?” She pulled me inside, and after looking cautiously around her neighborhood, she closed the door. “It was stupid of you to come. If the police suspect anything, seeing us together will be a very bad thing.”
I looked at her in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
Marica sighed her impatience. “Amber. I heard about what happened at school this afternoon. And I know that the police questioned you.”
I nodded. “Yes, they did. But I’m not in trouble. They don’t suspect me.”
Marica threw up her hands and said something very sharply in Romanian. “How naïve you are! When they talk to Amber, you don’t think she’ll tell them what happened? Even if they don’t believe it happened exactly as she says, it will still implicate you. And now me.” She paced the length of her small living room as I watched in astonishment. I had never seen Marica in anything but complete control of herself and every situation.
“Actually, I’ve already been to see Amber. She told everyone that she couldn’t remember what happened.”
Marica stopped pacing and looked at me appraisingly. “It was the Brooks boy, wasn’t it? He altered her mind. Well, as much as I dislike him, in this situation perhaps he proved useful.”
I shook my head. “No. Rafe didn’t do anything. Amber decided on her own to say what she said.”
Marica dropped into the nearest chair and laughed. “Amazing! I always knew that girl had no sense of self-preservation, but this goes beyond everything I could have anticipated. Well. So no police coming after us. That’s good.” She smiled and rubbed her hands together.
“What were you going to do if the police did come?” I asked, curious about just how far her own sense of self-preservation would go. I remembered suddenly that when Nell had most needed a friend, Marica had distanced herself. Would she have done the same with me? Why would I expect any difference?
“I was making plans.” She smiled at me knowingly. “I already had some of them in place, but if the police had been involved, we simply would have moved...a little faster.”
“What kind of plans?” I shivered suddenly with a sense of unease.
“Come, sit down.” She indicated the sofa across from her own chair, and I perched on the edge of it; everything in my body was warning me to be prepared for flight.
“Tasmyn, it’s long been apparent to me that we couldn’t stay in King forever, nor were we meant to. For the last few weeks, the King witches have been working against me, casting spells to counter my own. I knew that before long, they would essentially drive us out of this area. I had thought the easiest way to accomplish our departure would be to wait until it was time for you to go to college and then, instead of going to whatever school you were supposed to attend, you would come with me. But you’ve been moving along much faster than I had anticipated, and between that and the trouble with the King witches, I have been thinking more and more that we should leave sooner rather than later.”
“Leave?” I asked. “Leave for where?”
She laughed. “Why, home, of course. Tasmyn, I am going to take you home, where we both belong. Home to my family, to the elders and the matriarchs, to my aunts. You can finish your training there. There, we can be who we are meant to be.”
Home. She meant Romania. She was planning to take me to Romania.
Slowly I shook my head. “Marica, listen. I don’t know where you got the idea that I’d want to go—go home with you. Maybe that’s my fault. I guess I’ve been giving lots of people mixed signals. But I’m not going anywhere with you. I came over here today to tell you I’m done.”
Marica raised one eyebrow. “Done? What do you mean?”
“Done, as in no more training. No more lying to my parents and my friends, no more messing with things that I can’t control. I saw today how dangerous I’ve become. I can’t control it, and you aren’t teaching me how to do that. So this is it. This is good-bye.”
I stood and moved swiftly toward the door, but before I could touch the door handle, the lock turned and a chair screeched across the floor, blocking my way. Marica was still sitting down, but I could feel the power flying out from her. Before I could protest, I felt a burst of energy hit me, and I was back on the sofa.
Marica folded
her hands and smiled at me. “Oh, I don’t think so, Tasmyn.”
Tas...you know what I miss? I miss thinking something, and knowing that you’re hearing it, too. I miss being able to look across a room and knowing that you’ve heard me. I miss that connection. I love you. Call me.
Marica had resumed her pacing, but now she had added some vague Romanian mutterings to the mix. I couldn’t hear her thoughts—I never could unless she specifically wanted me to—but I could feel the intensity of her concentration. And every time I even tried to shift on the sofa, she blasted me back against the cushion.
I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. There had to be a way out of this. Did she really intend to spirit me off to Romania? Did she seriously think she could pull it off?
I took a mental inventory of who knew where I was. I had told my parents that I was stopping by school to pick up my books on the way home. They would never guess that I was here. Rafe had left before I could tell him. Amber knew, and I had promised to call her when I got home, but in the hospital, what was she going to do? By the time she was released and wondered where I was, I could be half way to Eastern Europe.
I wished now I had been honest with Detective Lawrence this afternoon. He was part of one of the old carnie families, and I had a sense that he had seen more in King than he let on. If I could manage to get away from Marica, he was going to be the first person I’d call.
Tentatively I leaned forward, only to feel the pressure of the energy she was pushing toward me.
“Don’t test me, Tasmyn. I’m trying to work out details.”
King Series Box Set Page 71
