“Does Mike know?”
“He knows his dad made the offer. I told him about it that night. But we haven’t talked about it since.”
“Why is that?”
Franchesca ran her hands through her hair and stood to pace behind her chair. “Lots of reasons. Distractions really.”
“Like?”
“Like him racing again. Or our schedules. Or that he has a young child and conversations don’t happen often, I’m learning, when that’s a factor. Don’t get me wrong, I love Annalise. But...”
Noelle held up a hand. “No need to explain. Wes and I have watched Annalise enough to know that a grown-up conversation is a challenge when she’s around. But you haven’t given him any hint that you’re seriously considering this?”
Franchesca shook her head. “No.” She placed her hands on the back of her chair, mirroring her friend. “And I didn’t think to consider it much until I talked to my mom.”
“Your mom?”
She nodded. “On one of my visits I asked her about her past.”
“And she remembered?”
“Quite a bit of it, yes. Not only did she remember, but she dropped the bomb on me that she’d always wondered what life would have been like had she returned to the stage.”
“She would’ve left your dad?” Noelle’s tone was threaded with shock. She hadn’t known Franchesca’s dad, but she’d been told of their love story.
“No. She didn’t mean it that way.” Franchesca shook her head and turned, pacing once more. “I’m guessing that with all that’s happening to her, the dementia stealing memories from her, she’s thinking a lot about her life. What she’s done, or even didn’t do.”
“You don’t want to regret anything.”
“No. I don’t. And I don’t think my mother has regrets. I really don’t. But she questions whether or not she could have had both worlds. At least for a little while, maybe.”
“And so here you are, wondering the same thing.”
She stopped and plopped down in her chair again. Noelle still held her pose, perfect posture, a statue of poise and grace. “Yeah. I guess I am. But here’s the rub. My mom had a great marriage to my dad. They were solid. I believe that with my whole heart. If she had gone back to New York to be on stage for a little while again, my dad would’ve supported her. He would’ve never let that get between them.”
“You think Mike won’t support you?”
“I don’t know. He’s amazing, yes. But this relationship is so new. We’re still figuring each other out. He’s trying to settle into racing again. There’s Annalise to think about. And what if I go, audition and get a great part? What then?”
Noelle was quiet a moment, the only sound the tick of the clock that hung above the mirrored wall.
“That is a lot to think about.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have unloaded all of this on you.”
Noelle came around and took her seat again. She leaned forward and took one of Franchesca’s hands in her own. “Don’t be sorry. I want to be here for you. But I can’t give you a solid answer. This is all stuff you need to decide for yourself. You know that.”
“I know.”
They each leaned back in their chairs. “What about your mom?”
“I’ve thought of that. She’s well looked after. I was thinking of selling the cottage anyway and moving into an apartment. To be honest, I hadn’t thought much past going, doing an audition, getting a feel for things, and seeing if it was all for nothing. I may get there and realize what an idiot I am and come running back.”
“Or you could go, nail the audition and want to stay.”
Franchesca’s gut churned at her friend’s words. She’d considered that path, of course. But filed it under “not likely” and focused more on just checking off the audition box.
But what if she did nail the audition? Would it be enough to check the box and return to Marietta? She’d wanted an acting career before and had begun to work toward it, but had to leave it behind. What if she succeeded? Could she make that kind of choice again, this time for Mike and Annalise?
She dropped her head between her legs again and groaned.
“You’ll figure this out.” Noelle placed a loving hand on her shoulder.
Franchesca shook her head back and forth, her hair sweeping the floor. “I admire your optimism.” She sat up and leaned her elbows on her knees. “I used to think that way. I used to move forward in life like a bulldozer. No doubts, no fears. I didn’t question stuff like this. I just did it.”
Noelle swept away a stray curl that had fallen in front of Franchesca’s face. A soft smile added to the angelic aura that was her best friend. “This adulting thing is tough sometimes, isn’t it?”
“It sucks.”
Noelle’s laughter echoed through the room. “Well, I support you no matter what you decide. But know this. I’ll miss you like crazy if you end up staying in New York.”
Franchesca’s throat clogged with emotion. She’d thought about leaving Mike and Annalise, had thought through the logistics of her mom’s situation. But maybe out of some subconscious form of self-protection, she hadn’t considered the ripple effect that would happen in her life if she didn’t come back.
Oh, how easy it was to take for granted her chats with Noelle before they started their classes. How Noelle put up with her storming in at any time to dramatically share news or the times they’d closed up their studios then belt out show tunes together.
She stood and pulled Noelle out of her chair and into a huge hug. “I would miss you like crazy.”
The two women embraced for a moment, each sniffling back tears.
Franchesca pulled back and looked at her friend. “Okay, this is ridiculous.”
They both wiped at their faces with their hands.
“No, it’s not. I’ve learned the hard way that tears are a good thing. They help.”
Franchesca’s heart hurt for all her friend had endured. As graceful and fragile as she could seem, Noelle was tough as nails as far as Franchesca was concerned.
“And I don’t want you to live with regrets. Don’t go through life wondering.”
