by Arwen Rich
“That anger I felt before,” I said, still panting slightly. “It felt alien somehow ... like a separate identity, trying to control me.”
“It's the wolf inside you,” Adam said, snaking an arm behind my head and holding me against him. “It's beginning to merge with you, to integrate into your mind. That anger you felt ... it was your instincts growing. Your animal urges trying to take over. You need to learn to control those urges, to satisfy them without hurting yourself or others.”
That was the entity that I had dreamed about. The wolf, coming to life inside me. An image flashed through my mind – the wolf was settling down to sleep now. I felt calm.
“I think I've satisfied my animal urges for now,” I giggled, tracing a hand over the undulating muscles of Adam's abdomen. “I've never felt so satisfied.”
Adam laughed. “This is my favorite way to satisfy those urges,” he said. Then he looked at me seriously. “I'm still learning to deal with them myself,” he said. “Like last night – how I snapped at you. This is all my fault, for making you leave the bar.”
I shook my head. “You're the only reason I'm alive now,” I said, turning and kissing him. “You saved me.”
I tried to recall our conversation at the bar before I'd left. “Was it something I said?” I asked. “That made you upset?”
“It was about my brother,” Adam said. “When I told him to stop drinking, you said that I wasn't responsible for him ... it just struck a nerve.” He paused, as if trying to find the right words. “Our parents died when I was eighteen. He was only fourteen. I had to raise him from then on. And I failed. I wasn't ready for the responsibility. And every time he gets so drunk that he can barely speak, I feel like I'm the one pouring the damn alcohol down his throat.”
“I'm so sorry,” I said. “I had no idea.” That mysterious darkness I'd seen in Adam's eyes was starting to make sense to me now.
Adam shook his head. “It's definitely not your fault,” he said. “You didn't know – and I reacted the wrong way. Like I said, I'm still learning to control myself. I'm sorry.”
I kissed him. “You made up for it,” I said, smiling at him.
“You mean the way I saved you?”
“Well, yes ... but also, the way you fucked me.” I grinned devilishly, feeling dirty and loving it. “No one's ever made me feel like that,” I said.
Adam laughed, squeezing me tight. He kissed me on the cheek and I closed my eyes, tingling with joy.
And somehow, with Adam still holding me, I sank back into sleep.
I woke again some time later, alone in the bed. I looked at my watch – it was afternoon already.
Shit. I had to get home and do my studying.
I heard what sounded like ... somebody retching from a nearby room. It must be Steve, I realized. Sick with a hangover. Poor guy.
Adam re-entered the bedroom, and I sat up, naked. Adam bared his teeth and growled jokingly as he eyed me. He was shirtless still, and his six-pack bulged as he leaned over the bed to kiss me.
“Steve's sick again,” Adam said, sighing.
“I should go,” I said.
Adam pushed me softly back onto the bed, growling sexily again. “You can stay as long as you like,” he said.
I giggled. “I would, but I have to study. I have an exam in a few days, unfortunately.”
Adam nodded, still suspended over me. “I have to see you again,” he said.
“You will,” I told him.
“Tonight. The wolf will rise up inside you again, and you'll transform. I want to help you through it.”
I swallowed nervously, suddenly terrified at the thought. Would the transformation be painful?
“Here, write down your number,” Adam said, standing up and grabbing a pad and pen from the bedside table. I scribbled my number down. And then Adam bent to lift my torn dress from the bedroom floor. The dress was in tatters.
“Sorry about that,” Adam said wryly. “You'll have to wear some of my clothes home.” He tapped the chest of drawers beside his bed. “You can wear anything you like.”
Again, the violent sound of retching from another room.
“He doesn't sound good,” I said.
“I'd better go help him out,” Adam said. He kissed me once more, and then stroked my face and studied me for a moment. “Just let yourself out when you're ready,” he said.
“Thanks for having me,” I said, biting my lip. He grinned.
“Thanks for coming,” he said.
