by Lucy Clark
At some point, Chloe even went into her bedroom and came out with two or three soft toys, declaring that Eddie, Harriette and Uncle Felix had had enough and now needed to go into the kitchen because she had other guests coming for her next tea party. The three-year-old amused herself, playing with her toys and the tea set while the adults dutifully went to the kitchen.
‘I’ll get the non-imaginary dinner started,’ Eddie remarked.
‘You don’t have to cook for us,’ Felix stated. ‘I’m happy to do dinner this evening.’
‘It’s fine. I like cooking for my mum and her friends. Makes me feel as though I’m giving her something back.’
‘You know you don’t—’ Harriette began, reiterating what Felix was saying, but her son silenced her.
‘Shh.’ He held a finger to his lips and glared at her. ‘Enough, Mum.’
‘Yes, son,’ she remarked with a twinkling smile. Felix watched the exchange between the two of them, astonished at how close they really were. Even before his mother had passed away, he’d never been that close to her. Never in his life would he have ‘shushed’ his mother, but neither would he have laughed with her or put his arm around her shoulders or given her a kiss on the cheek. It wasn’t that she hadn’t loved her boys, it was simply that she hadn’t been the demonstrative type. Her way of showing them love had been to cook meals, to clean their clothes, and to help proofread their homework. Still, she would come in at night, brush his hair from his forehead and kiss him. She did it with himself and David and only when their father wasn’t around.
Felix could recall his father berating his mother, telling her she would make the boys soft, that she would turn them into sissies if she kept cuddling and kissing them all the time. Boys needed to be tough, needed not to cry, needed to shoulder responsibility from a young age or they would never grow up to be men, they would grow up to be sissy men. Felix closed his eyes for a moment, wanting to remove his father’s dictatorial and overbearing voice from his mind.
Ever since he’d mentioned that his father was in Darwin, Harriette had been trying to figure out a way for them to go and see him and every time she’d brought the topic up, he’d done his best to shut her down. He regretted telling her about his past and especially about his father. He didn’t want to see his father, didn’t want anything to do with him. Couldn’t she see that? The man was a cold, hard-hearted emotionally abusive—and sometimes physically abusive—soldier with dementia. The old man might not know who Felix was but Felix surely knew who his father was and the more Harriette talked about it, the more he started to retreat, to withdraw from the subject and from her, to put some distance between himself and his new colleague. He’d always been a loner and, although he could acquiesce and make room for Chloe in his life, he wasn’t about to make room for anyone else.
Was that the reason why he’d had difficulty being demonstrative himself? Because he’d been raised by a cold man and a woman who only felt able to show him some affection when his father was nowhere around? Clearly that wasn’t the way Eddie had been raised and with what he’d already learned about Harriette, he knew she’d shown him all the affection she could. She’d shared that affectionate heart of hers with the people of this community, with her patients, with him and with Chloe. It was an affection that promoted easy acceptance, that seemed to make insurmountable problems very easy to conquer.
As he half listened to the easy banter between Harriette and her son he realised that, from what she’d said, her own home life hadn’t been that loving. Had her parents cuddled her in public? Kissed her in public? Told everyone how proud they were of their daughter, telling them without agenda or self-importance? He guessed not, because if they had truly loved and cared for Harriette they would never have kicked her out of home in the first place and yet here she was, enjoying that loving, caring relationship quite openly with her son.
He remembered how, when she’d first seen Eddie come down the aeroplane stairs, her eyes had twinkled, her mouth had curved into the biggest smile and her arms had opened wide in order to envelop her most beloved son. He’d never seen a mother behave like that towards her adult child and he’d never seen an adult child behave that way towards his mother. Eddie was more than happy to be seen with her, to spend time with her, to laugh and chat with her friends—whether they be old or young. They accepted each other for who they were, as individuals and as part of a family.
It gave him hope that perhaps one day he and Chloe might have a relationship like Harriette and Eddie. Today he’d been heartened by the way she’d accepted his surprise of having a tea party, of the special tea set he’d ordered online a few days ago and that had been delivered via plane on the daily mail run.
‘Where ever did you find that tea set?’ Harriette asked him, interrupting his solitary reverie. ‘It’s absolutely perfect.’
‘On the Internet.’ Felix shrugged as though the entire thing were no big deal and Harriette couldn’t help but laugh and shake her head. Her twinkling eyes said she knew he was being nonchalant, that she knew he would have spent far too much time on the task, determined to get it right.
‘Then, I must say, excellent work, Dr McLaren. Perfect choice of colours and pattern in the china.’
‘Purple,’ he interjected.
‘And perfect size. Easy for little fingers to pick up and use.’
Harriette was sitting at the table and Felix joined her, sitting on her right and trying desperately not to knock her knee as he shifted in his chair. Ever since the other night when he’d held her in his arms, he’d become hypersensitive about how close they were, of whether their fingers had touched, whether their knees had knocked together beneath the table. And every time they did accidentally touch, a shot of desire would ripple through him.
It was ridiculous, of course. Harriette was his colleague and the fact that they lived in such close proximity and worked in such close proximity and...ate meals in such close—
‘Are you all right, Felix?’ Harriette asked, stalling his thoughts. Her head was slightly tipped to the side and she was looking at him with a hint of concern.
