Liam leaned into her a moment, as if absorbing her warmth and energy. Then he kissed the top of her head. “Thanks. Let’s go eat some cake.”
“Did you get bad news?”
He nodded. “My dad’s sick. He should be okay eventually, but he’s not okay right now.” He stood up and offered her his hand. “Can we talk about it later? I don’t want to mess up Henry’s party. It’s a first for all of us.”
Trisha studied him, trying to read the feelings he was hiding. But if he wanted them hid, that was his right. “Okay.” She took his hand and followed him back to the party. “I’m here for you, though. Whatever you need.”
Liam stopped before the gate and put his hands to her shoulders. He kissed her suddenly, fiercely. “I need you,” he said when he pulled away. “You and Henry.” He looked down at Ranger. “And you, too, squishy buddy. Of course I need you, too.”
Trisha laughed and bent down to cuddle Ranger’s silky ears. “You’re a good boy, Ranger. And not too squishy. Don’t listen to that mean old cowboy.”
Laughing, she led the way back in to the party, but she noticed Liam wasn’t even smiling as he followed her back to their friends.
* * *
LIAM FINISHED WIPING out the serving bowls and set the dish towel down with a relieved sigh. The last of the guests had gone and the patio was clean. Ranger was sacked out in front of Trisha’s fireplace and Henry was in bed, tuckered out from all the partying.
His son’s first birthday. Little by little the surreal feeling was wearing off. And in its place was a love for Henry that grew with every minute Liam spent with him. In the past few weeks he’d grown from incompetent, brand-new dad to somewhat-bumbling father, and he figured that wasn’t too shabby. He was a long way from getting it all right, but at least he wasn’t getting it all wrong.
Trisha came into the kitchen after checking on Henry and turned on the burner beneath the kettle. “I need a cup of tea and a chance to just sit down for a moment. How about you?”
“I’ll skip the tea, thanks, but let me make you some. You put on an awesome party today. Go put your feet up.”
Her smile was full of gratitude and she came over to kiss his cheek. “Thanks.”
She went into the living room and Liam heard her land hard on the couch and let out a sigh of relief. He smiled. She was usually so composed and ladylike, it was cute when she wasn’t.
He boiled the water and made her favorite mint tea. Stepping into the bathroom, he washed his face in cold water and ran fingers through his hair. He looked tired, but hey, it had been a long day. All he could do now was be honest about how he felt. “You got this,” he muttered to his reflection in the mirror. He hoped that was actually true. Heading back into the kitchen, he grabbed Trisha’s tea and went to find her in the living room. “Here you go.” He set the tea down on a coaster on the coffee table.
“Thank you.” She patted the couch next to her. “Come sit down and tell me how you’re doing.”
Liam took a deep breath and knelt on the floor in front of her. He was a little shaky but he was determined to say what was in his heart. “Trisha, you must know how I feel about you and Henry. I love you two. You have my heart and I am here for you 100 percent.”
She sat up straight, looking a little worried. “You have our hearts, too.”
Liam pulled in a little more oxygen. “I think we should get married. I want us to be a family. Officially.”
“What?” She put her hands to her face, over her mouth, like she’d just won some big prize. Except her eyes didn’t look that happy. “Liam, are you sure?”
“I’ve told you how I feel. I’ve held you in my heart ever since that night in Texas. You were my angel. You inspired me to get better. And getting to know you this past month has shown me that my instinct was right that night. You are so special to me, Trisha. You grew me up. You changed me so much, for the better. You are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
There were tears welling in her eyes and he sure hoped they were happy ones. But he had a sinking feeling he was getting this all wrong.
“I love you, Liam. I’m sure I do. But we don’t know each other that well. We’re still trying to find our way, with Henry and with each other. We’ve only been on a few dates...”
“But they were great dates, weren’t they? We laughed—we loved being together.” He studied her pretty blue eyes, looking for clues. “I didn’t imagine all that, right?”
She reached out and ran her fingers over the stubble of his beard. “No, you didn’t imagine it. They were great dates.”
“And we’ve had weeks now to figure out how to care for our baby together. You’ve even survived my bad cooking once or twice. We’re a couple. A happy couple.”
A weak smile softened her serious expression and gave him the hope he needed. “We are. We really are. A happy family, even.”
“Look.” He took her hands in his. “I’ve got to go back to Texas. My brothers need my help, now that my dad is sick. So let’s get married. Let me take you home to my family, as my wife.”
Her lips parted as if she meant to speak, but for a moment, no sound came out. Then she said, “Please don’t ask me to do that.”
He’d been afraid of hearing it and he had his reasons ready. “We belong together. The three of us. And I have to go back to Texas. At least for a while.”
“I understand. Your family needs you. Go to Texas, then come back here to us.”
“It’s not that simple. My dad’s having heart surgery, so I have to be home for that. But there’s also this commitment that I made—to learn from Jace, and to come home and help them transition the ranch to organic.” He tried to explain what he owed. “My family dropped everything to help me when I needed it. Now they need my support.”