I lived a five-minute walk away, and it took me even longer than that to realize that my leg no longer hurt. The bite-wound from the previous night had completely healed. Sitting at my desk in my room, I pulled off the sweatpants I had borrowed from Adam, to find that all was left was a small, pink scar.
And that's when it hit me.
I was a freaking werewolf.
I nearly passed out as the dizzying realization washed over me. I'd heard that werewolves have super-rapid healing powers. But experiencing it first-hand, seeing my wound completely healed overnight, made it all somehow more real.
My head was spinning. But I had to concentrate. I had that exam in just a few days. How the hell was I supposed to focus, at a time like this? Images from the previous night – and that morning with Adam – kept flashing through my mind. I shivered with anticipation as I thought of the way he had caressed me. And the blissful feeling of him inside me ... I couldn't wait to see him again.
Concentrate.
I poured myself a coffee and threw myself into my work, straining to push away all thoughts of everything else. And finally I succeeded. I got back into my usual rhythm of study, reading interspersed with frequent cups of coffee. As I memorized the information, the sun crawled across the sky. Finally it reached the horizon, and darkness began to creep in through my window.
My brain felt fuzzy. I couldn't retain any more information. The words in my book were blurring together, starting to make little sense. I was beginning to feel restless, antsy. Was it anxiety, because of the impending transformation I was to experience? Or was it something more?
I had a feeling I knew exactly what it was. The rising sense of energy was the wolf, stirring inside me again. My blood was running hotter, faster through my veins. I felt agitated, itchy. As if I didn't quite fit in my own skin.
I closed my biology textbook, and my mobile phone rang at the same moment. It was Adam.
“Are you ready?” he asked. I could hear in his voice that he was smiling.
“Absolutely,” I said. And as terrified as I was at the thought of transforming, there was also a part of me that couldn't wait.
“Great,” he said. “I'll pick you up now.”
Adam drove me to the national forest which bordered the edge of our town. My sense of agitation only increased as we neared it. I was shaking as we pulled into the car-park. That uncontrollable rage was beginning to kindle inside me again, and it terrified me. It came in waves – one second I felt normal, completely rational, and the next I was shuddering, my blood boiling beneath my skin. My hands balled into fists.
We got out of the car and stood together, beside the edge of the forest. Adam kissed me on the mouth and held my hand, and I felt my agitation ease slightly.
“Breathe deeply,” Adam said. His golden eyes were understanding. “Try to relax as much as you can.”
I lifted my head and breathed deeply. I spotted the moon overhead; it was hidden by clouds, but its diffused glow was still bright enough to light up Adam and I. Was it just my imagination, or could I actually feel the moon calling me, somehow beckoning from its perch in the sky?
Surely not. I was not thinking clearly.
“Take off your clothes,” Adam told me.
“What?” I said, shocked from the haze in my mind.
“You need to take them off for the transformation.” Adam was already pulling his t-shirt off, revealing the rippling muscles of his abdomen, the broad swell of his shoulders. And then he unbuttoned his jeans and
quickly pulled them off. A surge of animalistic lust rose up inside me, pulsing in my stomach. Sweat broke out over my body. I wanted to see his cock again, feel it inside me like this morning ...
“Focus,” Adam said. “Quickly, undress – before you begin to transform.”
I blushed, flooded with anxiety at baring myself, even though he had seen me this morning. I looked hesitantly into his eyes. I'd never been able to bare myself to lovers – before this morning, I'd only ever had sex in the dark. I was too self conscious of my curvy figure.
“I can't,” I said.
Adam's expression softened. He brought a hand to my face and stroked it softly, before leaning down to kiss me. His golden eyes bore into mine, almost hypnotic in their magnetism.
“You are beautiful,” he whispered. He grasped the bottom of my blouse and began to draw it up, over my belly, my breasts, my head. I was topless now, my nipples quickly hardening in the cool evening air. Adam's thick cock became semi-erect, and I felt a flush of pleasure. It looked like my lust was reciprocated ...