‘I’m fine. Why?’
‘Well...’ She cleared her throat and lowered her voice to just above a whisper. ‘You’re...uh...staring at me.’
‘Oh? Was I? Sorry.’ He shifted back in his chair, trying to put distance between them. Chloe was in the lounge room still chattering away to her toys and feeding them imaginary food while Eddie was whistling as he worked, chopping vegetables. There were two other people with them and yet Felix felt as though it were just himself and Harriette...close...together...intimate. What was it about this woman that was making him so aware of her? He’d never had this problem before. He’d always been able to control his libido, to control his emotions, but with Harriette... He shook his head.
‘What is it?’ she asked again, her concern deepening.
‘I don’t talk about my life.’ The words were almost ripped from his vocal box and he surprised himself at the low determination accompanying them.
‘So I gathered.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Her instant smile disarmed him once more. ‘It means that every time I’ve mentioned your father in the past few days, you’ve shut me down. Clearly you regret telling me anything and I respect that.’
‘You do?’
‘That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop in my preparations for us to get to Darwin to see him.’
‘But—’
‘Berate me. Hate me. Never speak to me again.’ She shrugged one beautiful shoulder, the cotton strap of her top falling off, exposing the perfect skin beneath. His gaze honed in on the area where her shoulder and neck met and the tingling in his lips, the need and the desire to taste that one spot, roared through him like a heat he’d never felt before. ‘You need to see your father before he dies.’
/> She was speaking words but the reverberating sound of blood pumping furiously around his body was inhibiting him from processing what she was saying. Good heavens. Didn’t the woman have any idea just how desirable she was? Why hadn’t she married? Why had she remained alone all these years? Why hadn’t any man realised how wonderful, caring and giving she was and asked her to marry him? Perhaps some had? Perhaps she’d said no. Perhaps she’d said yes. In fact, he really had no idea whether or not—
‘Uncle Felix!’
Chloe’s insistent and impatient tone broke through his thoughts and he’d never been more thankful for the interruption. Thinking about Harriette in such a fashion was something he’d been trying to keep at bay. ‘Yes?’ He turned to face his niece, who had clearly been calling his name a few times.
‘I need your help,’ she demanded.
‘Manners?’ Harriette interjected.
‘I need your help, please, Uncle Felix.’ Chloe’s instant amendment, not having a tantrum about being reminded to use her manners, showed him just how far the little girl had come in such a short time.
Felix stood and walked over to Chloe, giving her his attention. One of her toys wasn’t able to sit up properly and kept falling into his imaginary food.
‘I’ve already had to clean Captain Gumleaf twice and I’m getting tired of it,’ the little girl told him and Felix couldn’t help but smile.
‘I think a cushion will do the trick.’ And he took a cushion off the chair and placed it behind the toy, forcing the stuffed koala to sit up properly and behave himself. The toy had been a present from Eddie, an Australian koala to welcome Chloe to her new country. She loved the toy but clearly had expected better manners from him at her tea party.
Felix decided to stay with Chloe, sitting down on the carpet just behind her toys. It was far safer to be here than to go back to sitting at the table with Harriette. He hadn’t responded to her declaration that she was going to force him to see his father. Deep down inside he knew she was right. He also knew if he told her to stop, that he was serious about not seeing his father, she would indeed stop. He didn’t want to see his father. He didn’t want to face his past, but if he didn’t would he end up being as distant and as unfeeling with Chloe as his father had been with him?
Chloe. He sighed with resignation as he watched her. No matter what plans he might have had for his life, no matter what sort of father he would make, it didn’t change the fact that this little girl was depending on him and he needed to do his best not to make a mess of things. And that included keeping his libido under control.
He glanced over at Harriette, who was now at the kitchen bench helping Eddie with the dinner preparations. The two of them were chatting softly and occasionally laughing. Felix closed his eyes, allowing the tinkling sound of her sweet laughter to wash over him. He wasn’t used to connecting with women, not in such an emotional way as he seemed to be doing with Harriette. He was used to dating, to making sure the rules were clear—that his career came first.
That wasn’t the case anymore. Chloe came first and that meant anything he felt for Harriette was irrelevant. If, for the sake of argument, the situation between himself and Harriette progressed, they started dating, started to become serious about their relationship, what would it mean for Chloe? He knew Chloe loved Harriette, even more than she might love him, but he was Chloe’s guardian, not Harriette. Besides, he didn’t even know if Harriette wanted to be in a relationship where a child was involved. Did she want to have more children or, now that Eddie was a grown man, was she done? There was still so much he didn’t know about her, so much he wanted to ask but had no idea how to go about it, given he wasn’t used to prying in other people’s lives.
It wasn’t as though they hadn’t talked. They had, because with Eddie here for the past few days, once Chloe had been in bed, the three of them had sat up chatting.
Eddie told stories of his travels, of backpacking through Europe and how he was now learning German as well as French.
‘Would you like to go to Germany to cook as well?’ Felix had asked one evening.