Tears were spilling down her cheeks. “I understand, but I don’t know what to do. I can’t move to Texas. I have two jobs that I care about here. My friends are like my family. Henry and I have our whole lives here.”
He was losing his grip on the situation. He grasped harder. “You can have a life in Texas for a while. Then maybe we can come back. And we can always visit.”
“No.” She stood and took a few steps away from him, wrapping her arms across her chest like she was cold. “I love you, Liam. I do. But I belong here in Shelter Creek.”
“How do you know that when you’ve never lived anywhere else?” He stood, too. “We can be a family, Trish. Why can’t you just trust what we have together? Why are you always so cautious?”
Her eyes widened and her hands went to her hips. “You have to ask that? Let me tell you about the two times in my life I wasn’t cautious. The first time my best friend was killed. The second time, I got pregnant with Henry.”
“But you don’t regret Henry, do you?”
“I could never. But I had to build a life for us, all by myself. And I built that life here. I had no family, but my friends became my family. I’m not going to throw that all away, just because you happened to wander into my life again.”
“You don’t think me wandering in means something? That maybe we were meant to be?” He was getting desperate. He wanted them all to be together. Though it was becoming clear to him that he’d been naive. That he’d been walking around Shelter Creek feeling like somehow, magically, love would conquer all.
“I think we got really lucky.” Her hands went to fists at her thighs. He’d never seen her angry before. She was pale and furious. “You know what would have meant something? It would have meant something if, after rehab, you came looking for me. You knew my first name. You knew I was from California. You knew I’d stayed at the hotel, and when. If you’d tried to find me, that would have meant something. Because then I’d know that you’d actually chosen me.”
Her words cut deep because there was truth there. He’d been so weak back then. A coward hiding b
ehind his guilt and self-blame, afraid to go after what he’d truly wanted. “I wish I’d looked for you. I missed so much of your life and of Henry’s. But I didn’t feel like I was worthy of you. You were this unattainable goddess in my mind.”
“But now you have me and you’re choosing Texas instead.” She sat back down on the couch like all the fight had gone out of her and used her sleeve to swipe at the tears on her cheeks. When she spoke, her voice was hollow. “I love you, Liam. I want to be with you. I want all of us to be together. But I can’t leave here. This is my home. My life.”
He’d been so sure they were going to be okay, but that illusion was crumbling around his feet. His heart might be crumbling, too. “Then we’re stuck. You’re basically telling me that the only way I can be with you is if I abandon my family and my obligations to them, and fit myself completely into your world. I can’t do that right now. I have to go back to Texas.”
“But can’t you go and then come back here? To us?”
“I don’t know how long I’ll be in Texas. It could be a year, or even more, before I’ve helped transition the ranch to organic. I’ve got to be there for my brothers and my father.” He didn’t want to go. If he walked out the door without her, this thing they’d built, their connection, their tentative family, could be shattered. He couldn’t face that. “There has to be a way to figure this out.”
“I can’t think of a way right now.” She buried her face in her hands for a moment. When she looked up she was composed, but there were tears in her eyes. “Go back to Texas. Do what you need to do. We can figure something out. I’ll wait for you. You can come visit us.”
It was something at least. “A long-distance relationship? It’s not enough.”
“It has to be.” She seemed so tired. There were shadows below her eyes, and a dullness within that he’d never seen before. Like her spirit was crushed.
“I’m so sorry, Trisha. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
She went to the door and opened it for him. “Have a safe trip home. Keep me posted on how it’s going. We’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too.” Liam grabbed his hat and his boots and stumbled out onto the porch, gripped by that same surreal feeling he’d had when he first found out about Henry. Except then he’d been gaining something unexpected, and now he was in danger of losing what he loved the most.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
TRISHA PUT TOGETHER a dish of raw meat for the bobcat kittens. They were getting bigger and eating so much. Now that they were more grown-up, they were using the same shelter the coyote pups had been in. The one Liam had worked so hard on. The bobcats hadn’t been thrilled with the scent of coyote all around, so she’d carpeted the floor with thick wood shavings, which seemed to help.
Trisha went into the shed and slid the tray through the slot in the wall. She shook it so the meat fell into the trough below. Back outside, she glanced up and saw the clouds getting thicker. It was supposed to rain tonight, and usually she’d be glad. Rain in drought-ridden California was always something to be thankful for. But right now, the gray clouds just added to the sense of depression she’d felt for over a week now. Ever since Liam got on a plane for Texas.
She yanked open the door and went back into the clinic. If she hurried, she could get cleaned up and be on time to pick up Henry from Patty’s. Though the prospect of another night at home alone didn’t sound great either. She used to think of her life as cozy and quiet. But that was before she knew what it was like to cook dinner with Liam. To have him help with the bedtime routine and sing Henry silly songs. To curl up on the couch and watch a movie after Henry was asleep, or play Scrabble, or just talk and laugh.
Maybe she’d been content with her simple life because it was all she knew. But now she knew different.
She was wiping off the counters and putting things away when Vivian walked in.
“Do you need any extra help here?”