Seeing the effect I had on him gave me a rush of self-confidence, and I unbuttoned my jeans. I drew them down with my panties and bent over to step out of them. When I looked back up, a hungry expression was on Adam's flushed face.
“You aren't the only one struggling to control yourself,” he said, biting his lip. His eyes brushed appreciatively down my body, and I felt another tingle of pleasure run up my spine.
A sudden break in the clouds, and Adam and I were doused in moonlight. I felt strange surges of energy rushing through me – visceral emotions that I couldn't explain in words. My thoughts felt as if they were fading, being replaced with intensified tactile sensations. The night seemed more vivid, more alive than before.
“Something's happening,” I said. My voice sounded confused and distant.
“Just let it happen,” Adam said. “Give in to the feelings. Let your instincts take over. And when you've transformed, we're going to use our animal energy. Divert your rage, channel it into running through the forest with me. It's the most joyful thing.”
A rush of pain, mixed with a strange, sweet pleasure deep inside my bones. A fire was kindling within me. I heard myself crying out, afraid, and Adam's soothing voice broke through to me again.
“Let it happen,” he said. “Don't resist it.”
A white glow enveloped me. Not only enveloping me, but seemed to be emanating from me. From my skin. It was beautiful. A moment of wonder, and then I began to change.
I fell to my hands and knees and clutched at the earth, the sensation of the grains intense on my palms. Fur began to burst from my pores – tiny little explosions all over my skin. I could feel my bones and flesh reforming – tearing and stitching back together, reconfiguring beneath my skin. My face was elongating. I squeezed my eyes shut, shuddering with the overwhelming, aching pleasure washing through me. The feel of the earth beneath me was altering – my palms were toughening, fingers shrinking. My legs were shifting, my feet transforming ...
I cried out again, but the sound changed as it burst from my lips – it no longer sounded human, but guttural and animalistic. The sound was crisp in my ears. It echoed out for an unusually long time before decaying.
Finally, silence.
I open my eyes. My white glow recedes. The landscape is brighter, more sharply defined. Trees sway with a life of their own. A breeze, sensual and soothing, caresses my entire body. The wind carries the multitudinous, intertwining scents of forest life. And closer, I smell something powerful. Something unusual and yet intimately familiar – an animal.
Me.
I crane my neck down – my human body is gone. Replaced with wolf. I lift my paw towards my face, filled with awe.
My mind is quietening; thoughts recede. My awareness is dominated by senses. Power surges through me – adrenaline like never before. Electric strength flows through me. My muscles itch for use. I'm shaking, trembling with energy. Those scents of life, drifting through the trees, capture my attention again, and I long to run into the forest.
“Stay calm.” The voice makes me jump in shock. I look up to see Adam standing beside me. Surprise turns instantly to animal rage. An overwhelming anger which can only be quenched with blood.
A tiny part of me registers his presence, recognizes him – but that part is silenced by the instincts of the wolf. It's already too late.
I leap at him, teeth bared. Adam dodges with unbelievable speed, and my jaws snap shut on air. I land and turn to him again, growling.
I must tear his flesh.
“Fiona! Fight the urge!”
But his words are without meaning – merely the fearful cry of prey. I leap again, and once more he dodges my attack. Adam turns and runs towards the forest, and I take chase, burning with a lust for blood. My mouth salivates at the thought of sinking my teeth into him.
As Adam reaches the threshold of the forest, he leaps into the air and emits a flash of light. He hits the ground as a majestic gray wolf and sprints into the forest.
I am close behind.
As I enter the forest, I feel a change within myself. A reverential hush, as if I'm entering a dark and beautiful place of worship. A home I never knew I missed.
But all this registers only dimly. The hunt is on. All else fades to the peripheral.
My paws pound the earth as I weave through the trees and underbrush, close on Adam's tail. I can't gain on him; he's too agile, too fast. But his fluid movement is beautiful. I fall into his rhythm, emulating his gait, and my rage is quickly forgotten, transmuted into a fierce joy and exhilaration – no longer the exhilaration of the hunt, but the simple joy of running. I gain on Adam now, and we run together, side by side.