Harriette’s eyes had widened at this news of perhaps having her son live overseas for a while longer but Eddie didn’t seem to notice and it was then Felix realised that while Harriette had lived the majority of the past twenty-two years for her son, she had also let Eddie go so he could find his own life. That took courage, especially as they were so close. He remembered her elation at seeing Eddie at the airstrip. How would she cope when Eddie left?
A few days later, when Eddie started to book his flights back to France, stopping in America for a few days in order to break the long journey, Felix noticed that Harriette started to withdraw slightly. She was her usual happy self but the laughter in her eyes dimmed faster. At the hospital, he’d watch as she just stared out into space for a minute or two, completely lost in thought until someone asked her a question. The hugs she gave Eddie seemed to be longer and more intense.
‘He’ll be fine,’ Felix murmured as she stood bravely on the edge of the airstrip and watched as her son boarded the small plane that would take him to Brisbane. From Brisbane, he’d head overseas, every step of his journey taking him further and further away from his mother.
‘I know. I raised him to be fine, to cope, to enjoy his experiences.’ Harriette’s voice hitched in her throat as she waved again and blew kisses. Eddie blew kisses back and then disappeared inside. The stairs were pulled up and locked in place. Harriette looked at the windows, laughing when she could see Eddie making funny faces. The laughter, however, didn’t stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks and Felix found himself putting a soothing arm around her shoulders in an effort to support her.
He’d debated whether or not to bring Chloe with them but Harriette and Eddie had both said that if she saw Eddie get on the plane and leave, then she wouldn’t be worried about where he’d gone. ‘Especially with her parents just disappearing from her life, it’s best if she can see that Eddie is OK and not...you know—’
‘Dead?’ he’d offered and she’d nodded.
‘Then she can join in my online Internet chats with him so she can again see that he’s all right.’
So he stood there now, his arm around Harriette’s shoulders and his other hand holding onto Chloe’s as she waved enthusiastically at Eddie and laughed along with Harriette at the funny faces Eddie was making.
That night, he watched as Harriette started to prepare dinner, noticing the slight slump of her shoulders. Felix knew he was supposed to be running Chloe’s bath but the little girl was busy chatting away quietly to her toys, especially Captain Gumleaf.
‘Can I help you with anything?’ he asked Harriette, but she shook her head and sniffed before turning to look at him.
‘I’m fine. Thanks.’
‘Really?’ Felix walked over and put a hand on her shoulder, wanting to comfort her but not entirely sure what was acceptable under the terms of their friendship. What he wanted was to turn her around and haul her into his arms, to wrap his own arms around her and let her wet the front of his cotton shirt with her tears. Even the thought of having a woman cry on him was so unlike him, so unlike the firm, staid and determined surgeon he’d been for so many years. Was it Chloe who had started to first break down those barriers or Harriette? Perhaps it was a combination of both.
‘Harriette, he’ll be fine.’
‘I know. I know he will be, but until he calls me and tells me he’s landed in Brisbane and then that he’s in the States and then, in a few days’ time, that he’s back in Paris, then I have the right to worry.’ She put down the knife she’d been using to chop the carrots.
‘Of course you do.’
‘This is what I wanted for him. I wanted him to have all the experiences I couldn’t have because by the time I was twenty-two, I had a six-year-old son, was working twenty hours a week as
an orderly at the hospital and studying medicine the rest of the time. And I know that was my choice but it was hard and exhausting and I was often so stressed that I would get sick but Eddie was there, helping me, carrying my books, making me a cup of tea, doing more than usual six-year-olds because he had to.’ Tears of determination were running down her cheeks as she continued. ‘I worked hard so that he could have every opportunity, that he could have money for his first overseas trip, that he could have an amazing set of chef knives, that he was eligible for the scholarship. I did everything I could and now he’s living his dreams and I love him for it but, oh, Felix, my heart aches so badly when he’s not with me.’
The way she looked at him, the way her heart seemed to really be breaking because she was without her son, tugged at his own heart and then, without even thinking further about it, he found himself reaching for her and enveloping her in his arms. She went willingly, burying her face in her hands as she leant against his chest.
‘He’s my boy. My little boy.’ The words came out as sobs. ‘I love seeing him, spending time with him, but I hate it when he has to go, but I know he has to, because he has his own life and I have mine and I worked hard to become a doctor so that when the time came for him to leave me, to walk his own path, I wasn’t left alone with no purpose in life. He knows that. He understands and...’ Her words trailed off and she allowed the sorrow of having said goodbye to her adult son to overwhelm her.
Felix found himself rubbing one hand slowly up and down her back, offering comfort. The fact that he was enjoying the opportunity to be there for her was something he was going to regard as a privilege. He’d breathed in her sweet, summery scent many times before and it had never failed to have a hypnotic effect on him.
Her body was warm against his, soft and cuddly, and he couldn’t deny he liked the way she felt in his arms. It was the oddest thing, allowing himself to admit to such emotions where he usually kept his distance, kept everyone at arm’s length, yet with Harriette Jones he was definitely enjoying every moment. He didn’t enjoy her pain or the grief at having to say goodbye to her son, but he was pleased she was allowing him to help her.