Trisha shook her head. “No thanks. I’m fine. Just getting ready to head home.”
“Would you and Henry like to come up to the ranch and have dinner with us?”
It was tempting to have some company. But it was the ranch. Where Liam had lived until so recently. “Maybe another time? I think we’ll just have a quiet night in.”
“This weekend?” Vivian picked up a sponge and began scrubbing the front of the cooler.
“Sure, that might be nice.”
“Trish, help me out. I’m trying to find a way to cheer you up.”
Trisha leaned on the counter. “I don’t know what to do. I guess I just need to get used to missing him.”
“Liam might come back, you know. He left to help his dad and show his brothers how to get the ranch on the right track. Once he finishes that, he’ll feel more free to be with you and Henry.”
“I hope so.” Trisha studied the pattern in the linoleum. “I’m sure I must seem like the biggest baby to you. Moping around, when Liam left for a good reason. I think it’s just that I finally risked my heart, you know? I never really have before. I told him I loved him, I jumped into a relationship with him with everything I had, and it felt like we were becoming this sweet family. And then he left.”
Vivian gave up her pretense of cleaning and set her rag down. “Like your parents left. I see the connection now.”
“I don’t want to be someone who is so easy to leave.” Trisha blinked back tears. “But when I say that out loud, I sound like I’m having a pity party.”
“No, you’re scared. You’ve lived a pretty quiet life, maybe to protect yourself from the losses you’ve experienced. You’re not used to taking risks with your heart.”
“You’re right. I keep thinking that it’s not worth it. That it’s better to stay here, where I feel safe. Except being safe doesn’t feel very good if I don’t have Liam. But he left me, so why should I go chasing after him?” She buried her face in her hands. “Viv, this is all so confusing.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t easy for Liam to go,” Vivian reassured her. “The way he looks at you? He adores you. He asked you to marry him. I’m pretty sure that’s a sign that he’s crazy about you.”
“You’re right. My anxiety is taking over. I’m not used to wanting someone like this. I used to be happy, just being on my own.”
“No one ever said that love was a comfortable emotion,” Vivian said. “Have you heard from him?”
Trisha shuddered at the memory. “One very awkward conversation. And after just a few minutes, he said he had to go. It sounded like someone was coming and he couldn’t wait to get off the phone.”
“Weird.” Vivian studied her quizzically. “Maybe he had something cooking in the oven and it was ready.”
“Or maybe he has a wife back home in Texas and she was coming to find him.”
“Trisha!” Vivian looked genuinely shocked. “Of course he doesn’t have a wife.”
Trisha knew she was being silly, but her mind couldn’t seem to settle. “That’s the thing, though. I don’t know him that well. Maybe he does.”
“Okay, that’s it,” Vivian said. “I am calling an emergency Book Biddies meeting. You are making yourself so anxious, and it’s too much for me to handle on my own.”
“Fine. As long as there are cocktails.”
“You barely ever drink.”
“Maybe I’ll turn over a new leaf.”
Vivian rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. Saturday night, okay? I’m not sure whose house yet, but I’ll send an email around. And you have to be there. No more hiding at home, feeling sorry for yourself.” Vivian held out her arms. “Now, give me a hug, you brokenhearted bozo. And try to have faith that everything will be okay.”
Trisha went to her friend and gave her a big hug. “Thank you for trying to cheer me up. I’m sorry I am such a mess.”
“You fell in love and then you got hurt. You have a righ
t to be a mess.” Vivian hurried for the door. “Call me if you start imagining more upsetting things. And trust me, the guy doesn’t have a secret wife.”
“Good to know,” Trisha muttered. She made the rounds of the building, locking doors, shutting off computers, turning out lights. She was often the last person out of here because she had to feed the animals their dinner.
Vivian was right—she had to get ahold of herself. Her fears were taking over. But she missed Liam so much, her bones ached with it. She wanted him with her. She wanted his kisses, the way he held her, his silly jokes and his way of smiling that came straight from his eyes.
And then there was the fact that without him here, it felt like a piece was missing. Not just from her and Henry’s lives, but from her heart.
* * *
“LIAM, SEE IF you can get that heifer in the chute. She’s the last one that needs vaccinating, and no one can get her to do anything.”
Liam turned his horse, King, toward the heifer. Her brown ears were up and she was darting around the pen as if avoiding her shots was some kind of a game. But King was a champion and turned on his hindquarters faster than any horse Liam had ever had. When the heifer veered right, King anticipated it and cut her off. When she tried to get around him, the big quarter horse danced back and turned right to stop her again. After a few minutes of this, the gal gave up and went into the chute where the vet was waiting.
“It’s good to have you home.” Boone grinned at him from the fence. “We need someone else besides me who’s a decent rider.”
“I heard that.” Tommy glared at Boone from where he was closing the gate behind the heifer. “And I’ll remind you about who around here takes first place in steer wrestling at the rodeo every summer.”
“Wrestling ain’t riding. It’s just hanging on to the back of a horse until you’re ready to throw yourself off it.”
Her Surprise Cowboy--A Clean Romance Page 20