Time evaporates, melts into a sequence of movements automatic yet precisely chosen. Adam and I run flank to flank through the night, experiencing one joyful discovery after another – the scents and sounds and life of the forest.
We finally reach a moonlit clearing, full of lush, waving grass. A brook bubbles softly, the water tinkling on smooth-worn rocks. The place emanates a kind of magic, and when we reach it, Adam and I pause and linger. I am panting from exertion. We drink from the brook, and the water is sweet and rejuvenating.
Adam transforms back to human. He makes strange sounds and gestures towards me, and something tickles in the back of my mind – there is something in the sounds he's making, some meaning to be gleaned...
I feel a stir inside me, beneath the wolf instincts. Something is unfurling, coming back to life. Suddenly, the noises Adam utters begin to make sense.
“You can do it,” he says. “Bring yourself back to the surface of your mind. Wake yourself from the wolf-state.”
And in the clear silence of the wolf-mind, Fiona begins to stir. The wolf falls away like a fur gown, receding into darkness. My body begins to change, the white glow enveloping me again, the fur falling from my body. My limbs transform, lengthen and shift beneath my skin. My face retracts, flattening back to its human shape.
And then I was me again.
I was on my hands and knees beside the stream. Adam was standing over me, holding out his hand and grinning.
“You did it!” he said, lifting me to my feet. “How did it feel?”
“It was amazing!” I said, flooded with elation. “The thrill of running... I felt like I was part of the forest!” I was gesticulating wildly, aware of my nakedness but no longer self-conscious. “I've never felt anything like it.”
Adam was grinning still. “You did well,” he said. “After your initial attempt to murder me, that is.”
“Oh god, I'm so sorry.”
Adam placed a warm, reassuring hand on my naked shoulder. “It's fine,” he smiled. “You really are doing great. It's not easy, I know.” He kissed me, his lips hot, and then held me close. I sank into his embrace.
His grip on me suddenly grew tight, and his body stiffened against mine. I looked up into his face to see what was wrong. He wore a steely gaze a
s he looked over my shoulder. His jaw clenched, and I knew there was someone behind me. I turned, and saw a dark, familiar shape lumber from the darkness.
“There you are,” a dark, gravelly voice came from the figure. “I've been looking all over for you.” A sick feeling stirred in my stomach as I realized who it was.
Scarface, from the previous night. The werewolf who had bitten me. He approached from the shadows, and the moon lit up his face. His blind, blue eye gleamed in the silver moonlight, and his mouth was twisted into an evil, crooked grin. My stomach tied itself into knots.
“What do you want?” Adam said. His voice was cool, but his golden eyes burned with an icy hatred. He repositioned me until I was behind him, and stood guarding me protectively.
The man laughed. “You know what I want,” he said. His gaze shifted to me and he licked his lips. “I've had a taste. And now I want my fill.” As he spoke, two other shapes melted from the shadows – a pair of lithe, nearly identical cronies who stood beside the first man. Their faces were hard and sharp, their expressions menacing.
“I turned her,” Scarface said, pointing to me. “I claimed her, and now I'm going to take her.” That sick feeling loomed again in my gut. I clung onto Adam's back, trying to cover myself with trembling hands. What were these men capable of?
“You aren't taking her anywhere,” Adam said. I could feel the heat of his skin intensifying as he spoke. “And if you try, I will kill the three of you.”
The two ratlike cronies laughed simultaneously – high pitched, hideous cries like hyenas. But the large man in the center just smiled grimly. “The hard way, then,” he said. “But because you're making it harder for me,” he continued, grabbing his groin and leering at me, “I'm gonna make it especially hard for her.”
He had barely finished the sentence before Adam was stalking towards him, growling menacingly. Adam's entire demeanor had shifted – from standing erect, to hunching forward and lowering his center of gravity, like an animal readying to strike. Moonlight gleamed on his shoulder muscles as he approached the trio.