Franchesca nodded, words escaping her.
Noelle took Franchesca’s hands in hers. “That’s not me telling you to go. That’s an overall statement. But I will tell you this. Talk to Mike. You two have a good thing going. Even if you decided to stay in New York for a while, I think he loves you enough to work through long distance.”
Franchesca nodded, but she had her doubts. Mike was an all or nothing kind of guy. Asking him to split his time between his life in Marietta with Annalise, his racing, and her miles and miles away wasn’t something she saw him wanting.
All the complications of her life were spinning into a tornado that was getting out of control. And being in control was something Franchesca prided herself on. She needed a plan. Something solid to stick to.
Then she needed Mike to go along with the plan.
That last part scared her the most.
Chapter Seventeen
The summer Montana sky looked more like a painting than real life.
When Mike had asked her to go on a day-long date to Bozeman, Franchesca jumped at the chance. It was Sunday and he was headed out of town again in a couple days for another race. Although they’d fallen into a nice rhythm of life, seeing one another in between his trips and her work, as well as visiting with her mother, they hadn’t had much time alone together in weeks. A day spent just the two of them sounded divine.
It had been days since her talk with Noelle. Franchesca agreed that her friend was right, she needed to talk to Mike about New York. But every time she thought to try, she’d lost her nerve. He’d all but lit up inside since he started racing again. She loved hearing him talk about it when he got home, but mostly soaked in the fact that he’d made it home safe and was with her once again. His previous concerns were gone, replaced with a childlike excitement. If she brought up going for
an audition, would she squash that?
“You’ve got a lot on your mind over there.”
They sat side-by-side at an outdoor table at a small café, the day too beautiful to be spent indoors. They’d initially thought of seeing a movie, but decided instead to soak in the sunshine.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” He reached over and intertwined his fingers with hers, settling their hands on his leg. “It’s nice to be near you, enjoying the quiet.” He leaned back in his chair, eyes closed, face toward the sky. In faded jeans and dark T-shirt, one leg stretched out in front of him, the other bent and leaning against hers, the man was beyond eye candy. The turned heads of the women who walked by were not lost on Franchesca.
But she sat with him, not them, her hand wrapped in his. She tilted her face toward the warmth as well. It was quiet, she had to agree. Her world had expanded from her and her mom to the St. Claires’, which was wonderful.
“Don’t get me wrong. I would love to hear whatever’s going on in that pretty head of yours.” His eyes remained closed, but his mouth quirked in a grin.
Her gut churned. Did she want to talk to him about it? Not really, no. But everything in her was aware that if they wanted any kind of future together, she’d have to lay all her cards on the table. That night at Grey’s they’d said they’d always be honest with each other, and she’d meant it, too. But man, the conversation would be a buzz kill to their perfect day, something she wasn’t ready for.
“I actually have something I want to talk to you about.” He turned his gaze to her. “I would love to take you away for the weekend after this next race. Is that something you’d enjoy?”
Would she enjoy a romantic weekend away with Mike St. Claire? Hmm. That was a no brainer. Her excitement faded as fast as it had come, however. It was now or never. She had to talk to him about New York.
“You don’t look excited about the idea at all.” He sat up in his chair and leaned toward her. The disappointment on his face tore at her heart.
She unclasped her hand from his and ran it through her hair. “I’m sorry. That sounds amazing. Honestly. There’s nothing I’d rather do more.”
“But...?”
Taking a deep breath in and letting it out, she searched for words.
“Franchesca. What is it?”
“It’s nothing bad, okay? I just...I’ve just been thinking a lot about your dad offering to get me an audition in New York.”
His jaw flexed, but otherwise he gave no hint of a response. His eyes searched hers, his silence encouraging her to continue.
“I’m thinking of doing it.” There. She’d said it.
Mike sat still as a statue. He swallowed and blinked then looked away. “You’re moving to New York.”
“No! Gosh, no. Well, maybe. I don’t know.” She covered her face with her hands then placed them on his arm. “I’m really botching this. I’m so sorry. I just have about 8,000 things to say on this and I’m not sure where to start. It’s all jumbled.”
He faced her again. “Start from the beginning. I’m listening, Franchesca.” His tone was tender, the look in his eyes soft as he placed a hand over hers.
He wasn’t angry. Thank God. She wasn’t sure she could get through this conversation with him mad at her. Not that he had any reason to be upset with her. But still...
“Franchesca. Stop rambling in your head and talk to me.”
She smiled. He’d all but read her mind. “Okay. You know my studio is barely breaking even, and as much as I love teaching and want to be near my mom and you and Annalise, I can’t stop thinking about giving acting one more try.”
She leaned back in her chair and looked toward the street. People strolled by, enjoying the beautiful weather. Some sipped iced coffees from huge cups with mile long straws. Two women jogged past, chatting as they went, their bodies encased in the latest workout fashion trend.
“I talked to my mom. She told me she’d wondered about returning to the stage after she and my dad moved to Montana.”
“She regretted her decision.”
“No. But she wondered.” Franchesca looked at him again. “I don’t want to spend my life wondering. I talked to your dad again. He said there’s an audition in a couple weeks he can set up for me.”
He nodded, the muscle in his jaw twitching. “I get that. But you said you want to try. What if you audition and get the part?”
As much as she told herself she’d thought that far ahead, her mind refused to get past actually auditioning. It was as if that possibility faded into a mist, one that would get clearer the closer she got to it. But to think of making a solid decision about that right now tore her in too many directions. Besides, the pessimistic part of her, the one that had dealt with all the rejections the first time she’d lived in New York taunted her, reminding her what a long shot it was to begin with.
“I don’t know.” She lifted her shoulder and let it fall. “All I know is I don’t want to always wonder what would have happened.”
He sat back in his chair and looked straight ahead. It was quiet between them. Something Franchesca had learned to appreciate about their relationship. They didn’t always have to talk, they could just be.
But this quiet was different.
Her stomach turned at all that could be going on in Mike’s head.
“I get it.” Mike’s voice broke the silence. “I do. It’s not unlike how I felt about racing. I have a lot on the line, and yet I still couldn’t get out of my head whether it was possible for me.” He looked at her. “I don’t want you to live not knowing.”
She leaned across the arms of their chairs and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.”
His chin moved against her shoulder as he nodded, but didn’t say anything. She could accept that. The thought must have rattled him, and yet he supported her.
She pulled back enough to give him a soft kiss on the lips, his face in her hands. “I want this, Mike. Us. Me doing this? That doesn’t change things.”
He nodded again, not speaking. His lips took hers then, a less tender, more passion-filled kiss than what she’d given him. All emotion, doubt, fear...all the feelings they both shared coming out in that moment.
He placed his forehead against hers and nodded once more. They could do this. They could. And maybe if she said that enough to herself, she’d truly believe it.
Franchesca lounged on the large sofa in Mike’s suite. The gas fireplace was on, casting a warm glow about the room. Mike had left for his race the day before. As she stared at the fire, she let their goodbye play over and over again in her mind.
Not that it had been bad. But since she’d told him about New York, things had been different. Or maybe that was all in her head.
The rest of their day in Bozeman had been pleasant. They’d strolled in shops and found a few more stuffed animals for Annalise to add to her collection. Mike had smiled and laughed with her like always, but it all seemed a bit...forced.
Not that she blamed him. She’d just dropped a bomb into their lives, so expecting him to move forward as if nothing had happened wasn’t entirely fair on her part. But even so, the ride home was awkward, her rattling on about music and whatever she could think of to fill the time, Mike paying attention to the road and smiling or nodding. Again, not bad, but distant and cool.
They’d had only a day after that before Mike had to go and he’d spent most of it with Annalise and packing.
Franchesca sighed. She had to face it. He’d withdrawn from her. And could she blame him? If he had told her he was considering a move back to New York, how would she respond? Sure, he’d decided to race again, but that didn’t result in them potentially living thousands of miles apart. She’d talked to Noelle on the phone last night, and her friend had tried to reassure her. The family had their own plane and they had another home in New York. It wasn’t as if Mike had no way to see her if he wanted.
But it wasn’t the same and Franchesca knew it. So did Noelle.
A few months ago, Franchesca had been fine. On her own and happy to be so. Her mom was there; her world was in order. Sure, she was concerned about her studio and whether or not she could get more students involved, but that was her biggest worry. Now? Now, she had her heart tearing in two between Mike and another chance at a career on stage.
Maybe Noelle was right though. Maybe she could have both.
She groaned and put an arm across her forehead.
“Are you all right, Franchesca?”
Daniel St. Claire’s voice snapped her out of her “woe is me” moment. She sat up as he entered the room. As gentle of a man as he was, his presence alone commanded respect. Lounging in front of him, groaning over the drama in her life she guessed would be frowned upon by him.
He took a seat beside her on the couch. “I heard you groaning. Are you sick as well?”
Annalise had told them earlier that her throat and her head hurt. Franchesca didn’t usually stay overnight with her, one of the other St. Claires took night duty when Mike was gone. But Annalise had begged her to stay, so Franchesca had agreed. It was after midnight, but at the rate her mind was moving and with Annalise sick, she’d found it impossible to sleep.
“No. Sorry. Just...thinking about some things.”
The older man nodded. “Been there.” The small smile on his face spoke of years of decisions and memories. She’d seen her mother make the same face. Did Daniel St. Claire have regrets?
“Anything you’d like to talk about?”
Franchesca was almost sure Mike hadn’t chatted with his dad about her audition, but it wasn’t some big secret.
“I’m so grateful to you for setting up the audition for me, but...”
“It’s causing trouble between you and my son.”
She nodded, unable to answer. Whether from the emotion that clogged her throat or the awkwardness of having this conversation with Mike’s dad, she wasn’t sure.
“Is this really what you want?”
She searched his eyes. Was he asking as a concerned dad or did he simply want to know her thoughts? She guessed both.
“Yes. I don’t want to always wonder.”
Winning his Heart Page 13
